#they're so good. it's incredible. devastating (complimentary)

[jakethesequel]

I did finally get around to watching the barbie movie since my family was also watching it. I think it was probably the best movie that they could have made (which I mean to be read at least as derogatory as it is complimentary). It's well-made, and produced to a very high quality with the set and costume design etc. It's nice that it is at least in conversation with feminist criticisms laid at the Barbie brand for years and attempts to address some of them. And it does answer some, suggesting more diversity in their dolls, that it should represent less of an unreachable ideal for womanhood, that being a perfectly feminine Barbie Girlboss is just as restrictive a role as the domestic motherhood of earlier dolls, etc. That's a good message! It's a fine feminism 101 for a movie whose primary market is children, and the B-plot about Ken not needing to be a paragon of toxic masculinity or have a romantic relationship to be worthwhile is a decent one for young boys too.

But along the way to that message is where the movie kind of gets awkward, in its side plots and digressions. By far the worst of it is the inclusion of a Barbie Mount Rushmore and an incredibly tasteless metaphor to the smallpox plague that devastated Indigenous people in the Americas. Both go entirely unremarked on, which is indefensible. That aside, there are quite a few lesser issues that maybe don't ruin the movie but certainly become head-scratcher and leave the movie feeling incomplete.

For example, the Mattel boardroom. They're portrayed as buffoonish, but never malicious, because Mattel will sign off on a movie that laughs at them but not one that will seriously criticize them. Whatever, that part's probably unavoidable when Mattel is signing the cheques. The problem is that they're not just buffoonish, they're buffoonishly misogynistic. It's an all-male boardroom, for one, and the characters repeatedly make incredibly misogynistic statements. As far as I remember, this is never resolved! It's lightly criticized and then moved past without any real change, which really neuters the movie's criticism of patriarchy when all the feminist characters make no effort to change that. While it works with Ken for him to be misogynist due mostly to ignorance rather than hostility and be forgiven, that's because he's mostly there as a metaphor for young boys who haven't learned better. It's really toothless to treat a boardroom full of adult men actively enjoying patriarchal authority the same way and the movie probably would have been better with that whole plotline replaced with the FBI or something.

Also, Trans Barbie. I think it's incredibly great to see Hari Nef on screen, unquestioned to be just as feminine as the other Barbies. But while I love the representation, it becomes apparent that this is not a Trans Barbie, but a trans actress playing a cis Barbie. Barbieland in general has an extremely strict and seemingly unchanging gender divide, Kens and Barbies. There's no indication that going from one to the other, changing your plastic body, is possible. So the movie really fails to send a positive message to trans kids, who aren't gonna know the minutia behind each Barbie's actress. Alan is sort of a queer analogue, being not a Ken or a Barbie and having an implied romantic interest in Ken, but it's only ever implied, almost as a joke like Sugar Daddy Ken and Magic Earring Ken (notably they never mention why those Kens were discontinued). In general the movie takes a wide berth around any queer issues that can't be couched in a joke, and I can only imagine that's Mattel's influence again. Like the previous Mattel point, this really serves to diminish the movie's message. You can only go so far to criticize patriarchy if you refuse to include a queer angle. Especially given the focus on the relationship between Barbie and Ken, it becomes awkward when the only options given mention are "cishet romance" and "no romance." It feels stilted that every Ken wants a completely disinterested Barbie as an inherent rule. The glaring omission of talking about queer issues (outside of jokes) in the movie seems purposeful and targeted on Mattel's part.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

tfw you think about how jeremy & christine’s journeys to embracing themselves are so parallel & jeremy is to christine what she is to him; jeremy sees her Being Herself & recognizes both himself & how he wishes he could be, i.e. he thinks she already embraces herself (more than she actually does) b/c he mostly sees her operating within the frameworks in which she feels safer actually being herself, like going down the hall interacting w/no one, or most prominently within theatre, which is her version of the metaphorical squip that not only supposedly tells her how she should Successfully act, but beyond that provides this context in which she feels she can be spontaneous & offbeat but feel okay about it, like doing performance art. and jake pointing out that her [this is how i should do things / this is the Zone i have to stay in to be acceptable Enough to others] device is theatre, like his is (certain) extracurricular overachievement lol....that, as is pointed out, even once the squip is involved christine still really mostly sees jeremy Being Himself, even if the squip is smoothing over some details, or trying to, and what really matters is in fact that jeremy is being More himself than ever b/c he feels like he has this safety backup that will make sure he stays Socially Accepted no matter what. jeremy’s freaking out in a mall court Organically even if the squip gives him an excuse about it, he’s adding all this dramatic flair to his monologue even if he didn’t memorize it himself (hey hamlet be more chill), then certainly obvious events like his interactions w/her before agtikbi or its reprise. and this applies even with his more outright / intrusively guided interactions w/brooke, who’s Also being somewhat spontaneously, weirdly Herself more than she realizes when she’s also trying to do what she’s Supposed to do, more obviously in dywr when her figurative squip guidance is right there from chloe, or later when she doesn’t have so much direct input going on but is surely still drawing from that sort of influence abt how she Should be / how to Correctly operate in such situations

anyways the point is that it’s so good how the way jeremy sees christine is how christine sees jeremy. he may have had a head start on noticing her, b/c presumably jeremy is trying to get as little attention as possible & does a solid job, he can’t help a dedicated bully having specific instruction to notice him anyways, & jeremy’s Role in which he feels he can be more of himself, like christine’s Roles in theatre, is being michael’s friend, which they mostly get to do outside school (and when it happens At school, jeremy gets the boost to Go For Something like signing up for the play) (and jeremy feeling more stifled by a) having one limited Role / Space to be more himself and b) feeling like that Role / Space is more determined by someone else than christine is yet re: her relationship w/theatre at this point, since jeremy has more motivation to act / set things in motion / be the protagonist most at the center of things, and christine needs a little externally provided impetus in jake pointing out the “when’s the last time you tried something new Not on a stage” limited nature of her Being Herself only in a specific context).......but from christine’s perspective, jeremy’s Appearing while she’s in that realm of her established / accepted Roles, waiting on play rehearsal, and jeremy’s the one out here being nervous & Elevated & Noticeable, & even though it’s just this communication misalignment when she says it’s about swim team, he’s the one who feels like he did something awkward / weird more so, but christine recognizes that He’s Nervous through this reaction, You’re A Virgin....but then christine would’ve retreated back into how it’s Okay to act outside actual rehearsal, Reining It In(tm) and reading her book, but it’s jeremy’s obvious interest & nonverbal encouragement / positive reactions as she talks about how she feels / behaves more Spontaneously in general that ilpr even happens in the first place, and pretty clearly this is someone she Likes at all upon their Introduction to her, and later on when jeremy says he’s this committed to the play just b/c he Loves Theatre, as supposedly the Right Thing to say via the squip, she’s a bit disappointed b/c you know, there’s already that nonzero romantic interest in him too, but she isn’t actually encompassed by her love of theatre & while she’s interested in this actual relationship, obviously being like, perfectly devoted to Theatre, or switching gears & thinking she’s gone for jake so now you have to also be Popular when that’s jake’s thing, are missteps / not Enough on their own, when she goes for jake first Because he’s breaking out of his own role and encouraging that from her, even if likewise that on its own isn’t necessarily enough that they have a great relationship, And they’re potentially leaving these genuine aspects of themselves behind by just switching up their sense of The Right Way To Be to try out something new....and naturally, christine Confiding in jeremy via agtikbi in preceded by their Genuine spontaneous “weird” “Wrong” interaction beforehand where the squip is just like hey lol what. the hell. which is just their enjoying Interacting Genuinely with each other, same as how this comes back around during the party going disastrously for the both of them re how acting Correctly in this realm is feeling (as well as the sunk cost factory of doing that since partway through act one for both of them) and they bond over being even more spontaneous & genuine while realizing they’re both in this situation where neither of them know how to navigate it / both feel out of place, but not Quite getting all the way to fully realizing how things are for the other Or themself, b/c this isn’t the climax of the show lol & obviously their arcs as individuals or for their relationship doesn’t resolve here, and they both need to further learn that a) the other person doesn’t have it together / isn’t as Confident in themself as they seemed to be, jeremy being surprised at the end of the agtikbi reprise scene / after the smartphone hour scene that christine’s questioning herself this much, vs christine maybe more so being a bit confused by jeremy at this juncture like, possibly testing out what his whole thing is by introducing this opportunity to lay out what she Thinks his role is at the party, i.e. one of the popular people, apparently Trying New Things(tm) plenty, etc or something, with the excellently telling line later on about “is that what’s been going on with you” once she’s being More surprised about realizing he hasn’t been as self confident as he seemed to her either, wherein she’s presumably realized he’s sometimes being “weird” vs his actual less filtered / more genuine self, i.e. there’s no reason for her not to have noticed he’s seemed a bit inconsistent with these bursts of genuine connection between them at certain moments and then less of that / him not acting in that same more spontaneous / offebeat way......and how naturally during the play, they’re both dealing more with Themselves as it’s time to like really confront the experience of ditching “actually being yourself” for what would technically be the smoothest sailing that hypothetically avoids any conflict or uncertainty in any social interactions / connections ever....the neurotypical “social skills” ideal lmao, jeremy is so autistic coded, for us....wherein christine, not the protagonist, is getting this crash course experience in the combo epitome of this validated / accepted role through both a squip And a part in a play, and where her rejecting that is implied b/w the play & vimh, since with her autonomy & agency & all she Could’ve just been like “no yeah i do want a squip” lol but is not, & jeremy obviously realizing through his own experience & christine’s as these Supposed Ideals that yknow, they aren’t ideal, not what he wants for himself, and prioritizing undoing what he got christine into here even if he obviously knows he doesn’t want to be stuck here himself but this is the Action he’s taking about it regardless....and you know, christine also understanding herself better for being presented with those supposed ideals of having this star moment role in a play & how to avoid doing any/everything wrong, and also going “yeah no i don’t want that,” and naturally having this evidence that jeremy doesn’t want her to Be Someone Else / doesn’t only like her acting some certain way within some certain externally outlined role, since his climactic decision / act there was to choose to make sure to give christine back that unhindered capacity to be herself, however that looks / whatever that means for her, and you know, there they are having both Liked each other since ilpr (& beyond, for jeremy at least) & now having this increased understanding of & confidence in themselves thanks to the plot having happened for them, & this increased understanding in each other just in general & re: everything that had happened prior where they weren’t quite in alignment At The Time & kind of always both playing catchup trying to Get what’s going on with the other lol, but now they Are aligned and yknow that it’s Fine when there’s not perfect alignments, like misunderstanding each other momentarily in this vimh interlude conversation but just then clarifying lol, and the show not needing to end with like “and then everyone had everything figured out forever & never felt uncertain or confused or like they were doing things wrong ever again” b/c that whole Conclusion is that all of that Not being guaranteed / being guaranteed to continue to be a issue for them at some points is something that can be handled & doesn’t prove that there’s something inherently wrong with them for it when it’s so [yep that’s part of the human experience] that naturally Everyone is connecting over the literal connecting but also just their collectively relatable struggles with this that have also been parallels w/everyone else’s arcs this whole show

anyways taking a lot of words to talk about it as always but tl;dr it’s sooo fun & so neat how yknow jeremy sees christine as like wow here’s this person who’s so obviously genuine in a way that really resonates with me & i want to interact more with them & they’re so bold in being themself & god i wish that were me & also i Like them, and that’s how christine’s seeing jeremy too

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Feel totally free to ignore this, and this isn't an attempt to further any more conversation between us again if you don't want it, but it would feel bizarre to pretend...well, that we hadn't known each other before, or that I'd forgotten you entirely, so Jac: Obviously things weren't great when you left but I'm fully over that as no doubt you are too Jac: As we're classmates again, it makes sense to me that we are civil and prepared to work together if necessary but I'm not going to attempt more than that, nor am I holding some kind of grudge which would prohibit the former, I thought I'd reassure you of that, as well as just say, hello, I suppose 🙂 Savannah: You're right, it would be bizarre as well as counterproductive Savannah: though, we don't actually know each other any more, two formative years having passed, so I don't see why we can't start over Savannah: treating each other like we would our other classmates Jac: That sounds logical to me too Jac: I'd be happy to treat this as an introduction opposed to a reintroduction Savannah: okay Savannah: but before we do, I just want to say I'm really proud of you for getting in Jac: You too Jac: it's amazing, isn't it Jac: better than we had even visualized and worked and prayed for Savannah: I always knew you could do it Jac: I had no doubts about you, either Jac: potential that you'd changed your course and vision but whatever you put your mind and talent to Savannah: I did think you'd go to Bath, or that I would Jac: I could lie here and say something about preferring the history and culture of Edinburgh as a city, and finding St Andrews better in X Y Z but Jac: Bath didn't happen, is the reality of it Jac: but I'm not devastated, as I once would've been to be left with my 2nd choice Savannah: We don't have to lie, it didn't happen for me either, partly because catholic school did of course, but that's not the entirety of it Jac: I try to leave lying, however innocuous and pointless, two years ago, too Jac: Karma or otherwise, just stopped feeling worth it Jac: how was your new School? Savannah: A lot of things stopped feeling worth it to me too Savannah: Oh, Sienna liked it Savannah: I did not Jac: I am sorry to hear that Jac: I can't think of anything I would've liked less than being surrounded by other hormonal, crazy, moody, bitchy teenage girls either Savannah: at least she thrived, you wouldn't even recognise her now Savannah: she's so Savannah: Loud Jac: 😂 Jac: Loud can be good Jac: at least some positives came of it all Savannah: she reminds me of how I remember Jude Savannah: but she's happy, I think Jac: I think you'd still have recognized Jude Jac: likely from a mile off, giving you time to escape Jac: I hope she is Savannah: 😄 Jac: and that you'll be happier here than you were there, too Savannah: unless either of my parents enrol, we can take that as a given Jac: I'll drink to that Jac: complimentary coffee, that is Savannah: for now anyway Jac: Hopefully the plans get a little more exciting Savannah: 🙌 Jac: Have you heard any Psych school nights being organized or do you think one of us should bite that bullet and start the group chat? Savannah: we should do it Savannah: best foot forward, you know? Jac: Absolutely Jac: Why not, eh Jac: You're in halls too, right? Savannah: Yes Savannah: where are you? Jac: John Burnet, how about you? Savannah: You only get a single bed too! Savannah: I'm in University Hall Savannah: it's so pretty Jac: The nuns taught you well then 😛 Jac: I think it's worth it for the architecture, we'll just have to remember not to roll Savannah: 👼🏾🙏🏾 Savannah: It wasn't worth ANOTHER argument with my dad about co-ed Jac: and you get to have the Libraries literally right on your doorstep Jac: I was debating it, but I'm still better in smaller crowds, that sold JB to me ultimately Savannah: if my dad didn't run my life I totally would've applied there too Savannah: I love that it has a garden Jac: I know, right? Jac: Well you can use my little patch of 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 whenever you like, because I'll certainly be haunting the libraries enough Savannah: You haven't lost any of your sweetness Savannah: & of course you must, I hate studying alone Jac: I'll probably be tragically uncool forever, our classmates may as well find out sooner rather than later 💁 Jac: if the sight of all those books gets too much, there's always the 🏖 for maximum studying, I'm sure Savannah: No way! I had more fun with you than I've had with anyone else EVER Savannah: they'll find all your good points Jac: 😊 Jac: Okay, we did have some fun Savannah: a lot Jac: I can't/shan't disagree with that Savannah: it doesn't feel like two years Savannah: sometimes more like twenty, or like two months Jac: It is really weird, I felt like I haven't said it because it can't be overstated Jac: but good weird Jac: are any of your friends from Sligo here too? Jac: I don't know anyone Savannah: I don't know anyone either Jac: A familiar face is a good thing Jac: as is getting to know each other afresh, they can coexist Savannah: I thought it was for the best that nobody followed me here, until I saw you Jac: Shocking as it was Jac: glad the 😱 isn't permanent Jac: I'd hate to do that to you, honestly Savannah: you don't believe I could pull it off? Jac: Of course you could Jac: but your 😄 is undeniably a better look Savannah: my lips ARE very big, I could end up looking like a blow up doll if I'm forever open mouthed from today onwards Savannah: then I'd never marry a prince Jac: Why we're here, obviously Savannah: Everyone thinks so Savannah: just because my boyfriend dumped me after the leavers cert Jac: Oof Jac: that's rough Jac: though at least he didn't steal your Summer? I guess Savannah: Oh my god! That's exactly what he said Savannah: no wonder he reminded me of you Jac: Oh God 😬 are you suggesting I should be in Sallies with the rest of the fuckboys? 😂 Jac: not the crowd I was hoping to get in with but, you know Savannah: where you are is perfect for you Jac: 🤞 Savannah: it feels right being here Jac: Yeah Jac: it really does Savannah: I was worried I wouldn't feel that when I actually got here but 🙏🏾 Jac: I thought it'd be scarier being away from home Jac: but if anything, it's a relief Savannah: you don't have to share a room with Jude any more, it obviously would be Savannah: how is everyone though? Jac: 🍵🙊 Jac: No, they're good, all doing their own thing Jac: Jesse's got his music, the kids are the same old Jac: oh, Jameson got a girlfriend though, that's cute Savannah: I can't believe one brother is literally famous and the other is adorably loved up Savannah: Sienna hasn't had a boyfriend yet, I think that's my fault Jac: Honestly, they're both unbearable now 😏 Jac: overprotective big sister vibes or off-putting dumping ex? Savannah: Jesse was always an acquired taste, which I never did Savannah: Oh, both, for sure 🤫 Jac: Musically and personality-wise, he'd agree you have a point Jac: long as she's happy, like you said Jac: always found them too distracting myself Savannah: I suppose I just always needed a distraction Jac: Clearly, that's why we aren't having this conversation in Bath Jac: for the best, in the end 🌌🔮 Savannah: I hope so Jac: Honestly, it's a better uni Jac: and I'm not just lying to myself/you to make us feel better 😂 Jac: Delia Rockford, you remember her, right? Jac: She got into Bath, so, you aren't missing out, is what I mean Savannah: I hate her Jac: She's doing International Management and German Jac: the language of the future 🤨 Savannah: She's German descent! That's basically cheating Jac: You'd think she's got a place at Cambridge studying classics the way she's been bragging Jac: they aren't remotely top in languages or whatever the hell International Management is but alright 🙄 Savannah: I'm so glad she blocked me after what happened during the party at Michelle Brennan's house Savannah: which wasn't even my fault Jac: Now that feels like a million years ago Savannah: It was Savannah: I don't think we were even friends yet Jac: We weren't for that long, in the grand scheme of things Jac: that's the weirdest part Jac: we were pretty intense, yeah Savannah: everything was pretty intense Jac: It was Jac: Isabelle is doing coaching at TUD Jac: we were never really the same but she's well in herself Savannah: She'll be incredible at that Savannah: if it had happened to me, there's no way I would've not been retaking the year Jac: I know Savannah: did you hear about my mum? Jac: No, I don't think I did? Savannah: she'll appreciate it not being common knowledge, I guess Jac: Is she okay? Savannah: She's doing better now Savannah: which I suppose means she's at about the same level as she was before I left Savannah: because she really struggled after Jac: It must've been really hard for her Jac: to have you two gone, and realize it probably was for the best Jac: did you see her much, in these two years? Savannah: not as much as I should've Jac: You can't be blamed for that Jac: you had to take care of yourself, and Sienna Savannah: but she needed me to stay Jac: Maybe she needed to sort herself out Jac: and she's getting there Jac: our parents shouldn't be our responsibility Savannah: It has to work out here, you know? Savannah: I can't go back Jac: Of course it will Jac: you're going to be fine, amazing Jac: and then you can do your masters and your Ph.D. and then marry a prince and you'll have several royal residences, neither of which will be in Dubo or Sligo Savannah: I'm just sick of things being painful, difficult is fine, but I want it not to hurt Savannah: which is a HUGE overshare if we met today Jac: it's cool Jac: I hear everyone is best friends for life fresher's week Savannah: that makes me feel a lot better Savannah: especially when I pause to consider how many of them I'm likely to cry on before it's over Jac: It's basically tradition Jac: you won't be the only one Jac: moving forward, it's bound to make you think more about what you're leaving behind, even if temporarily Savannah: I've missed you Savannah: sorry if that's like leaping over a boundary or something Jac: I wouldn't have bet on that being what you said, should I ever see you again Jac: but it's better than what I would've Savannah: It's not like this with anyone else Savannah: I can't change that Jac: I never really Jac: like I went out, people would talk to me, I'm not trying to sell a sob story here Jac: but you're right Jac: it was never the same with anyone else, not remotely Savannah: I've given you mine already, so if you have one, it's okay to tell it or not Savannah: even if I'm so embarrassed I did that Jac: Seriously, no need Jac: you were there to witness my unfinest hour Jac: I treated lots of people like shit Jac: Is, mainly Jac: but you too, in lots of ways Jac: not proud of it, but I changed, still am, hopefully Savannah: I hope you don't change too much though Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I thought you were perfect how you were Jac: And I'm the sweet one Savannah: we both made mistakes, but that's human Jac: It's been a while since anyone's accused me of being human Jac: all those exams Jac: 🤖 felt more fitting Savannah: & you look so 👼🏻 Jac: You look as flawless as you ever did Savannah: My auntie mailed all her good skincare to Sligo Jac: expect no less 🙌 Savannah: the fresher air was 🙌 Savannah: even if the rural accents took me by surprise Jac: 😵 or 🥴 surprise though? Savannah: not like 😊 😋 😍 😘 🥰 Jac: the accent here is pretty 🤭 Jac: though Savannah: which one? 😄 Jac: Valid Jac: very town VS gown Savannah: which one though? Savannah: tell me Jac: The original Savannah: very Romeo & Juliet of you Jac: Oh no Jac: am I that cliche now? Savannah: we'll see Jac: Sounds slightly concerning Jac: but I'll do my best to subvert expectations Savannah: it'll be concerning if you get distracted by some boy's accent after working this hard to get here Savannah: unless he's a prince, obviously Jac: Not changed that much Jac: I'd get disowned if I married royalty, anyway Savannah: 🚫💍👰 Savannah: just adorable heirs to the throne Savannah: 👶👶👶👶👶 Jac: adorable, illegitimate bastards ❤ Savannah: yes Savannah: or is that another cliche? Jac: Probably Jac: although if we are educated, career women now, any babies is beating expectations Savannah: except not really because every career woman is also determined to become a mother & prove she can have it all Jac: 🚫👶 it is then Jac: maybe a dissertation topic, at any rate Savannah: 😢 Jac: 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 Jac: many as you like Savannah: they all need best friends Savannah: you have to stick to the plan Jac: Can I get through freshers first? Savannah: 🤞🏾 Jac: Please, I'm no amateur Savannah: I hope not, I'm single & the point is we do it at the same time Jac: as am I Jac: not feeling any 1st year that hard, thanks 😏 Savannah: you always date older, it's fine Jac: None of our lecturers were the one Jac: another cliche avoided Savannah: I'm not sad about that Jac: There's enough inequality of power about without actively seeking out the dynamic, agreed Savannah: ^^ Jac: the fashion show seems to have got the diversity memo though Jac: could be cool Savannah: it's going to be the highlight, I can feel it Jac: 😄 Jac: I was thinking Tues for our psych night, as nothing much is really going on Jac: what do you think? Savannah: good idea Jac: 👍 Savannah: I'll start the chat if you want Jac: You were always better at talking Savannah: when it's not that important, but when it matters, you always know exactly what to say Savannah: at least to me Jac: You're easy to talk to Jac: in a way I really could never work out Savannah: There's nobody in my life right now who would agreed with that Savannah: so it must be you Jac: my inbox full of unreads would say otherwise but Jac: I'll take it Savannah: okay, it's us together Savannah: does that make you happier? Jac: Better Savannah: your hair got really long Savannah: I'm BEYOND jealous Jac: You've got no reason to be jealous of any other girl in the world Savannah: you're not any other girl in the world Savannah: 🤫🤫 Jac: 😶 Jac: Promise Savannah: it looks beautiful, I can't cope Jac: My 😳 will not Savannah: 💗 Savannah: 🌷 🌺 🌸 Jac: Is that a dress code? Savannah: well NOW it is Jac: 😂 Jac: My wardrobe can accomodate Jac: cheers for the heads up Savannah: you're welcome Savannah: & we're all set until 💬 Jac: I better let you get on then Savannah: was it that good of a conversation starter? Jac: Solid Jac: will scare off anyone 😱 of 💗 🌷 🌺 🌸 Savannah: well I obviously don't need that negativity in my life Savannah: but I didn't mean to end this conversation Jac: We don't have to Jac: What are your plans for the rest of the day, now the obligatory are over? Savannah: don't judge me, because I know I sound like a different person, but I haven't made any Jac: Thank God, me neither Jac: I didn't know how long any of that would take Jac: nor unpacking, which is technically done but that says nothing about the decorating I wanna do Savannah: I could help Jac: Or, slightly more fair, we could check out the town, see what shops are about? Savannah: I'd like that Jac: Cool 🙂 Jac: let's have half an hour to debrief and make sure we don't look 😱 and then head out? Savannah: okay Savannah: you can put your hair up & save my life Jac: oh 🤫 Savannah: I am serious Savannah: 🚗 🚕 🚲 are distraction enough Jac: You could rock a cast Jac: but I won't let it happen Savannah: what would you write on it? Jac: That's a good 🧊breaker Jac: but I'll have to keep that secret for now Savannah: if I ask everyone on Tuesday, will you tell me then? Jac: It's a deal Savannah: it is

[brandjamaica]

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Have you ever wondered if your man is cheating on you? While there are many different reasons and root causes behind why men cheat, including a lack of self-esteem, a search for validation, emotional and/or physical dissatisfaction, in addition to sheer lust or love for another person, an unfaithful partner can be devastating for any relationship. After all, if your goal is to have a healthy, successful, and long-lasting connection, being able to fully trust your partner is at the very heart of letting him into your heart. So if you suspect that he's cheating on you, it's important to look for these 13 clear-cut warning signs of an unfaithful man. Consider this your cheat sheet.

He acts out of character

You probably know your man backwards and forwards. You know how he acts when he's happy, when he's angry, when he's stressed, when he's tired, when he's bored, and even when he's hungry. However, one of the defining characteristics of a cheating man is that he acts out of character, and his once typical and predictable behaviors, actions, and routines start to switch. For instance, perhaps he'd always be glued to the television during football games refusing to miss a play, but now he's off in the other room with the door closed. Or maybe he used to look forward to hosting dinner parties and game nights at your place, but now he doesn't want people coming over. You may even notice subtler changes, such as when and where he charges his phone, the amount of time he spends in the bathroom, and an increased length in his commute to and from work. Since you know how your man typically behaves in many situations and have clear insight into the different nuances of his personality, any deviations from this norm should be a wake-up call that he may be unfaithful.

He cares more about his appearance

Since one of the major indicators of an unfaithful man is changes in his behavior, this is even more apparent when it comes to his focus on his appearance. Is your man suddenly very concerned with his looks when he previously couldn't have cared less? Does he now buy designer clothing, wear pricey cologne, and/or place a huge emphasis on working out when this never even crossed his mind in the past? When your man suddenly becomes extremely interested in – or even obsessed with – his appearance, such as dying his hair, getting spray tans, whitening his teeth, and even getting plastic surgery, this personality shift out of left field can indicate that your man may be playing the field. And while some of these changes can appear positive at first, when your man's intense focus on his looks seems to happen from out of nowhere and he hasn't filled you in as to why, this might mean that something's happening behind your back. After all, when it comes to making significant modifications in personal priorities and behaviors, there's typically an inspiration or incentive that's motivating this change in the first place. And if you can't account for the reasons behind your guy's personality shift, you're not wrong to suspect that something shifty is occurring.

He's overly complimentary

While it may seem counterintuitive, another sign of a cheating man is that he's overly complimentary of you. And while this extra praise, attention, and admiration may make you feel incredible, too much of it should raise a red flag. Why is he now so inclined to incessantly shower you with compliments? Was he always so flattering and appreciative of every little thing you did? When his praise for you becomes excessive and over-the-top, he might be attempting to throw you off the scent so you'd never surmise that he was cheating. To that end, this overly complimentary nature is also a tactic that he may use in front of your friends and family in the hopes that no one would ever suspect that he was doing anything behind your back. In addition, when it comes to this type of personality shift in which your man suddenly becomes a compliment-spewing machine, it's important to keep in mind that this behavior may stem from guilt. In fact, one survey revealed that 66% of unfaithful men feel guilty about cheating. So in reality, by attempting to make you feel good with his constant praise, he's actually trying to make himself feel less bad about his actions. And if he can convince you and your peers about what a terrific guy he is, then maybe he'll be able to convince himself of this as well.

He acts more distant

On the flip side, another powerful indicator that your man is cheating is that he pulls away from you and the life that you have together. Do you feel as though he's stopped paying attention to you and constantly ignores you? Perhaps he used to make you a top priority, always listening to you, supporting you, and being fully engaged in what you were doing and saying. But now, it seems as though he couldn't care less about your needs, wants, and desires. To that end, he's also completely distracted and disinterested in the people, activities, and pastimes that used to matter to him. It's not surprising to find that when men cheat, they're so busy directing their energy, attention, and focus elsewhere, namely to themselves and the other person who's now in the picture, that they become less interested, concerned, and invested in you, your well-being, and the events in your life as a couple. Maybe you've had to repeat yourself on multiple occasions, or perhaps you sense that your guy isn't entirely present, even when you're together. If your partner is acting distant, it's not a far-off possibility that he may be cheating on you.

He's less intimate with you

To that end, this type of distance is not only emotional, but physical as well. If you've noticed that your once healthy and blooming sexual relationship has become a thing of the past, this behavior can also be indicative of a cheater. In fact, it's been found that even when some men are in happy and fulfilling relationships, they still have a proclivity to cheat. With this in mind, if your once frequent and fulfilling intimate time together now occurs less often and/or your partner seems rushed, distracted, and disinterested, take it to heart that this man may be toying with your heart. After all, since he's off sowing his wild oats elsewhere, he doesn't have a real need, desire, or interest to be close and intimate with you as well. Plus, he may view his other sexual excursions and endeavors to be more appealing due to the fact that they're happening under a lure of secrecy. So if you're finding that your man is pulling away from you, he may be trying to pull one over you.

He accuses you of cheating

While it may seem surprising, a common characteristic of a cheating man is that he accuses you of cheating on him. In fact, it's been shown that people tend to accuse their accusers of what they're doing as a way to deflect blame and guilt. And if your man insists that you're the one who's being unfaithful or if his response to cheating inquiries is that you're the person who's doing him wrong, this could a sign that he's been cheating on you. After all, if someone accuses you of something that you're not guilty of, you would do everything in your power to rebuff, disprove, and discredit the accusation with clear-cut facts. On the other hand, if you were actually guilty, one way to try to absolve yourself from blame and avoid having to take the fall is to flip the argument back at the other person, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. So if he starts playing the blame game and throwing accusations in your face, it could be because he's playing games behind your back.

He lies to you

One of the most quintessential qualities of a man who cheats is that he lies to his partner over and over again. After all, cheating men have to cover their tracks, and that means lying about who they're with, where they are, what they're spending money on, as well as who they're calling, emailing, and texting, just to name a few. In fact, for many guys who cheat, their life ends up turning into one big lie, and they're left making up stories, events, and happenings in order to keep their indiscretions under wraps. And in many cases, this means fabricating and falsifying the truth to a point where it's practically unrecognizable. However, there are certain signs you can look for that can help you to decipher fact from fiction, and that means paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues. For example, when people are lying, they typically repeat certain words, almost as though they're reciting lines in a script, in the hopes that their point will come across to the listener. After all, making something up on the spot can be complicated and difficult, so people who lie tend to stick with key, go-to phrases to keep things simple. On the flip side, when people lie, they sometimes overshare the amount of information that they provide and give way more detail and specifics than would ever be necessary. They do this in order to seem more honest, transparent, and believable, but in reality, it's overkill. Further, in addition to what people tend to say when they lie, it's also important to take note of how they're saying it. Specifically, when people lie, they have a tendency to touch or cover their mouths when they talk, almost signalling that they're holding something back. People are also inclined to sway, fidget, and even shake nervously when they're being dishonest, so it's imperative to look for any movements that seem anxious and unnatural. It's also believed that when people lie, they tend to look to the right while they're speaking – perhaps because they know that they're in the wrong.

He picks fights

Many times when a man is cheating, he looks for ways to stir up arguments, squabbles, and disagreements with his partner, and there are many reasons behind this fight-driven phenomenon. In the first place, many men who cheat are looking for ways to distract their partner and prevent them from figuring out what's really going on behind their backs. So by picking fights, men are able to divert their partner's attention to other topics in order to throw them off the scent. Whether it's a disagreement about cleaning up the bathroom, walking the dog, or picking up a prescription at the pharmacy, these small, petty, and seemingly insignificant fights and quips are meant to cover up big indiscretions. Additionally, when a man is prone to pick fights with his partner, this can also be a sign that he wants her to pull back and disengage from him and the relationship. After all, if your man starts treating you poorly, is critical of the things you're doing, and becomes argumentative, ill-tempered, and unreasonable, it's not uncommon that you'll want to withdraw from the situation. In fact, men who pick fights are then able to use that as an excuse to "walk out" on the argument so that the real issue never has a chance to come out. Many guys even use this desire to cool off after a fight as an opportunity to leave and spend time with the other object of their affection. Further, when people are under a great deal of stress and pressure, they also tend to be more irritable, testy, and quarrelsome. And when a man is trying to hide the person he's seeing on the side, being stressed out is a common side effect.

He calls you by the wrong name

Another major indicator that your man is cheating on you is that he inadvertently calls you by the wrong name. Also known as a Freudian slip, this is an instance in which a person ends up saying out loud what he or she's unconsciously thinking. And for a man who's cheating on his partner, it's not uncommon that the name of the person who's the new apple of his eye ends up popping out of his mouth, sometimes at inopportune times. To that end, research has shown that situational stressors can cause Freudian slips, so when your guy's conscious mind is preoccupied, distracted, and nervous when he's around you, his unconscious mind is able to let loose. And when this happens, it's likely that the name of the person he's trying to suppress ends up coming out front and center.

He frequently condemns cheating

In many instances, when a man is being unfaithful, he goes out of his way to condemn and denounce the act of cheating as much as possible. In psychology, this concept is known as reaction formation, and it's when a person becomes overly obsessed with an idea, concept, or belief that's actually the complete opposite of his or her real thoughts and feelings about the issue. In the case of a cheating man, he may be so outspoken about his condemnation of cheating that it's actually a defense mechanism and coping tactic for his own indiscretions. This reaction formation helps him deal with and manage his own inner-conflict, and by being so openly and forcefully opposed to cheating, he's trying to convince others, as well as himself, that he's not really a cheater. So if you've noticed that your man is consistently finding ways to tell you and show you how fervently he's opposed to cheating, it's possible that he's a cheater himself.

He wants his privacy

A classic sign that a man is cheating on you is that he suddenly has a new need for privacy. You may notice that he's taking his calls in the other room, clearing his browser history on the computer, as well as deleting his text and Facebook messages. This is due to the fact that when men cheat, their ability to maintain their privacy is an important part of keeping up the illusion of their innocence. In many cases, men who cheat end up creating their own private world, with secret usernames, email addresses, social media accounts, hidden apps, and even separate phone numbers, bank accounts, and vacations. In fact, a 2012 survey by BullGuard, a mobile and online security software company, revealed that 20% of men have a secret email account that their partner doesn't know about, and this email account is often used to correspond with an ex, a fling, and/or other secret online acquaintances. Additionally, 25% of men admit to using unique and complicated passwords for their email and social media accounts in order to prevent their partner from having any access. So if you've noticed that your man wants his privacy more than ever before, consider that he might be cheating on you.

He spends time with friends who've cheater

A man's friends can give you clear insight into his character, priorities, interests, and pastimes. And while you can't control who your man is friends with, it's interesting to note that a man who cheats typically hangs out with other men who've also cheated. In fact, research has shown that nearly 80% of men who cheat have a close friend who cheated. After all, not only is this one more thing that these men have in common and can discuss openly with one another, but they also share a similar bond, understanding, and attitude regarding cheating in general. Further, having friends who've cheated can also help your man validate, justify, and deal with his own unfaithful actions since he's close with others who've gone through similar situations.

He makes you uneasy

When it comes to men who cheat, there's a certain type of unsettling and disconcerting feeling that these men can end up generating in their partners. And while these men may do everything in their power to hide their cheating, their words, actions, and behaviors can instill a sense of uncertainty, uneasiness, and doubt in their partner. And in many cases, women can pick up on the fact that something is off, even without tangible proof or hard evidence. This concept is known as "gut feel," and it occurs when a person intuitively senses in the pit of his or her stomach that something just isn't right. Women who are being cheated on can often feel that something sinister is happening, simply because of pure instinct. In fact, it's been said that women may have a stronger ability to hone into their gut feelings than men do because of a woman's innate ability to read others. So if you're sensing in your gut that your man is being unfaithful, have faith in your instincts and intuition and do everything in your power to unearth the truth.