#they're best friends in my head. fite me.

[zharizard666]

mombound drafts :]

figured that if I'm not finishing them I might as well just post my sketches.

[princess-of-inarizaki]

Haikyuu manager headcanons!!

Okay so these adorable teams all have the softest spot for their tiny little manager-chan, and here's how they all treat her.

[Ari's note: okay manager fics and headcanons are my absolute favourite and I love writing them]

*.` | Karasuno

They are extremely laid back with you, compared to some of the other teams. They give you your space, at the same time listen to you when you have something to say.

Respectful simps. Similar to how they act with Kiyoko (ugh yes queen-chan) they're in tears whenever you do things to motivate them, like cheer at their practice matches or give them good luck charms.

They still have the good luck charms you fastened on their bag before one of the matches.

Tanaka and Noya would literally worship the ground which you walked on. Like wow how did they get so lucky as to have three?? Cute managers?? On their team??

Yachi and you would probably subtly simp over Kiyoko with them too ngl.

Hinata and Kags would probably see you as an older sister, eventho you're their age because you're so caring and responsible.

Suga is literally your mom and Daichi is your dad. They make sure you're all healthy and you're doing well in school.

Asahi gives you hugs whenever you're sad or upset! Fite me but I think this gentle baby gives the best hugs ever >:( he's like your comfort senpai and you'd do the same for him, especially when he's feeling insecure or down.

Yams would probably be very shy around you, but he'll warm up in time.

Ahhh the best part. Tsukki! He'd find you annoying and simply not get why you're so Mcfreaking happy at first (shut up u salty beanpole, manager-chan is just a ray of sunshine, okay?) But he soon finds it endearing and slowly gets closer to you.

You walk home with Yams and Tsukki every day since your houses are close, and Tsukki walks you to your door to make sure you're safe!

Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita all see you as a little sister and often help you with your managerial duties.

The team cares and respects you so much, and are so thankful you've joined them!!

Meat buns at Ukai's are your hangout spot, and everytime you see them chilling you're so thankful to have such great friends.

*.` | Aoba Johsai

Aaah we're at the team of one of my favourite characters!! I'll start with Oikawa (can't you tell I'm so biased omg)

Oikawa absolutely adores manager-chan because although she's tiny, she's very strict, and doesn't let his fangirls near the gym when he's practicing, which he appreciates.

"yn-chan, you're so good to me, can I take you out as a thank-you?" Cue Iwa-chan's ball which comes flying at Oikawa's head. "Stop flirting with the manager, shitty-kawa"

Iwa's very fond of you too, but he doesn't let it show too often. Sometimes he picks up your favourite coffee from the vending machine and claims that he bought it by "accident". (How believable<3)

Kunimi probably sends you weird tiktok videos and tags you in funny memes. Very wholesome 10/10.

Kyotani just?? Doesn't understand you?? Like wow, she's small but the team listens to her?? Why?? He later finds out you're the manager. Mad dork here didn't know you were managing the team for the past month, and thought you just came to the gym to watch them practice. Smh.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki give you headpats and like taking selfies with you, much to Oikawa's dismay. He wants to be the only one taking pictures with you.

Like no manager-chan. Stop. Get away from them. My phone's right here I wanna take selfies with you :(

Kindaichi is cool with you. Y'all are bros and you game together sometimes.

Watari and Yahaba join too, and they're surprised to know that you're so aggressive when you game.

Cue a jealous Oikawa who struggles learning how to game just so he's invited to play with you. Simp smh.

They're all very gentle with you, and since you're their first female manager, they make sure to never make you feel uncomfortable.

You guys like grabbing ramen together and having eating contests. They really bring out your aggressive side but you love them for it.

*.` | Shiratorizawa

Can I just say Semi bsf material? Yes? Yes. Semi Eita is best friend material.

Makes you cute little Spotify playlists and you help him write lyrics to songs occasionally. You play an instrument too and you guys can just jam out for hours on end together.

You get the idea of applying to be the manager because of him, and it all took off from there.

Goshiki loves you. You're fond of your kohāi, and you genuinely just give this touch-starved future ace a lot of hugs and cuddles, which he's SO grateful for.

Like wow, y/n-chan isn't just pretty?? She's also so sweet? And smart? And capable? Semi why have you been hiding her for so long??¿ >:(

Goshiki is just so protective of you, he'd commit murder if he had to.

You have to earn Ushiwaka's respect, yk? And slowly but surely he comes to realise how dependable and responsible you are, and treats you like an indispensable member of the team.

He's got your back. And if he ever senses you're upset, he's trying to cheer you up as best as he can.

"do not feel upset, those grades will mean nothing to you in the future. I doubt you will be able to remember what you got in your second year, third monthly test." You think he's being sweet, and yes he is (in a way), but he's also trying to be reasonable and logical.

Tendo loosens you up and you tend to play pranks on the others with him.

The funniest was when you tried to prank Ushijima by adding wasabi to his onigiri and he?? Didn't get it??

Like "y/n-chan, Tendo, why did you add wasabi to this onigiri? It would've been so much better with tuna mayo??" And he has no reaction whatsoever?¿?

Cue Goshiki who tries the onigiri because he wants to prove he has spice tolerance like Ushijima, eventhough you can low-key see him tearing up.

Shirabu is your voice of reason and you and him often study together. You also have deep and philosophical conversations at 12 a.m. over text, and it is just so wholesome.

He respects you so much, not just because you care for him, but because he finds your brain so fricking smexy.

These eagle babies bring out the best in you and you're always eager to push them forward and bring out the best in them.

*.` | Fukurodani

First thing's first, besides Akaashi, you are the only other person who can cheer up an emo-mood Bokuto.

Just say "Hey Bo, you're gonna look so much cooler when you spike the ball like the true ace that you are" and his hair's all perking up and his eyes are shining.

Akaashi thinks you are an angel sent from heaven.

You're very soft on your baby owls, and they genuinely just love getting positive affirmations from you.

Akaashi always blushes when you compliment him on his sets. And you can hear him murmur genuine words of gratitude.

The other members do too. They're glad because sometimes people focus on Bo too much and forget to give them recognition, yk? It's easy to get overlooked :(

But thanks to manager-chan who's so attentive with all of them, and who's aware of all their quirks and moods, they're all so touched and so so happy.

You have a habit of getting cold pretty often, especially since practice finishes late and it's pretty chilly by then.

Konoha always lends you his jacket and walks you home, since your home's are the closest. There's just something about you that makes you soft.

You get along really well with Kaori and Yukie, and you'd definitely consider them your best friends, considering y'all are in this thang togetherrrr!!

The Fukurodani team are just all a bunch of crackheads, but they're your crackheads and you wouldn't trade them for the world.

You're a very tight-knit family, (like ugh I just get lots of comfortable, safe vibes from Fukurodani :(( <3)

You guys hang out at the store near your school pretty often to recharge after grueling days of practice together.

*.` | Nekoma

My second favourite team, Nekoma!! They are precious, gentle, soft babies and I love them to bits and pieces >:(

I'll start with Kuroo. You've always had a tiny soft spot for Kuroo ever since you've become his lab partner in chemistry class.

His notes are immaculate. I mean, cmon we're all hoes for pretty notes

You think he's so incredibly smart and talented, so when he suggests you become the Nekoma manager, you just agree right away.

You guys grow closer since you've started spending more time with him, and you banter around more often than not with chemistry pickup lines.

"hey kitten, let's form a covalent bond"

He's so whipped after you retort back. Like wow she called me sodium fine and said I'm like an exothermic reaction? Permission to simp??

(Ari stfu this isn't a Kuroo fanfic)

Kenma and you definitely play animal crossing together, and he even lets you try his switch, after you guys grow closer.

Kuroo is so insulted, he's never even touched Kenma's switch before >:(

You also push Kenma to do better during practice and he starts to care more about volleyball, since you seem so enthusiastic about it.

Yamamoto isn't even subtle about his simping smh T-T unlike Kuroo, he shamelessly flirts with you, and can't wait to show you off to Tanaka and Noya at the next camp.

"we have such a gorgeous manager now, Nekoma is ThRiViNg" he says in his head with this ridiculous dopey ass smile on his face +_+

Since deep down inside, you're a huge baby, you, Lev, Shibayama, and Inuoka get along so well. They're just happy energetic kittens, and they make you feel so happy.

y'alls energy just match, yk?

Although Fukunaga is shy to tell jokes, he tells them to you, because he knows you'd never judge him, and you actually kinda enjoy laughing along :) he's so touched.

Momma Yaku!! Yaku always lends you his jacket and makes sure to carry snacks for you in his bag. He knows you care so much about the team that you often neglect your own health, which is why he's always there to make you're feeling healthy and good.

Kai and Teshiro help you with your homework and like talking about their favourite singers with you.

They're all just such amazing human beings who treat you so well, and you feel so blessed to be a part of their team. You adore them so much, and they adore you back tenfold.

*.` | Inarizaki

[Ari's note: Ello there luvs, you've made it to the bottom of this sweet hc post and just get ready for Inarizaki :( they're my favourite team of all time, and I'm just so biased, I'm sorry ;-;]

Inarizaki's entire team just adores you so much, they think you're the light of their lives.

They're all super touch starved babies, and once you realized that, you've made sure to ensure they never feel that way.

Aran is kinda like your protective senpai, and his heart flutters ever so slightly when you call him that senpai kink oops and give him headpats, and he loves patting your head in return.

The twins are so incredibly soft for you.

Their fangirls are sometimes pretty mean, but one glare from the duo is enough to shut them up.

Osamu cooks bentos for you and gives you the warmest hugs when you ask for them, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

Your hand is almost always in Atsumu's because he's so slick?? Like y'all, this mf would be like "y/n-chan, my hand has been aching for a while now" and when you go to observe it, he just pulls your hand into his and pulls you to follow him.

His entire body heats up when you kiss his cheek after a particularly good game, and his brain literally goes "grrrr empty", when he's usually so sly.

The twins are your bodyguards, they follow you everywhere and protect you all the time.

Enter Suna Rintaro, your meme king. He definitely records funny moments that happen during practice and send them to you, just to make you laugh, or memes of the members.

He also definitely takes pictures of you when you aren't noticing, simply because he likes the way your hair looked, or because you looked so beautiful.

Like the twins, his eyes widen whenever you kiss his cheek or ruffle his hair, and it's literally like suna.exc has stopped functioning.

Congrats manager-chan, you broke the kid -.-

Omimi might come across as stoic and cold but he's actually a huge softie, and you often give him positive affirmations.

He's also definitely a huge lover of your hugs, and looks forward to them as motivation to play well.

He'd never tell you though, he's shy™.

My baby Kita compliments you all the fricking time.

"y/n-chan, I mean this is the most sincere way, I think this hairstyle looks stunning on you"

Or "you're so capable and you work so hard, I'm so thankful to have you by my side"

And he has the most genuine expression on his face, his eyes are so earnest and shining so bright.

And when you smile at him, he's like oh shit I made her smile, depression whom? I only know serotonin.

Ginjima is usually rash but with you, he takes his time and weighs everything he says.

He doesn't wanna accidentally hurt you and regret it since he was being careless and not thinking at all.

You calm him down when he's getting too hotheaded with gentle words and he's suddenly a blushing mess.

Unlike some of the other teams that tease you a bunch, Inarizaki treats you so gently. Their little princess, as they think of you.

So mf-ing protective, like if someone looks at you wrong, you can totally bet Atsumu's going for their ankles, sangwoo style, or Osamu is trash talking them to their knees.

Would drop anything and everything to help you if ever needed.

They think you're they're entire world because you go above and beyond for them, and they genuinely love you. Like actually LOVE you to bits and pieces.

—*.`

[Ari's note: AHHH so the manager fic is done this was literally such a joy to write!! I hope you enjoyed it

Big big hugs <3 have a beautiful day, luvs!!]

[wrestlezon]

liveblog containment post for aew dynamite 8/17

im behind by like 20 minutes because i was waiting on my friend to join me. but lmao when i opened up fite to get it ready i guess they apparently accidentally streamed an HOUR of aew dark elevation on there??? and then sliced it away from me in real time as i was poking around at it???? cmon aew production team lemme benefit from your harmless mishaps theyre cool and fun

HERE WE GO ITS DYNAMITEEE lmao when they sliced away the aew dark elevation they also cropped out like the beginning half of the game of thrones cross promotional intro. Good

oh!! cm punk!!!!!!!! hiiii hi cm punk yayyyyy hes back (edit: lmfao i didnt notice this the first time but he runs up to jump in to the leftside crowd and then is like "mmm naw i dont wanna break my foot a second time" LMAO) yayyyy you cant have a wrestle rematch right now. youre in regular civilian clothes. you cant fool me. im savvy to "wrestling" oh my GOD he is SO MEAN to HANGMAN PAGE!!!!!!!! hes trying to have a character arc punk! don't get him with the devil temptations of the championship title!!!!!!!!!!!! im just so glad to hear punk on the mic again :)c hee hee yayyyy OH SHITTTTT THE MOXLEY DISS???????? THIRD BEST GUY IN ANY GIVEN GROUP :)c hee hee!!!! punk!!!!!!!!! DISSING ON EDDIE KINGSTON NOW???? CM PUNK FIRING SHOTS ON ALL MY FAVORITE GUYS??? YESSS FIGHTTTTT I MISSED YOU PUNNNNNNNNNK HUAGHGHGHGHHGHGH SNOW ANGELS IN THE RING HEEL PUNK HEEL PUNK HEEL PUNK YAYYY I GET EVERYTHING I WANT... hes so full of himself. this rules. i love it when cm punk is rude on tv moxley vs punk having a promo showdown. bruh! hell yes!! moxley's cheeky little foot wiggle when he says punk's body can't keep up hee hee!! KISS??? REAL???? EFFY MATCH UNLOCKED SOMETHING IN MOXLEY (REAL) (INCOHERANT YELLING)

powerhouse hobbs backstage segment! ricky starks gettin threats! qt marshall gettin threats! waowowowow

THEY'RE DOING THE DANIELSON GARCIA 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH RIGHT NOW?????????? WHAT THE!!!!! kick fight!!! yesss stretching him. yeowch thats gotta hurt for realsies daniel garcia's little taunting head kicks oooo hes pissing him off ooooooo danielson fury kick explosion THE GARCIA COUNTER! ooough! this match is gonna be LONG. its 2 out of 3 falls… there was only 4 matches advertised on the card… did they say there was a time limit dragontamer turnaround counter! nice work danielson OOF piledriver… couldn't counter his way around that one FIRST FALL… garcia choked out danielson again.. whoa

look out youre gonna rip your hammy, garcia… (lmao) oughhh baited danielson onto the concrete… man hes really putting danielson through the ringer. danielson on his back foot this whole match! gosh OOOO COUNTERED GARCIA AND GOT THE PIN! theyre tied now

the ol' kicking my enemy dangling on the corner move ohhh suplexes... omfg danielson's tope right at the camera. whoa!!

lets take turns slamming each other into the ringpost ooooo yea holding chins and yelling at each other look at me when im wrestling at you!!! NOTICE ME danielson: zen mode activated. you cannot kill me in a way that matters YEAH GET EM garcia's turns for kicks. man hes gettin them (the kicks) :O the counters… lmao bryce just giving up on trying to put the gloves on for now. the. the nuzzling. GARCIA LITERALLY NUZZLING DICK RIGHT NOW???? IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING look. youre not going to win a headkick trade against danielson. you just cant. punching and punching!!! garcia LOSES!!!!!!!!!!!! to getting passed out heck of a fight tho

lmfao danielson just pointing. "you seein' this rn??" claps!! you got his respect really good dazed selling from garcia here. i have to say, anyone who is a strong fan of garcia or these two's feud in particular must be going absolutely wild at this. just hooting and hollering. (i like garcia too) YOURE A WRESTLER! YOURE A WRESTLER! YOURE A WRESTLER! reject jericho! turn your back on sports entertainment!!!! ITS HAPPENING...

backstage segment with swerve in our glory vs private party my other friend finally arrived and is requesting to rewatch the intro segment that im being vague but pleased about. do i want to watch it a third time so soon? maybe later theyre getting mad at me so im missing out on private party sassing the current tag team champs whoops hold on i skipped too far past the commercial and saw punk and moxley!?!? i HAVE to go back to the beginning now it'd be an actual crime to show them this out of order. i cant believe how instantly the show itself is pushing my hand like this (punk vs moxley… SO good though… it was worth it. im going to rewatch that segment so much anyway)

tony nese fight! is this an unannounced squash match? wait then what was the punk moxley thing i saw??? this must be a hella quick squas-- LMFAO MOXLEY KNOCKING HIM THE FUCK OUT THE WAY IN THE RING??? CHALLENGE??? THERE WOULD BE ENOUGH TIME FOR PUNK TO CHANGE INTO GEAR…??? OHHHH!!!!! THEYRE USING MY BASIC WRESTLING SAVVYNESS AGAINST ME ??????? punks still in his civvies they cant be fighting for realsies. but oh my god LMAO CLAUDIO JUST PICKING UP MOXLEY LIKE A TODDLER OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

backstage with the JAS ricky steamboat?? the old men are fighting!!!!! BAD MOVE COOL HAND ANG

gunn club vs varsity blondes i have to say this is the least interesting match on the ca-- oh its over. so HERE is the squash match billy gunn: ok nice squash. im super proud of yall now. family hug wow this sure is resolved huh :) STOKELY APPEARS... OH MY!!!!!!! BROTHERS TURN AGAINST THE FATHER THE ACCLAIMED??????? DADDY ASS RESCUED BY THE ACCLAIMED???? SCISSOR ME DADDY ASS OH MY GOD THEYRE DOING IT 10/10 GAYEST AEW DYNAMITE YET!!! THROUGH THE ROOF HELL TYUESYSYEYSYYESES

video promo with lethal's crew

dude if the "stokely is secretly putting together a team for mjf" theory is true this is going to rule so hard oh my god. we could get (in a fashion) mjf vs max caster. oh god. oh no. IM DREAMING... I HAVE HOPES... DESIRES.... OH NO!!!!!! im going to be SO disappointed when this is not the case

jungle boy promo segment! "wow there sure is a lot of promos this dynamite. i dont have a problem with this at all btw actually i am a fan of the promo segment" <- me forgetting there is a ppv at the end of the month jungle boy throwing down against christian cage!! cage's evil villain black turtlenecks? i love them. cage is so TRANSPARENTLY disingenuous and its in such a goofy way lmfao you would have to have 1 brain cell to fall for this LMFAO the offense GET HIM JUNGLE BOY!!! christian cage's evil plot to make jungle boy evil is working

speaking of someone making someone else evil, remember cmjf? remember that? i had to pause again because i incited a school of athens level discussion about cmjf with my friends again. SO good. coming up with new interpretations of the events we've been paused on this screen of ftr and wardlow for like 20 minutes do you know how fucking funny it would be if it turned out that mjf appeared during this promo?

wardlow and ftr backstage promo! ftr is talkin bout how they got their guy wardlow's back. mjf did not appear during this promo. but can you imagine how ironic it wouldve been for me specifically?

toni storm vs kilynn king my friend thought toni storm was penelope ford for a hot second. i havent seen penelope ford in a long time so ive forgotten what she looks like so i dont know how to effectively make fun of my friend for this. i also didnt watch dark (sorry) telegraphed ass attack that leads into victory lmfao thunder rosa's sad clapping... theyre gonna have to go up against each other...

me, earlier: "wow this dynamite is really good. if the best friends show up in it now then all my favorite guys will be in it and it'll be a top tier dynamite to me" aew dynamite: hey. best friends vs trustbuster video promo 10/10 dynamite (still afraid that the best friends are going to lose to the trustbusters though... ;_; aoughhhhh)

WHAT?????????? PUNK VS MOXLEY IS HAPPENING NEXT WEEK????????????

WHAT!!!!!!!!!???????

I HAVE TO CALM DOWN AND FOCUS THE FUCKING BUCKS MATCH IS NEXT I HAVE TO FOCUS YOUNG BUCKS TRIO VS ANDRADE TRIO a paper… a script… IS IT… HMM……………. THEY WOULDNT PULL A FAST ONE ON US RIGHT… they ARE heels………. THERE HE IS!!! KENNY OMEGA REAL i LOVE his evil badguy jacket. don callis and jr are bickering THE CROWD RISING IN VOLUME WHEN KENNY'S HAND GOES OUT yay combo moves dragon lee getting stomped on nooo!!! theyre beating up kenny omega!!!!!! yay!! triple suplex!!!!! the young bucks are so cool. i love their antics and watching them wrestle oh no kenny!! your leg... its failing... hes trying so hard... THE DENIAL OF HIS SICK MOVE!! AND THEN STEALING HIS MOVE!!! THE AUDACITY i mean its pretty clear that the young bucks trio is gonna win this, but man theyre making me feel like maybe they wont! nevermind! it was a massive struggle but kenny omega pulled through! perhaps... too trialous... too tribulationy... what will this mean for the future!

andrade turning on dragon lee for losing! ANOTHER MASK BIT???? ANDRADE............ >:(

[shiro-0197]

Of course! The title is Yuukoku no moriarty, and it's honestly one of the best things I've EVER watched (next to aot and haikyuu) and I watch it with my mom 😆 they're all so pretty I might cry

oh that is SO understandable. We get flooded with lots of work too, our days are always filled with tuition classes and stuff, and the more active you are, the more responsibilities you have, which also eats a lot of time. (I'm VERY active in clubs and extracurriculars so I low-key don't have any time at all when schools on, so it's very nice to relax now)

I hope you find out soon!! And I hope you don't get those headaches :( they must be very annoying... Skdhskks that sounds so nice!! I hope breakfast goes well!!

I woke up early to join an event another Leo club from a different school was hosting. The president invited me and I went as a favour hhh. I'm probably gonna spend the rest of my day working on our event, and inviting people. My email and phone are so packed with contacts to invite 😣🙀 and I've been calling my members since morning to get them to help me with the promotion :D

oh that's so cute! It just personalises the names so well uwu and that way no one else except you guys will ever know which store you're referring to.

YES IT WOULD!! I'd love to bake with you. I totally wouldn't smear flour on you when you aren't noticing, wdym? 💁😼😋

oh I see!! So they celebrate Eid, then? Tho yes I think new year's is universal :D can't wait to count down and welcome the new year~ that sounds so cool!! Gonna check their videos out if I have time, and I added the song to my playlist!! I get what you mean, whenever the singer screams or something, chills istg! I used to listen to a song like that, it had a scream in it halfway but I forgot the name. I'll let you know if I remember!! Do you have a celebrity crush? I'm curious x)

IM GONNA FITE YOUR HEADACHE HOLD ME BACK HOW DARE IT PLAGUE YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE >:(((((( brb gonna Google how to fight a headache :] tho I hope you have a good brunch :D

JB skfhskjdks no 😭😭 me and my friend constantly annoy each other with his song titles, especially "baby" cuz it's the cringiest thing ever, but we can't ever seen to drop it skckdhkdk

thank you!! And good luck to you too, I hope you have a good day!

—Ari

Ohh, it looks good! Thank you, I'll check it out<33

Ahh, that sounds so stressful!! I'm glad you have time to rest today, and I'm proud that you got through that everyday, I would've probably shrunken or something at that amount of work XD

Yep, though sometimes I get distracted enough to not notice them. I forgot how it feels to live without a headache, and now I dont know if I dont have it all the time and if I just imagine the pain sometimes, it's so confusing😭😭 It did!! It was nice, it was really quiet and I decided to put my phone away and it felt pretty good<3

Oho?? That's so cool! From a different school? Our schools have connections too but tbh we dont hold meetings together at all, that sounds so cool. I wish I went to your school😩 mine isn't bad but tbh I'd need something to keep me busy. I'm literally so used to having free time every day it's annoying. I hope you're holding up well with all your work, good luck♡♡

Ahahah, food fight during baking🥰 that sounds like a huge mess, I'm in.

Yeah, they do!! Though not everyone does the fasting part, they still celebrate it.

I hope you like 'em!! And sameeee the absolute blast I feel whenever they scream is INSANE, I'd love to hear that song you're talking about hehe~

A celebrity crush? Well, I'm not really big on celebrities right now XD though about an year abo I was obsessed with Brian Dechart and Ben Lambert, the guys who played Connor and Simon in Detroit: Become Human. I watched EVERYTHING I could find with them.

Also, idk if it counts, but I really admire a girl from Kuro's school. He keeps talking about her, saying how cool she is and what awesome stuff her and her class do. Shes also one of the main members (idk, maybe shes the leader? I'm not sure) of the KVN club of their school, which is really cool. It might be a waste of time, but if you're curious you can check out the team's insta - 6madam - and theres everything else you need. The girl's name is Raushan and the amount of stuff she does for the school is really cool:)

HOW ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT MY HEADACHE ARE YOU GONNA LKE HIT MY HEAD😭😭😭 PLS SOME CUDDLES WOULD BE FINE😝💕 nooo you have a lot to do on your own!!!

BWAHAHAH I feel you, when someone mentions the "Baby", no one can stop singing the freaking "baby, baby, oeaughbehhfhdhhr" part and it's so HORRYFYING sometimes but also so FUNNY😭

I hope school's been treating you well, love you lots😝💖💞💝💕

[monsterbrush]

Hey there, it's the same anon who asked about Slit's love for lizards! Your headcanons were so so cool, I'd love to see more from you! I love the description of how Slit supports his male lizard buddies when they're attempting to present for a female lizard and eventually mate. This mental image made me think, though: if Slit were trying to impress someone, how would he act/what would he do? Once again, your headcanons kicked butt! Thanks so much! :D

I am thrilled you enjoy my ramblings of the crazed Lizard King! So thrilled in fact that I will take this as another opportunity to spew my headcanon thought-gush all over the place!

How does Slit impress someone??? Why, he does pushups of course! Well, maybe not pushups exactly, but regardless of his intentions, whether he’s trying to impress, flirt, or intimidate, it usually involves some display of Slit’s physical prowess. War Boys are all about physical strength and domination, to the point of toxicity, and Slit is no exception, in fact he may very well be the epitome, or something close to it. Nothing Slit does is ever without a little aggression. He is an ever-changing ratio of temptation and aggravation, and it fluctuates with his mood as much as with his environment.

This got a little long. Under the cut is a bunch (like, seriously a lot) of paragraphs of my attempts to study the bizarre social habits of the Lizard King in his natural habitat:

So Slit wants to impress somebody? Maybe that one Imperator whose crew gets all the good privileges? He’ll showcase his skills like an anole showcasing his bright red dewlap, wooing the Imperator and warding off the other War Boys with the best of his abilities to prove his worth. Like a big flashing advertisement from Before, Slit conveys his message through interpretive dance body language “Look at this! You want this! You need this! My skills are useful, LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!”, while at the same time the back of the billboard of Slit is like “Challenge at your own risk. You know you don’t want to mess with this. Messing with this will mess you up. It will make me look better. I want you to mess with me, so I can make you look worse. Do it you fucker! Make my day! FITE ME!”

Now say some other War Boy is stepping on Slit’s turf, sittin on his rock, climbing on his (lancer’s) perch? A challenger approaches! I’m sure we all remember what went down between Slit and Nux when Slit tried to step on Nux’s turf by taking his wheel. All that head bumping and growling? That was pure Slit. That was Slit’s threat display. Now, granted it didn’t work on Nux, and Slit stopped there for REASONS, but I like to imagine Slit does this to other War Boys as well, and if they hold their ground unflinchingly like Nux (which I doubt they would cuz Nux saw it coming and they probably don’t and that shit’s scary he is big and fighty), then Slit would probably escalate the situation into a full blown brawl right there and right then. At that point the victor is whoever comes out on top. Slit is big, strong, healthy, and mean, so he’s got a lot of good things going for him, but fights can be very unpredictable. These fights probably fuel someone’s gambling addiction.

Alright, so now Slit’s tryin’ ta woo somebody? Well, what kind of somebody? Doesn’t really matter to Slit right then. Unless he’s got some seriously significant motivation he’d most likely approach this sort of thing the same way he does with everything else. Hissing, growling, intense eye contact, and lots of flexing. He probably puts a lil something extra in the hips when he moves, sways a lil more, struts a lil more, banking off of what he’s best at like he would when he tries to impress an Imperator. He is an efficient, powerful machine. His billboard is now promoting a sports car to an insecure middle-aged man going through a mid-life crisis with money to spare. “You would love to get with this. Getting with this will make you look good. It will be great. You will be great, because I am great.” He might even move a little slower than he normally would, to give the object of his “affections” the chance to admire his physique, linger a little bit, like a flashy slo-mo reel of that sleek sexy sports car driving through rain in the middle of nowhere—mmm car metaphors…

All that being said, there’s probably a lot of mixed signals, misunderstandings, miscommunications… Slit’s display is equal parts a show and a warning. He’s coming for someone, he is going to get very, very physical, and they don’t always know why. A lot can go wrong. “Is he tryin’ to start somethin’? He’s tryin’ to start somethin’ isn’t he?” Slit is always DTF, be it fuck or fight. It is either one or the other, the odds are 50/50 and they’ve just used their last Before coin as shrapnel for a thunderstick. Someone might end up getting punched—probably Slit, but I cannot imagine a lil tap in the jaw would be enough to turn him off, given that he is a Nasty Lizard who just won’t quit. His off switch is dysfunctional. It is equally possible that a tap in the jaw would turn him on more. Communication is probably severely lacking among War Boys. It will take several more “taps” for Slit to get the message and back off, but I’m sure the recipient of Slit’s wooing will have probably caught on to his intentions by then and decided whether they want the wooing or not. If it is someone familiar with Slit, they will most likely catch on much sooner and (hopefully) have a technique to deter him. Nasty Lizard.

Now, clearly Slit’s sexy lil billboard is aimed at War Boys in the above scenario. They like cars, that’s why I used a car metaphor, I am a literary genius I know, bask in my glory yes har har har, I am secretly a fool. But, back to the topic at hand. This advertisement strategy won’t work on other target audiences like, shall we say, a woman recently freed from an oppressive sexually abusive tyrant, single and not all that ready to mingle, who is probably very not okay with large lizards climbing on top of them and hissing, take that for what you will. 

Now, depending on if all things go as right as they possibly can in this scenario, Slit is committed to a long haul wooing and subsequent relationship with aforementioned lady, Slit must change his marketing strategy to appeal to this new audience. The benefits of this are similar to impressing an Imperator, extra privileges go to the ones on their crew but these privileges are extra, extra good, so it’s kinda like Imperators with Benefits which I’m sure Slit would be All For, and it’s probably worth rolling over for someone softer than he is.

Unfortunately this is very not easy for Slit who likes being big and bad and scary and mean. But the power of love lust must prevail! Slit cannot resist showcasing his “assets”, again he must bank on his physicality, but he must do a different sort of display, appeal to what this new target audience wants. 

He is very strong and healthy. Why does she not like that? That can’t be right. Maybe he is too scary? (a very conflicting sentiment for Slit). But what if he was only scary to other people and not her? She doesn’t like it when War Boys approach her, so maybe he should stop them from approaching her because he is so scary! Yes! Genius! Such a smart lizard! Look at that impressive dewlap! The sleek sports car becomes a dependable minivan with plenty of trunk space, seats, and a heavily armored, reinforced chassis with spikes to ward of potential threats! 

“Look at this!” the billboard of Slit proclaims! “Getting with this will stop anyone else from getting with you! Still not good enough? Well, getting with this will also stop other people from getting with your friends too! Now comes with a bonus feature of messing people up so you don’t have to, and I’ll throw in this complimentary knife so you can gut me if you are displeased with the product and want a refund!” If that doesn’t work, Slit is doomed to extensive, tedious, invasive, possibly painful character development, which I know we all love.

Disclaimer: these headcanons do not apply to everything. Alternate headcanons that emphasize different aspects of the Lizard King are equally valid and some will not support these musings. Things like these and differing character development can easily change the headcanons I have made, and I am totes magotes okay with that and Down To Explore alternate variations of Slit, and I used ‘totes magotes’ completely unironically because that is how passionate I am about this.