#they never hoist the mainstay and they never swab the poopdeck and they never veer to starboard 'cause they never sail at all
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I have zero involvement or investment in whatever hell the pirate fandom’s been apparently raising, but all I’ll say is that clearly the best pirates are the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.
#the valley is posting#they just stay home and lie around! and if you ask them to do anything; they'll just tell you they don't do anything#they've never been to greenland and they've never been to denver and they've never buried treasure in st louis or st paul#they've never been to moscow and they've never been to tampa and they've never been to boston in the fall#they never hoist the mainstay and they never swab the poopdeck and they never veer to starboard 'cause they never sail at all#they've never walked the gangplank and they've never owned a parrot and (once again) they've never been to boston in the fall#and then of course#they've never plucked a rooster and they're not too good at ping pong and they've never thrown their mashed potatoes up against the wall#and they've never kissed a chipmunk and they've never gotten head lice and (you know it) they've never been to boston in the fall#don't forget that they've never licked a spark plug and they've never sniffed a stinkbug#and they've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball#and they've never bathed in yogurt and they don't look good in leggings and (one more time) they've never been to boston in the fall#clearly the most unproblematic faves of all
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