#theyre gonna get couples counseling ive decided

[cavinginhisfvce]

'I'll be good, Stevie..."

Paring: Harringrove.

TW: Implied/referenced child abuse and domestic violence.

(DON'T KILL ME, THINGS GET BETTER, they're not what they seem. Kinda.)

This thing between Billy and Steve was fragile.

When it first started, they stepped on each other's toes more often than not. 

Steve was always waiting for the day Billy would lash out, shove him or hit him.

No such day came, even in the most heated of arguments, Billy never so much as raised a finger in his face. He'd yell, they both did, but it never went further than that.

Steve never expected he would be the one to back the younger boy into a corner, never considered he would be the one to snap. 

It all still feels like a bad dream. Steve's hand shoving Billy when he'd gotten close enough to the younger.

The way Billy stumbled into the wall, a startled gasp leaving his lips, is forever imprinted in his brain. The look of utter betrayal and hurt his boyfriend shot in his direction was heartbreaking. The look soon morphed into one of barely concealed anxiety, and fear.

Steve still doesn't know what evoked this response out of him. He doesn't know what came over him, he truly doesn't. 

One minute they were shouting, and the next...

Billy had almost immediately began apologizing, his hands shaking as he stepped forward to grasp at Steve before letting his movements stop short, "I-I'll be good, Stevie. I'll be good, 'm sorry…"

He hadn't meant to upset Steve, hadn't meant to make the older of the two so angry he only saw violence as a means of putting Billy in his place. 

And Steve's heart just shattered. His boyfriend was begging for his forgiveness after Steve hurt him. After he hurt him in a way he swore he never would. 

But he had.

Steve's silence seemed to do nothing but send the boy spiraling further, his bottom lip wobbling as he sniffs, hands once again reaching out for Steve.

This time Steve hesitantly gathers Billy in his arms, noting how the boy almost immediately relaxed into his hold.

"Baby, I'm so fucking sorry. I should never put my hands on you...I know better than that. That's not the kind of man I am…" Billy, for his part tenses up briefly before shaking his head, "it's okay. I've had worse…" he pauses, seeming to ignore Steve's immediate interjection, "was my fault anyway. Shouldn't have started yellin'..."

The blond doesn't meet Steve's eye despite the elder's attempts, but Steve presses on.

"No! Fuck, Billy. No. It isn't your fault, it's mine. We yell at each other all the time, but what I did...I crossed a major fucking line."

Billy just shook his head, his face pressing further into Steve's neck as he let out shaky breaths. "Stevie, s'okay...I know you'd never...I know you didn't mean it. I shouldn't have gotten loud. Shouldn't have kept pressing when I knew you weren't havin' a good day.."

The elder tightens his arms around Billy's frame, only gently leaning back to make their eyes meet, "Baby, it's not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for, please listen to me…"

He pauses briefly, knows Billy is listening from the way he's tensed up in Steve's hold, "you have no idea how sorry I am, bug. I'll forever be sorry."

For a moment, the room is filled with deafening silence before Billy is peering up at the latter, his blues swarming with confusion and doubt, "what makes this any different from when we almost fought last year?" His brows were furrowed, a sign that he was well and truly at a loss and not attempting to rile Steve up. 

Steve takes a breath, lips pursed as he mulls the question over. "We weren't dating then, Billy. Back then, we were just two dumbasses about to fight. But, this…" he cups the boy's cheek, relief flooding his system when Billy shows no signs of discomfort, and instead leans into the touch, "Us...it's not acceptable. You're supposed to be safe with me, you should never be afraid I'll hurt you, like he does…"

The 'He' in question being the blond's shitty father. The sole reason Billy is so willing to forgive Steve for this slip up. Neil Hargrove is the reason for most of Billy's tears, self doubt and general pain in life. 

Steve always vowed to be the opposite of him. He was soft where Neil was harsh and unrelenting. He was warm whereas Neil closely resembles a frozen tundra. 

But, somehow, Steve lost that about himself, no matter how brief, he'd been all too close to being the man Billy feared most in the world.

"Gods, Blue Bird, I will never stop making up for this. I'll never give you another reason to feel unsafe with me. I swear.."

The shorter leans up, quickly pressing a kiss to Steve's lips, the action so feather-like Steve could've imagined it, before he's nodding once. "I know...I trust you, Stevie. M'not afraid of you. Could never be." If not for the fact Billy never broke eye contact, Steve could've easily written it off as him trying to placate his nerves, or sweep an uncomfortable situation under the rug. 

But, as blues held browns, the only thing that was brighter than the love in Billy's eyes, was the truth. 

He wasn't afraid of Steve. 

That felt like enough to have Steve relaxing into their embrace, another apology spilling from his lips as Billy molded their bodies together.

They had shit to work on, that's for sure. But he knew he was safe. He knew that should he decide this relationship was going down, Billy would jump ship with little thought. He'd keep himself safe even if it meant losing Steve.