#they're not children of the watch and they do unmask in front of others but only if they're together

[maulfucker]

Star Wars oc time 6!!! Two for one

[blueskyscribe]

Time to roast Pokemon Gen 5

I was really looking forward to playing Pokemon Black / White (Gen V) because everyone said it was the Pokemon gen with the best story.

Well.

The plot:

Evil Guy wants to take over the region.

Evil Guy is like "Hee hee I will trick people into releasing their Pokemon, then I'll easily take over with MY Pokemon."

Evil Guy tells everyone that keeping Pokemon in pokeballs is exploitative. He frames this in generic terms (no examples) and this is enough to make the crowd gawp and wonder aloud if Evil Guy is correct. They seem shocked by the idea the Pokemon could be exploited, to which I say . . . do these people ever watch the news? Like we have had four previous games full of pocket monster exploitation by bad guys. Anyway, Evil Guy urges everyone to release their Pokemon.

Evil Guy of course has an Evil Team. And since the Unova region is based on America, of course they are themed as . . . MEDIEVAL KNIGHTS!

But don't worry, this team also has American theming such as Seven Sages, a couple ninjas, and a late game castle which erupts out of the earth.

It's all so generic. It's too bad, because America certainly has a history full of conflicts and villains. All right, there are some topics that I wouldn't trust Pokemon writers to address with enough sensitivity (like racism), but what about "Pinkertons versus unions"? Organized crime and crooked cops? The 1920s had a rash of fake spiritualists bilking people out of their money, what about a team based on them, with Psychic type Pokemon? With a Champion based on Harry Houdini, who loved unmasking fake psychics?

But no, we get store-brand Final Fantasy bullshit.

So anyway, Evil Guy's plan relies on people believing that he means well and is trustworthy. And therefore, Evil Team starts . . . committing a wide variety of crimes! In front of witnesses! They steal pokeballs from children, they kick Pokemon, etc.

"But maybe they still have plausible deniability," you might be thinking. "Maybe people won't believe kids." Well, maybe not, but they also commit crimes in front of Gym Leaders, the most trusted and powerful people in the Unova region. Like, one of the Gym Leaders has a museum, and instead of breaking in stealthily in the night, Team Evil just goes through the front door in broad daylight and steals an item while everyone stares at them.

Let's reflect on some other shortcomings of Evil Guy's plan which, to reiterate, is to guilt people into releasing their Pokemon.

First, if a Pokemon loves its owner, why would it leave just because it was released? Why wouldn't it continue to hang around, like the wild Rockruff that lived in Professor Kukui's house in the anime?

Second, if all Pokemon WOULD rather flee into the woods than stay with their human, then the bad guy is seemingly correct.

Third, what about the asshole trainers who don't care about their Pokemon's feelings? We know they're out there, there's a Pokemon move called Frustration.

Fourth, even if Evil Guy tricked everyone into releasing their Pokemon, there is nothing to stop the populace from catching NEW Pokemon the minute Evil Guy starts using his Pokemon to bully people. Feed Evil Guy's plan to a Trubbish and throw it in the bin, because it's garbage.

On a final note, when looking at the ethics of keeping Pokemon . . . Of COURSE it would be unethical to keep a lot of them irl! Giving children Fire type Pokemon would be grossly irresponsible. Litwick feeds off human souls, you shouldn't keep one. And the Yamask--introduced in THIS GAME--are described as "the spirits of people interred in graves. Each retains memories of its former life."

Now personally I love the weirder Pokedex entries and all the Pokemon with horrifying origins. I love that Pallosand shoots the bones of its victims from its arms and that Phantump is the ghost of a child who possessed a stump. However: Gen V made a beeline for the only rake in the yard and stepped on it. Most Pokemon games sidestep Poke-catching ethics; it's understood that this is all pretend, nothing is actually being captured, and therefore the player doesn't need to worry about such things.

But characters within Black & White bring this argument to the forefront, and without having any rebuttal. This is why the Evil Guy makes generic arguments like "If you don't release your Pokemon they can't fulfill their true potential", instead of telling the crowds "Catching a Yamask means you're enslaving a human ghost" or "Hands up anyone who caught your Pokemon by burning, paralyzing, or poisoning it."

So, yeah. Pokemon Black & White has the second worst story of a mainline Pokemon game. I haven't played Black 2 or White 2, maybe they were better.