#ok ok so i mentioned this in a post ages ago but. i watched a few episodes of rebels back when it was new. and then spent Years

[maulfucker]

Star Wars oc time 6!!! Two for one

[cloudcountry]

SUMMARY: to blanc, you are the change he needed, and your pressing secret won't change that.

WARNINGS: mentions of mortality, blood. Vampire stuff.

COMMENTS: ok ok so @vivislosingitagain here is my thought process YOU like biting people and sucking their blood so YOU are a vampire. and HEY GUESS WHAT vampires are IMMORTAL kind of. and im pretty sure blanc is really fucking old so i think mortality angst would work great with him BUT WHAT IF HIS PARTNER WAS AS OLD AS HE WAS AND BIT HIM. that's the post.

also im so sorry if blanc is out of character i have seen this man three times in the routes ive played + the prologue oops.

It’s a clear night. The stars are bright in the sky, just as they were hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Blanc doesn’t know if they’ll ever change, but he takes comfort in their consistency. They’re stationary, unmoving, unshifting, just like him. He’s always been in Cradle, long enough to see the shattering of bonds between the armies and the first Alice fall. He’s seen the skirmishes and the blood and the carnage.

And he’s seen you, the one who followed him into the rabbit hole and into Cradle.

He remembers thinking you were cute. He remembers Oliver scolding him for speaking his mind, and he remembers you tearing your eyes away from him, a shy smile on your lips. You’ve always been alluring, in a way he never anticipated, and it makes him wonder if someone from the Land of Reason can really be magical like the people of Cradle.

It’s no use though—he knows the passage of time will take you away. He knows love (what he feels for you, there’s no doubt about it) is a powerful force, but it cannot break the way the sun and moon rise and fall, it cannot stop the stars from dying light years away, it cannot stop your inevitable aging.

He knows this, and yet he can’t let go. He greets you in the morning with a soft pat on your head, leaning over your bed as you stretch and yawn. His gaze softens when you rub your eyes and look over at him, and you’re looking at him like he’s the only thing you ever want to see.

He’s so selfish—he wants so badly for you to only look at him.

For someone so keenly aware of how mortal you are, he knows he's being awfully flippant about it. It’s the folly of man, to be so foolish as to yearn, but there’s always the possibility that fate will take pity on his poor soul and listen to its cries for his love to stay.

And so, the next night, a night that should be no different from any other, he breaks his routine. He keeps you up late, chatting over tea as the full moon rises in the sky, asking you if you want to go home. He watches you as you go quiet, your previously bright smile fading into a thoughtful frown. You’re staring into your tea as if it can give you the answer, and Blanc hopes the tea will give you the same answer he would.

I wish you would stay. I wish you would stay with me. I wish you would think I’m worth it. I wish that if I had to be hurt then you would be the one to hurt me because I’ve never loved anyone like you and I doubt I ever will. I wish you would be the one to thrust this dagger into my heart so fate doesn’t have the chance.

“...I want to stay with you.” you say, and Blanc knows you’re hiding something from him but he can’t bring himself to ask when you already look so worried.

“Are you sure?” he asks, reaching across the table to place a hand on yours.

Your head jerks up and you meet his gaze with parted lips—almost like you want to tell him but are far too scared.

“You can tell me anything.” he stresses, squeezing your hand gently.

“I’m not...” you purse your lips, looking away again as you choose your words carefully, “I’m not having doubts about staying here, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Blanc holds back his sigh of relief in favor of another inquisitive glance. Your brow furrows and he knows you feel his stare, your cute canines poking at your lower lip as you gnaw on it pensively.

“I have a secret I don’t think I’m ready to share yet.” you say softly, turning back to him, “I will someday. I just...need time.”

Blanc laughs, a sound that's full of relief and love and sounds like the wind chimes that hang in your no longer temporary bedroom’s window, the ones that have been there since you came and will be there when—if—you leave.

“Darling.” he breathes, staring straight into your eyes with so much love, “I have all the time in the world.”

The full moon sinks beneath the horizon and the sun comes up again. The teacups from the night before have been cleaned and placed back on their shelves, and the cake you two cut slices out of remains in the fridge. There are still traces of you within the house—your skincare is still in the bathroom, your toothbrush is next to his, and your chair still has a cushion of your favorite color. None of those things have been removed because you didn’t leave.

You’re still in your bedroom, sleeping soundly, but this time Blanc is there with you, his arms wrapped around you. His body is tangled with yours, your legs intertwining as the bed sheets knot themselves around your limbs. Your head is resting right over his heart, the part of him that’s pounding away for you. Gently, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and stares down at your sleeping face, the face that shows him all of your thoughts and emotions, the face that belongs to the person who loves him enough to stay.

He wakes you up with a kiss on your forehead, a kiss on the bridge of your nose, a kiss on your left eyelid and a kiss on your right, a kiss on your jaw—

He sighs when you start to stir, propping yourself up on your elbows. The bed sheets fall off your body like water cascading down the side of a cliff, and your bleary eyes have never looked more beautiful. He lays there, admiring you in the morning light as the wind chimes chime, the soft breeze from the cracked open window ruffling through your hair.

You shiver.

“Darling,” Blanc calls, placing a hand on your shoulder, “Good morning.”

You smile when you turn to look at him, and you allow yourself to fall back against the mattress next to him.

“Good morning.” you murmur, your nails tracing the curve of his cheekbone before tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, “You look so handsome.”

Ever the charmer, he’s rarely been charmed himself. And so he does the only thing he deems appropriate, and thanks you with a kiss on the back of your hand.

Weeks pass, and Blanc finds himself growing into this new routine. You're a sign of change, that he knows for sure. His own room remains vacant for the most part unless you decide to pull him into his room instead of your own when you’re ready for bed. It makes no difference to him where you go, only that he can follow you like the lovesick fool he is.

Except you’re not leading him to either of your bedrooms tonight.

You’re leading him outside, under the pale moonlight and into the chilly nighttime breeze. He looks up at the full moon and holds your hand a little tighter.

“Thank you for giving me time.” you say, the wind swelling as it passes between the two of you and further into the night, “I’m ready to tell you what I’ve been hiding from you now. It’s...not fair to keep it from you any longer.”

“I understand,” he smiles softly, cupping your cheek, “Go ahead.”

“I’m a vampire.” you say, and it takes his brain a few moments to catch up, “I’ve...found it hard to get blood in Cradle but since meeting with Kyle’s he’s managed to get me blood when I need it. I don’t like drinking from animals or people but it...has to be done for me to stay alive.”

Blanc’s brain is whirring as you spill your guts to him, your mouth moving faster and faster as you explain how despised vampires are in the Land of Reason, how people view them as monsters and how you’re certain you’re cursed.

Cursed. What a funny word to say to him.

“Is that why your canines are so sharp?” he blurts, leaning closer to your face.

You stop talking, bending backward just a bit at his sudden closeness.

“I—I’m sorry, what?” you ask, looking confused.

“Ah, well....I always thought they were cute.” he smiles kindly, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone.

“I...” you blink owlishly before shaking your head in disbelief, “Blanc, I just told you I’m a vampire.”

“Indeed you did.”

Your mouth falls open as if looking for the right words to say, and yet you come up with nothing.

“You can feed from me if you wish. I don’t want you to suffer any longer.” he offers like its the most natural thing in the world.

Still, you say nothing.

And then he murmurs your name, as soft as the flower petals brushing against your ankles.

“I don’t want to use you like that. I don’t want you to be a food source for me.” you grit your teeth, staring at the ground like you couldn’t be more ashamed, “I don’t want to be the monster the Land of Reason made me out to be.”

“You’re not. I give myself to you willingly, and I'll do it over and over again.” Blanc murmurs, hands slipping away from you.

It takes you a moment to realize he’s slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt, leaving his collarbone open to the nighttime breeze and your eyes.

“My love.” he opens his arms for you and his shirt slips off his shoulder, leaving his skin vulnerable—

“I give myself to you.”

And he pulls you into his chest, as he whispers words of love telling you that you can bite him, drink from him, take all that you need and that it will be okay because he’d give you everything if you asked for it, and that you changed his life for the better, you brought springtime’s flowers and winter’s shimmering ice and summer’s warm sunlight and autumn’s delicate, beautiful leaves to a life that was so repetitive and boring until you arrived—a life that belonged to the man you see before you but not anymore because its yours and it will always be yours.

Tears prick your eyes as you kiss his skin, worshiping each freckle and small scar you can reach. Your canines poke insistently at his skin and you ignore the urge for one, two, three, four, five seconds before your mouth opens and you bite down, hoping the small gasp that leaves his lips isn’t one of pain. You’re careful not to take too much but it tastes so good and who knew drinking from the one you loved could make you feel so happy and full.

Blanc looks up at the moon as you feed, happiness and adoration blurring his vision as he thinks about you, you who trusted him enough to bite him, to tell him who you were, you who stayed behind for him even though you could have left.

He stares up at the moon and sighs because he’s in love. He’s in love with you.

And after you’re done, after you pull away and lick the puncture marks to soothe them, after you press a dozen more kisses to his skin, Blanc still loves you. His blood is smeared around your mouth but he pulls you in anyway, kissing you with everything he has because you deserve nothing less than that.

And he loves you.

Over and over again, he loves you.

He doesn’t know how long he’ll be aging or how long you will have by his side, but he knows that if you will forever be his constant, he’ll come out okay in the end.

[ghettogirly]

Ok, What about armando aretas finding out you're pregnant with his baby. He found the stick (anywhere doesn't matter).

𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍:

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

-> synopsis: what would armando be like if he found out you was pregnant?

-> theme: angst and fluff.

-> warnings: mention of abortion, mature language.

-> authors note: i’m currently posting this to keep you guys fulfilled while im working on some short stories. those take longer than these little headcanons so i apologise for the wait! hope you enjoy!! Let me know if you guys want a taglist as well.

[🕷️] 𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:

-> 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐔𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 that you was pregnant about a week ago when you kept throwing up in the morning and was more light headed than usual.

-> telling your friends about your symptoms one day at brunch caused them all to look at you with widened eyes, their faces being explicit with the same expression. Fear.

-> “bitch, you’re pregnant.”

-> “what is armando going to think about this?”

-> what is armando going to think about this.

-> she was right.

-> you guys have never even discussed having kids before, both still being fairly young as you were under the age of 25.

-> you only worked in a cake shop as you was still a student, trying to finish your college degree.

-> the weight of your friends opinions dawned on you as you slowly sipped the lemonade you bought, the icy temperature of the drink awakening your nerves.

-> “fuck.”

-> 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊 laid there on the marble countertop as both of your hands were rested by it side by side. Your hair hung down as you stared at it.

-> It was really true. You was pregnant.

-> The overwhelming thoughts clouded your mind, removing the ability for you to be happy about the idea of motherhood. Instead somber about this rude awakening. It wasn’t meant to happen now. Was it ever supposed to happen?

-> You and Armando never even spoke about the possibility of kids, just focusing on your free-spirited relationship as you both did whatever you pleased. Parties, meetings, the thrill of running from danger, running from law enforcement.

-> That was all going to change.

-> A wet feeling landed on your hand. Then another and another. It was teardrops. The transparent dots of water dropped onto your hand, staining them a little. Eventually an avalanche of tears would cascade down your face, causing you to uncontrollably sob as the obsessive thoughts became more and more out of control.

-> “Babe, ¿Estás aquí?”

-> Your eyes quickly widened as you heard a voice downstairs in the living room, the only man having that deep of a voice, your man. Armando. Quickly wiping your tears, you threw the stick into the bin next to the toilet, walking out of there as if nothing happened.

-> However, it was as if Armando sensed something was wrong. Not being a man of many words, he just simply raised his eyebrow at you, referencing for you to tell him what’s wrong. Yet, you just rolled your eyes and smiled. “Nothing is up.”

-> Still not satisfied he looked at you intensely, his face stoic as ever. Nevertheless, he left it alone and trusted you to tell him eventually. “Perdón por llegar tarde, estaba ocupado.”

-> You bring him into a hug, not caring about him being late. Just being happy he’s finally home. He wrapped his arms around you, engaging with the hug as his pointer finger tapped you gently on your back. That being a little thing he does, acknowledging how much he missed you.

-> 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃, you was passed out on the couch after watching a movie with Armando. Your empty takeout boxes being on the table.

-> Armando went upstairs to shower, allowing the water to cleanse not only his body but his mind too, the day for him being exhausting. He moved his hand to turn the water faucet off, his black hair being a wet mess, dripping slightly on his shoulders.

-> The male opened the shower door. Picking up the towel from the sink, he noticed something stand out from his peripheral vision. He moved his head slightly to turn towards the object that caught his attention, noticing a blue and white stick on top of the trash within the bin.

-> Peering down at it, he noticed it to be a pregnancy stick. “¿Qué es esto..?”

-> 𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐔𝐏, you notice Armando in front of you. Slamming the object down onto the table, he looked at you. Anger controlled every feature of his face as he stood there. Digusted.

-> “Espero que lo estés terminando.”

[🕷️] 𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆:

-> 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐖𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐁𝐘 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐑. You slowly sat up, facing him as his eyes were struck with concern. Still adjusting to reality, you rubbed your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

-> There he gently placed the stick on the table. Not saying a word, just looking back at you, waiting for you to lead the conversation. “I was going to tell you.”

-> “It was in the trash.”

-> You couldn’t object to that, he was right. You wasn’t really going to tell him, hoping that it was all just a lie and that the stick wasn’t even real. Hoping it was one big dream.

-> Looking at him solemnly, you felt your eyes welling up with tears the second time that day. This time, he didn’t say anything but embraced you into a hug instead, kissing your forehead.

-> “Enfermo nunca te dejan.. i would never abandon you.”

-> Those words were the music to your ears. “Damn these pregnancy hormones are annoying.”

[🕷️] 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒:

“¿Estás aquí?” : Are you here?

“Perdón por llegar tarde, estaba ocupado.” : Sorry for being late, i was busy.

“¿Qué es esto..?” : What is this?

“Espero que lo estés terminando.” : I hope you’re terminating it.

“Enfermo nunca te dejan..” : I’ll never leave you.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Hi maggots, it's Asmi!

It seems we have arrived at That Point again, when I need a new intro post. So here we are! The Official (kidnapped) Good Omens Mascot and uh Maggot Prince has returned with a fresh post.

First, before I talk about myself, here are some important links that people ask me for and I want to make sure they're accessible:

The Official Maggots Server of Doom on Discord: The server of kindness and chaos and brainrot where we just vibe (I promise you'll be welcome there, whoever you are, maggot, so many people who were shy are now screeching at me and I love that). Link here.

Weirdly-Specific-But-Ok The Youtube Channel: Yes, thanks to the 10khaos post, I made a Youtube channel. I intend to cause a lot of chaos on it, I have already begun. Hehe. Link here.

My Ko-fi: Ummmm this exists? Wahoo a Ko-fi. No pressure and I appreciate you all whether you're a silent lurker, causing chaos, supporting me with words or supporting me on Ko-fi. I love you. Link here.

My PO address and email: I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU, SNAIL MAIL OR MAIL OR OTHERWISE! Link here.

The Good Omens Ad: A lot of you ask me what Good Omens is about. Never fear! I wrote an advertisement for it ages ago, and @1800ineedshelp edited it fabulously. Link here.

Okay I think that's the important parts, I'll edit it later, and now... uh HELLO!

I'm Asmi, I'm 20 years old, he/him, very queer and probably napping at any given moment of the day. Because of a chaotic post, I now have a fandom. My fans, such as they are, are known as maggots. There is a lot of significance behind that (accidentally, I just picked it because it looked like mascot kind of).

I am the Official Good Omens Mascot, because I was kidnapped by the fandom in January after I made a summary post of Good Omens without watching it, just by what I saw on my tumblr dash. I have grown very fond of this title and the fandom, and have since watched the show (some episodes twice).

Also, this blog is a safe space for all queer people, and yes that includes aroace-spec people, trans people, all queer people. If you don't agree with that, there's the door *points to a pit of boiling sulphur*.

ANYWAY YES ENOUGH TALKING WELCOME TO THE CHAOS JUST BE KIND AND RESPECTFUL OF EACH OTHER, BE AS IRREVERENT TO ME AS POSSIBLE, AND WE'LL GET ALONG GREAT. YOU DON'T NEED TO INTERACT TO BE PART OF THIS FAMILY, EVERYONE IS WELCOME! WAHOO!

[if you see talk of spare organs, the Wibbles Incident, Fae kidnapping, Red Bull-induced madness, me thirsting over Crowley etc, don't worry about it, it's normal here. just be careful when gardening and/or fishing is mentioned, it's a trap.]

I LOVE YOU!

[agendabymooner]

the paddock’s resident it girl ! toto w. x ofc (hearth sister!ofc)

summary: everyone’s obsessed with the cool girl of the formula one community, and it’s safe to say that her husband’s team is obsessed with her too. OR tilly wolff, the ceo of hearth automotive groups (owner of almost all of mercedes’ rival teams), returns to the paddock months after the last appearance of the wolff family in baku.

content warning: social media au, ofc in love with toto (frfr), established relationship and family, mentions of alex turner x ofc and arctic monkeys (song lyric reference), brief use of explicit language, jokes about age (beekeeping)

note: yes, it is a whole universe. and will I make a timeline/guide/navigation that will help people understand this universe better? yes. enjoy xx

masterlist

tagged mercedesamgf1

liked by lewishamilton, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc

mercedesamgf1 it’s ok, we forgave you when you brought adelmo along :)

user1 BEE. KEEPING. AGE. 🐝

user2 if i was his wife, i’d be taking photos of him too 😭

user3 this is the closest thing that tilly and toto have to an alone time and you know what i’ll take it

georgerussell63 this really shows favouritism, tils. liked by tillywolff

tillywolff yes well this is the only chance i have to play favourites inside the paddock

charles_leclerc i agree with the beekeeping age comments 🙈

user4 LMAO CHARLES

user5 toto just took away your brownie points, congrats. now figure out how to get his blessings.

user6 what’re the chances of him getting out of the next wolff dinner party alive?

maxverstappen1 user6 pretty slim.

user6 maxverstappen1 stop making me feel delulu as is 😭 this parasocial relationship shit isn’t for me

lewishamilton you should have asked me to watch the kids instead of ogling over my boss 😉 liked by tillywolff

tillywolff and you should just keep your mouth shut 🤐

user7 i would ogle over your boss too so don’t pick on her like that 🤓

tagged tillywolff, hearthautomotivegroups

liked by mickschumacher, steviemarlz, lewishamilton

lewishamilton that’s my best friend!! liked by mercedesamgf1

mercedesamgf1 INDEED LEWIS!!!

user1 “our favourite ceo of hearth automotive groups” like it isn’t just tilly who controls the company 😭

user2 toto needs his own instagram account if he wants to continue to shitpost about our resident it girl like this

user3 whoever posted this is getting a bonus, i can feel it

user4 she’s such a milfffff ughhh

user5 right?? like you’re telling ME? that she just gave birth six months ago?

user6 my favourite part of the weekend is when tilly would show up to the paddock, dressed to the nines with her kids in tow and having to bark at the paparazzi about hounding her cubs 🫶

user7 she’s so mother and i love it

redbullracing that looks like our boss 🤨

scuderiaferrari that looks like ours too 😶

mclarenf1 no because that looks like our boss too 🫣

mercedesamgf1 no, not really. she’s our boss’ wife :)

user8 mercedes answering our wishes by posting photos of OUR WIFE? scuderiaferrari do you do requests too bc i wanna talk about your strategies…

user9 pfT HAHAHAHAHA THATS VILE

[realmofvoxtv]

Theories about Vox's and Alastor's Past

SPOILERS: If you have not watched episode 8 or just season one please read this post later. Also these are theories. These may predict future plot reveals idk.

Trigger Warning: Brief mentions of a toxic/abusive relationships. I mention Valentino too. Please continue with caution. Also, I mention Alastor's possible past as a killer.

So, we got a pretty BIG reveal in episode 8. Which is the photo below:

So, Vox and Alastor have more of a history than what many people believed. Let's first take some notes about the photo.

1. Alastor has his pilot suit

2. This photo is in black and white

3. Vox's screen looks different, it looks like an older model.

4. Vox and Alastor are pretty close together (this is important later).

Ok, let's talk about a few things.

1. Alastor's pilot suit.

This could be reference to the pilot. Or maybe his change is a reference to how, apparently, Alastor has made a deal and may not even own his soul.

2. The photo is in black and white.

And 3. Vox's screen likes like an older model.

Given how Vox seems to be ALL about updating and keeping up with the times, I don't think he was like pretending to be old fashioned for Alastor in recent or present times.

So, odds are this was AGES ago in hell. Like shortly after Vox died. I would say 1950s-1960s.

4. Vox and Alastor are pretty close together.

Now I think this is something important to mention. So far it seems like Alastor has this disconnection from most other males. Alastor mentions his mother in the pilot, but he has yet to mention his father.

He has this hatred for Lucifer (Charlie's DAD and Lilith's HUSBAND).

And at BEST Alastor respects Zestial (A powerful and OLDER MALE overlord). And at WORST he fears Zestial.

Sidenote: Look at that scene between Zestial and Alastor. It really looks like Alastor panics when he realizes that he (Alastor) is losing the respect of people in hell.

So given all of this, Alastor having mostly female friends, and mentioning his mother. But not mentioning his father, and even seeming to feel this need for respect and control (check back on his song in episode 8). I really do think it's possible that Alastor had a father who was in his life. But his father may have instilled fear and the need to gain respect, and perhaps the way Alastor was raised. Alastor felt the need to gain control in his life. (Sidenote: If he did indeed hurt/end people while alive, it's possible that was the driving force).

So the fact that Alastor was standing so close to Vox. And long enough for a photo to be taken? (Sidenote: If this is an old photo, I'm sure this photo would have taken a while to snap. Also is the camera being held by someone else or on a tripod or something? (Remember that this is probably in the 1950s-1960s)). This is important. This tells me that Alastor and Vox, at the time, trusted each other.  

So what happened?

Well, let’s go over Alastor's history since we have more of that as of now. 

Alastor lived through the Great Depression, and died AT LEAST after the 1920s my best guess is 1930s - 1940s.

He arrived in hell, and according to Vaggie in the pilot, and Mimzy, he wiped out some of the most powerful and eldest Overlords with ease. 

IMPORTANT: I think Alastor made this deal shortly after he appeared in hell. His power had to have come from somewhere.

And seven years ago, he disappeared. And only recently he has re-appeared. 

Also despite killing overlords and hating new stuff, he allowed Vox around him for that photo. 

Now about Vox. It's try to make some sense of his timeline. Apparently the first tv's appeared in 1927. But they only become really popular around 1946 - 1951. So it's likely that Vox and Alastor DID NOT meet each other when they were humans. So, he likely fell some time between 1950 - 1960. HOWEVER, if Alastor did encounter primitive tvs in 1927 to whenever died. It make sense that Alastor would originally accept Vox's presence. 

IMPORTANT: I am now sure that Vox died at least before 1970s. As that’s when colored cameras were popularized. And again that photo was in black and white.

So, what happened between them. Well I have some ideas and supporting evidence. 

1. Vox and Alastor made a bet/deal and Vox won. 

We hear in episode 2 from Valentino that Alastor owes Valentino and Vox something. It is possible that Vox and Alastor similar to Husk and Alastor. Made a bet, in which whoever wins gets the loser's soul. However, Alastor lost and maybe since he doesn't own his soul, he's able to attack Vox. Meanwhile Vox is shocked, as he's weirded out that Alastor is still able to move and (apparently) still has his soul. Perhaps in this theory Vox thought that Alastor found a loophole. 

Perhaps Valentino gets involved, and that's how he loses his antenna. Maybe Alastor realized that his secret may be out. And he brought out an angelic weapon trying to end Vox and Valentino. But instead, he has to flee. Also, Vox has a crooked antenna too. Maybe a result of Alastor?

Also, in episode 2, Vox says that they must prevent Charlie from making a deal with Alastor. Interesting...

IDK though where Vox inviting Alastor to the team fits in this theory. Maybe this battle happens after Alastor rejects Vox's offer. 

2. One of them saved the other's life

In episode 8, while Alastor sings he taunts the idea that people would think that he would die and, thus, cares for the people in the Happy Hotel. What if this is something that happened between Alastor and Vox. What if when Vox was a younger sinner, he was nearly killed and Alastor came to his defense. Or perhaps it was the other way around. 

And Alastor realized that with him not owning his own soul, that he may be forced to kill Vox, like the oldest overlords. So, he cut off Vox. As he was maybe starting to care about Vox (doesn't have to be romantic). 

And perhaps that's why Vox invited Alastor to join his team (Which for sure had Vox and Valentino, idk about Velvette). As Vox wanted to have his pal back. 

Then Alastor attacks Vox to send the message to Vox. 

Also, in this theory. They were likely friends. (Remember the earliest tvs were made in 1927. So, Alastor likely had no problem with Vox's technology as it was around when he was alive, but just not common in most households. )

How close Vox and Alastor are in the photo, does support this theory. Especially since Alastor does seem to have this mistrust around males. 

Also if Vox saved Alastor's life. That would explain Valentino saying that Alastor owes them something (aka his afterlife).   

3. Alastor tried to swap places with Vox

It's possible that Alastor got close to Vox, and maybe offered Vox a deal. Which was intended to trap Vox and maybe Alastor was hoping that whoever owns his soul would instead want Vox to take leadership. And possibly free Alastor's soul. 

Remember how Vox mentioned to the other V's that they must prevent Alastor from making a deal with Charlie? Perhaps Alastor is going to order Charlie to take his place in his deal. (Remember, Charlie's only restriction is that she wouldn't hurt someone. Taking his place in his deal, doesn't directly hurt anyone). 

Anyways, Vox realizes what Alastor wanted. Maybe he tries to get Alastor more involved like joining his team. And Alastor keeps pushing a deal. And maybe Alastor or Vox snap and then they battle. 

In this theory, Alastor allowing Vox to be so close to him in a photo. Likely would've been an act to pretend that he trusts Vox. 

Also, in this theory, maybe Alastor was training Vox to be like him. That way he would be the perfect replacement for his deal. This would also explain Vox's similarities to Alastor. 

Maybe whoever owns Alastor's soul, realized his plans and intentions. And that's why Alastor disappeared for 7 years. He was being reminded to never betray them. 

4. Perhaps Valentino and maybe Velvette, drove Alastor apart from Vox and vice versa. 

We know Vox invited Alastor to join his "team". That hints that at least one more V member was in the team. Likely Valentino. 

Remember Alastor's possible past with his father and his fear/hatred of certain male figures. It's possible that such a male sinner like Valentino drove a divide between Alastor and Vox. Perhaps Valentino even framed Vox or Alastor. Which drove them to battle. Vox and Valentino get hurt. And Alastor disappears for 7 years.

So even though in this theory, Alastor once trusted Vox. He doesn't anymore. 

So that's all. Share your thoughts below!

[pensat-i-fet]

A not so soft launch (Pablo Gavi x Reader)

**@dohmeti suggested I could do a part 2 for Dealing with the enemy where both of them have to be on the red carpet and I thought it was a great idea. So after some brainstorming, this is what I came up with. This can be read on its own but reading part 1 definetely adds nice context for the characters. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for the love for part 1 ❤️**

Word count: 1342

Masterlist

Wattpad

"I'm going to follow you on Instagram".

"Why?"

"To kick start our soft launch".

"Our what?"

Your boyfriend's confusion was hilarious.

"A soft launch is when you leave hints on like social media to let people know we are together. And then we do the hard launch".

"Which is?"

"Posting together, Pablo. What else?"

You keep walking around the room, phone in hand, nervous about this moment. While he just lays down in bed not understanding what a big deal this is.

"It sounds like a lot of work".

"Says the guy who spends 90 minutes running around the pitch like a headless chicken. Liking a couple of posts won't be that tiring".

"But why can't we just say we are together?"

"Because that's not how things are done nowadays. We need to do this and maybe mention something in interviews if we are asked. That type of thing".

He shakes his head and keeps scrolling on his phone while you sit on the edge of the bed, index finger hovering over your phone screen.

"Imagine it's a handbag".

"What?"

"Instead of the follow button, imagine it's the buy button for one of those handbags you love so much. You don't hesitate to press that button…at all".

"I hate you".

He reaches to you to grab you by the waist and take you closer to him.

"It'll be fine when people know about us. Stop worrying".

"But what if I lose my Madrid season ticket? Imagine the scandal".

"I'll give you one for the better team. Swapping Madrid for Barça will be an even better decision than dating me".

"Never!"

You take the phone back and press follow.

"Done!"

"So proud of you, baby", he teases, kissing your head.

"Shouldn't you be happy? You were begging me to follow you on Instagram for ages".

"Until you said yes to my offer to be my girlfriend on the first attempt. That's much better than a follow. And I know you stalk my profile anyways".

"I do not stalk your Instagram".

"And my fan accounts".

"I don't even check those. Stop lying".

"How about that time I saw you watching a video from one of them?"

"It was recommended on my explore page, Gavira".

"The explore page that recommends similar content to the one you search…makes sense".

You get up, taking the clothes you had picked before.

"I'm going to take a shower and you're not invited to join me for being an annoying idiot".

"You still love me!"

"I might change my mind about that!"

                                      **

After your follow, several media outlets posted about why you would follow a Barça player on Instagram and most just assume you had your eye on him. Well, they weren't completely wrong.

There were also comments about it on Gavi's fan pages. You know, those ones you didn't check…while he was around and could see you doing it. They have great photos of him and you liked looking at them when you missed him. 

"Maybe you can comment something on my new photo".

"Like what?"

You go to your Instagram to find the photo you posted a couple of hours ago. It was a behind-the-scenes shot of your show.

"I got it", he says. But he doesn't let you look at what he is writing. 

A notification on your phone alerts you he had sent it and so you check it to see what he came up with.

Smart. Just a comment about work. It gets people talking without being too obvious.

"You're good at this. Ok, what should I answer?"

"How about the zipper emoji?"

"Wait. You're too good at this. I think I've found you a career for when you retire".

Throwback to when I got to celebrate my birthday on set with my absolute favourite humans!

Pablogavi: when is season 3 out?? I need it now!

Yourusername: 🤐🤐

"There are already comments from people who noticed our interaction. Perfect!", you said, pleased.

"What's next?"

“I have an interview tomorrow. I’ll suggest I might be seeing someone. And I’ll share my location too. So people can wonder why I spend so much time in Barcelona”.

He shakes his head, muttering. “So much work”.

                              **

"I've been invited to the movie premiere you are going to".

"Why?"

"I don't know", he shrugs. "I just have. I get invited to a lot of things but refuse to go. I don't want people to think I'm not focused on my career because they see me at parties".

"Makes sense", you say, cuddling to his side. "Why are you telling me about the invitation then?"

"I thought we could go together".

You think about it for a second and yes, it is a good idea. But it also feels too soon. You had only been doing the soft launch for two weeks. 

"I don't know…".

"Come on. It's perfect. We show up together on the red carpet and we don't need to do anything else".

"Can I think about it?"

He nods but you could tell he was unhappy you had refused. So you mentally proceed to do a list of pros and cons. 

"I don't think it's a good idea".

"Well", says Gavi, getting up and leaving you on the sofa alone. "I'm going anyway. The movie sounds fun".

Saying you feel bad would be an understatement but it is what feels like the right decision at the moment. 

                                 **

There had been some tension in the days prior to the premiere and Gavi uses your not wanting to be seen with him as an excuse to leave in a different car to the event. 

So when you get there, you see him already attending the press. He had gone through a couple of groups of journalists and now it is your time to be interviewed by them.

"Oh my God! You look stunning. Tell us who you are wearing tonight".

"Valentino. When I saw this dress at the fitting, I didn't need to see more".

Rehearsed answers are always a winner.

"Have you seen who's here at the premiere?"

"A lot of people, I would assume", you laugh nervously, knowing who they meant.

"Well, you see, we noticed you following Gavi on Instagram a couple of weeks ago and now he's here. Maybe you'll have a chat with him? Even if he is the enemy?"

"Maybe".

You move to the next groups of reporters and, of course, there are more questions about the footballer that was getting all the attention tonight.

Too much attention, if you were to be asked. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a group of women surrounding him. Their flirty giggles were so annoying. Could they be more obvious?

You try not to roll your eyes while you keep talking to the press.

But then, one of them really pushes her luck, offering her arm so your boyfriend can take her to the red carpet to pose with her. And he accepts her offer. Obviously, she doesn't know he has a girlfriend but what the heck?

While you wait your turn to go to the carpet, you see her getting closer to him. And then…she kisses his cheek when the photographers asked her to do it!

"Oh no she didn't!"

You walk to where they are posing and when Gavi sees it is you approaching them, he starts to smirk. 

"Excuse me", you tell the girl who is still holding onto his arm. "That's my boyfriend so I would appreciate it if you stopped touching him".

She looks at you, shocked, and does as you told her.

“I think you scared her”.

“Good!”

"But what are you doing here? I thought you didn't want anyone seeing us together".

"Oh shut up!"

You grab his face with your hands and kiss him, causing all photographers to move to where you two are standing so they can get the best photo. 

Gavi immediately grabs your waist and deepens the kiss. His plan to make you jealous had worked perfectly.

"There is your hard launch".

[couldawouldashoulda50]

A heart full of regret - Part 2 (William Nylander)

Part 1 is here

A/N - I’m going to start this off with an apology.  I’ve been writing as a female reader insert but did have a specific picture of someone in my mind for the reader herself, in terms of physical traits etc. Looking back, I should have probably made this a William x OC story.  I apologize if the body/hair/facial descriptions have made it difficult in any way to have the reader put some version of themselves into the story.  I’m sort of learning as I go along. 

I had planned to release this around the holidays but true to form, my personal responsibilities derail my escapism 😉

In this next part, there are some musician/song references to the late Shane MacGowan/The Pogues and Sinead O’Connor, as well as their respective funerals.  I have included the lyrics to the chorus of a song entitled Fare Thee Well Love by The Rankin Family (posted in the next blub 2.1) - but it’s passed off as a song written and sung by the reader.   While there are facts used as part of the story (including a couple of links to the reality), all of this is meant to be purely fictional.  

Warnings - overall 18+ themes (various sexual references), angst, alcohol, swearing, cigarettes, brief mention of illness/death - sorry if I missed anything.

Word Count 10K+

Thanks so much as always for dropping by.

Early December, 2023

A wide grin spans your face as the broad man, with salt and pepper hair (more salt than pepper these days), approaches you.

“Hey handsome” you said cheekily followed with a wink, as he embraced you in a friendly hug. “I hope it’s still ok that I call you that….it’s the first thing that comes to mind every time I see you”.

“Best compliment I have had all day, next to my wife’s of course. How ya’ doin, kid?” Sheldon smiles at you as you step back from him.  Sheldon has always called you “kid” despite him only being  just shy of 13 years older than you.  

“Well then, as long as Jackie doesn’t mind that I call you that either”,' you smile as you and Sheldon walk toward the players lounge. “I’m doing well…busy, but good.”

“Ah well, you know my wife - she just laughs and agrees with you…she says you obviously have immaculate taste” Sheldon quips.

You chuckle and give him a little nudge. “Yeah, well, in most cases I do”, you smile.  “Dare I ask how you’re doing? I’m not asking about hockey…I just mean with the regular, normal-ish part of your life, if you even have that.”

“I need more normal these days than what I’ve been getting…but yeah, the kids and Jackie are all doing great. Thank God for them.”

You get the hint. The Leafs have been shaky out of the gate this season with inconsistent outcomes; it’s been like watching a pendulum swinging between pure magic and potential disaster.

You shoot Sheldon a knowing smile.

“Well, thanks for letting me stop by - I didn't like asking…I don’t want to ever be any kind of distraction, but I have something special to give Jake (McCabe) and Gaby wanted me to surprise him here after practice.”

“You gonna let me in on the secret?”

You lift the heavy coffee-table style book that you had been carrying along your side into view and run your hand over the smooth hard cover. Sheldon glances at the black and white photo of you spanning the surface. The photo was taken at one of your band's first sold out shows in Manchester back in 2010; you were just in your 18th year of life. Your long layered hair is tousled around your face; a cigarette dangles from your mouth.

“Yeah, I kinda love this. I’m so happy with how this turned out…the imagery and photography of all the guitars are amazing. We’re selling these books at the exhibit…it chronicles the collection of the guitars on display.”

You flip to a page showing a nickel and steel plated guitar from the 1930’s.

“I met Jake ages ago, back when he was on the Sabres. He and Gaby approached us after an acoustic show that we played. We just hit it off, all of us - Jake and I are both total guitar geeks and over time, he told me his dream was to have one of these nickel plated beauties. I said I had one that was rare which he totally flipped out about it - it’s this one in the picture”, you smile as you recount the conversation.

“Wow…it's really beautiful”, Sheldon leans over to take a closer look.

You continue your story, “So, I’m not sure - have you heard of Shane MacGowan?”

“Oh right, my brother became a huge fan when he moved to Belfast - Adam told me he passed. You knew him?”

“Our band has strong Irish connections with two of our members being from there; we met Shane and some of The Pogues a number of years ago. We managed to stay in touch - I was very fond of Shane, and he was of me. He was almost like a protective older uncle - know what I mean?  He had a rough go with that illness since last year and so after Sinead (O’Connor) passed, I stayed behind after her funeral and spent some time visiting him in the hospital. My heart breaks every time I remember him in that hospital bed - I haven’t been able to get those images out of my mind yet.”

Your emotions were already still pretty raw with your idol-turned-friend passing in July, but with another passing of someone you held so dear just a few days ago, you could feel your throat tighten with sadness and loss.

You took a deep breath. “Anyway, Shane played the same type of guitar in a duet he sang with Sinead back in the ‘90’s. Long story short, he had his wife give me the one he used for that song. As much as I love the one I already owned here, Shane’s means a thousand times more to me. So…I thought I would surprise Jake and give him this one, knowing how much he would treasure it”.

Sheldon continues to leaf through the glossy pages. “Y/N, you are pretty remarkable, you know that?” Sheldon throws his arm around you while discreetly looking at his watch. “I’m sorry, I gotta run but I know Jake will be coming through here any minute so just sit tight and he’ll be out. Oh - and Jackie was talking about having you over for dinner so she’ll be reaching out to you soon. See ya’, kiddo”. Sheldon gives your shoulder a little squeeze and then disappears down the hallway.

Over the years, you have become a welcome sight around the Leafs organization; your presence had essentially reached the point of being more or less commonplace and didn’t warrant the media coverage that it once did. You helped out with various MLSE charities as well, having a preference for more of the hands-on local charity initiatives, whenever time allowed it.

Ultimately, you had established some strong personal connections within the Leafs and their families, so whenever you were in Toronto, it was not an out of place thing to occasionally see you turn up at a practice or out to dinner with a few of the WAGs.

As you waited for Jake, various staff and players stopped by for a quick catch-up before heading home for the day. 

Jake eventually emerged in his Leafs tracksuit, freshly showered with a baseball cap on backward. He spots you and gives you a wide smile, mixed with some confusion, as he approaches you. Gio appears right after Jake and the two circle around you for a hug.

With the book concealed, you make small talk with the handsome veterans. They congratulate you on the gallery exhibit and they assure you they cannot wait to go and see it.

Two dogs suddenly appear out of nowhere; it doesn't take you long to determine they belong to William.

Knowing he would be appearing any second, you try to calm your nerves and focus solely on the dogs as they run towards you, jumping at your feet.

Your heart melts at the sight of them, and you gush “Oh my goodness, is this Pablo and Banksy?”

William hears your voice and stops dead in his tracks. His stomach flips and churns and his heart starts to race.

Oh my God, if that's her…holy shit…

He rounds the corner to see you bending down, allowing the dogs to completely envelop you.

“C'mon, whoa, whoa, whoa….boys - down…”, William chuckles and smiles at you somewhat apologetically.

“I don’t mind one bit…but you better listen to your Dad” you said to Pablo, giving him another scratch and rub as you stood up.

You smile at William who is posturing for an embrace and as his arms pull you in, as you reciprocate the gesture.

“How’s it going, William….” which you say as more of a statement than a question.

“Really good. It’s good to see you again”, William smiles widely, hardly believing you're in front of him now.

Before you melt or explode or however your body is reacting to his touch, you calmly say “you too” with a smile.

Turning back to Jake and Gio, you desperately hope you don’t appear as flustered as you feel.

William comes up on your one side while Jake and Gio, and even a few others have gathered around a countertop in the lounge.

“So, I have a bit of a surprise for Jake - that’s why I’m here. Actually, Jake’s wife is in on the surprise so I’m just going to call her real quick”. 

The men that had gathered look at Jake who appears a little panicked, but in the best way possible.

Gaby answers and you ask Gio if he could hold the phone up, showing her face on the screen, in which he obliges once waving hello to Gaby.

You flip the heavy, hardcover book around; everyone leans in to get a glance at the cover. William catches a glimpse of the photo of you on the cover.  He's not seen many images of you from when your career started, and the photograph captivates him immediately.  Your tousled hair, your eyes that always bore into his soul, and your beautiful mouth that many times had made William almost see God himself.

William discreetly gazes at you.

You had been polluting his thoughts since he saw you at Mitch’s wedding. He wished you could have stayed. He wished he could have talked more with you; maybe could have danced with you…or better still, touched you for the first time in 4 years.

As you begin to explain the details of Jake’s surprise, you try to tame the whirlwind of emotions that circle within you. Between the loss of a dear friend, the anticipation of giving Jake a guitar that he has only dreamt of, and the remnants of feelings that you carry for William, you have to pause a few times while you speak just to regain your composure and keep the tears at bay.

William watches you open the book, and as you flip to the desired page to show Jake his newest possession, pangs of guilt and regret hit William.

William was famous for his confidence; he rarely burdened himself with many heavy thoughts, as he did not waste time dwelling on the past or anything that he could not change. The anointed King of Unbothered. And, as well as that has served him in both his personal and professional life, there were rare moments where something or someone shook him right to his core.

As he studied the side profile of your face, at this moment, you were that very person. Someone he realized that he had carelessly, and foolishly, disposed of. He disposed of your friendship, your companionship, and your love. Four years ago, he cut all ties with you, which was well within his right to do. But, the manner in which he severed those ties, never once affording you the ability to say a word in response, still haunted him to this day. What was worse is that two years later, he reached out to you, seemingly desperate to get a hold of you, and then he ghosted you once you responded. Your head spun with even more confusion and hurt than you had ever felt before and as time went on, it was yet another proverbial nail in the coffin for you and William.

William mused that when he saw you at Mitch’s wedding, you could have behaved any number of ways. You could have gone out of your way to ignore him. You could have been snide and made his entire night hell. You could have berated him for his callousness. He probably deserved all three of these possibilities.

Instead, you greeted him with kindness and friendship, which to William, only further illuminated your ravishing beauty. The way you still managed to smile at him, even though he sensed a deep sorrow behind your beautiful, deep brown eyes, it rocked William’s typical carefree nature.

And now you stood before him and his teammates, gifting Jake a precious guitar simply because you knew how happy it would make him to have it. William’s chest heaved with a mix of deep desire and the stark reality of the mistakes he's made with you.

William’s mind snapped back to the present, smiling at his teammate as Jake reeled and appeared completely flabbergasted.

“I can’t believe you remembered that conversation about this guitar, Y/N…that was ages ago. Jesus - I still played for Buffalo at the time…I cannot believe you’re giving this to me” Jake said, his face flushed as he looked at you and then turned to his wife’s face on the phone “and you knew about this…” he grins at Gaby.

“Can’t wait to hear you play for me, baby”, Gaby said, blowing Jake a kiss.

“Ok, so once the exhibit closes, I’ll get the guitar prepped for you and have it delivered. There are some nuances to how to tune her so I’ll drop by sometime and walk you through it. Oh, and here - the book is for you as well” you smile wryly at Jake “sorry, I think I diminished its value by signing it….but there is a little note for you in there for you too” you chuckle.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this but thank you so much Y/N. I’m completely stunned.”

After hugs were given and goodbyes were said, the small group dissipated. 

You turned to see William standing off to the side, glancing at his phone while Pablo and Banksy lay at his feet.

“Awh, your boys are tired” you said, unable to contain your smile looking at the two dogs, and then at William. “They’re awesome - it figures you’d have the most fly dogs ever”.

“You ever think about getting one? I guess it’s hard with all your travel but you can take them with you. I take these guys along with me all the time, almost everywhere I go”.

“When COVID started, I was in London…I started fostering from a nearby shelter. I wanted to give the dogs that were constantly overlooked a chance to get out of that environment and see if we could get some viable adoption candidates. I have been doing that here as well - my last girl just got adopted after being in a shelter for over 8 years; I just haven’t had the chance to go see another one to bring home.”

You bring out your phone and lean towards William to show a picture of the last dog in your care, Siba, a nine-year old Asian Shepherd. 

William cheeks flushed pink as he catches the scent of your fragrance; a sudden urge to have his lips graze your skin as he recounts each location on your body where you usually dabbed each drop of perfume has his mind racing and his cock hardening.

Either side of your neck. 

Sometimes behind your ears. 

Your wrists.

Between your breasts.

Sometimes a little swipe across your navel.

“She’s so beautiful…” William said, hoping that you’d get the subtle hint he might be referring to you as well.

You shift uncomfortably for a second; he’s standing so close that you can feel his breath.

No. He didn’t get to do this to you again. The innocent remarks that whisper allusions to his desire for you is what you thought you wanted to hear for the past 4 years.  But, all the sentiment is doing now is creating havoc in your mind.

You swipe the screen to close the photo down and drop the phone back into the pocket of your coat. You turn back to William and smile, now in a little more control of yourself than before.

“Christmas came early this year I guess…for both Siba and Jake.” you said, as you lean down to pet the dogs again and say goodbye.

“Oh - wait…speaking of Christmas…” William hesitates, sensing a slight change in your disposition. “I have been meaning to get in touch with you about that…”

“Oh, right - yeah…no worries…your Mom reached back out to me and said you gave the thumbs up for staying at the house. She mentioned you would reach out but I’m sure you’ve been pretty busy.”

William has an inkling when you’ve mentioned him being “busy”, you’re not referring to his hockey schedule.

“I’ve been working out some details with your parents already…it’s all good.” You tried not to sound too curt but there was a definite chill in your response.

William senses the conversation is quickly derailing.

William’s voice becomes low and soft. “Hey….maybe we could still get together sometime?   Maybe drop by sometime?  I'd kinda like to be involved with the Christmas thing and… it’s just there are some things that we maybe need to talk about.”

Talk. He’s about a million years too late for that, you think to yourself.

“If you feel there’s a need, sure. Let me know when and where…you moved, right?”

William’s expression changed, showing shades of remorse. “I’ll text you the address. I just have practices for now; we don’t play until the 7th so any afternoon is good. Today even, if that works for you”.

“I’m flying out to Ireland again late on the 5th so yeah - maybe today or tomorrow…” 

Thinking back to your conversation at Mitch’s wedding, William joked with a slight smirk “Ireland again? Not another funeral I hope…” 

You quickly looked away, tears threatening to well up in your eyes. 

“It is, actually” you said softly.

Oh my god, you idiot, William berated himself in his mind. ”Fuck…Y/N….I’m so sorry…I shouldn’t have joked”.

“No, I know, Will. It’s ok…I’ll be ok” you smiled, faintly. It seemed like, for the thousandth time that day, you fought to suppress the ache deep within you and had to fight back tears.

William gently reached for your hand and pulled you into his arms. Involuntarily, you gripped onto his hoodie, probably a little too tightly, all in an effort to not completely fall apart in front of him.

You pull away, still trying to hide the anguish on your face with a smile. It broke William a little to see you struggling to maintain your composure. Always putting on a brave face, no matter how cracked or broken you felt, was what you did. It was how you were wired.

“Here…if you’re leaving, I’ll walk you out to your car” William said, searching for his keys in his pocket.

You were tempted to come up with an excuse to avoid spending any additional time alone with William, simply because every molecule in your body was inexplicably drawn to him.

Fresh out of reasons or rationale, your mind was too overwhelmed lately to come up with the excuse needed to flee in the opposite direction. The 4 of you walked down the corridor together in a comfortable silence, and exited into the parking lot.

Pablo and Banksy bolt forward out into the daylight, but do not stray far from their Dad, as they happily jump on each other while nearing your vehicle. William smiled to himself and shook his head. Of course your vehicle of choice wasn’t a super luxury SUV or sports car. You took your key fob out and unlocked the black crew cab 4x4 truck. He could picture it now; you in your tank top and jeans, covered in dirt and dust with your work gloves on, hauling lumber and bags of concrete mix for a mini home project.

You were always a parallel of opposites.

Poised and immaculate at high-profile events and functions versus you at home, decked out in ripped work clothes with sweat and sawdust stuck to every part of your body.

Your ultra-cool and larger than life demeanour on stage as you absorbed the electric energy from the crowd versus your sometimes quiet, humble, and super composed personality off stage.

Your vocabulary and your way with words versus your ability to spout off more profanity than a pissed-off truck-driver.

The innocent and submissive side you showed William while making love on many occasions, when he was between your thighs versus the absolute rocket you became when you flipped the switch and took complete control of his body.

“So….what about today. Do you think you could come by later on…I could order in some food - we could catch up?”

You open the door to your truck and Pablo and Banksy both put their front paws on the running board, their tails wagging furiously.

You look at them and chuckle, and bend down to let them bombard you with affection.

“Yeah, you know what…sure, that sounds good. But if you don’t send me your address and end up ghosting me yet again…William….I just - don’t even….”, shaking your head and chuckling, leaving the sentence unfinished. You hop into the truck and William shoo’s the dogs away from the truck door.

“Awh - Y/N - fuck…” William winces at your sarcasm, rubbing the back of his neck, showing a mix of guilt and acknowledgement that he deserved it. “I’m not going to do that”.

“Uh-huh….famous last words,” you said in a cheeky tone, rolling your eyes as you turned the ignition on. “I guess we’ll see you later…bye boys…”.

William chuckled and watched you drive off towards the exit. Walking back to his SUV with the dogs in tow, he felt an excitement, to the point of giddiness, which he hadn’t felt in ages about anyone. He had no idea how the future would pan out but he could at least look forward to tonight so the two of you could finally clear the air. 

William arrives home and after one last bathroom break for the dogs, he starts his typical routine of making calls while eating whatever he picked up from the chefs at the rink or on the way home. He knows your food preferences and makes a mental note of which restaurant he’ll call for take out from. The last thing he does before his afternoon siesta is a quick home delivery order of red wine and other essentials.

He stretches out on the couch that he recently had deep-cleaned due to his last few

sex-capades, none of which seemed to end well or at least warranted an invite for a return visit. He begins to drift off; his dogs curled up around his feet and legs.

Panic suddenly grips him as he realized he had not sent you his address.

See? no 👻 - 😉 William texts as he sends you the address.

If I had forgotten - what a fuckin disaster William thought before falling into a restful sleep.

A couple of hours later, and at least an hour before William was ready to wake up, his phone began to dance and vibrate on the coffee table. Groaning, he grabs the phone off the table and fumbles with it until he can focus on the caller.

The name “Trina” is illuminated on the display.

“Fuuuuuuck” William grumbles while forcing the call to voicemail. “Should have fucking blocked her”.

Since the last time William and Trina had seen each other, there had been a few harmless texts; mostly Trina following up on William’s health and well-being. 

Despite the rather unappealing outcome of their last meeting, William had started to think perhaps he had been too hasty in judging their first sexual experience together. She was beautiful, eager, and readily accessible; these are the exact qualities William needed for a short term fling. He decided to keep his options open, although he continued to feign being unwell until he was ready to see Trina again.  

This all was, of course, prior to William seeing you again.

A voicemail notification appears on the screen followed by a text message bubble.

Missing you - let me come by and make you feel better 

William rubs his hand over his face, stroking his moustache as he thinks about how to respond. Thanks but I’ll be ok. Just need some more rest. I’ll msg you soon. Good enough, William thinks and sets his phone back on the table. 

He leans back on the couch, and closes his eyes again, when another chime sounds from his cell.

“Jesus - take a fucking hint…” he mutters, grabbing his phone. 

It’s from you:

You sure about the no 👻… you didn’t tell me what time… have you already started 🏃?

William laughs and responds:

I’m not gonna 🏃… too tired.  I might hide tho.  How’s 5?

Dots appear as you type your response:

Ooof 💀. K - see you then.

90 minutes from now. Fuck. I should have told her 4.

William continues to read your text exchange over again as he smiles to himself. You always succeeded in making William laugh, no matter how small the exchange was. Your individual senses of humour seemed to mesh flawlessly - he seemed to get you and your little idiosyncrasies, the same way you understood his.

He looked forward to the possibility of earning your friendship back and maybe even more. William wondered if you had met anyone; he had heard rumblings a while ago about you catching the eyes and interests of a few other NHL’ers but he hadn’t heard anything since. In William’s mind (and he was aware he had no claim on you), he dreaded the idea of you being with anyone, but there was something so much worse if that guy was another hockey player in the league. 

He pushed those thoughts to the side; he would need to establish rumour and fact later, and it made him queasy just thinking about it.

Rather than trying to steal a few more minutes of sleep, William putters around the condo tidying up here and there, but feeling no pressure in having the place look unlived in.

Nerves were starting to build. William seemed to wander aimlessly from one room to the other, serving no other purpose than to kill time. Although he had a shower after practice, William decided on another long shower to help him relax, and to allow him to take some additional care with his grooming regimen.

William steps into the hot water and closes his eyes as the warmth and the steam envelop him. Every quiet moment lately, William has thought about the two of you and your past. Memories that never seem to erode; images that William would often rely on when he needed to drift off to sleep or relieve some built up “tension”.

Streams of water weave their paths down William's broad chest, through his chest hair and down his toned abs, eventually trickling down the veins of his cock, and dripping off the tip. He begins to feel a stirring, an urge with the thoughts of your arrival. William's strong hand gingerly wraps around his shaft and he begins to pump himself with long, methodical strokes.

He remembers the occasions with the two of you in the shower….

….you on your knees before him and encouraging his cock further into your mouth until the tip is rubbing against the back of your throat. With his hand fisting the hair at the back of your head, you allowed him to fuck you deep in your mouth until you tasted the pre-cum seeping onto your tongue. William marvelled with how much your mouth could accommodate as you expertly controlled your gag reflex and breathing.  It seemed with your years of voice and mouth exercises, the benefits were many, beyond simply increasing your vocal range and pitch.  

As William spouted broken sentences of praise for what you were doing to him, you would masterfully take control of his cock with your hands, stroking his girth, alternating between licking and sucking the rounded head as it turned shades of feverish reds and purples. William’s grunts and loud groans never ceased to arouse you as William began climaxing.  You lapped at his balls, gently sucking on them as you continued to pump his shaft.  You ached to hear the warnings before he cums, desperately waiting for him to unload.  Gripping his ass, your mouth engulfs his cock, your head moving back and forth at a frenzied pace.  You force the oozing head towards the entrance of your throat.  William’s hand cradles the back of your neck, allowing you to look up.   Your eyes locked on each other as his seed coated the inside of your mouth. You smile as you enjoy the taste of him, and slowly guide his cock away from your open mouth as strings of your spit mixed with his cum stretch from the head.   Your eyes remain fixed on his; soft smiles and intimate words are lovingly exchanged as you continue to lap, suck and fill your mouth again and again with his generous cock.

William shuddered as he watched you intently overtaking his semi-erect member into your mouth.  With you maintaining his heightened arousal, the urge to spread your thighs apart for him to greedily feast on your pussy took hold. You always claimed to be a better giver than receiver, but William was now hell-bent on respectfully pushing your boundaries. Without fail, each and every time, you had given him the hottest oral of his life, and William was determined to reciprocate until your pussy was properly worshipped.

He pulled you up and pressed you hard against the shower wall with his thick and muscular frame. He scanned your face, focusing his gaze on your lips; he watched as the water washed away the remainder of his cum that had oozed from your mouth.  He used his thumb to slowly guide the fluids back into your mouth, allowing you to suck on the tip of his thumb.  He kissed you; his lips were hungry and eager on your mouth as his tongue manoeuvred around yours. His hands moved skillfully from massaging your tits, down along your sides, and towards the front of your abdomen. You let out a gasp and bit your lip hard as 8 fingertips gently landed with a faint, feather-like touch near your pussy, as he began to lightly graze your wet and ready folds. You begin to shiver at his touch and have the goosebumps to prove it; your pussy is past the point of throbbing and you are almost on the fringes of insanity waiting for William to binge on your core.

He wanted to mark you tonight. His mouth slid down your body, nipping and sucking some of the most pleasurable, albeit discreet, areas of your toned body. As he knelt on the shower floor, he caressed your long leg, leaving love bites at the apex of your slender thigh which he then guided one over his shoulder. His mouth instantly latches onto your folds as he slowly strokes your clitoris with his pointed tongue. You shriek, reacting to William suddenly engaging his jaw muscles to tongue-fuck you in concert with mercilessly licking your clit. William rubbed his facial hair repeatedly over your most sensitive spots, feasting on your swollen pussy as if it was his favourite dessert, moaning with pleasure as your arousal hit his taste buds. He loved hearing you cry out his name, watching you let go of your usual collected composure and allowing him to help release your inner inhibitions.

As an added bonus, he inserted his middle and ring fingers slowly and deeply inside your cunt. He adjusted and moved the ends of his fingers eventually hitting the most desirable spot as he watched you writhe in pure ecstasy. He wanted to see you succumb to the sensation as he continued lapping and stroking your clitoris with his tongue. He began to move his fingers rapidly in and out of your entrance, until your thighs began to shake and quiver involuntarily. William increased his already formidable pace with his fingers and his tongue as you fight not to collapse under the sheer magnitude of your impending orgasm.

And when he brings you to the highest level of pleasure, he vigorously gyrates his fingers deep inside your core, inciting you to cry out as you squirt for him. After he made you spray for him a few more times, he laced his fingers with yours and he stood up, pressing you against the shower wall again. One hand slides back down to your pussy and he gently rubs two fingers against your engorged clit. William’s eyes are locked on yours as he slowly pulls his fingers up to his mouth, and wipes the sheen from your arousal on his pouting lips. He runs his tongue along the shiny trail he made with his fingers, whispering in your ear of how delicious you are.

Back in a lonelier shower, William’s head falls back under the steady stream of hot water that begins to collect in his open mouth as he’s reaching his orgasm. He spits it out and begins to grunt as streams of cum erupt into the flow of water heading to the drain on the shower floor.

He pants for a moment, catching his breath. He needed that. He needed to take the edge off before you arrived.

William steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around his midriff. The steam quickly dissipates as he exits the bathroom into his bedroom, and he takes his time selecting the relaxed and casual attire for the evening. He glances at his phone to check the time. 4:30.

He sighs and smiles slightly; he’s really looking forward to tonight, to just have you there relaxing on his couch, catching up on the past few years.

He checks his messages, making sure there was nothing new from you.  There is, however, another text from Trina.

My friend and I are going to Mademoiselle for Happy Hour and then dinner. Maybe it will do you good to come out - we can all have a little bit of fun?

Knowing the message will show as being read, William sends a short response.

Not tonight, but thanks anyway.

Trina responds with just an emoji showing her disappointment.

William shakes his head and finishes getting ready. Minutes tick on but it feels like hours, and he’s getting impatient.

The ringtone on his phone assigned to building Security begins to chime, startling William for a moment and each of the dogs perk up their ears in response. He answers the call and his stomach flips once the guard announces your arrival.

He can hardly believe how nervous he’s become and silently kicks his own ass in his head for being so ridiculous. But on the other hand, it’s you. The one girl he still finds himself longing for after so many years.

He props the door open wide enough so you can spot him once you get off the elevator; Pablo and Banksy sit at William’s feet anxiously anticipating the arrival of someone new.

Once the elevator reaches William’s floor, he can hear the chime and the doors sliding open. You step into the plush waiting area and then follow the signs pointing to the appropriate suite number.

You round the corner and see him waiting in his doorway. It’s no use to try and conceal your smile when your eyes land on his grinning face. He opens up the door allowing the dogs to fly down the hallway in your direction.

William watches you beam with delight as you bend down to greet the two.

After tummy rubs and a lot of cooing from you, the dogs follow you back towards the condo where you greet William with a friendly embrace.

William takes a moment to gaze at you; your curls are contained by a loose bun, you are dressed in a tan coloured pea coat, black turtleneck with black slacks. You managed to make clothing that were simple and understated look elegant and absolutely fucking sexy. He inhales deeply - your appearance already has William rattled.

He takes your coat and you remove your heeled boots at the entranceway. The dogs follow your every move as you scan his condo. Had it not been December and the days being so short, you could imagine how a sunny day would radiate throughout the place from the large windows and glass balcony doors from the living room.

“This is really beautiful, William. Such a fantastic part of the city too,” you said smiling, your eyes wide and shining.

“It’s small, but I’m on a waitlist for a larger place up on the penthouse floor. It’ll be better when my family comes to visit…so they don’t need to crash at your house at Christmas again” William laughs. 

“Well, yeah…I get it but I have to say, I’m really looking forward to having them stay. It’s far too big for just me, so having some life around will be amazing. At the very least, I’m hoping someone in your family will kick your ass at ping-pong…or at any of the other games, really…” you smirk.

“Ha, yeah…never gonna happen…” William laughs.

“Ah, well…pardon me as I try to squeeze by the giant ego that just arrived” 

“Ouch…hey, I'm just telling it like it is”.

You roll your eyes and scoff. “Ok, King...let’s leave it there.”

The conversation and friendly banter ensues; there are no awkward moments or strained silences. The shared mood is happy and light and soul-warming, much like it had been all those years before. There was a tinge of bashfulness at times as you both would steal glances at each other. It seemed apparent that you both were still very much attracted to one another.

Prior to seeing him, there were moments that you found it annoying to still have these feelings simmering just beneath the surface, given your spirit had been shattered for much of the past four years. Nevertheless, he wasn't to blame for the anguish you shouldered…it's how life was; you caught deeper feelings for him than he did for you. End of story.

At that very moment, it didn’t matter anyway. Or at least, you were going to bury those thoughts way back in the proverbial closet for tonight.

The wine arrives via delivery, followed by dinner. You both opt to sit on the floor and eat at the coffee table in the living room, devouring the variety of sushi and sashimi pieces William had selected.

You filled him in on some of the different music and business ventures you had been a part of since COVID. He asked you about certain gigs and various celebrities, trying to get you to spill some dirt (although tempting, you did not oblige). 

He in turn told you about some of his brother’s exploits with women, and you reminisced about the old days and the unhinged female drama involving Kasperi and his ex-girlfriends that you witnessed firsthand a number of years ago.

Your muscles in your face began to hurt from smiling and laughing; it’s been forever since you’ve been able to truly unwind like this. You realize that the wine is going down far too easily and you felt a little more buzzed than you should, with remnants of jet lag still plaguing you from the previous round trip from Europe.

William had excused himself to the bathroom, and in an effort not to submit to the wave of drowsiness that was creeping in, you got up off the floor and started cleaning up the containers and plates scattered around the table.

William appears from the hallway and tells you to leave everything - he will clean it up later.

“Ha – no, I need to move - I had a brutal travel schedule at the end of November and it nearly killed me. This exhaustion just strikes whenever, so I had to at least stand up…otherwise, you’re going to find me passed out on the floor.  I feel like a narcoleptic lately.  Plus - that wine…is really, really fucking good…I feel a little drunk,” your face flushed as you laugh.

“You can stay here tonight, if you want?”

You hesitated as waves of nostalgia and cautiousness, in equal measure, washed over you. “Are you sure - I wouldn’t want to cramp your style…”

Before you can stop yourself, you blurt out some musings - or misgivings rather - about his current love life that had been bouncing around in your head.

“I’m sure your dance card is pretty full these days…maybe you’ve got a young model-type waiting for you later somewhere?” you try to joke as you rinse off the plates and stack them in the sink. Your fear that he'll see right through your comments as you look for some clarity on his current love life.

William chuckles and shakes his head; he knows this is partly because of what has been stirred up about his personal life during the Sweden trip.

Touch her. Hug her. Kiss her….do something William thinks.

“I’m positive…I really like this…us hanging out, you and me again. And…please - stop cleaning up” he laughs.

William offers you a small towel and helps you dry off your hands. He smiles as he gazes at you.

“It's really been amazing to see you,” William says softly.

You're certain that the surface temperature of your cheeks are reaching five alarm status as he pulls you closer against him as he leans against the kitchen counter. William feels your light touch as your hands gently lay on his chest.

He searches your face. “And we haven’t really talked about the stuff from before - with what happened with you and me. Do you think maybe we should?” William asks quietly.

You can only manage to look directly into his eyes for brief moments; anything longer will make you crumble.

“I think we can shelve it…it’s not going to change anything that happened before. It’s been such a fantastic evening already…I don’t think we should spoil it by dredging everything up from the past.”

You stare at the thick chain around his neck using it as your main focal point.

 “Yeah, ok…you’re right. It doesn’t change anything that went down.”

You nod your head and look up at his face, blushing more heavily as you try to contain your wide smile.  

Your head is swimming but your need to be in control of your emotions takes hold, and you apologetically excuse yourself and head to the washroom.  William just smiles and lets his hands slide down your hips as he releases you from his embrace.  

You try to stabilize your heart rate and your thoughts. Your desires versus your logic are each trying to get the upper hand in your mind. You take your time, willing yourself to sober up a bit before heading back out to William. You drink some water from the tap to try and dilute the effects of the alcohol you’ve consumed. You study your reflection in the mirror and after repositioning a few curls here and there and applying a little more lip gloss, you exit the bathroom.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door spurring the dogs to start barking. You hear William pad over to the entrance and pause for a moment before turning the lock and opening the door.

You hear a female’s voice shriek “Willy!! Heeeey….I missed you so much”.

You can hear the sound of bracelets clinking as the woman wraps her arms around William, followed by an audible kiss. It's crystal clear that she currently has something going on with William.

You hear the dogs muffling whines once William gently commands them to quiet down.

You stop dead in your tracks, feeling completely trapped. Part of you wants to return to the bathroom and not hear any of their conversation. The masochistic side, however, wants to hear every word.

Your brain begins to spiral out of control.

How did you manage to misread this situation again? What was that in the kitchen….was it meant to be platonic? Would he invite you here just to tell you about her?

It feels like a literal punch in the stomach, and you instinctively place your hand over your abdomen as though it would help numb the ache coursing through your body. You stand in the hallway, completely motionless as if your feet were concrete blocks.

“Trina, what are you doing…I mean, how'd you even get in?”

“I dunno, the security guy and the other one were dealing with somebody, someone else was leaving, they held the door, so…we just walked in. Oh, this is my best friend, Lara. I told her how fucking amazing our first date was. She's a fan of yours too. We were out for a few drinks and I thought the two of us could come by to help you feel better. You and I haven’t seen each other since the last time….I know you said not tonight but here we are,” Trina giggled, her words slightly slurred from intoxication.

Lara glared at her friend. Trina had said William was ok with them coming over anytime she wanted, and she claimed he would be game for anything they wanted to do.

William’s present demeanour is definitely contradicting Trina’s story.

For years now, Lara, being the pragmatic one of the two, had been suspicious of how much truth was behind Trina’s claims when it came to the men she had met and dated. True, William and Trina had sex; that much was obvious. However, based on the number of times Trina initiated contact versus William, Lara surmised William might be only willing to meet solely on his whim, given the tone of his short and dry text messages that Trina showed her. Trina was too wrapped up in all the media attention William had been receiving lately to even notice the bland tone behind each of his responses.

When Trina and Lara arrived at Mademoiselle that evening, Trina was clearly on a mission, ordering multiple Perfect 10 Martini’s because, in her inebriated words, she was exactly that. Her mission was to make sure William felt that about her too.

When Trina came up with the brilliant idea of dropping by William’s in order for the two ladies to seduce him and coax him into bed, Lara thought there was no way she was being serious. Lara allowed Trina to call the shots just to humour her; she had learned long ago it was better to play along first before pulling the plug straight away on Trina’s antics. If Lara was being honest though, the exciting flipside of this situation is that if she was ever going to have an opportunity for her first threesome (and if he was truly willing), it might as well be with William Nylander.

As Trina continues to ramble about their evening and some explicit ideas she has for the hours that lie ahead, Lara scans the scene in the living room. Her heart drops when she realizes William is not alone. First she spots two wine glasses - William had filled up your glass while you had stepped away to the washroom. She looks over to see your Louboutin stiletto boots placed off to the side. Then your jacket. She glances at William and can’t quite determine what emotion has registered on his face.

“I….I’m sorry William - I didn’t know you told Trina not to come by tonight” Lara interjected. William looked toward Lara and verbally confirmed, he definitely told her not tonight.

“I have a guest so it would be better if you both just head home” William said calmly.

Trina’s eyes suddenly widened. “A guest??” Trina's voice is raised as she emphasizes the last word. “Do you have another girl here tonight? Where is she? So…what - is she fucking HIDING? Come on out, bitch…let’s see you - I guarantee it, you got nothing he wants” Trina yelled into the air as she looked around the space.

“Alright - enough…you need to leave or I’ll fucking calling security…” William's jaw was clenched as he warned Trina and Lara.

“No - please William, I’m so sorry…we’re leaving. I'm so embarrassed - she said we could come by.”

Lara grits her teeth when she looks at Trina. “You…we’re going….NOW…”

Lara grabs a hold of Trina’s trench coat and half guides but partially shoves her as she stumbles down the corridor. Lara’s voice was a low growl as she berates her until the elevator arrives.

William watches the two girls vanish around the corner to the elevator, hearing the chime as it arrives on his floor. He steps out of the doorway into the hall making a call down to security to ensure they have exited the building. Sometime soon, William will have to go down and find out how they got in from the get go.

He stood there, exasperated as he rubbed his forehead as he re-entered the apartment. The dread of facing you now is creeping into his mind. William is genuinely worried that the fallout from tonight’s events is that you won’t want anything to do with him going forward.

Indeed, that was one of the many thoughts going through your mind. You knew you were judging him and his lifestyle, and you knew you had no right to do so. Just because you chose to abstain from casual sex or any kind of relationship for all these years, certainly did not mean he had to do the same.

You’ve known all along that he was super popular with women. He didn’t have to do much to have girls reaching out to him in droves. Through various means, you also knew he took advantage of his popularity, with being spotted out and about with a number of gorgeous girls over the years.

However, acknowledging reality in theory and seeing it first hand was completely different.

As you stood there listening to Trina drunkenly spout off details of what she and William had done previously and the plans she had for him tonight, you wanted to wretch. The worst part about it was you knew your soul that you still wanted him, but William had moved on, many times over. 

You and William may have started as convenient and casual hook-ups but it never was just about sex with you. It was about all of him. No amount of time or distance or how much you pushed it down could cure you of your feelings for William, up to this point anyway.

But now, all you can feel is torment and defeat from that gut punch from the last 5 minutes. The universe had to be telling you something; the first time you spend time together after four years had passed, and within hours, he had two women show up at his door propositioning him for a threesome.

Here you stood, the week before your 31st birthday, a multi-platinum award winning musician, composer. entrepreneur, philanthropist, advocate, model, actress, and the list went on.

Yet, with all of your achievements under your belt, right now, you were just another girl in a veritable ocean of females all vying for William’s affections. If there was ever a chance that something could have transpired tonight between you and William, the moment has now been instantly derailed by some drunk girl who fucked your ex-hook-up….lover…whatever label fit.

At the end of the day, William could fuck whomever he wanted. He could do whatever he pleased with as many girls as he chooses. It’s his life… It was his decision how he wanted to enjoy his downtime and really, it was none of your business anyway.

Your sometimes passive-aggressive nature, mixed with hurt feelings, made you want to see him twist a little. As you appeared from the hallway however, his expression made you think twice about adding to his misery.

He looked completely crushed, embarrassed, and lost. “Are you ok?” you asked, softly.

“It’s more like, are you…” he said. “Y/N, I am so sorry”.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like it’s really your fault, though…I’m assuming you didn’t know she would sneak into your building, hammered …and well, try and…” you nod your head toward the bedroom.

“Well, no…but I sorta led her on. I’m not even sure why I did…she was kind of…I dunno…like…just there” William struggled to come up with the right word.

“Available…”

” “Yeah…something like that” William confided, feeling a little embarrassed.

He pulls you towards him. “So much for the fantastic night…I guess I ruined that” he said into your ear.

Based on the looseness of your embrace, he knows your feelings have shifted. William feels horrible, desperately wishing he could rewrite the past ten minutes.

You took a step back and you could feel your expression soften. You manage a faint smile and tell him that it was mostly fantastic - even amazing - night but you could have done without the plot twist at the end.

“So….I think I’ll grab an Uber or something and head home, if you’re gonna be ok?” You paused.

No, I’m not ok. I want you to stay here, he thinks to himself.

“Maybe you should stay. Seriously, that girl - just in case she gets it into her head to hang around and watch whoever leaves the building” William says gently.

“Shit…do you think she’d stalk you?”.

“Not sure” William smoothed his hand over his beard. The last thing either of you need is to have your names splashed around the social media universe because of a drunken altercation with a girl in a parking lot, who had been recently fucked…and then slighted, by William Nylander.

You consider the options for another moment, and finally agree that it might be for the best to stay. The couch looks pretty comfortable so you offer to sleep in the living room.

William looks hurt. He wants you in his bed. The urge to wrap himself around you is almost too much for him to handle.

Given the circumstances however, he knows how self-serving it will seem asking you to sleep in the same bed as him. Despite you trying so hard to hide it, he knows you are hurt. He’s beginning to feel a sense of hopelessness from the damage that’s been done tonight.

He grabs some dog treats and tells you to just stay and try and relax while he heads out for a walk with the dogs. He wants to drop by the concierge desk and security just to make sure all is clear around the outside of the building before he ventures out with his boys.

After William and the dogs leave, you survey your surroundings and allow a release of the emotions that have been simmering just under the surface all day. Tears well in your eyes as you stare at the wine glass he filled for you earlier. You lower your head in your hands and weep quietly.

Moments pass and a blinding headache begins to form behind your eyes; the pressure making your eyelids feel heavily weighted. Between the wine and William’s unexpected visitors, the unmitigated happiness you felt only 30 minutes ago has completely evaporated. Like a magnet to steel, a force anchors you to the couch, and you can’t help but to lie your head down and close your eyes to try and get some relief. 

Exhaustion eventually takes hold of you, and you fall into a deep sleep within minutes of your head hitting the pillow.

William and the dogs return after spending longer than anticipated on their walk; the one night William really needs Pablo and Banksy to do their business quickly, it took them forever to get it done.

William enters the condo in a hurried pace, only to find you curled up on the couch asleep. His heart expands and breaks all at once as he approaches you, your figure gently rising and falling with each breath.

He considers waking you up to offer his bed anyway, wanting you to have a more comfortable place to sleep but he vetoes his own thoughts, given all that has transpired.

Instead, he grabs a blanket and gently lays it over you.

It feels strange for William to leave you in the living room by yourself. He watches you for another few moments, your face scarcely illuminated by the dim light from the kitchen that he's left on for you. Desire and disappointment grip his stomach as he turns to head to his bedroom.

The next morning , you awake to something cold and wet brushing up against your face. “Pablo….down, buddy” William chuckled.

Opening your eyes, you’re initially disoriented from waking from a deep sleep. You see Pablo sitting in front of you (you swear he’s smiling), waiting for some kind of acknowledgement.

A wide grin spans your face.

“Oh…sweet boy…thank you for the kisses” you softly say, encouraging Pablo to hop up onto the couch. Pablo gladly obliges and lies lengthwise on your torso. You murmur words of affection to Pablo’s face as you rub behind his ears and nuzzle him back with your nose.

Banksy comes bouncing across the room wanting to join in on the love fest.

You smile apologetically at William. “Sorry I passed out before you came back; I wasn’t able to keep my eyes open.”

“I’m glad you stayed…looked like you needed the rest.  The snoring though - you sounded like a freight train” William says with a smirk.

“I’ll take my snoring over you ripping farts all night” you jokingly retorted.

“Hey…I couldn’t help that…it was better out than in. I seem to remember you laughing until you almost wet yourself…you weren’t exactly complaining”, William laughs.

“You held me under the blankets…fucking Dutch Oven - and that wasn’t laughter, that was gasping”.

William starts laughing that trademark laugh.

You roll your eyes as you smile widely at him. “Yeah, keep laughing there, chuckles. Good times”.

Yeah...they were. So many good times together William thought.

You both take a lingering look at one another, and before he notices you blushing, you excuse yourself and head to the washroom.

Every thought in your mind concerning William has shifted. Last night, prior to Trina's arrival that is, you felt a closeness resurfacing with William. The calmness he always seemed to provide to you, just naturally with his presence, had begun to return.

But now, with this new day, there's just uncertainty and uneasiness that has settled in your gut. You realize now that you don't know him like you used to. Maybe it was a stretch to think that you ever did. After all, in the three years you were involved, you only managed to string together a month here, or two months there - and then you would have to leave. Only experiencing the best side of each other; it seemed true that no two people could be more entranced with one another than you and William when you were together.  But everything has changed since then and it’s doubtful that you want the same things from life.

Returning to the living area, William’s about ready to head out with the dogs. Both Pablo and Banksy run over to you, falling over each other for your attention as if you’ve been gone the whole day instead of just 5 minutes.

“I’m not sure if they love me as much as they seem to love you…I feel like a distant second to them now”.

“Awh - boys, you better go see your Dad…he’s feeling a little jealous” you say as you kiss and nuzzle the tops of their heads.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me for their walk but I think it’s pouring out there now. I might just take them to the rink and let them run around there, I guess.”

“I would have but one - it’ll kill me to walk in those things” you nod your head towards the stilettos. “And, two - I better head out…there’s a ton of things I have to get done before I leave. Otherwise, I would have loved to.”

You finished getting ready and within minutes, the 4 of you were descending in the elevator towards the main lobby. William offers to walk you out to the parking lot but you decline. Figuring his car is in the underground lot, there was no need for him to get him and the dogs soaked as the heavy December rain ensued.

“It was good to see you…memorable in the most legendary Nylander way” you say smiling.

Before he could respond, you crouch down to acknowledge the dogs, allowing them to put their front paws on your knees for more wet nose boops and kisses.

As you stood up, you could see his expression had changed. He didn’t look like his normal light hearted self. He looked weary. He looked like he had a million things to say but wasn’t able to utter a single word. Instead, he reached out and pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you in a firm embrace. You felt his breath on your neck as he lowered his head and rested it against yours.

You pull back slightly and give him a warm smile. “I know you’re travelling too pretty soon - wishing you great games and safe travels, ok?”

“Yeah, you too. Shit - we didn’t get to talk about Christmas - the family coming - or anything like that though…”

“I’m in contact with your parents about everything - someone is bound to fill you in but seriously, there’s nothing for you to worry about. As long as you show up sometime after you fly home from Columbus, you’re golden” you say with a grin.

This time, the silence between you weighed heavily in the air.

“Ok…you better get going there, superstar. Traffic’s going to be shit…I don’t want to hear Sid Seixeiro bitching about you being late on Breakfast Television again.”

William laughed out loud. “Yeah - got a lot of flak for that one…I didn’t know you knew about that”, William says as he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck

“Well, it was pretty much splashed around everywhere at the time. I couldn’t avoid it”, you smirk.

You turn to look out at the steady stream of rain and sigh; half of you wants to go with him and the other half wants to get the hell out of there, downpour be damned.

“Ok then…I’m off. See you later, boys”, you grin at William and the dogs, turning to head across the lobby and out into the miserable and wet December morning.

William heads back into the elevator, hands jammed in his pockets, feeling uneasy about how everything with you was left up in the air.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Hiiiiiiiiiiii. How are you? What are you up to? Been in a reading slump again. The year is not going well i blame Jimin. Alot been happening

1)why can’t i get into succession? I dont understand i have watched ep 1 3 times and i can’t get into it 🤦🏾‍♀️

2) is hybe ok? I am confused and also yes to drama entertain me i guess

3)i only have been here for some of shinee military service and Taemin(obviously), are military man allowed to do what i have been seeing posting on social media, doing promo?

4) your faves are taking this military life under the radar 18 months too seriously, show me your face 😡

5) also i was looking at Jimin video from when Jk went to cook for him(idc what they are but if i had someone like Jungkook i would be married) i understand why jungkook is obsessed with Jimin. I too would go cook after a concert tired for him, i too would be a pick me for him, i too want to be rejected time after time on live when i offer to go to his house. Not even too fuck him ill be content just to sit there and look at him bonus if he could throw me some cuddles. Can you tell im jealous? Im not 😈

Hiiiiiii @5813!!!! It's always lovely to hear from you 🩷

Thanks for sectioning your ask, it makes this so much easier.

1) Don't force yourself, perhaps it's simply not the right time. Or it will never be. There's plenty others to choose from.

I was in a similar situation many years ago when I tried to watch The Sopranos and I couldn't get past the first episode. I found it boring and not as entertaining as Goodfellas or The Godfather. Fast forward, I just finished the series last night and I can finally say that I too have watched one of the greatest series of American television. I can finally understand the jokes and the references. And now, perhaps at my current age and just my mood in general, I could sit down and get immersed into it.

2) All is not ok in Hybe land and I personally have no concern for it. Let them all fight. It's never sunshines and rainbows in the corporate world.

3) Hmm, I have to say that I have had some similar questions about this too. Let's say I can accept that projects finalized before enlistment can be released during military service (I'm not willing to go into another debate on this specifically, I've had enough of it, case closed). But posting on social media about said projects? I find it odd and I'm not sure what the rules are. I haven't heard of any negative consequences for them, so what do I know? I was left with the impression that it's not right, but perhaps they are walking a fine line, open to interpretation. In his latest Weverse post, Jungkook mentioned that since he can't promote himself, he opened an account for Bam. So, what is it then? Is it allowed or not?

4) I knew kukumimi would do this, it's on brand and as much as I want to see them, I think it's better that they are keeping it under the radar. I heard they also just finished this intense training they had and they might get some vacation days. Perhaps they will show their faces. It's never the easy way with them, right?

5) I really enjoyed that glimpse into their evening, even if it was in front of the camera. It still felt nice and very lowkey, particularly after a concert. You wouldn't think they were jumping on a stage for two hours before that.

I think we're all jealous of Jungkook and so be it. He said so himself, we will keep being jealous, he'll still hold Jiminie (and cook for him).

[linghxr]

I watched all the Chinese idol survival shows so you don’t have to (but you should anyway)

About three years ago, I watched 创造101 Produce 101 China, and it kinda changed my life. Yes, really! This show dragged me down a rabbit hole that eventually led to me watching many more Chinese shows and listening to almost exclusively Chinese music. I’m even branching out to cdramas now. All under the guise of, um, improving my listening comprehension!

OK, so “all the Chinese idol survival shows” might be an exaggeration. I’ll be talking about these three classic idol group survival shows from the “golden age” period of 2018-2021:

>> 偶像练习生 Idol Producer/青春有你 Youth with You (iQiyi)

偶像练习生 Idol Producer

青春有你1 Youth with You 1

青春有你2 Youth with You 2

青春有你3 Youth with You 3

>> 创造101 Produce 101/创造营 Chuang (Tencent)

创造101 Produce 101 China

创造营2019 Produce Camp 2019

创造营2020 Chuang 2020

创造营2021 Chuang 2021

>> 以团之名 All For One/少年之名 We Are Young (Youku)

以团之名 All For One

少年之名 We Are Young

Here is the order I actually watched these 10 seasons in:

创造101 Produce 101 China

青春有你2 Youth with You 2

创造营2020 Chuang 2020

创造营2019 Produce Camp 2019

偶像练习生 Idol Producer

青春有你1 Youth with You 1

青春有你3 Youth with You 3

创造营2021 Chuang 2021

以团之名 All For One

少年之名 We Are Young

I started 创造101 Produce 101 China in late 2019/early 2020 and finished 少年之名 We Are Young on Christmas Day 2022. I was literally tearing up. Three franchises, ten seasons, something around 1000 contestants, and three years of my life.

In order to refresh my memory for this post, I rewatched almost all of the performance clips from these shows. I didn’t watch the initial evaluations or any practice room videos (it’s simply too much content). It was simultaneously fun and exhausting. I will go over why you should/shouldn’t watch each season and give any other notable remarks. Let’s get started!

*Please note that for any YouTube links below, there is a risk of muted sections, parts/entire episodes being unavailable, and missing/out of sync subtitles. For official links, whether or not a VIP subscription is needed may change in the future. Fansubbed content may have sections or entire episodes missing.

>> 偶像练习生 Idol Producer/青春有你 Youth with You (iQiyi)

iQiyi rebranded the series by changing its name from 偶像练习生 Idol Producer to 青春有你 Youth with You after the first season. However, they really didn’t change much about the format at all. From what I’ve heard, iQiyi doesn’t have as large a budget as Tencent, which you can see reflected in the show’s production quality. However, I’ve long felt that this franchise has a real charming quality that makes up for lack of flashy sets.

偶像练习生 Idol Producer

Watch on iQiyi (English subs, VIP needed) Watch via Idol Producer Subs (English fansubs, missing part of finale)

Why you should watch it: Though not China’s first idol survival show, this show was the first of a new era. It’s iconic! The theme song is a bop, 10/10. Also, I had heard of all of the winners before I watched this season, so there’s some real cultural relevance. I can’t believe it was nearly five years ago! The whole top 20 remains iconic to this day. In most seasons, there are at least one or two popular contestants who I don’t really like or don’t see the appeal of, but that wasn’t the case this season. This season is also a lot shorter than later seasons, so it’s easier for those who are new to survival shows.

Why you shouldn’t watch it: As I mentioned, there is a lack of flashy sets/stages here. The background of the stage often looks empty. There were some performances that were better than I remembered, but there were others that were...not. I’m pretty sure 黄明昊 Justin was 15 when the show began, which shocks me in a BAD way. And if you’re a Jackson Wang fan, I think he barely appeared in the second half of the show.

My picks: 郑锐彬 Zheng Ruibin, 周彦辰 Zhou Yanchen, 蔡徐坤 Cai Xukun, 王子异 Wang Ziyi, 朱星杰 Zhu Xingjie, 周锐 Zhou Rui

Favorite performance: PPAP A组 PPAP group A This was a powerhouse group. And it was hilarious to watch the boys’ reaction when they heard the whole song and realized the style was not at all what they had initially expected! They totally pulled it off though.

Iconic moments: 蔡徐坤 Cai Xukun’s outfit (and ego) in the initial evaluation, B-A-L-A-N-C-E, when we realized 朱星杰 Zhu Xingjie can sing too, 林彦俊 Lin Yanjun's platinum hair, one of the songs was called Mack Daddy which causes me great distress to this day, 周锐 Zhou Rui aka 周美锐 Zhou Meirui, I’m still laughing over 朱星杰 Zhu Xingjie’s resemblance to 胡巴 Huba.

Verdict: Though this was not my first idol survival show, I think it would be a great first foray for anyone. It’s iconic for a reason. You should watch it (and I might rewatch it). 

青春有你1 Youth with You 1

Watch on iQiyi (English subs, VIP needed) Watch via Qing Chun You Ni Subs (English fansubs)

Why you should watch it: This season is the forgotten child of the franchise, but it still had some great performances and a lot of talented contestants. The theme song is also probably my favorite out of all ten theme songs! It was love at first listen. Personally, I enjoyed this team of mentors more than the first season’s. I also feel that the vocal-based performances were stronger this season. For instance, there were great performances of 李荣浩 Li Ronghao songs.

Why you shouldn’t watch it: I feel that some of the magic of the first season was lost, and overall the contestants were not as memorable or charismatic in my opinion. There were also several contestants I found extremely irritating and some contestants who ranked much higher and last much longer on the show than I feel they should have based on their skill level...but I won’t name names.

My picks: 夏瀚宇 Xia Hanyu, 李振宁 Li Zhenning, 周士原 Zhou Shiyuan, 连淮伟 Li Huaiwei

Favorite performance: 隔壁泰山 A组 Neighboring Tarzan group A This is a very unusal song, but it’s so catchy and memorable. 夏瀚宇 Xia Hanyu really made this performance for me. And this song still gets stuck in my head months later!

Iconic moments: 冯俊杰 Feng Junjie and 夏瀚宇 Xia Hanyu trying to outdo each other, 胡春杨 Hu Chunyang looked angry 24/7 for no reason, they literally got 蔡依林! Jolin Tsai! as a mentor, 李汶翰 Li Wenhan was everyone’s older brother, their performance made me fall in love with the song 耳朵 Erduo, they kinda did a steampunk concept which I love.

Verdict: It’s not necessarily a must-watch, but I still enjoyed it. If you’ve fallen into the black hole of survival shows and want more, I think it’s worth your time.

青春有你2 Youth with You 2

Watch on iQiyi (English subs, VIP needed) Watch on YouTube (English subs) Watch on YouTube (no English subs, missing several parts/episodes)

Why you should watch it: As iQiyi’s first time with female contestants, this season was highly anticipated. iQiyi stepped it up with subtitles, got Lisa from BLACKPINK as a mentor (I saw people say they came for Lisa and stayed for the trainees), and made a lot of content available on YouTube. As a result, some of the performances from this season have millions of views. It’s well deserved—a lot of the contestants are overflowing with talent and charisma. And honestly, you should watch this for 蔡徐坤. He’s a great MC/mentor to the girls and was truly a highlight of the season for me.

Why you shouldn’t watch it: This is the only season that I watched week by week as it was airing. It was EXHAUSTING. iQiyi started pumping out two episodes a week, doubling the overall episode count. I was literally burnt out by the finale. So if you watch this, please take it slow. Also, I forgot how much they did that thing where they cut away from the performances to show other contestant/mentor reactions and then have to go rewind on the performance...it really drives me nuts. They overdid it for sure.

My picks: 刘雨昕 Liu Yuxin, 喻言 Yu Yan, 王承渲 Wang Chengxuan, 刘令姿 Liu Lingzi, 许馨文 Xu Xinwen

Favorite performance: 不奉陪 No Company This was a tough choice! I went with this performance because I actively sought it out for relistens. That’s so rare for 主题考核 theme evaluation songs for me. All the members got to shine yet they were a very cohesive team.

Iconic moments: Bad Guy was the ultimate dark horse, how no one knew the song 想见你想见你想见你 Miss You 3000, 王承渲 Wang Chengxuan defeated the evil quads, 乃万 Nineone basically replaced Jony J as rap mentor, seeing 刘雨昕 Liu Yuxin with a wig was terrifying, they let the girls wear shorts if they didn’t like skirts #feminism, I still think about 张钰 Zhang Yu and 王清 Wang Qing’s initial performance all the time.

Verdict: I don’t think I could rewatch this season due to its length, but if you can commit the time, I think you should watch it. I’m sad I’ll never get to see a second 青春有你 Youth with You female season.

青春有你3 Youth with You 3

Watch on iQiyi (English subs, no VIP needed) Watch on iQiyi (no English subs, no VIP needed) Watch on YouTube (no English subs, missing several parts/episodes)

Why you should watch it: This season was probably the one I felt most emotionally invested in. I feel like I got to know the boys and was in it together with them (parasocial relationships, I know). And the friendships between contestants were so touching. Like 青春有你2 Youth with You 2, this season was also extra long, but I watched this season after it aired, going at my own pace. There were so many charming contestants and memorable performances. The dancing especially shone, but we got some great vocal moments too. I think iQiyi did a really good job picking songs this season.

Why you shouldn’t watch it: Sadly, the finale never aired. Due to the infamous milk-wasting scandal, the show was cancelled (but a winning group still formed and debuted). Even though I knew this before watching the show, it was still quite sad to never see a conclusion. Additionally, I believe this show started with more like 120 contestants, and I felt that increased number. Lastly, there was some painful singing and lots of very uninspired rapping. I feel like the gap in skill between the contestants was larger, and some of the teams felt very unbalanced as a result.

My picks: 姜京佐 Jiang Jingzuo, 杨昊铭 Yang Haoming, 十七 Shiqi, 徐子未 Xu Ziwei, 张思源 Zhang Siyuan, 连淮伟 Lian Huaiwei

Favorite performance: 燕尾蝶 Wings of Love This performance was everything I could ever dream of. 徐子未 won the world over instantly. He has the voice of an angel. Love the song, love the concept, love everything about it.

Iconic moments: 罗一舟 Luo Yizhou and 余景天 Tony Yu Jingtians’s friendly rivalry, 徐子未 Xu Ziwei’s back-to-back victories, Yuta’s adorable accent, 王南钧 Wang Nanjun would not shut up about 竹 Bamboo, touch 梁森 Liang Sen’s head for good luck, 刘隽 Liu Jun dances like he’s possessed (in a good way), that 雨爱 Rainie Love stage was a trainwreck tbh.

Verdict: Despite the scandals and lack of a finale, it was worth the watch for me. I feel so fond thinking of this season. Truthfully, season three has surpassed season two for me.

>> 创造101 Produce 101/创造营 Chuang (Tencent)

I read somewhere that Tencent officially licensed the Produce 101 name from Mnet, making this franchise more “official.” For season two, they ended up changing the name to 创造营 Produce Camp. The Chinese name remained the same for seasons three and four, but the in English they started promoting the show under the name Chuang. I think they wanted to beat iQiyi in the contest to see who can have the most titles for the same show.

创造101 Produce 101 China

Watch on Tencent Video (English subs, no VIP needed) Watch on 腾讯视频 (no English subs, VIP needed) Watch on YouTube (no English subs) Watch on YouTube (no English subs, episode 7 here, episode 10 here) Watch via Produce 101 China Subs (English fansubs)

Why you should watch it: This is the only season I’ve seen twice, so that says something I guess! This season holds a special place in my heart as my first survival show, so I rewatched it earlier this year with some friends who hadn’t seen it previously. One thing that stood out to me about this season was that it felt like there were several dark horses who started to shine closer to the middle/end of the show. I liked this because it’s boring when the debut lineup is completely predictable! And if you’re not already a 孟美岐 Meng Meiqi fan, you will leave as a 孟美岐 Meng Meiqi fan, guaranteed.

Why you shouldn’t watch it: Not gonna lie, I was not a huge fan of this mentor team. I am fine with these people individually, but together it was not an ideal combo in my opinion. They collectively made some very odd decisions that I strongly disagree with. After my rewatch, I’m just kinda done with 黄子韬 Huang Zitao. I also realized there were a lot more instances of...rough singing than I remembered, so be warned.

My picks: 孟美岐 Meng Meiqi, Yamy, 刘人语 Liu Renyu, 许靖韵 Angela Xu Jingyun, 吴映香 Lucia Wu Yingxiang, 李紫婷 Mimi Li Ziting

Favorite performance: 别人家的小孩 Other People’s Kids This is one of the most iconic performances (and one of my favorites) ever from all of these shows! It’s so unique and really has everything you could want. It was truly a perfect collab performance.

Iconic moments: When they had to tap 杨超越 Yang Chaoyue so she wouldn’t miss the beat, 王一博 Wang Yibo’s blue hair was gorgeous, Triple A group reunion, Look What You Made Me Do with creepy marionettes was perfect, when 陈嘉桦 Ella went barefoot on stage, 黄子韬 Huang Zitao literally screamed at them all, I’ll never forget the iconic 乐华 Yuehua performance.

Verdict: Even the second time, this was a season filled with surprises. It’s not perfect, but I think it will manage to charm you anyway. There are some real hidden gems here.

创造营2019 Produce Camp 2019

Watch on Tencent Video (English subs, VIP needed) Watch on 腾讯视频 (no English subs, VIP needed) Watch on YouTube (no English subs)

Why you should watch it: This was the first ever male season I watched, and I remember being apprehensive. I ended up having a lot of fun! This season really tugged at my heartstrings with the touching friendships between the boys and the intense 导师推荐生 mentor recommendees segments. I felt like I went through the wringer with them as they were forced to repack all their belongings, endure the brutal F班 demotions, hike across the beach, and more. There were countless hilarious moments too. If I were to rewatch, it would be for 周震南 Zhou Zhennan AKA 南南 Nannan. He just dominates the stage (despite his short stature)!

Why you shouldn’t watch it: I’ll admit, this season probably has the greatest number of contestants that annoy me. Sometimes it’s for no good reason...I just look at them and go ugh. The first round especially has some pretty painful singing, so be warned of that as well. Also, my rewatch made me realize I remembered very few performances from this season, which probably isn’t a good sign. Also, a lot of the performances were very short, sub-three minutes, which personally bothers me.

My picks: 周震南 Zhou Zhennan, 高嘉朗 Gao Jialang, 姚琛 Yao Chen, 陆思恒 Lu Siheng, 李鑫一 Li Xinyi, 贺俊雄 He Junxiong

Favorite performance: 开门见山 Kaimenjianshan I’ll admit that this performance was not as good as I remembered it being (probably because now I’ve heard the original by A-Mei many times), but I picked it anyway to acknowledge the amazing 高嘉朗 Gao Jialang.

Iconic moments: 张颜齐 Zhang Yanqi giving away jars of 老干妈 Lao Gan Ma, we never saw 王晨艺 Wang Chenyi again, 姚琛来了~ (Yao Chen is coming), when 周震南 Zhou Zhennan had his hoodie on but his ears were sticking out omg, try saying 李昀锐 Li Yunrui's name ten times fast, they had 30+ year old men here, this was the OG 乘风破浪 chengfengpolang.

Verdict: Among so many seasons, I don’t think this season stands out that much, but I still remember it fondly. If you want a good laugh and some fun, check it out.

创造营2020 Chuang 2020

Watch on Tencent Video (English subs, VIP needed) Watch on 腾讯视频 (no English subs, VIP needed) Watch on YouTube (English subs, missing episode 3) Watch on YouTube (English subs, missing episode 3) Watch on Viki (English subs, no Viki Pass needed)

Why you should watch it: They went all out on the sets, the location, the accommodations, everything. The performance setup was that the seats were in the middle and various stages were located around the perimeter. The seats would rotate to face the stages!! Some of the stages were stunning. I also want to mention that there were some great vocalists this season and I feel like they got to shine, which always makes me happy. The best round by far was the second round (专业方向). We got some beautiful vocal performances and intense dance performances.

Why you shouldn’t watch it: This season felt messy to me. I think they tried to mix things up, but not everything landed. The beautiful sets almost got distracting…they were more interesting than some of the performances. Several very talented and promising contestants never even made it past the first round. And since the final group only had seven people, the finale was just a frustrating experience. I never want to hear that 小摩托 xiao motuo song or 夏天的风 Summer Wind again. I don’t feel this season lived up to 创造101 Produce 101 China (unless you wanted MORE comments about weight/thinness).

My picks: 王柯 Wang Ke, 华承妍 Hua Chengyan, 刘些宁 Liu Xiening, 苏芮琪 Su Ruiqi, 朱主爱, Joyce Zhu Zhu’ai, 王一桥 Wang Yiqiao

Favorite performance: Manta There were a lot of performances I liked, but I really struggled to pick a favorite. I ultimately went with this because it’s one of the most memorable dance performances I’ve seen on these shows.

Iconic moments: That thin waist contest was simply the worst, they were in a literal castle, we all went crazy for the band and 王柯 Wang Ke, 朱主爱 Joyce Zhu Zhu’ai won the collab stage, wtf stop filming 姜贞羽 Jiang Zhenyu, I want to ride that cute train up the mountain, 毛不易 Mao Buyi did not want to talk, pretend that 吴亦凡 Wu Yifan wasn’t there.

Verdict: This season was competing against 青春有你2 Youth with You 2, and I chose to prioritize 青春有你2 Youth with You 2. I would make the same choice now. If you decide to watch, just be warned it may be a frustrating experience.

创造营2021 Chuang 2021

Watch on Tencent Video (English subs, VIP needed) Watch on 腾讯视频 (no English subs, VIP needed)

Why you should watch it: I wasn’t sure I was going to watch this season because of its international theme. Having foreigners is nothing new, but such a large number was certainly going to alter the show’s dynamic. Well, I watched it anyway. Overall, I’m glad I did. There were some talented and lovable contestants that made this season all worth it. The mentor squad (mostly 宁静 Ning Jing, 邓超 Deng Chao, and 周深 Zhou Shen) were so entertaining. Lastly, compared to the 2019 season, there were more popular vocalists this season, which I 100% support. I’ll be honest, I didn’t remember a lot of the performances from this season, but I ended up pleasantly surprised by how many great ones there were!

Why you shouldn’t watch it: It felt like there was so much focus on Nine and Patrick, Santa and Riki, the Intersection boys, and eventually Lelush as well. The other foreign contestants honestly had very little impact. This didn’t ruin the show or anything, but sometimes I got a little sick of the Santa and Mika show, you know? Also, none of my favorites made it into the winning group unfortunately. While I acknowledge the talent of the winning members, for whatever reason I wasn’t really that invested in most of them.

My picks: 俞更寅 Yu Gengying, 井胧 Jing Long, 林墨 Lin Mo, 奥斯卡 Oscar, 张星特 Zhang Xingte

Favorite performance: Lover Boy 88 This performance was simply infectious! I even made my friends watch to it. 林墨 Lin Mo is so charming. And 张腾 Zhang Teng and 张星特 Zhang Xingte’s vocals were perfect. Just wish it had been longer!

Iconic moments: Mika and 曾涵江 Zeng Hanjiang = my last two brain cells trying to communicate, I still can’t believe Lelush went viral worldwide, 刘宇 Liu Yu broke the Produce curse, Nine and Patrick only learned Chinese for how long???, Caelan kinda does look like Leonardo DiCaprio, Oscar AKA 熊熊 Xiongxiong, the 网红 wanghong group was so talented actually.

Verdict: I think this season got more international attention than 青春有你3 Youth with You 3, and while I prefer 青春有你3 Youth with You 3, this season is worth a watch for its uniqueness and improvements over the previous year.

>> 以团之名 All For One/少年之名 We Are Young (Youku)

I watched both seasons of Youku’s shorter-lived franchise in 2022 only after (and only because) I had finished the other two franchises. I think Youku had a smaller budget and thus tried to stand out by shaking up the traditional survival show formula. I think they made some poor choices and some good choices. I don’t know the story behind the name change between seasons, but the seasons are so different from each other that it makes sense.

以团之名 All For One

Watch on Youku (no English subs, VIP needed) Watch on YouTube (no English subs)

Why you should watch it: I’m going to say a lot of negative stuff below, but I wanted to add at least a few positive words. During the finale, the remaining contestants sang S.H.E’s 你曾是少年 Wings Of My Words, and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so emotional over a performance ever. 任家萱 Selina was a delight throughout. I also really grew to appreciate 奶茶 Naicha and what a great and thoughtful leader he was.

Why you shouldn’t watch it: As I mentioned, this show had some unique features that made it stand out. The contestants formed ten groups of eight, and the composition of the groups remained unchanged throughout. Entire groups got eliminated together. This created a dynamic where some really talented contestants went home too soon due to their group. It also meant that some groups were popular really just due to having one popular member. In the end, one group won...but I guess they realized this was a bad idea, so they formed a second winning group of the most popular contestants from the non-winning groups. I didn’t like this format and felt is really negatively impacted my viewing. Personally, seeing new team lineups form is one of my favorite parts of survival shows. And because the leaders were constant, they had there was too much focus on them. Also, the mentors were so harsh all the time. Maybe it was deserved, but it really bummed me out to watch them constantly talk about how disappointed they were.

My picks: 奶茶 Naicha, 田书臣 Tian Shuchen, 龙泓昊 Long Honghao, 赖煜哲 AJ Lai Yuzhe, 热亚提 Reyati, 赵品霖 Zhao Pinlin

Favorite performance: 饕餮 Taotie This was not one of the performances that stood out in my memory, but it stood out to me when I did my rewatch. I feel like they really nailed every element, and I don’t think the other teams could have pulled off this song.

Iconic moments: 何展成 Jonathan Ha gave up on speaking Chinese and 袁娅维 Tia Ray had to translate for him, the 王霏霏 Wang Feifei and 孟佳 Meng Jia reunion, 龙泓昊 Long Honghao’s beautiful dance to a Shawn Mendes song, I’m not sure why 奶茶 Naicha chose milk tea as stage name, AJ vs. the hidden snacks, they made 周艺轩 Zhou Yixuan perform a UNIQ song.

Verdict: Maybe you can skip this one. I definitely didn’t devote my full attention while I was watching it. And it felt like the show and the mentors were being mean to the boys all the time.

少年之名 We Are Young

Watch on Youku (no English subs, VIP needed) Watch on YouTube (no English subs) Watch via We Are Young Subs (English fansubs)

Why you should watch it: They improved on basically all the issues I had with the first season, and I was pleasantly surprised. Also, this is basically a 青春有你1 Youth with You 1 mini reunion with a few 偶像练习生 Idol Producer alums plus some future 青春有你3 You with You 3 contestants. It was so wonderful to see how the contestants I already knew had grown, and I loved seeing them get new opportunities to shine. There was surprisingly a lot of good raps/rappers on this show! Also, there were some truly incredible performances this season that aren’t like anything I’ve seen on other idol survival shows. And I enjoyed almost every performance—there were only a few that I disliked or thought were, um, not good. The mentors did not always agree...but I don’t care!

Why you shouldn’t watch it: Because they have to be different, when doing the initial evaluations, only about 50 contestants advanced to the next round. This was nice because it meant fewer names/faces, but wow, it felt so mean. Sometimes I wished they had stuck to a more traditional format. Besides that, I don’t have much else negative to say!

My picks: 郭震 Guo Zhen, 寇聪 Kuo Cong, 胡文煊 Hu Wenxuan, 左林杰 Zuo Linjie, 李希侃 Li Xikan, 崔少鹏 Cui Shaopeng, 杨超文 Yang Chaowen

Favorite performance: Don’t Start Now I don’t think I’ve ever seen this exact concept on one of these shows before. This performance was instantly a standout for me, especially because it had some of my favorite contestants!

Iconic moments: They literally had a corgi, 林 (Lin) MUA, everyone shipping 薛恩 Xue En and 程潇 Cheng Xiao, 胡文煊 Hu Wenxuan in a CROP TOP, 胡彦斌 Hu Yanbin told 寇聪 Kou Cong to wear less to show off his body what, 崔少鹏 Cui Shaopeng’s entrance through the pink smoke, 左林杰 Zuo Linjie really bungee jumped with his eyes closed, how 郭震 Guo Zhen, 左叶 Zuo Ye, and 胡文煊 Hu Wenxuan were in the same group four times without anyone noticing.

Verdict: This season ended up being better than it had any right to be! I think it’s worth checking out, especially if you are missing the boys from the 偶像练习生 Idol Producer/青春有你 Youth with You series.

>> Conclusion

If you actually read this entire post, I’m thoroughly impressed. If you, like me, have spent way too much time watching these shows, feel free to send me a message because I need someone to commiserate with. 

I honestly have this weird feeling that a chapter of my life is over. I have so many treasured memories from watching these shows—moments of laughter, tears, shock, pride, and more. They’ve provided a way to ground my language studies and engage with Chinese pop culture. They made me feel less alone during earlier COVID times.

Well, I’m off to find something to fill the survival show-size hole in my heart...maybe I’ll just rewatch 偶像练习生 Idol Producer.

[enden-k]

I saw you mention Skyrim the other day in a post of yours and was curious about whether you had any in-universe OCs, AUs or anything like that for the Elder Scrolls universe, and if you'd be willing to share!

Sorry if this is weird or out of pocket or anything like that (or if the mention of skyrim was a goof of some kind that i missed) but it's been a special interest of mine for quite some time and it's neat to see folks in the same fandom circles that I am mention it outside of a meme context

ok ok im gonna ramble HAHAHA

when i played skyrim for first time it was years ago on ps3, just classic oldrim. when i got my pc years later i started w skyrim again and started modding and ughhhhh, basically turned my dragonborn into a really cool, pretty vampire w a bunch of customized followers and we just roamed the lands, doing quests and adventures and it was honestly sm fun!!!! i even started drawing abt them, i was just super immersed and it was a nice thing to focus on in that time. unfortunately smth broke my game iirc and in the end i had no choice but to delete everything and start again but i didnt get him right again and then just gave up. since i built a new pc that handles much much more now, i started ultramodding (again), trying to get him back akjscbkj

from all kinds of games i tried so far, skyrim is just still the perfect game in my eyes tbh. it was incredibly fun playing both vanilla and modding it later; it just gave me the chance to customize a game i greatly enjoy even more to my tastes (not to mention that despite its age, w all the hard work of the community it still can compete w modern games w all the graphic improving mods out etc)

yeah anw, i had a whole squad around my dragonborn, camping out in the night, watching stars, riding through the lands, doing quests together, had them all assigned roles, doodled abt them.....................im trying to get it all how it was but aughh

[marvel-and-chicago-fan]

Sick Sister

First Tumblr post ever, i work on wattpad but i want to also post my stuff on here. Anyways hope you enjoy

Requested: No

Warnings: Fainting, Hospitals, and one mention of ambulances

______________________________________________________________

Mattie’s Pov

“Mattie” you woke up to Jay pulling your covers off.

“Jay stop, it's so cold in here, did you turn the heat down or something?”

“No, I even turned it up last night cause I swear I could hear you shivering”. Jay said while going to feel Mattie's head.

“Gosh Mattie your burning up”

“I'm going to go grab the thermometer and call will, I'll be back”. Jay said while walking out of your room.

“Alright Mattie, I'm back”.

***

Jay called Will six times in the past hour taking the hint that he was busy or he just didn't want to answer so he called Connor in hopes that he would answer.

“Hello? Jay?” Connors tone confused on why his co-workers brother would call him

“Matilda has a fever of 103.1. I gave her tylenol around an hour ago and doesn't seem like it's working”.

“As her doctor im saying you should bring her in, but if you think she's ok then you can keep her at home”.

“I'm going to bring her in and-”. Jay stopped mid sentence hearing a loud thump. “Mattie, Matilda?”

Connor could hear Jay running up the stairs trying to figure out what happened.

“Jay-Jay, what's going on? Talk to me”

You felt a familiar feeling in your stomach, either it's because you're hungry or you need to throw up the crackers you ate.

As soon as you stand up get really dizzy you try to shake off the feeling but you can't, so you attempt to head down stairs but as soon as you take your next step you feel your body hit the floor and everything goes black.

According to Will and Jay you tend to faint every time you get sick but you don't remember so you just believe whatever they say and go with it.

The first time this happened Jay thought someone broke in since it was 6 in the morning. You swear you heard will yell that it was just you and not a criminal but your brushed it off thinking it was just a dream”

***

“It's Mattie, she fainted aging” .

“Make sure you put her feet up i'll let will know”

Before connor could finish jay hung up to call an ambulance”

***

“What've we got, Maggie”? Will asked as the paramedic handed over the young girl to the hospital.

“Matilda Halstead, 15 years old, found unconscious by her brother… Will you can't handle her, you the hospital protocols, I swear i didn't know”

Will was just left standing there as he watched his little sister being taken care of by other doctors.

***

Wills/No Ones POV

“At this point i think we should just put in the hospital with 24/7 surveillance everytime she gets sick” Will trying to make a joke

“First of all she hates hospitals and needles so that's a no, and i just realized that i forgot to tell voight i wouldn't be there. Haileys probably thought i've gone missing from not answering anyone's phone calls”.

Just then Connor walks in “Ok so she's ok now and you can see her now, she's dealurios but that will wear off soon. I wanted to run a few tests and it looks like she suffered from heat syncope. It looks like it's what causes the fainting every time she gets a high fever” .

“Thank you Connor”. Will replied

“Anytime guys, anytime”.

***

Mattie’s POV

Just then you saw your brothers come in and will told you to stop playing with your iv 

“Ha you two look alike for some reason”

“That's because we're brother mattie” Jay said while coming sit down next to you

“Mattie? But the doctors told me i was matilda am i impersonating someone” You whined

“No Matilda, we call you Mattie for short so you're not impersonating anyone, '' Jay said, trying to contain his laughter.

“Hey, stop laughing at me. Your so mean” You said almost crying

“Oh mattie jay just a 3 year old in an old man's body” Will sighed trying to calm down mattie

***

The rest of the night was filled with mattie making everyone laugh then connor discharged her

“Is she asleep?” Jay says when will comes down stairs

“Yep she finally let herself relax and sleep”

“She's just like you jay”

“And how she's more like you” Jay gasped

“She loves to be babied when she sick just like you” Will chuckled 

“Since you wanna keep coming at me like that you're in charge of waking her tomorrow morning”. Jay commented

“What?”

“See you tomorrow night will”

Will sat there thinking about how he's raising two children instead of 1 little sister.

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

[mecachrome]

Hi k! I think you’ve maybe mentioned this before but if you want would you share any thoughts on the Jenson/Oscar/Lando dynamic (either observed or in your fic!)? Love your scholarship as always.

omg i would love to but disclaimer that this is like an entirely fictional dynamic of course and basically just something i want to see in badvibez fic HLSDFHLKH. actually as a jendo 1oa shipper my Very very early idea was one-sided attraction on lando's side + 814 fwbs but eventually i fell down the jb81 brainworms path...

oh but in terms of observed dynamics, one thing i remember very clearly from 2022 is when crbgate was happening and jenson was talking to skysports about it like "i've been through this situation before but actually i was wrong and selfish 😊 oscar shouldn't make enemies in his career so early when he's literally never driven in a formula 1 car ❤️" in that lowkey condescending (affectionate) way of his which was hilarious to me fsr because like. well to be clear Many pundits/tps/etc. were speaking presumptuously on oscar's situation and often it was through this lens of "surely one team can't be that fucking stupid and incompetent right?" (spoiler alert: well you know) but Still... because mark webber (we'll get to him) was actually managing oscar correctly and oscar WASN'T as stupid and brash as young jense. similarly people love comparing oscar's driving style to jenson's and i remember once during an fp session someone doing it right before oscar went off and jenson was like ...Okay then. :) HLSDFH like i do think jenson rates and likes oscar don't get me wrong i just also think that 1) jenson is obnoxiously obsessed with and loyal to lando and 2) jenson can get carried away with the Narratives like any other pundit but... he's also pretty clearheaded and objective with where oscar's current level is and doesn't ever praise him senselessly, which interests me because of how much old people adore oscar and hype him up. also the first f1 race oscar ever watched was melb 2009 which jenson won... guy who meticulously studied canada 2009 as race prep two weeks ago 🧡

basically the idea of the fic really is that Literally Everyone Ever is obsessed with jenson button except for oscar. and Literally Everyone Ever around jenson's age is charmed by oscar except for jenson. and oscar's like ok yeah he's cool but what is so great about this guy... has logan texting him going all mate seriously he's actually so nice 🥰 and lando turns beet red every time jenson so much as breathes near him in the paddock and he and alex get along swimmingly and everyone he talks to seems to think jenson is the funniest guy alive. he's like ??? PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER.

also what i love about jenson is that he's so good at playing mindgames by never succumbing to them in the first place. which is a distinctly oscar piastri quality... so like i love the idea of their banter/dynamic being very insincere but in this distinctly light-hearted and polite way??? like they're both clearly trying to fuck with each other but they're having fun with it. ok actually sorry let me just paste an entire text post. Basically c'est comme ça:

also this is something chel and i discussed once but the hilarity of jenson and mark is that jenson treats the young brits like they're his mates but actually maintains some sort of moral emotional/physical distance whereas markw is out here like calling oscar his kid and pup while being... i mean. You know. hasklfdh anyway i LOVE their dynamic in the context of jendo/jb81/814 etc. because while jenson and mark are friends mark will always be that loser who never got his wdc and lost to seb every time... which really the latter is the most embarrassing to him imo because jenson lowkey rates beating lewis higher than winning his championship.

tl;dr: when you're in a Make Everything about lando norris competition and your opponents are jenson and oscar

tbh i kind of gave up on this a while back but then miami brought everything back because JENSON was there and then i was just like >>>THE DELICIOUSNESS OF JENSON BEING THERE FOR LANDO'S WIN AND OSCAR FLOPPING... there is nothing more delicious to me than sleeping together about another person imo. and it first happens in silvo or something because they have all these misdirected feelings about lando who is Inaccessible to them for different reasons (jenson: thinks he's being an upstanding citizen by only lusting after lando from afar / oscar: has been told by mark webber to not hook up with a teammate. never said anything about old rivals though) and then it keeps continuing because oscar's season kind of goes to shit once they hit the americas and well... you get the gist.

i could talk about this forever tbh. even though it makes NO sense <3 can someone please write me jb81 😭😭😭

[twigg96]

Daryl x reader where they have a fight yams he upsets them or makes them cry and they make up?

Hello sweet Anon! You absolutely may have a Daryl X Reader where he upsets them/ makes them cry. This prompt actually gave me a few ideas so I may be making a second angsty fic based off the prompt!! 🥰

Midnight Moonshine

Daryl X Reader

Era: Post Prison, Pre-Terminus

Pronouns: You/Your/[Y/N]

Warnings: mentions of past self harm, mentions of child abuse, angry/drunk Daryl, arguing, threats of divorce, ANGST.

Summary: When Beth and Daryl start to play Never have I ever, you become nervous, having seen Daryl drunk before you knew how nasty he could be when provoked. Keeping a distance and a close eye on the two as they played you tried to keep the peace. But Beth is innocent to the world you and Daryl knew growing up. She didn’t know when to stop.

A cool summer breeze seeped through the cracks in the walls of the tiny rundown shining shack. As you and Daryl rushed to light what little oil lamps you could find laying around the place, you couldn't help but notice how tense your husband looked as the light illuminated the shack... and why wouldn't he be? You had known Daryl your whole life. The two of you grew up mere minutes from each other separated only by the mile of woodlands that you two called more of a home than your actual houses. You had seen the horrid conditions Daryl had been forced to grow up in. Cowered from the terror he was forced to put up with that was his father. So you knew... that this shack wasn't just a shack to him... it was a reminder of the living hell he had to endure not too long ago. But Beth... sweet innocent Beth... she could never understand your and Daryl's shared pain. So whenever she insisted, after finding the moonshine that the three of you should drink, you and Daryl tried your hardest to insist that she should just drink alone. That the two of you would keep watch. But the girl was insistent and if your husband had one vice in the world... it would be drink. "Come on... just one drink... we can even make a game out of it..." Beth whined swirling the clear elixir around the mason jar in her hand like it was the most enticing thing in the entire world. But by the look in Daryl's eyes... it truly was.

You truly hated it when Daryl drank. You had watched him take his first drink of hard liquor at the ripe age of 7. You had begged him not to when he told you he stole it from his father's good stash. You knew the consequences would be dire if the two of you were ever to be caught... and caught you were. His bastard of a father took a count of his stash every single night before he went to bed and every morning when he woke up, a habit he picked up after Merle started to skim the good liquor off the top of the distillery in the early morning hours while he was still asleep. But that day... when you and Daryl had been caught red handed passing the jar back and forth on the ridge behind his home, Daryl's father left scars that never truly healed on either of you. After that day, Daryl became meaner than a rattle snake when he drank... every time no matter what it was. He tried to say beer was ok, but even then if you weren't around to cool him off when someone rubbed him the wrong way he was quick to lay into friends and family for no good reason. Hard liquor was the worst on him though, not only making him mean, but hateful and intentionally hurtful. You had lost count of the amount of times you nearly broke up or divorced all because of some bullshit he spit while drunk. If it wasn't for Merle stepping in and talking some sense into Daryl while he was still around... you two would have never made it half as long as you did. So when Beth asked, "You gonna join us for our game?" You simply shook your head, choosing to lean up against the farthest wall from them and watch. "Awe... come on [Y/N]. You don't even have to drink if ya don't want, just play with us." Beth begged. But you knew better. If you started playing into her little game, she'd either weasel a drink into your hand a couple of rounds in, or Daryl would find something to be pissed at later in the night. So you simply stayed quiet shaking you head again this time with a false reassuring smile. "No... I'll keep watch for a while. I'm too tired to drink anyway." You lied, sighing in relief as your husband nodded understandingly and Beth simply rolled her eyes turning to Daryl to explain the rules of the game.

Never Have I Ever... what a cruel game when played under the right circumstances. When Beth first suggested it you felt your heart drop into your stomach. Beth was young. She was vulnerable. And she was hurting, A dangerous combination when it came to this game. You could tell that she was trying... at least at first... "I aint never shot a crossbow." She muttered softly watching as Daryl took a drink of the shine. "Aint much of a game..." He muttered lowly eyeing Beth wryly. "That was just a warm up. Now it's your turn." Beth smiled pushing Daryl to go. But your husband just hummed looking around the room his ears bright read while chewing on his thumb. "Dunno" He mumbled avoiding Beth's gaze all together. "Just say the first thing that pops into your head." Beth said shrugging. "I aint never been out of Gorgia before..." Daryl finally murmured honestly. "Really?!" Beth gasped out and suddenly you wanted to step in then and there. To tell Beth to back off, play a different game. But you respected your husband and his choices... he had simply never played the game before... but you couldn't ignore the hurt in his eyes as Beth smirked taking a drink of her shine. "I mean... ok. Good one." She muttered. After a moment of silence where the little blonde swirled the liquor in her glass she hummed. "I've never... did something while I was drunk that I regrated." Without hesitation Daryl picked up his jar taking a large drink. But you didn't miss the way he locked eyes with you as he placed his glass back on the table. "I've done a lot of things..." He muttered sadly his blue eyes flicking back to the table in a heartbreaking way that said way too much. With a deep sigh Daryl seemed to think. "I aint never been on vacation." Daryl muttered softly. Beth glanced from the table to the wall seemingly bouncing an idea around in her head. "What about camping?" She asked but Daryl simply shook his head. "Nah... that was jus' somethin' I had ta learn... ta hunt." Daryl answered, rubbing the stubble on his chin. "Yer Dad teach you?" Beth asked. But this time Daryl stayed silent nodding only slightly. It was a half truth... Merle taught Daryl most of what he knew. His dad taught him to hide in the woods. To kill wild game to keep from being seen from CPS in town when they came knocking. To go on long "camping trips" that always ended with him doing all the work while his father stayed piss drunk back at the camp... "What about a honeymoon?" Beth asked, looking between you and Daryl this time. Daryl cocked a brow looking to Beth like she was nuts. But you simply shook your head. "Not that I'm playin'." You hummed, stretching your aching knees out in front of you. "But, I never wanted one." You hummed. It was true. You personally hated the frilly ideas of traditional weddings. So when you and Daryl eloped, you did just that. You packed Merle up in your beater car without him knowing where you were taking him and went straight to the court house. No need for fanfare. No need for fancy clothes. No flowers. No invitations. No bull shit. Daryl had asked if you ever wanted to go on a honeymoon. And the two of you fantasized about going somewhere someday... no where wild like Europe. But maybe the beach... or somewhere Daryl and you could hunt some new game... But years passed and the turn happened before either of you could save enough to make a trip work.

Watching Beth take her sip you leaned back against the wall, relaxing just a little. Maybe you had worried for nothing? "I've never... been in jail." Beth stated looking up from her glass to meet Daryl's eyes. Daryl's gaze grew hard and judgmental, a harsh unreadable scowl falling to his face as he started to toy with his hair, a coping tactic he used when he was getting upset. Sitting up properly you glanced between the two. "I mean..." Beth laughed breathily eyeing Daryl, completely oblivious to his distress. Oh this was fuckin' bad... "That wha'cha think of me?" Daryl growled, his face never morphing from the stoic glare he held. "I didn't mean anything serious... I just thought ya know the drunk tank. Even my dad got locked up for that back in the day..." Beth tried to smooth things over by rubbing Daryl the complete wrong way. Catching Daryl's glance you moved your body closer to the game. You were familiar with his warnings by now. "Drink up." Daryl muttered, rubbing his chin once more, but this time his glare was icy cold as he stared at Beth, seemingly waiting for the sweet moment that she would pay for her words. But Beth... she was stubborn as hell. Probably why you three got along so well on any normal day. "Wait..." She hummed eyeing Daryl with scrutiny. "Prison guard! Where you a prison guard before?" She asked placing her elbows on the table. The silence was palpable and Daryl's glare only hardened as be moved his hand back to his hair. "No." He muttered through clenched teeth. "Beth. Take your drink." You warned, watching as Daryl fought with every fiber of his being not to snap at this teenaged girl sitting across from him. Finally with an annoyed sigh Beth rolled her eyes and took a defeated sip from her glass. "It's your turn again." Beth hummed, too happy for the position she was in currently. That's when you saw something in Daryl snap.

Slamming his hand down on the makeshift table, Daryl groaned. "I gotta take a piss..." He hissed. Taking long strides to walk past you, you felt his long fingers intertwine with your hair almost as in a gentle reassurance as he passed by. But as his fingers stayed just a moment too long, pulling your hair back with a jerk you couldn't hold back your whine of pain. "Oh sorry did I pull yer hair?" Daryl growled, glaring daggers at both you and Beth as if it were your fault that his fingers got tangled in your hair. Throwing his jar to the ground and turning to the corner of the room he decided to mark his territory as his. "You have ta be quiet." Beth hissed and for a moment you wanted to strangle the girl. "Cant hear ya I'm takin' a piss!" Daryl yelled back pissing in the corner of the room. "Daryl you have to keep yer voice down!" Beth hissed again. You knew she wasn't wrong but you also knew she was only poking a dangerous bear. "What are ya my chaperone?" Daryl yelled glaring at Beth. When the girl opened her mouth to retort, you sighed. "Beth... just leave him alone." You warned glaring at her. "Wha' ya don't want me ta talk now?" Daryl hissed at you, turning to jerk up his zipper. "Oh! Wait! It's my turn, right?" Daryl growled turning to you both. "I never uhh..." Daryl started, walking to stand beside you fixing his belt "I never ate frozen yogurt." Daryl bit out at Beth, looking to you as if it were a win for him. But, when you started to stand, not giving him the reaction he was looking for Daryl growled lowly. "I never had a pet pony!" He yelled, waving his arm at Beth. "I certainly never got nothin' from Santa Clause!" Daryl hissed hitting the yellow chair that held the other jars of shine making them clank as the chair tipped precariously. Reaching out you grabbed the chair with a sigh and sat it on all fours again, watching as Beth winced away from Daryl. But before you could open your mouth Daryl was tearing into Beth again. "Never relied on anyone for protection before! Hell I don't think I've ever relied on anyone fer anything!" Daryl screamed pacing from the back of the shack to where Beth sat as still as a board.

"Daryl!" You hissed glaring at your husband. "Never sung out in front of a big group out in public, like everything was fun! Like everything was a big game!" Daryl turned away for a moment stepping away before shaking his head. "I sure as hell never cut my wrists before lookin' for attention!" Daryl screamed stepping up to the table and getting in Beth's face. Stepping out in front of him you stood firmly between Daryl and Beth. "That is more than enough!" You growled, pushing Daryl back hoping to turn his attention to you for at least a little. "Enough? You know what I've had more than enough of?" Daryl screamed standing a mere inch away his nose touching your own. "I've had more than enough of you thinkin' your so much fuckin' better than me!" Daryl yelled gripping you by the shoulders. "I've had enough of you tellin' me wha' ta do! I've had enough of ya yellin' at me every time I turn around!" Daryl growled backing you into the nearest wall, faintly you could hear Beth pleading with Daryl to back off but you stood strong, gripping onto your husband's shoulders tight enough to keep yourself from tumbling back if you tripped. "I've had more than enough of this!" Daryl gestured to your body and suddenly you felt a spike go through your heart. "All I've ever had was you! I've had enough of it. I want... No need somethin' different! I want a fuckin' divorce!" Daryl screamed into your face and suddenly you weren't entirely sure if it was shine talking or hidden desires that were only allowed to surface once the shine took hold. Tears rolled down your face and a sob rattled you both, seemingly sobering Daryl for a single second. "Fine..." You hissed, pushing against his chest making him stumble back and stare at you in stunned silence. But the silence doesn't last as the sound of walkers scratching and banging against the walls of the shack catch your attention. "Perfect! Ya wanna know how ta shoot a crossbow?!" Daryl yelled, turning his back on you but unable to hide the pain and hurt in his face. Grabbing his bow from the wall Daryl walked to Beth, grabbing her by the wrist. "C'mon I'll show ya! It's gonna be fun!" He hissed kicking the door open and dragging her outside to face the walkers with a death wish you might have fanned the flames to.

Grabbing your knife from the floor where you were sitting you quickly followed the pair outside. "Dumbass... C'mere Dumbass!" You heard Daryl scream from the side of the shed. Running over you watched in horror as Daryl pinned the walker to a wooden post with his bolt, cocking his bow then grabbing Beth. "C'mon I'll show ya that shootin' this ain't hard." He growled shooting another bolt into the walker's chest. "Eightball!" He called proudly as he loaded his final bolt, holding Beth firmly to his chest and firing the final shot into the zombie's heart. "C'mon let's get these arrows back and we'll practice our aim some more." But Daryl didn't make it to the walker before you did, your knife sinking into the walker's skull killing it before Daryl even had a chance to protest. "Wha' the hell did ya do that fer? We were havin' fun!" Daryl hissed pushing Beth away to get in your face. "No Daryl! You weren't havin' fun! You were bein' a jackass like yer dad! If anyone had found Merle er Sophia like that-" You screamed only to be cut off by Daryl. "DON'T!" He screamed. "It's not even remotely the same!" Emotion heavy in his voice. But you shook your head tears slipping down your cheeks as you sighed. "Killing them is not supposed to be fun!" You huffed closing your eyes as Daryl once again gripped your arms. "Wha' do ya want from me, [Y/N]?! Huh?" He screamed into your face but you were unrelenting glaring right back. "I want you to stop pretending that you don't give a shit about anything anymore! Like nothing we went through matters! Like our marriage don't mean shit to you! Like none of the people we lost... Sophia, Merle, the whole damned prison... matter to you!" You screamed pushing Daryl back step by step until his grip on you released and he stood staring at you with wide watchful eyes. "It's bullshit!" You wailed finally allowing yourself to sob. But the fire in Daryl's eyes never died down... not even a little as he stepped closer to you. "That what you think?" Daryl asked nodding his head challengingly. "That's what I know..." You wailed. "You look at me and Beth and you just see another dead girl, and another walker! Well guess what Daryl! We aint Michonne! We aint Carol! We aint Rick! We aint Glenn! We aint Maggie!" You gestured to Beth. "We survived and you don't get it because Beth aint like you or us! And you're too damn close to me to realize that I can handle myself out here! That I can survive and have survived without you by my side both before the turn and when we were separated after it started! Beth and I, we made it! And ya don't get to treat us like shit just because yer scared!" You yelled gasping for breaths between the sobs when you were finished. Daryl stared at you like he was trying to read you for a moment before he stepped up to you. "I aint afraid of nothin..." Daryl growled shaking his head at you. But you shook your head walking up close behind him as he turned away. "I remember..." You muttered. "When Sophia came out of the barn... you were scared then. We all were." You whispered.

Daryl huffed shaking his head for a moment before he rounded on you. "I just told ya I aint scared! Why would I be when everyone we knews dead!" Daryl screamed into your face. "You. Don't. Know. That!" You screamed back pushing him away again. "Might as well be cause you aint never gonna see them again!" Daryl yelled and the sudden realization that maybe he was right hit you hard. Covering your mouth with your hand you heaved heavy sobs as Daryl held out his hand counting off your loved ones. "Rick... Michonne..." Daryl turned to Beth as you crouched trying to ease the dreaded panic that was encapsulating you. "You aint never seeing Maggie again!" He hissed turning to the rotting corpse pinned to the poll by his arrows. "The governor rolled right up to our gates..." You heard his voice crack with emotion as he stared at the dead man. "Maybe if I would have stopped lookin'..." Daryl whined, tears rolling down his pale cheeks. "Maybe because I gave up... That's on me!" Daryl cried. Standing slowly you watched as Beth ran to him. "Daryl..." She whispered only to have him pull away. "No..." He whimpered shaking his head, clasping his hands tight. "Your dad..." Daryl sobbed. "Maybe... Maybe I coulda done somethin'." Beth's grip on Daryl's middle was tight but reassuring and you watched while at first your husband wanted to fight and pull away. He melted into her embrace, covering his face with a calloused hand. Soft sobbing was all that could be heard from all three of you in the thicket. Stepping to stand in front of Beth and Daryl you reached your hand out tentatively not sure if your husband was ready to forgive you yet. But the way he met your eyes, all the love and compassion in his world held only for you let you know that he already did. “C’mere.” He whispered softly, pulling close and tight to his chest. Laying soft and gentle kisses to your forehead and temple you wrapped your arms around his neck. With your head buried under his chin he lifted your left arm a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Gently he caressed one of the bruises that were blooming on your upper arms. Wet hot tears fell into your hair as he looked at them. “I know I’m a jackass like him sometimes.” Daryl finally muttered squeezing you tight. “I didn’t mean any of what I told ya in the shack… I’d never want anyone else. I certainly don’t need anyone else. And I don’t ever want a…” Daryl paused taking a shaky breath appalled at what he said now that he’d sobered a little. “Divorce.” You finished for him looking up to meet his eyes. Daryl swallowed thickly nodding but watching you carefully. “Daryl…” you whispered softly, sadly. “Baby don’t.” Daryl practically begged. You shook your head. “Just promise ya won’t drink ever again… at least not while I’m there. because I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” You stated matter-of-factly. Daryl nodded kissing your temple then your lips. “I promise.” He promised through a whisper. But somewhere deep down you knew. This wouldn’t be the last time you’d have to tame the bear that was Daryl’s emotions. That whether he was drunk or not… this apocalypse was going to test you both and push you to your limits and beyond. But as you met Daryl’s eyes, his finger’s combing through your hair lovingly, Beth’s face poking out from over his shoulder, you had to admit that for the moment… this moment. It was nice.

[rubywingsracing]

Content Warning!: mentions of suicide and death/murder

Ok autism ramble post! I NEED to talk about Dark on Netflix, I never hear anyone in irl talk about it and it deserves so much attention and praise and analysis and obsession. I will try my best not to give any spoilers, not sure I even could that’s how hard to explain it is.

It has time travel, it has the apocalypse, impending environmental disaster, family trauma, one of the greatest modern love stories imo, it has tragedy and joy and grief and anguish, it has hope, it has a watch/clock maker, father son relationships, accidental baby acquisition, a car crash, it has conspiracy theorists, a murder mystery, coming of age but with a twist, it has friends to lovers to what could have been to enemies, it has races against time, it has rebellion, it has adultery, vigilantes and a boy with the fate of the world on what feels like his shoulders alone all in no particular order or in a very specific one depending on how you look at it

Essentially it starts out with this kid who follows his older brother and sister and friends into the woods, the stumble into this cave some events occur and then the little boy is nowhere to be found. The eerie thing is that the boys uncle disappeared and was never found similarly a certain important number of years ago. The main character is Jonas who’s in love with the boys older sister, Jonas’ father killed himself over the summer break. Soon weird shit starts happening in the town, more characters are focalised. Then suddenly we’re in the 80s the boy stumbles out of the cave and meets his teenage parents. From there things get increasingly insane, Jonas meets this dude from the future who basically who basically turns his entire worldview upside down.

It is written masterfully and acted with pure talent and skill, I cried I laughed I gasped I sat in silent awe and confusion. Every time you think you’ve figured something out everything is flipped upside down again in the best way. It’s by far the best show I’ve watched it’s a work of art, you could probably watch it 10 times and still have a garbled understanding of it and it’s beautiful. It’s not an easy watch you have to think and really pay attention but if you’re up to the challenge it’s so so worth it! So pls I beg of you if any of this even slightly piqued your interest watch DARK!