#they're something I picked up while masking as Lucy and it always feels a little bit weird when I do them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thethingything · 2 years

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I had a really weird dream last night but the only thing that's really stuck with me after waking up was that at some point I uses "lol" in a text and went "y'know, that just feels right somehow" and I'm dying to know what our brain is doing this time

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #stuff like this is weird because I keep just randomly going ''oh wait this way of talking feels better''#but I feel awkward changing the way I talk #I used to just talk pretty much exactly like Lucy and I don't sound as much like them now but some stuff stuck around #including keysmashes which are fun and useful but they don't actually feel like one of *my* mannerisms #they're something I picked up while masking as Lucy and it always feels a little bit weird when I do them #(which is constantly. whoops)#but if I try to talk in a way that feels more like me then it's like our brain pushes back for some reason #part of it is probably that it's hard to unmask around people outside the system even if they know who's fronting #and part of it is almost certainly stuff we were taught as a kid and have mostly unlearned but it still fucks us up #I also get paranoid about people potentially misinterpreting things or judging me for suddenly sounding different #and part of my brain goes ''if you suddenly talk differently you'll get accused of just roleplaying as your source''#🦋 also has stuff where he'll use certain mannerisms in our system server #but gets paranoid about being judged for just picking up mannerisms from his source #especially when it's stuff that we only learned more recently and then our brain kinda grabbed onto that #so now it's like. okay here's a mannerism that you have now but you get to feel weird about suddenly having it. enjoy your paranoia

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