#they wrote stake like 20 times on the damn car we get it it's your new name

[lina-corsa]

Stake F1 Team Kick Sauber livery for the 2024 season

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[usemeasabadexample]

Bechloe Fic: The Kraken Has Been Unleashed

Summary: Chloe has a way with her. That’s for sure. And, as uncomfortable as it might make her to think about it in this very moment, Beca’s starting to wonder just what that really means.

Set at the beginning of Pitch Perfect 2. Kind of canon, kind of...not canon. Mostly fluff and fun and maybe some very mild angst at best. Nothing too stressful. We’ve been through enough of that!

Read on AO3

Chapter 10

Beca's alarm wakes her up way too early the next morning.

Usually, she'd snooze the clock ten times, roll out of bed and barely have time to brush her teeth before running to class. This morning is different though. It's the first day of her internship and she wants to be prepared.  Wants to look professional. And she's pretty sure professional doesn't include a messy bun with sweatpants and one of Chloe's Barden t-shirts.

So she gets up early. Showers and puts on something nice before grabbing a bowl of cereal.

“You look hot this morning DJ. What's up?” Stacie ambles into the kitchen and gestures to Beca's outfit while opening up the refrigerator.

Beca looks up from her breakfast. “Hey Stace.” She swallows the bite she just shoved into her mouth. “Nothing. Just...won't have time to change before the party later.” The stool screeches across the floor as she stands and drops her bowl into the sink. “See you tonight.” She grabs her things and rushes out before Stacie can ask anymore questions. Stacie can sniff out a lie from a mile away so the last thing she needs to do is play a game of 20 questions with the house genius.

“Can’t wait!” Stacie calls out as Beca hustles out of the door to get to her first class on time, excited for what the day holds.

-----

Jesse’s car is rounding the corner as Beca walks away from her last class so she picks up speed. She doesn’t trust him. He has a knack for embarrassing her in public places. Not maliciously. Just...dorky.  

“Hey superstar!” Jesse shouts out of the car window as he screeches to a halt. He leans over the center console to sling the passenger door open for Beca. “Damn! Work it Bec!”

Beca practically sprints the rest of the way to the car. “Oh my god.” She jumps in and slams the door, frantically trying to roll up the window. “Please shut up.”

Jesse laughs. “Is that any way to talk to your chauffeur for the day?”

“Keep it up and it’ll only get worse.” Beca side eyes him and adjusts the radio.

Jesse always plays late fifties pop songs and while Beca appreciates all types of music, she can't sit there and listen to it for extended periods. Although it does give her ideas for new mixes. Chloe always loves it when she mashes up old school songs with new stuff. Her thoughts stay trained on her best friend and she wonders what Chloe is up to. Between the rush of getting ready and trying not to freak out, there just wasn't time to see her this morning.

That's her excuse anyway.

If she's being honest, avoidance tactics may have been at work. She feels like absolute shit for keeping the internship from the redhead but she doesn't know how to broach the subject. Under normal circumstances, she knows she would be excited to tell Chloe. But there's a lot at stake for the Bellas right now and she doesn't want to add anything else to the older woman's plate. She wants Chloe to know that she's there and she's present and she's going to fight for them because letting Chloe down would be the worst feeling in the world.

Jesse's small talk forces her to dismiss the thought. They talk about classes and auditions and their last hood night party the Trebles are hosting later tonight and before she knows it, they’re pulling up to the Residual Heat Recording Studio.  

Her nerves bubble up again.

She's excited and hopeful but she still has the weight of guilt lingering in the back of her mind. Jesse reassures her that everything will be okay. He reminds her that she's worked hard for this opportunity and she deserves this shot.

She gives him a quick kiss before running away while he continues to holler out more embarrassing comments. He's definitely a nerd but he knows her well. His goofy antics have calmed her down considerably and she takes a moment to appreciate his charm before charging ahead.

-----

The afternoon is a blur.

She fucks up her name tag picture, makes a shit ton of coffee and hands out a lot of snacks. She's nobody important here but that's not the point. There's a lot to be learned. A lot to be gained. This is her shot. It's her first step into the world of music production and she's looking forward to paying her dues.

In a bizarre series of events, her boss unexpectedly storms into the office and announces they'll be producing a new Christmas album for Snoop Dogg. The Snoop Dogg. It's crazy but she stifles her excitement. She doesn't want to be labeled as some psycho newbie on her first day but relaxing isn't easy. Between draining her brain for a quick idea on how to make Snoop's new album original and the exchanges happening between this Dax kid and her boss, she’s struggling to control her reactions. Her facial expressions always give her away and the one she's wearing right now screams absolute confusion because Dax is now high-kneeing around the room and this is all really fucking weird.

Thankfully, her phone buzzes and it gives her a reason to look away from the train wreck happening in front of her. She has four messages, none of which she noticed earlier. They’re from Jesse, Amy, and Chloe respectively.

She opens Jesse's message first. It's some idiotic, cheesy 'hope everything is going well’ message and she replies by calling him a dork. It seems like her go-to word when referring to him.

She hesitates before opening Amy's messages because she never knows what the blonde is going to say. It's almost always inappropriate and usually impossible to understand, but she opens it anyway.

Shorty! Where is our toothbrush?!

Yep.

What the fuck does Amy mean by our toothbrush? Beca refuses to believe the obvious. That Amy is implying (more like directly stating) that they use the same toothbrush. That just cannot be right. And even if it is, why would it be missing?

She makes a mental note to buy a new one immediately.

Maybe two.

The second message is almost just as cringeworthy.

Your acawife was asking where you were! You're gonna be in the dingo house tonight!

The urge to roll her eyes is too strong to avoid so she rolls them around before deciding she will not be messaging Amy back. She clicks Chloe's message instead. It's the most recent one.

Trip to Copenhagen is all booked! AHH! :-P

Beca chuckles to herself. She can hear Chloe's voice singing the message in her head. It's cute but it also makes her feel bad because they haven't even discussed the issue of Worlds and Beca promised she would be there for Chloe.  Yet, here she is. At an internship that she still hasn't told Chloe about while the redhead sits at home and plans alone all afternoon. She knows she's going to have to address all of this at some point but how? This isn't really her area of expertise.

Another message comes through.

It's Chloe again.

You okay? Haven't heard from you today! :-(

Ouch.

Beca wonders why she acts like such a dick sometimes. There doesn’t seem to be any logical excuse. Especially when it comes to Chloe. She's the last person on Earth Beca wants to disappoint but it seems like it's destined to happen.

She takes a deep breath and types out a reply.

Sorry Chlo! Busy day. I'll see you at the Trebles’ later!

It's vague and lame but she can't tell the truth and she doesn’t want to outright lie to Chloe so she hits send and shoves her phone back into her pocket as her boss storms back into the room. She straightens in her seat and tries to blend in for the rest of the day.

-----

Beca exits the studio, overwhelmed and stressed, and throws her bag into the back seat of a cab before jumping in and giving the driver directions to the Bellas’ house.

She leans back and takes a deep breath that vibrates her through her lips on the way out. She knew this business would be cut-throat but wow . Today proved how messed up the music industry really is. The people are self-serving and the pace is incredibly fast and it feels like the multi-tasking skills needed to get through each minute are nearly impossible to master.

She’ll get through it though. She has to. This is her shot to get out there and start making a name for herself. This is her dream.

Plus, she’s glad to have the first day out of the way. It can only get easier from here.

Hopefully.

Possibly.

Who knows.

She shakes it off and pulls her phone out of her pocket. She hasn’t had a chance to check it since she messaged Chloe back earlier. Sure enough, there are a few new messages from her best friend. Chloe has no qualms about sending Beca multiple texts in a row. Even when Beca doesn’t answer right away, Chloe will continue babbling without worrying about whether or not she's being annoying.

If it were anyone else, Beca would probably send a string of expletives and permanently block their number. But, like everything else, Chloe is the exception. She smiles and opens their text thread.

Okay! Can't wait! XO

I hope they have the green punch!

Please bust out the cell phone dance move! I love it!!! ;-)

So, a Legacy showed up to our door tonight to audition and we accepted! She's totes amazing and you're going to love her!

I don't think we are breaking the rules bc she came to us! Loophole! :-D

BTW, Legacy means that her mom was a Bella. Her mom is THE Katherine Junk! Omg!

Beca chuckles at the enthusiasm in the messages and pictures Chloe grinning excitedly as she wrote them. A wave of anticipation hits her and she’s overwhelmed with the sudden need to get home as quickly as possible. She tells herself that she’s just anxious to get home after a long day but she knows that's a lie. Before reading those texts, she was tired. Even considered not showing up to the party but there’s a new energy flowing through her and she wills the cab driver to hurry the fuck up already.

When she finally makes it home, she throws her bag down, uses the bathroom, and races through the bushes to the Trebles’ house.

-----

Beca approaches the party, surprised at how out of control things seem already. It's still pretty early but the acapella crowd clearly came to party tonight. She wonders what type of trouble the Bellas are getting into and smiles thinking about all of their past Hood Nights. They've had some wild ones and she's sure this last one will be no different. Especially if Chloe has anything to do with it.

Chloe has a way of making Hood Nights, and most parties in general, more fun than they probably should be. Some of them, in particular, stand out for reasons that Beca isn’t prepared to think about right now. Mainly because they involve Chloe getting way too handsy.

But she already said she’s not thinking about that and scans the crowd for red hair instead.

Oddly enough, she can’t quickly spot her best friend but she spies Jesse sitting up on the deck. And because the night has her feeling light and giddy, she creeps up behind him and grabs him by the shoulders before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

His drink almost slips out of his hands and Beca mutters a quick “oh shit” before dropping down next to him. She takes a deep breath, ready to de-stress after such a crazy day, but Jesse starts asking about the internship and about Chloe and damnit.

“Oh, she’s just..she’s like, locked into the World’s right now and I’m looking for the right time. It’s-- I’ll tell her.” Beca tries to shrug it off like it’s no big deal but it dampens her mood and she excuses herself to grab a drink at the tiki hut. Why did Jesse have to bring up Chloe and the internship in the same sentence? Beca already feels like the absolute worst person in the world and the thought of Chloe having to ask Jesse for her whereabouts just makes it even worse.

This sucks.

Beca takes a huge gulp of whatever concoction is being served tonight and notes that it’s not the green punch that Chloe was hoping for but she can't dwell on it because she notices there’s a really tall girl just standing there staring at her. The girl's arms are stretched out towards Beca and she has no idea what’s about to happen.

“Hi!”

“Hi…” Beca responds hesitantly, still completely unsure.

The taller woman rambles something about being sisters and then it clicks for Beca. She realizes this is the girl- correction- the Legacy, that’s been added to their team.

“Oh yeah! Hi. Chloe texted me that we added a Legacy. I...didn't even know that was a thing.” She lifts her shoulders and gestures with her hands as she speaks. It feels odd.

The girl giggles and keeps staring at Beca so Beca just chuckles uncomfortably and takes another sip.

Then another.

And they're both just sort of standing there awkwardly.

Beca gives a tense smile and widens her eyes, which finally seems to break the other girl’s manic look.

She slaps her hands to her forehead way too hard. “Ouch! Oh my god. I’m sorry! I'm Emily. By the way. Sorry. I forgot that you didn’t know my name yet and I think the others have already started calling me Legacy so it’s totally okay if you want to call me that too I just figured you should know my real name because I totally-”

Beca reaches out and briefly touches Emily’s arm to stop her rambling. “Emily.” She pulls her hand away. “Nice to meet you.”

Emily beams and Beca really wants to get as far away from this interaction as possible.  

“We can get to know each other better later. Right now…” Beca uses her head to gesture across the yard where she can see a few of the Bellas bouncing up and down. “Let’s go catch up with everyone else.”

“Oh!” Emily nods rapidly and Beca thinks she looks like a battery operated bobble-head. “Yeah, definitely! Let’s go!”

Beca nods once before taking a shot and refilling her cup as Emily follows her into the crowd.

-----

“Beca!” Amy is the first person she encounters.

Of course.

She is immediately picked up and twirled around by the blonde. “Where have you been? Oh my god! Have you gotten taller? No! That’s not possible!”

“Amy!” Beca kicks her legs and starts to protest the manhandling but she sees a flash of red hair as she’s being spun around and the words die on her lips.

She starts laughing because jesus christ. It’s been a long day and it feels like she’s been waiting to see that red hair for way too long now. She presses on Amy’s shoulders and frantically wrestles herself out of the tight grip, almost toppling them both over in the process. Amy strings together a few choice expletives and she can hear Stacie muttering something inappropriate but it doesn't stop her.

She bounces right up to her best friend with a smile so wide she thinks her head might explode. “Chlo!”

Chloe’s head whips around and when her eyes land on Beca, her face actually does explode into a display of pure joy. She reaches out and grabs Beca, hooking her arm firmly around the shorter woman’s shoulders to drag her in close.

Chloe's laugh echoes in Beca’s ear and Beca can’t stop her smile from growing impossibly wider as she wraps her arms around the redhead’s waist as best as she can and squeezes back. The scent of fresh laundry and liquor invades her senses and it’s all a little overwhelming but it feels good and she can't help but sink further into it. She lets her body sway back and forth with Chloe's as she breathes her in. Exhilaration and borderline manic happiness taking over in the moment.

“Beca!” Chloe pulls back but keeps her arm firmly around Beca’s shoulder. “Where did you come from!? Where have you been!?” Chloe’s mouth is wide open and the way her eyes are bubbling with excitement reminds Beca of a shaken soda bottle. The look is scary powerful and Beca can’t find it in herself to formulate a response so she just laughs like crazy and brings her cup up from around Chloe's waist to clink it to redhead’s before taking another sip.

Chloe’s eyes stay trained on her as she downs the drink and it makes Beca feel like a shot of Red Bull has been directly injected into her veins. It travels through her entire body with lightning speed and everything inside of her buzzes to life.  She crushes the cup in her hand as she continues to drink, eventually cracking it. Remnants of the liquid leak down her arm but she keeps chugging. The atmosphere and the energy of the party has her head spinning and she just wants to let loose. Have fun.

She’s buying time too. Chloe’s presence is taking her to another level of excitement and she doesn’t know how to quite contain it at the moment. It feels like the cup is the only thing anchoring her to sanity at the moment.  

“Beca!” Chloe swats the crushed cup straight out of Beca’s hand, the last few drops splashing out when it hits the ground and Beca’s eyes widen but she doesn’t move. Her arm stays frozen in the air, invisible cup still in hand. Mouth still open.

And Chloe smiles.

It’s that mischievous, self-satisfied smile. The same one she used after their shower duet so many years ago.

Beca won't forget that look.  It makes her shiver but she smiles back, hand coming back down to squeeze Chloe around the middle again. "You're going to get into trouble tonight." Beca tuts, pretending to be put-off, "I can feel it."

Chloe nods enthusiastically, apparently thrilled by the notion, and moves both hands to Beca's shoulders. It brings the two of them face-to-face and she leans in to speak directly into Beca’s ear. "And you are already in trouble for getting here so late."

Beca’s chest tightens as Chloe pulls back to lock eyes but she keeps herself together. "Is that right?"

"Mhmm." Chloe is still nodding, all breezy happiness and cool confidence.  

"Well," Beca shrugs, doing her best to appear nonchalant, "what are you gonna do about it?"

Chloe drapes her arms further around Beca’s shoulders, big blinking eyes boring into Beca, “I’m going to dance with you."

Beca’s hands involuntarily squeeze the redhead tighter, fingers eventually pressing into Chloe hard enough that she’s afraid she might leave a mark. She panics momentarily, not wanting to hurt her best friend, but then Chloe’s laugh cuts through the party noise and the redhead is dragging her through a crowd of people back towards familiar faces that instantly start shouting when they see the duo approaching.

“Beca!”

“Chloe!”

“Bloe!”

“What’s up bitches?!”

“Where were you guys!?”

Beca dodges Amy’s swinging arms as Chloe continues to pull her into the circle of Bellas but all of her ducking and dodging distracts her right into Stacie’s waiting hands.

“DJ!” Stacie shouts, squishing Beca’s cheeks and before Beca can react, Stacie starts moving in with puckered lips. There’s nothing Beca can do because one of her hands is still wrapped up in Chloe’s and the other is no match for Stacie’s strength so she braces for the onslaught coming her way, eyes shut and lips sucked in.

But it never comes.

Instead of sloppy Stacie kisses, Beca feels herself being pulled out of the taller woman’s grasp. She sees a flash of red and green and her favorite smile and she lets herself collide with the person reining her in. Hands squish her cheeks again but this time, she doesn’t even consider trying to fight them off. Instead, she wraps her arms around Chloe and returns the smile, letting everything around her disappear because Chloe leans in and peppers her face with kisses that match the beat of the song and the thump of her heart.

It makes Beca feel giddy.

Goofy.

Like she’s already had too much to drink but she knows that can’t be.

And really, in the moment, Beca honestly doesn't care what the reason is.

What the feeling is.

All she knows is that Chloe is here and everything feels perfect so she grabs on tighter and pulls Chloe in closer. Squeezing and laughing like a crazy person.

"You're insane! You know that, right?!" She's borderline shouting to be heard over the music.

Chloe pulls back just long enough to look directly at Beca. Eyes dancing and hands squeezing Beca's shoulders tightly. She mutters a quick, "mhmm" and leans in again, bright blue eyes crossing briefly as they come nose-to-nose.

It makes Beca chuckle.

"I know." Chloe mumbles the words and kisses the tip of Beca's nose.

Beca takes a deep breath and lets the tingling feeling take over as the beat drops and she falls into step with Chloe.

[the-quiet-winds]

Long Live the Pioneers, Rebels, and Mutineers (part one)

oops, this isn’t the au, but that’s okay. this is actually something @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts and i wrote really recently, but i really like the dynamics in it, so this should sustain you until the au is ready to be continued.

[Part 1: Bring On Your Plagues and Pharaohs]

for most of the year, the queens are incredibly busy. rehearsals, multiple tours and their west end residency had taken up most of their time for almost two years, but nearly a year into their west end run something changes.

the small theatre was closed for three weeks so that repairs could be carried out. at first, this was a welcome break to the chaos, but by the beginning of the second week the queens were beginning to get slightly bored and restless.

luckily, or perhaps unluckily, cleves had discovered a new way to pass time.

“hey boleyn,” she calls one breakfast time. “odds on you put ketchup in your cereal.”

“what on earth is odds on?” aragon asks, but boleyn smirks.

“20/1,” she says, and cleves raises an eyebrow.

“okay then. count of three. one, two, three!”

“thirteen,” they both say at the same time, then boleyn curses.

“ugh, fine. pass me the ketchup.”

parr walks into the kitchen at the exact moment boleyn shovels ketchup covered cereal into her mouth. she pauses, lifts an eyebrow silently, and watches boleyn proceed to gag, run to the trash can to spit it out, and immediately go in search of a drink.

“do i want to know?” she asks, eyeing the two.

aragon looks over her coffee mug. “i don’t think you do, because i don’t either.”

“i’ll get you back for this,” boleyn announces to cleves after a long drink. cleves raises her coffee mug.

“do your worst.”

“whatever it is, it seems like a dangerous game,” parr observes, and aragon nods.

“i’m staying out of it.”

“staying out of what?” katherine asks curiously, standing in the doorway still dressed in her pyjamas. she rubs the sleep out of her eyes as she yawns.

“whatever game anne squared are playing,” aragon rolls her eyes and katherine perks up slightly.

“what game? i wanna play.”

“i don’t think you do, kid,” comments parr. katherine’s enthusiasm doesn’t wane.

“she’s free to make her choice, parr,” cleves says with an evil little smile. parr glares at her, but katherine remains smiling.

“i wanna play!” she insists. boleyn snickers behind her hand.

“if you say so, kat.”

“why don’t we take this game away from the killjoys?” cleves grins. “we’ll head out, it’ll give us more opportunities.”

“okay!” katherine nods enthusiastically. “lemme just get ready and i’ll be ready to join in.” she heads back out of the room with a spring in her step and aragon raises an eyebrow.

“when jane murders the two of you for dragging katherine into this inevitable mess,” she addresses cleves and boleyn, “I will not be coming to your funerals.”

“oh, lighten up, aragon,” boleyn waves a hand. “it’s just a game.”

aragon eyes them warily. “with you two, it’s never just a game.”

---

they end up at the other end of town, full of shops and restaurants and a park.

“cleves. odds on...” boleyn taps her chin. “going up to that guy,” she points to a man sitting on a bench, “and flirting with him.”

“30/1,” cleves challenges. “one, two, three.”

“twenty-eight!” says boleyn at the same time as cleves saying, “twelve!”

“damn,” boleyn says. “well, kitty, you’re up.”

she glances around her for inspiration and finally settles on the fountain in the park.

“odds on you sticking your face into the fountain.” katherine wrinkles her nose.

“that’s gross!”

“it wouldn’t be a dare if it was something easy,” boleyn counters, and katherine gives an acquiescing nod.

“okay, fair. 25/1, then.”

“brave girl,” cleves comments, giving katherine a congratulatory pat on the back.

“one, two, three,” boleyn counts.

“eighteen!” they yell in perfect unison.

boleyn smiles a bit sadistically. “have fun.”

katherine begins to wish she hadn’t come at all as she walks to the fountain, leans down, and sticks her face in.

she holds it there for a solid five seconds before pulling back, her face, shirt collar, and hair soaked.

“what the hell, kid?” some passerby yells.

katherine wipes her face with her sleeve and doesn’t respond. instead she jogs back to cleves and boleyn who were cracking up with laughter.

“don’t look so entertained,” katherine tries to seem intimidating but it’s somewhat undermined by her chattering teeth and sodden appearance. “it’s your turns next.”

“it’s boleyn’s go,” cleves smirks, and boleyn gives them both a challenging look.

“go on then. make it a good one.”

cleves looks around. when she spots a woman sitting on a park bench with a small dog on the ground, she smiles. “odds on you taking that woman’s dog?”

“do i give it back?” boleyn challenges.

“yes.”

“alright, 40/1,” says boleyn.

cleves counts down and yells “twelve!” as boleyn yells “thirty-eight.”

“well look know,” boleyn says with a dark laugh. “you’re up, cleves.”

cleves grins. “so i am.”

boleyn points to a couple, sitting on a picnic blanket in the park. they’re talking quietly, and behind them is an open picnic basket.

“odds on you take something from their picnic basket without them noticing.”

“oh, i like a challenge,” cleves laughs. “30/1.”

“one, two, three,” boleyn counts

“two!” they both yell, and cleves laughs.

“watch and learn, ladies.”

cleves saunters over to the young couple, then squats behind them, introducing herself and saying how hopelessly lost she is from looking for the L train. as they point out to the city scape, she nods along, all the while reaching into the picnic basket slowly and grabbing the first thing she finds. she tucks it in her jacket and thanks them.

cleves returns holding a pear, tossing it into the air, catching it, and taking a bite. “easy money,” she says.

“fair play, babes,” boleyn says, looking genuinely impressed. “didn’t think you’d get away with that.”

“ye of little faith,” cleves laughs, taking another bite of the pear.

“my turn again!” katherine cuts in eagerly. “c’mon, give me something cool like that.”

“i don’t know,” boleyn says slowly, a devious smirk tugging at the corners of her lips as cleves hides her laughter in another bite of fruit. “i don’t think you’re ready for the more intense dares yet.”

“i so am!” katherine says indignantly, crossing her arms. “give me something good, i can do it!”

“if you insist, kitty,” says boleyn. she looks around, then her eyes settle on the hotel building nearby. “odds on you going in and asking the concierge where the nearest stripper bar is?”

katherine pales slightly, but she can’t seem like she’s not up for the challenge. “30/1.”

on the count of three boleyn says “fifteen,” at the same time as katherine goes for “fourteen.”

“ooh, close,” boleyn grins. “never mind, we’ll just have to give you that hardcore dare next time.”

katherine tries not to let the relief show on her face at being let off this dare, although her stomach twists slightly in anxiety for the next one.

“speaking of which, let’s raise the stakes,” cleves smirks. “why don’t we head down to the other end of town?”

the other end of town was the rich area, all vast lawns and big houses and golf courses. in other words, the exact place where they’d look down on people playing a game of dares and therefore the exact right place to do it.

katherine and boleyn both agree, the former reluctantly, and they drive twenty minutes to the ritzy side of town.

katherine sits in the back, leg jostling as the car moves, not at all from nerves. no way.

they pull to a stop at the end of a cul de sac of large houses, white columns and fences and lush green lawns.

“perfect,” says cleves. “exactly where we need to be.”

as they get out of the car boleyn stretches, arms above her head.

“go on then, ladies,” she yawns. “give me a good one.”

cleves thinks for a second and then holds out the pear core.

“odds on you chuck this onto the roof of one of these posh houses?”

“15/1,” boleyn says confidently. on the count of three they both say “seven,” and boleyn scoops up the pear core in her right hand. she pulls her arm back and throws the core as hard as she can. rather spectacularly it lands directly in the chimney, and boleyn lets out a cheer.

“that’s gotta be worth bonus points.”

“oh definitely,” cleves says with a false sort of laugh.

boleyn looks to katherine. “alright, kitty, ready to go again?”

anxiety settles in katherine’s stomach again, even as she nods.

boleyn points to one house nearby, with a large, white fence. “odds on you climbing over that fence?”

katherine looks over and swallows a lump in her throat. “50/1,” she answers shakily.

boleyn and cleves glance at each other, matching smirks on their faces.

“okay then, count of three,” boleyn says. “one, two, three.”

of course, with katherine’s luck, both of them simultaneously say “twenty-three.”

the look of utter delight on boleyn’s face would be endearing if it weren’t in response to katherine being made to complete the dare, but katherine pushes down the anxiousness in her mind and does her very best to seem unaffected. the three of them make their way over to the fence, and as they approach it katherine realises just how tall the fence actually is.

“can one of you give me a boost?” she asks, cringing slightly when her voice comes out shaky.

cleves and boleyn both step forward, each lifting one of katherine’s feet. then push her up so she can grab the top of the fence, then she scrambles over.

she’s barely started her descent on the other side when her foot slips.

she lets out a strangled yelp as she falls down, down, down to the ground.

a blinding pain shoots through her leg as she lands with a quiet thump on the grass.

“kitty?” boleyn calls from the other side of the fence. “you good?”

katherine squeezes her eyes shut tightly as pain runs through her, tears springing up and managing to escape.

“no,” she whimpers out. “it hurts.”

she doesn’t want to look at her leg, not when she can feel the awkward angle it’s currently at, but she knows it can’t be good. she’s only vaguely aware of boleyn saying something to cleves on the other side of the fence, all the mischief gone from her voice and replaced with panic.

“kitty, don’t worry, we’re coming to get you,” boleyn calls urgently. katherine doesn’t respond, too focused on the pain even as two light thuds indicate cleves and boleyn managed to successfully scale the fence themselves.

“oh, kitty,” boleyn breathes, guilt coursing through her bloodstream. there was no reason her foot should look like that, unless every bone in her ankle was more than broken.

“we need to get her back to the car,” cleves declares. “then we can take her to the-“

“hey!”

they look over at the man, obviously the homeowner, marching towards them. “who are you? what are you doing on my property?!”

“we won’t be long,” boleyn says hurriedly, barely glancing up at him. “my cousin’s hurt, we need to-”

“and how’d she get hurt in my garden?” the man comes to a stop next to them and folds his arms. cleves cringes slightly.

“she was climbing over the fence, it was a stupid dare.”

“climbing over the fence!” the man’s face is red as he shouts. “trespassing! i bet you three are the ruffians who keep pulling up my prized begonias!”

“i... what?” boleyn asks, momentarily baffled. “no, look, my cousin is hurt, and we need to-”

she gets cut off yet again by the homeowner.

“well, that’s not my fault, is it?”

“oh my god,” boleyn says incredulously, turning to face the man properly. “she needs to go to the hospital, you absolute dickhead!”

there’s a moment of silence, before...

“i’m calling the police,” the man says, reaching into his pocket for his phone.

“no!” boleyn protests. “we need an ambulance!”

“you can get an ambulance from the police station,” he says quite unfeelingly. he punches the numbers in his phone and raises it to his ear. “plus, there’s no ambulance for the begonias you three have torn up!”

“look,” cleves cuts in, “you let us go now, you’ll never see our faces again. that’s a promise. just let us get her to the hospital.”

cleves looks down at kitty, biting her lip as silent tears stream down her face. this whole thing had gotten way out of hand, and now kitty was paying for it.

the man looks down as well, and the sight of the silently sobbing young girl  makes him relent slightly.

“fine,” he sniffs. “but i’m going to set up cameras, and if i ever see the three of you around here again then i won’t hesitate to call the police on you immediately.”

“thank you,” boleyn breathes a sigh of relief, before turning to cleves. “do we need an ambulance or do you think we can get her to the car?”

“ambulance, i think,” cleves says quietly. “it doesn’t look good.”

cleves unlocks her phone and calls an ambulance and boleyn crouches down next to katherine on the ground.

“i’m sorry, kitty,” she whispers.

the ambulance arrives only five minutes or so later. boleyn rides with her cousin while cleves takes the car. the whole ride is full of anxiety for both, but boleyn can’t help the guilt she feels.

it’s all her fault.

she dared kitty to climb the wall.

and know she’s probably shattered every bone in her ankle.

as soon as they arrive, doctors whisk katherine away to see what they could salvage, and boleyn decides to bite the bullet.

she calls jane.

“jane?” she asks once the call connects.

“anne?” jane can sense the concern in her voice. “what’s wrong, love?”

“don’t freak out.” she takes a deep breath. “kittyisinthehospital.”

as boleyn predicted, jane then proceeds to freak out.

“what?” she asks, voice high and concerned. “what’s happened? is she okay?”

“it’s nothing life threatening,” anne reassures her quickly, and she swears she can actually hear the relief from the other end of the phone. “but... she’s hurt her ankle. she fell a good couple of metres, maybe more, and it didn’t look good.” a fresh wave of guilt washes over her as jane’s panic audibly rises again.

“i’m on my way, right now,” jane says, then quickly hangs up.

a minute later cleves walks in, tired and evidently anxious.

“they took her back already,” boleyn answers the unspoken question.

ten minutes of stony silence after, they hear shouting in the lobby.

“i am her mother!” a female voice, obviously scared and upset and very jane, yells.

boleyn goes out. “she’s with us.”

the very disgruntled nurse allows jane to pass.

“what happened?” jane asks shrilly.

cleves doesn’t answer, looking at the linoleum on the hospital floor, so boleyn takes it upon herself to answer.

“it was this stupid game we were playing,” she sighs. “i dared her to climb this fence, and then she fell from the top of it. it... it was all my fault.”

“it was my fault too,” cleves suddenly adds, still not looking up. “i encouraged it. hell, i even helped her climb the fence.”

several emotions pass over jane’s face in a span of three seconds: surprise, concern, sadness, and settles on anger.

“what were you thinking?!” she nearly hisses. “any of you could have been hurt so much worse! why did you think this game was a good idea?! i don’t want to even think about-“

“excuse me,” a doctor cuts in as he enters. “are you all here with miss katherine seymour?”

“yes,” jane answers immediately. “how is she?”

“the damage is quite extensive,” he says honestly. “there is a chance it won’t heal properly, leaving her with a heavy limp. walking would be a challenge, and dancing or other exercise would be out of the question.”

there’s a tiny part of jane that registers the issues this would present for the show, but at the moment the show is the last thing on her mind.

“can i see her?” she asks, and the doctor nods.

“i should warn you, she’s on a lot of painkillers, so she might not seem completely lucid. because of the way she landed it’s nearly impossible for her to have sustained a head injury, so if she feels tired she’s allowed to sleep.”

jane goes to follow the doctor, but before she does she turns to boleyn and cleves. with a venom she didn’t know she would ever direct at any of the other queens, she speaks.

“come on, then,” she all but hisses, “you should be the ones to explain to her that she might never walk properly again.”

[mickxkyle]

wreck of the day

“driving away from the wreck of the day, and the lights always red in the rear-view.”

@prodigalscns

She held the papers from the school in her hand as she looked at the clock. The damn thing stared at her as it slowly counted out the seconds that passed by. The seconds that brought the time closer for him to be home. Closer to making it harder for her to leave. Sighing, Mikayla stood up and walked over to the dining room table and grabbed a pen and some paper and started writing. 

She had moved into Caiden's house shortly after her dad died, not wanting to stay in the house that she had grown up in.  They were meant to be together, but now she feels trapped...suffocated. 

"Come with me. Let's just go and get out of here." The whispered words were drowned out with his quiet laughter. The world was silent as they had their own little escape in their bedroom. 

The tears were brimming in her eyes as she finally finished the letter. The paper was stained with her tears and all she wanted to do was tear it up and stay...but she couldn't. She wasn't going to sit around and watch anyone else she loved be lost to this town. But even Mick knew that was a shitty excuse. 

Sighing, she folded the letter into an envelope and wrote his name on it. Taking one last look around, she grabbed her bag and threw it in her car, not looking back.

Caiden, 

I'm not even going to try and give you some half assed excuse. There is none other than...I can’t. This town hurts. This place tears me apart and I can’t sit around and watch you die the same way my dad did..I wouldn’t be able to survive it. So i’m leaving. I need a fresh start in a town that doesn’t know me or my past and I would love to do that with you, but I can’t ask you to leave everything behind that you love. 

I love you so much..so much that I want nothing more than to just tear this letter up and pretend it never happened but I can’t. Please know that none of this is you..it never was. You are the most amazing man I have ever met and I hope that in some different life we are meant to be together finally. 

Don’t do anything stupid please.

I love you, 

Mick 

4 months later. 

She drove all night and didn’t stop till she saw the welcome sign that told her she was finally to town. It was almost 9 am and Mick was so tired, she felt like she was about to fall asleep at the wheel. But the promise of what was waiting for her kept her driving. Mick hoped that he would forgive her, leaving was the worst choice she had ever made. Yeah the new town gave her a fresh start, but all she thought about was him and how everything that she did, she wanted to share with him. Mick had asked a few former members and knew that he was still living at the house they had shared, so taking the familiar route the brunette finally turned down the street, parking her car on the other side of the street facing the house. 

She was about to open the door when she saw her. Some leggy blonde that was leaving the house..her house, Caiden following behind her. He gave her a kiss as she walked towards her own car and got in. Mick felt tears sting in the corner of her eyes and looked down. Of course he would have moved on..she left him. But Mick didn’t think he would do it after four months. Her body was screaming at her to go and talk to him. But did she really want to do that now...when he seemed like he had moved on enough? 

Looking up, she noticed that he was staring at her car and quickly threw her sunglasses back on and drove off, leaving him in the rearview. 

16 Years Later 

“Kyle look..I know things have been hard for you lately, but you can’t just be going after higher ups like that. I may not be able to protect you next time.” Mikayla sat in the chair and stared at his boss as he sat behind the desk with a sad look on his face. 

“So, what, I'm supposed to just sit here while this dude stalks me?” She spat out. “Maybe I should hope that he breaks into my apartment so I can shoot him and just be over all of this.” It was supposed to be one date, and since then this guy had progressively gotten worse and just wouldn’t leave her alone. When she found out he was actually the son of a well known criminal defense attorney, Mick lost it when she tried to tell his dad what was going on and was basically brushed off. 

“No, that’s not what I'm saying. But I am saying we need to go through the proper channels. And unfortunately he hasn’t broken any laws yet.” 

Yet, that was the key word. Brandon had been careful by making sure he was in public places..never tried to get her alone yet. She couldn’t prove that he was the one that followed her a few nights or was the one that was staked out in front of her apartment some nights. She knew how this ended, Mick had seen god knows how many cases on it. 

“Go home. I found an opening in the Stratford Police Department. They are willing to have you transfer down there, they need some help with the gangs down there anyways.” Her boss said looking at her trying to ignore the look of shock on the woman's face. “Mikayla, i’m serious. This will be good for you. We will keep an eye out for Brandon up here for the time being. If he follows you then we have a case.” 

The suggestion was non negotiable, and that's Mick found herself moving into a small two bedroom house, on a quiet street in the town that she had grown up in. Unpacking boxes most of the day had been tedious and the woman needed to get out of the house. Knowing that the bar she used to go to with her dad was still open, the brunette found herself in front of it about ten minutes later. Walking in, it was like nothing had ever changed. The old bartender was still behind the bar talking to one of the customers when he noticed her walk in. 

“Am I seeing things, or is Mikayla Kyle gracing my bar with her presence again.” He said as he came around the counter to give him a hug. Mick laughed as he squeezed her tightly and stepped back. “Look at you, all grown up and even more beautiful than the last time I saw you.” 

“Joey, if I didn’t know any better, I would think you’re trying to butter me up.” Mick said as she sat down and he put a beer in front of her. 

“So what brings you back to town?”  

Mick moved her coat and pulled the badge out of the inside of her pocket and set it down. “I got transferred to the police station here.”

Joe whistled as he looked at the badge and let her put it away. “You know, I heard rumors you became a cop, didn’t believe it though. But seeing that...well i’m proud of you hun. Your daddy would be too.” Joe and her father were friends and Mick knew it hurt him just as much when he died as it did her. “And I'm sure Caiden will be happy you’re back too.” Mick’s heart stopped at the name. She had kept tabs on him for the first year after she saw him last but it hurt too much to know what he was up to. 

“Joe, I'm pretty sure that i’m the last person that he wants to see right now.” She said quietly as she took another sip of her beer. Hearing the bell above the door ding again, Mick ignored it as she continued to look at the bottle in front of her. 

“Well, I guess now would be the time to test that.” Joe said standing up straighter. “He just walked in.” 

Mikayla’s head whipped around so hard she was surprised she didn’t get whiplash. He looked just the same as he always had. The beautiful  and eyes so deep you could get lost in them. Her heart stopped and for a second she was that 14 year old girl finally realizing that she was in love with her best friend. His eyes were searching the bar as he laughed at something one of the guys with him said. Mick knew that she needed to look away and hope that she could sneak out before he saw her, but a part of her wanted him to see her. To see what would happen. 

As if he could hear her thoughts, his eyes connected with hers and the whole world stopped. The look on his face went from confusion, to shock, to surprise and finally settled on anger. He didn’t say anything as he stalked over to where the booth was in the corner and sat down, just glaring at her. Mick honestly didn’t know what was going to happen...but it wasn’t that. Passing a $20 over to Joe she smiled. “I’ll see you around Joe. I gotta get home.” She said quietly as she got up and grabbed her jacket. The sooner she got out of that bar, the sooner she could break down in private without having to look at him. 

Running to her car, Mick got in and peeled out of the parking lot, not stopping until she reached her house and was inside with the door locked. Only then, in the darkness of her own home, did she allow the damn that she had been building for 16 years burst and let her emotions out. 

Only then did she actually allow herself to miss him.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #238 - Men in Black 3

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes, #159.

Format: Blu-ray

1) For some reason it took ten years between the second and third films in this series, after five years between one and two. At this rate we’ll see Men in Black 4 in 2032.

2) The escape from Lunar Max is actually a very well done opening to the film.

It does well to re-establish this world which audiences haven’t seen in ten years. The sense of humor, the eccentricities, all of it. But more than that you get a sense for how dangerous Boris the Animal is.

3) Jemaine Clement as Boris the Animal

(source)

There are two absolutely incredibly performances this film gives us and the first of them is Jemaine Clement as the villainous Boris. Holy crap, Clement is just amazing in the part. Nearly unrecognizable under Rick Baker’s masterful makeup, Clement embraces the prosthetics and otherworldly nature of the character to make Boris something truly special. Every scene he’s in Clement just commands. It’s hard to top Edgar the Bug from the first film but honestly I think Clement’s Boris is my favorite villain in the entire film. He is uniquely memorable and totally fun to watch.

4) I love that, even after 15 years on the job, J still has fun with the neurloizer.

5) The first scene of the film does well to re-establish the dynamic between J and K. We never really got to see them as seasoned partners in the first two films but now they’ve been on the job for ten-fifteen years depending on how you count. This shows in the as-always strong chemistry between Smith and Jones, making for a unique facet of the film.

6) Zed may be dead, but that doesn’t mean Rip Torn isn’t in this movie. Did you see him?

7) Emma Thompson as O is a welcome and fitting addition to the world. A remarkably talented actress, it feels like O has been here the entire time and I love it.

8)

J [to K]: “How did you get to be like you?”

Unlike Men in Black II, which I felt introduced a number of interesting ideas but didn’t develop any of them well enough to be interesting. This film on the other hand puts a considerable focus on the question of how K ended up where he is. It’s a very personal story and we can tell the stakes are higher because of how K acts. He loses it on Wu, he gets really upset by K standards, which shows the audience something is up. That’s important moving forward.

9) The Chinese restaurant shootout is a very classic Men in Black action scene. Fun alien surprises, a bit of the gross out factor, good action, solid laughs, everything you’d want from this film in one scene.

10) The conflict between J and Tommy Lee Jones K, however brief it may feel, is incredibly rich and interesting. It sets up the relationship with J and Josh Brolin K very well.

11) The changes brought on by Boris’ time travel are fun to see. The fact that the woman who lives in K’s apartment is the waitress from the second film, a different guard at the door, and a random but appreciated Will Arnett cameo. The added detail of those who have experienced a disruption in the time stream craving chocolate milk is a fun element also.

12) I love how J is able to recall super specific details about K when he’s proving he didn’t imagine him. It speaks greatly to their relationship.

13) We never FULLY get an explanation for why J can remember K but no one else can. I think it’s because J saw what K did at the very end or something, but it’s never really fully explained. And even if that is the reason, why can Jeffrey Price remember it?

14) Time Jump.

Visually speaking, this scene is the crown jewel of the entire film. The way time moves and changes around J as he falls is unique in the time travel genre and incredibly fun to watch.

15) I love, J.

J [after getting pulled over by cops in the 60s for being a black guy driving a nice car]: “Just because you see a black man driving in a nice car DOES NOT MEAN IT’S STOLEN! [Beat] I stole this one, but not because I’m BLACK!”

16) Josh Brolin as Young K.

Brolin is tied with Jemaine Clement as the best damn part of the whole movie. Because holy freaking shit, his Tommy Lee Jones is kickass. It’s beyond freaky how believable Brolin is as a young Tommy Lee Jones, but what makes his role as K so good is that it’s not JUST an impression. Brolin is giving a performance which matches Jones’ while also making it his own. He’s playing a younger K, a K who is a bit happier. This K is the same character that Tommy Lee Jones plays but a different version of him, a line which Brolin wakes with finesse and perfection. His chemistry with Smith matches Jones’ and he just has a fun time on screen. I freaking love Brolin in this film.

17) I’m surprised it took them three movies to make this joke.

J: “Yeah, I was an agent for three years before I learned all models are aliens.”

18) Bill Hader as Andy Warhol/Agent W.

Hader’s cameo is one of the best gags in the entire film. He has probably five minutes of screen time but it’s Bill Hader and he totally steals the scene. The entire concept that Andy Warhol is an agent of MIB who is just bullshitting his art is such a unique idea that it’s hard not to laugh at the scene that follows.

19) Michael Stuhlbarg as Griffin.

Stuhlbarg is one of the finest character actors in modern day cinema, having appeared in such critically acclaimed films as Lincoln, Hitchcock, Steve Jobs, Miles Ahead, and most recently The Shape of Water. His work in Men in Black 3 is no less up to snuff as his performance/character adds a unique level of intelligence and wisdom to the film. Griffin is a hopeful, soft spoken, gentle creature who helps give the film an extra layer of sympathy and emotion. I think while we have absolutely stellar performances in Brolin and Clement, it’s Stuhlbarg’s Griffin who helps elevate the story as well.

20)

Young K [to J]: “Ask me any question. Anything you want.”

I love that. It gets to the heart of their relationship, a connection they didn’t have before, and further illustrates the difference between Brolin’s K and Jones’ K. It’s a great moment.

21) Griffin showing J & Young K the game.

There is one unique detail in this scene which I think helps make it so smooth and that’s the lighting. Anyone who sees the game Griffin is watching is lit in sunlight, but when J steps back he’s in darkness even though Griffin is still lit. It helps keeps the sense of place and action, anchoring it in physicality and reality.

Beyond the technique of the scene, Griffin’s entire philosophy on how miracles work adds a nice level of philosophy to the film which helps differentiate it from previous Men in Black movies.

22) The cycle chase is a great action set piece while the cycles themselves are a great addition to the franchise’s gadget canon.

23)

Boris [to his 1969 counterpart]: “You pathetic waste of Boglodite flesh!”

The scene with 1969 Boris and 2012 Boris just shouting at each other/shitting on each other is a unique and fun way to show the character’s self loathing. It helps you understand him a bit more.

24) I used this line in a paper I wrote for an AP English paper my junior year of high school.

Griffin: “But where there is death there will always be death.”

My teacher wrote something along the lines of, “I don’t think you should be using a Men in Black quote in this paper,” to which I ask: why not? I still got an A and it fit. Check your genre basis, public education system.

25) I ship K & O (OK? KO?). That is all.

26) Hey look! It’s Luke Cage!

The twist that comes about from Mike Colter as the Colonel makes the character extra important, but the fact that five and a half years later I know who Mike Colter is gives the scene an extra bit of rewatch value.

27) The Cape Canaveral climax.

The climax of the film plays with the idea of the two Boris-s in a fun way. The entire thing is well paced, well choreographed, and notably intelligent (especially in the way J uses time travel to his advantage). All in all, it’s just really fun to watch.

28) The truth about the Colonel.

This moment retcons a little bit of the first movie, of the relationship between J and K. But it packs a considerable amount of emotional punch to it, answering the question of, “What happened to K?” in a meaningful way. It’s remarkably sad, giving the film an extra layer of heart and emotion which makes me tear up a bit now for personal reasons. I love it.

29) It’s nice to see 2012 K with a little more heart to him, that he’s come out of this time travel adventure for the better and his relationship with J is strong.

30) The ending gag of the film does well to match the intelligence and organic nature of the marble gag from the first movie without feeling forced.

I really like Men in Black 3. There’s a chance it’s my favorite of the the trilogy (although objectively I think the first is the best). It moves past the problems of the first film to deliver an emotionally interesting, high stakes story. Jones & Smith’s chemistry is top notch but they’re joined by INCREDIBLE new additions to the film such as Jemaine Clement, Josh Brolin, and Emma Thompson. I definitely recommend this film, it’s a lot of fun and I think the most underrated of the trilogy.

[junker-town]

20 sports movies we love that will ease your boredom

WireImage

It may be hard to find real sports to watch right now, but there is an ABUNDANCE of great fictional sports at your fingertips.

Televised sports are on hiatus for the foreseeable future. It’s a tough (but obviously necessary) blow, considering we’re all stuck inside with little to do, and sports would be the perfect diversion right about now.

Thankfully, there are hundreds, or possibly thousands, of sports-centric movies available to wile away the hours. Some might even be convincing enough to get you to yell at your screen, or feel the inimitable catharsis that comes from watching your team (the good team, obviously) win.

Below are some of the SB Nation staff’s go-to sports flicks, with information about where to stream them included. The majority are also available to rent via Amazon, YouTube, Google Play and the like.

Hot Rod (2007)

Available on Netflix, Prime and Pluto.

Insofar as failing to jump over things with a moped is a sport, Hot Rod is about sports. It’s an extremely dumb, pleasant movie with no stakes whatsoever, and it is my number one.

— Seth Rosenthal

Yes, it’s hilarious — but even more importantly, it has the ability to absorb you before you realize it and not let your mind wander out of its grasp. Distraction grade: 10 out of 10

— Will Buikema

Creed (2015)

Available to rent

Too many Rocky sequels to count, but this one really engages with the mythos around the character and who gets to take part in that myth. Michael B. Jordan and Tessa Thompson are two of Hollywood’s brightest stars, and while it’s frustrating they were not awarded like Sylvester Stallone for their performances, all three are terrific here. Also: unlike the original Rocky, this movie recognizes that boxing includes dodging and blocking as well as punching!

— Pete Volk

Goon (2011)

Available on Netflix.

You could probably analyze Goon for commentary about how we glorify violence in hockey, or you could sit back and enjoy a genuinely hilarious movie. It has everything you want in a hockey film. There’s a dim-witted but lovable bouncer who gets a chance at a hockey career in the minors, and a grumpy Quebecois prodigy with a physicality issue. There’s gratuitous blood and gore, and Liev Schreiber getting into fights, and a hint of bromance. There are even cameos from former NHL players, and one from current Dallas Stars forward Tyler Seguin in the film’s 2017 sequel, Goon: Last of the Enforcers, which is also on Netflix.

If you don’t mind some exaggerated violence and slapstick comedy (and particularly if that’s what you’re into), I highly recommend it. Plus, the soundtrack slaps.

— Sydney Kuntz

Bend it Like Beckham (2002)

Available on demand with Starz and DirecTV

It’s funny, it’s sweet, and the fact that you’ve definitely seen it before doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch it again. It made Keira Knightley an international star, and Parminder Nagra picked up the FIFA presidential award. Beyond the film, it represented a crucial moment in David Beckham’s relationship with his country. He’d gone from villain in 1998 after that red card against Argentina, to hero in 2001 after that free kick against Greece. Eight months later this came out, and canonized him as a national treasure.

— Andi Thomas

High Flying Bird (2019)

Available on Netflix

What better to watch during a period without basketball than a movie about basketball personnel that takes place during a time of no basketball? High Flying Bird, shot entirely on iPhone by Steven Soderbergh, follows a top rookie and his ambitious agent during an NBA lockout, as they try and change the owner-heavy economic structure of the NBA.

— Pete Volk

Escape to Victory (1981, also just known as Victory)

Available on demand with Cinemax and DirecTV

Sylvester Stallone is an Allied solider in a Nazi prisoner-of-war camp. So is Michael Caine. In there with them, for some reason, is Pele, Bobby Moore, Ozzy Ardiles, and half of Ipswich Town’s 1981 UEFA Cup winning squad. And wouldn’t you just know it, they have to play an exhibition against a handpicked German side, for reasons of propaganda. Will they escape … to victory?

— Andi Thomas

Goal of the Dead (2014)

Available on Shudder

”Some kind of a riot. They are burning cars.”

”Given the refereeing, no wonder.”

French football superstar Samuel Lorit faces off against his hometown team in a cup game. His formerly adoring fans now all despise him. And then a tainted steroid injection turns pretty much everybody into zombies, straight from the 28 Days Later school of hard-running mouth-frothers. Good blood-soaked fun, if probably a bit too long. But then all films are too long these days. Return of the King won a million Oscars, and that didn’t have a ‘roid-raging zombie kicking a man’s head off his neck and into the goal.

— Andi Thomas

Fighting with My Family (2019)

Available on Prime and Hulu

Maybe the only worthwhile WWE Studios release ever? I’ll await the flame from fans of The Marine 5: Battleground in the comments. What would have otherwise been yet another vanilla sports inspiration story is elevated by a terrific cast, led by newly Oscar-nominated Florence Pugh.

— Pete Volk

The Damned United (2009)

Available to rent

An adaptation of a brilliant but bleak novel about Brian Clough’s doomed spell at Leeds United, the film dispenses with most of the book’s harrowing existential loneliness and discovers a surprisingly soft-hearted buddy story underneath. Michael Sheen disappears uncannily into his role, absolutely nailing Clough’s astringent self-possession, but Colm Meaney almost steals the film as Clough’s nemesis, Don Revie. A reminder that English football, back in the ‘70s, was a strange, drizzly place full of strange, compelling people.

— Andi Thomas

Hoop Dreams (1994)

Available on HBO, Kanopy and DirecTV

One of the best American documentaries. Also one of the best movies about dreams, who crushes them and how they evolve. It is also one of the best movies about race and poverty in America. All in all, this is one of the best movies about the allure and grace of basketball. A phenomenal film!

— Pete Volk

Horse Feathers (1932)

Available via the Internet Archive

I grew up watching the Marx Brothers with my dad, and I would be remiss not to mention this college football-centric classic. Turns out the “amateur” status of college football players was a joke in the 1930s, too!

— Pete Volk

Minding the Gap (2019)

Available on Hulu

Only tangentially about sports, since the group of kids at this documentary’s focus are skateboarders, but this is one of the great modern American documentaries about growing up, difficult friendships and toxic masculinity. Highly, highly recommend.

— Pete Volk

Starship Troopers (1997)

Available on Showtime, CBS All Access, DirecTV and Vudu

There are several reasons Starship Troopers is memorable — the broadly written anti-nationalist commentary! The exploding bugs! The co-ed showers! That one fight scene soundtracked to Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You,” for some reason! — but space football is the only one that fits with our theme. In the future, America’s favorite sport is played in high school gymnasiums on old wrestling mats. There are no special teams or roughness penalties. The ball is Nerf’s rough approximation of a baked potato wrapped in foil.

Johnny Rico, our protagonist, wins and is escorted off the field a hero. Roughly 20 minutes of film later, he’s left to die on an alien planet. Shit’s real, yo.

— Christian D’Andrea

Rush (2013)

Available on HBO

If you liked Ford V. Ferrari, you’ll probably love this. Retelling the true story of James Hunt (Chris Hemsworth) and Niki Lauda’s intense Formula 1 rivalry, Rush has fantastic racing scenes and benefits from focusing on the wildly different personalities and approaches of the two rivals.

— Pete Volk

A League of Their Own (1992)

Available on Showtime, and very often randomly on cable

It almost feels redundant to list this classic, which you’ve probably already seen once or dozens of times. But if you have seen it, you know it holds up better than most of the feel-good, strings-swelling-styled sports hagiographies of the 1990s. A more-or-less accurate retelling of a vital and often ignored part of American sports history, conveyed via an all-star cast and too many quotable lines to count. The “hard” may be what makes it great, but there’s nothing hard about watching this iconic and genuinely uplifting movie. (I also wrote more about it here.)

—Natalie Weiner

Speed Racer (2008)

Available to rent

One of my favorite movies of all-time, taking many aesthetic cues from anime and seamlessly bringing them into the live-action world with breathtaking visual effects. Speed Racer is visually explosive and a delight for the senses, with a grounded conflict at its core (a family business getting bought out by a heartless corporation). In my opinion, this is sports + movies in their best balance with each other.

— Pete Volk

The Heart of the Game (2005)

Available to rent

A hardscrabble team works diligently to overcome the odds, with a few twists. The movie centers on a girls basketball team from Roosevelt High School, 10 minutes from where I grew up in Seattle, and the star of the team gets pregnant. Bring tissues.

— Natalie Weiner

Uncut Gems (2019)

Available to rent

No movie better captures the anxiety of being a sports fan, or the bad decisions you make because of your fandom. Also sports luminaries Kevin Garnett and Mike Francesa deliver excellent performances. My favorite 2019 release! Louis wrote more about it here.

— Pete Volk

Undisputed II: Last Man Standing (2006)

Available on Starz and DirecTV

This is the height of me on-my-bullshit, but please allow it: Scott Adkins and Michael Jai White are generational action stars, and this entry in the excellent Undisputed series shows their singular talents at their best. White plays an ex-boxer framed for a crime and sent to prison, where he fights for his freedom in an underground MMA ring. Adkins plays the terrifying Yuri Boyka, the reigning prison champ. This is so up my alley it’s not even funny, and hopefully it’s up yours, too!

— Pete Volk

More Than a Game (2008)

Available on Starz

It’s very easy to take LeBron James for granted. After all, he’s been doing otherworldly things in the NBA for almost two decades now. Sometimes it just seems like he’s always existed, like he’ll just be inevitable forever. At a time when we’re (hopefully temporarily) deprived of watching him play basketball, it’s worth revisiting this great documentary about his origin story. Yes, he overcame seemingly insurmountable odds, but the part that sticks with you is the people around him — those who believed in him completely, and who he has been just as loyal to in return.

— Natalie Weiner

[that1fukker-blog]

This is a collection of 5 minute stories ive gotten as bell work. Im proud of some and hate myself for making others

8/23/18

Upon reading the message I assumed that whoever wrote that had a great sense of humor and thought nothing of it. Because who in their right minds takes fortune cookies seriously? I then paid my tab and left the thought of the “ominous” message already fading from my mind and matters of actual importance needed attending to. Getting into my car and leaving the parking lot I looked into my rearview mirror and noticed a man standing on the metal roof of the restaurant, the sun bouncing off the steel made it too hard to notice anything specific about the man, I decided to push the issue from my mind “there are plenty of reasons for someone to be up there,” I told myself “it probably has nothing to do with me”. The rest of my day was uneventful, I went back to work, finished up, went home, ate dinner, and went to sleep. That night I had a nightmare about a monster chasing me, and when I woke up I was back in my bed. Nothing ever happened because it was just a stupid fortune cookie……or so I thought

8/28/18

Samantha could only marvel how fast Becky had gone from a mild mannered school girl to a vicious screeching beast, her long blond hair pulling back into her skull, her lips pulling back to reveal her teeth fusing and elongating into a beak, her light skin turning purple and her limbs distorting. “Why does this only happen to me?” sam said mostly to herself as she assumed becky could no longer hear or understand her

“SCREEEEEEEE!” was beckys reply,

“Alright,” sam said, psyching herself  for the up comming ordeal “i can do this”. Raising her camera slowly sam began to focus the lense while saying in a sing song voice “say cheese”, meanwhile beacky began to flap about the room. As desperation sam remembered what was in her back pocket, quickly removing from her pants, sam held the object high in the air and called out “oh becky!”, becky turned

“Scraw?” sam waved the objected and shouted

“Catch!”, and throwing the object straight at becky who caught the object in her beak. Becky almost immediatly returned to her former state. Upon compleating her transformation becky looked around the room in confusion,

“What happened?” becky asked, same smiled and said

“I gave you a snickers, you aren’t you when your hungry”

8/30/18

“If you keep talking like that,i think we might have a problem.” but we already did have a problem, i didn’t want to go through with this….this..thing that they wanted me to do.

“It’s not up to you” dad proclaimed

“I had my doubts when it was me but you’ll move through it” was moms input

“What else could you posibly do?” my older brother thomas chimed in

“Honestly sam I can’t believe you don’t want this, just look at how lucky you are,” my older sister Judy added “i got stuck with a dolt”

“I wish i get on like that when it my turn” my little sister kimberly chirped. But i don’t want to do this was all i could think to say in protest. The marriage had when i was only three and it was supossed to be my familys ticket into nobility and that was practically all they could see. They didn’t see how much my husband to be made my skin crawl whenever he touched me. They didn’t see how blatantly obvious he was about undressing me with his eyes. Or at least i chose to believe they didn’t see as the alternative meant they knew they were giving me up to a

9/4/18

He left the front door open, so when his wife got home she was surprised by the large stag in her living room. “Oh hello mister deer. And how did you get in here?”, the deer of course had no answer, she looked at her kitchen and saw that the fridge had been emptied, the cubbords had once been pleantied and the pantry was unstedied “i see youve made yourself a snack mister deer” the deer of course gave no answer. She turned her head to the dining room where the curtains had been munched, the table cloth had been crunched, and flowers had been lunched “ i see youve forgotten your manners mister deer” the deer of course had no answer. The lady turned to the living room where the deer was, and saw that her couch had been slashed, and that the tv had been smashed, and that her family photos had been crashed, “mister deer i see you made yourself at home” the deer of course had no answer. She took one last look around her destroyed house and wept “oh mister deer what are you doing here?” the deer then looked at her and in a deep voice replied

“Isnt it obvious? Im vandalising your house”

9/6/18

None today

9/11/18

She was Leath with a petite frame, long ebony hair and and olive complexion a hawk nose and dark eyebrows that brought attention to her dark brown eyes alight with interest in the world around her, slender lips parting as she smiled with amusement at her own humor or disappeared into her mouth as she pursed them when thinking, the entire ensemble flowing through different emotions as her long thin fingers with nails painted black moved intently as she typed, her shoulders rising and falling as the intensity of what she was writing escalated and descalated

9/13/18

When she told me she lived in a floating forest, i thought she was crazy, but no, there it was, just like she said. Granted it’s not technically an island, it’s a boat and it’s not technically a forest, there's not a damn tree here, mostly just ferns, vines, and flowers of various breeds, with the occasional cluster of medicinal roots, or tribe of cooking herbs. But even without trees the site was still breathtaking as the ferns and vines grew around a dome lattice creating a natural roof straight out of an elven city and the flowers, blooming full in every color grew everywhere under the canopy that the ferns didn’t, each gentle breeze causing the living rainbow to sway and shift each dazzling display fighting to be seen over the other,

9/20/18

None

9/25/18

And that's when the lights came back on.The room now filled to the brim with clowns and the disembodied screams of the damned, seemed to tilt on its axis as marry frantically tried to open the door, her desperation growing as the clowns began sharpening their balloon animals. With a final heave mary broke through the door to find herself stand in the exact room she had just exited screams and all, the door now sealed tight behind her, the balloons were sharp now. “Would this cyclical hell ever end she thought

10/4/18

When sam entered the restaurant she saw the guy she had been talking to online eagerly looking at the stakes being prepare in front of him. She immediately turned around and left the restaurant, she refused to give any of her time to a meat eating murderer.

10/23/18

If i were a snail. Even just for a day. I would get up with my shell on and take a fucking hour to go. Or if i were a goat not. for not even a day. Id eat all your tin cans. Cuz fuck you man I am just a goat.