#this all started bc i realized ash would be a Way better father than john winchester | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

red-hood-vigilante · 4 years

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hbo spn storylines, drabbles, ideas, thoughts, wishlist, whatever you may call it. it’s messy, nothing makes sense and pretty sure a lot of these contradict each other

more of sam at stanford with jessica/flashbacks. jessica potentially lives but is revealed to be a demon (but she developed actual feelings for sam and really did come to care for him because a demon falling in love with a human would be SO interesting) OR she lives but her memory gets wiped like dean did to lisa OR she dies like she did but she is a ghost that haunts sam (he welcomes it but eventually he lets her go -> character arc). he still dreams about her though and he has her keepsakes with him wherever he goes, her rings, her favourite book, anything that was left of her from the fire

you have to be extremely careful when making deals with demons because they are cunning and evil creatures. they will follow the rules of the deal but will find loopholes to put some sadistic twist on the terms. you want money? of course, too bad you’ll be arrested for fraud before you can use any of it and spend the next ten years in jail before i drag you to hell. you want a perfect husband? sure he’ll love you. in fact, he’ll love you so much he’ll keep you locked up in the basement to keep you safe etc etc. saving a person often becomes the person that causes or leads to your death.

the creation of jack: after s5, when lucifer is trapped in the cage again lucifer fuses his own soul with a human soul to create jack, who escapes to earth to find sam and castiel. i have a longer post about this saved in my drafts

lucifer is trapped for good in the cage after s5 but if he was to return again, dean would kill him while sam would kill michael - this would be nice parallels and a sort of fulfillment of the “one brother must kill the other” prophecy because one brother DO kill another brother, just not their own

more azazel and how he came to the plan of how to free lucifer; opening a hell gate earlier, more experimentations with the demon blood etc

mary was infected with the blood when she was a baby, sam is the first and only second generation special child (longer post about that here)

personally, i want to see more and know more about john and mary’s relationship. when mary died, john and mary had fulfilled their destiny (having sam and dean) so does that mean that his love and dedication to mary post her death was falsely fabricated by the angels to ensure sam and dean would grow up in ideal conditions to become hunters? or maybe, after mary’s death, john wakes up from the spell with two kids he doesn’t recognize and a wife he thinks he loved, but the memories of the past years of his life are like a fever dream; he never wanted to live in a town like this nor was he interested in having kids? but here the house is, and here are his kids, but now he’s alone and empty and with no answers. (idk i just find john and mary and their relationship very fascinating) if the latter, if john and mary see each other again it’s like the spell activates again and they become blindly in love with each other, but once gone, they return to their confused and hazey state of mind, like just woken up from a coma

i do like mary coming back but i love how in s5 when she wasn’t found in heaven it was hinted that she was just discarded because she had fulfilled her “purpose” and i think this adds to the whole notion of how heaven and angels can be really cruel AND how mary is this mythical, religious figure to both sam and dean and we only get to know her through their lenses, like religion and faith

ruby is present for a longer amount of time to make the reveal even more shocking. at one point or another, dean does actually trust her and they all work together on cases for a while. ruby’s backstory as a witch is more explored. i like her death in s4 because she’s in this total state of euphoria and has achieved a goal only she was entrusted with, and she is so convinced sam will understand, until sam holds her down while dean carves her heart out. so we either keep that or she serves lucifer for a while (until he kills her which she is happy about because of her blind loyalty to him, could again mirror dean and john/castiel and heaven) or she serves lucifer and like crowley she realizes lucifer will kill demons after humans (redemption arc, but i don’t really like that, let her be evil!!)

dean and sam helps bela out of her deal and she becomes their go-to person when they need a magic item or book. she doesn’t like it but she owes them. regularly hooks up with jo.

angels are really hollow soldiers - they only follow orders and don’t understand the concept free will or choice or individuality at all. they are extremely righteous and strike without warning often on a whim, often very bloody (explosions a la castiel in swan song). if something fall into what they consider justice they will kill it. no concept of love, attraction or gender. real form can’t be perceived by humans unless they want them to, which leads to eyes melting (pamela) or breaking a person’s mind (in 5.16 zachariah actually says that sam and dean sees him in his vessel bc they’re ‘limited’. so.)

castiel, anna, maybe uriel and some others are exceptions to this, but only becomes so after longer exposure to human’s world. even then, they don’t change their violent whims, just the reasoning and where their loyalty lies

hbo spn is s1-5 stretched out for 8-10 seasons with the aesthetics of s1-2. i’m cutting out demon dean, purgatory, the mark of cain, the men of letters, the alphas, leviathatan, god being the real villain all along and the other worlds because it was just too much and far remived from the roadtrip aesthetic. keeping kevin, charlie (she is introduced via ash bc they’re hacker friends), the trials, rowena, uuuh the angels falling is such an interesting concept but idk if it would fit. maybe metatron? but his motivations are different. soullessness + the concept of souls might be kept if it’s explained better. i’m torn on whether or not to include the campbells

hell, heaven and purgatory are explained but only seen in glimpses, keep these ideas ambiguous and up to interpretation outside of what we hear. remember the line ‘hell is...well, it’s like hell. even for demons’? leave it at that. the exception is 5.16 bc that episode fucks so hard

if we end on swan song and let the show be the tragedy it is, i want to keep the ambiguous ending. is that sam or lucifer? if it’s sam, will he contact dean or walk away? we will never know! there is also no ‘the world is ending’ more than once, it really lost its impact after the second or third time.

idk how i feel about the men of letters - it is logical that there would be organized hunting and an established network and system on how to do things, but for the sake of keeping it hbo-style and grounded, there are no networks beyond the roadhouse and singer’s salvage yard.

i want sam and dean not have a permanent home except the impala, motels and impala ONLY. the bunker had potential but it was just for the sake of convenience it was there with all the lore and answers they needed when it was necessary. maybe eventually they do stop travelling so much when it becomes more about the Big Stuff instead of the episodic cases that requires driving all the time but it will be like an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. i want sam and dean to never have a physical house as a home but they scrape together whatever they have make something similar to a show

as the show progresses, sam and dean become pretty hated by other hunters because they’ve started apocalypse and have an increasingly shitty reputation. and john was an infamous good hunter but also a dick. everybody knows that people who work with the winchesters often end up dead, that one brother will sacrifice anything and anyone to save the other and that they frequently work alongside demons. even the ones they DO work with (jo, ellen, bobby, rufus, bela) are hesitant to be involved with them

sam’s powers are strong but after killing lilith and the truth revealed to him, he represses the powers in shock and fear of how blinded he was by them and the rush of power they gave him. a little more about how sam fears what the lust for power and strength did to him. he continues to repress his powers, often to a dangerous point where he will be on death’s door as a result of not using them. when meeting jack and mentoring him in using his powers, jack asks him about sam’s powers after sensing them. sam eventually decides to lead by example and embraces his powers again, but remains extremely careful about using them (this also fulfills dean’s arc of having to let go of the holy-innocent-pure-ideal-not a person but an idealized version of sam-little brother sam he has put on a pedestal for so long)

bobby is viewed as a father figure by sam and dean but bobby makes it clear he doesn’t want that burden or relationship in his life after his wife died. he makes this clear to them too, but sam and dean have fucked up perceptions of parental figures so they don’t think bobby means it (they just latch on to whatever parental figures they can find)

we see more of sam’s relationship with the side characters; sam and jo hunt together on occasion, he hangs out with ash and talks hacking when visiting the roadhouse. he and ellen loves playing poker together. if anything, dean is the one who’s isolated - he only ever really cared about mary, john, sam and cassie, and never really had any friends. sam is way more well adjusted and sociable after spending time at stanford where he’s had conversations that didn’t only revolve around dead bodies and lore.

this could also feed into dean’s extreme abandonment issues and isolation he feels and how this would affect his psyche

sam and dean are both unknowingly prepared to become the perfect vessels; sam loses his humanity by becoming more and more like lucifer (defying his father and his will) while dean becomes prepared by doing what michael did; casting his brother away in his time of need (blindly following his father and his will). very much like in s4 but even more intense and brutal (i love angst :))

we see different hybrids; demon/human (antichrist), human/(arch)angel (nephilim) and demon/angel (???), but none of them are all powerful bc narratively that’s really boring. they’re strong but have very specific powers that affects them and/or their surroundings in catastrophic ways (but no other worlds bs, we stick to the road trip aesthetic, keep it grounded). i want the only all powerful character to be god but he doesn’t show up at all, he’s the ultimate absent father. is it chuck? we never find out!

powers would for example include giving people diseases, force anyone close to them to tell the truth (not consciously, it’s just the air around them), read minds, create storms, light things on fire when they’re angry, make people hallucinate etc. like fucked up shit but not things that are too grande because again - that’s really boring

abbadon, the princes of hell and the four horsemen are more fleshed out villains instead of the one season reign the each had.

being a prince of hell is a title that is inherited - after azazel dies, sam gets the title because he is the one with azazel’s blood in him OR meg does, but idk if that would be as interesting (if she actually was his daughter)

it remains a horror show throughout, lots of gore and blood

the moral code and ethics of the brothers are the opposite of the beginning; dean thinks in black and white, sam sees shades of grey and individuals instead of what they are. however, as the show progresses, their train of thought becomes opposites; dean becomes more open to how people are true evil and how monsters are often victims of their circumstance while sam becomes harsher and less forgiving after ruby’s betrayal along with finding out the truth of his existence and how there’s been demons around his entire life. eventually they’re on the same page and they see the circumstances.

on the other hand; i also really fuck with the idea of dean maintaining his black and white morals on that all monsters=inherently evil, humans=inherently pure and good, but he is the only human on team free will. sam is half demon, castiel is an angel, jack is a nephilim, rowena is a witch, garth is a werewolf, mary is a zombie etc

demons become demons in hell by agreeing to become the torturer and thus giving up their humanity to be free of pain, does that mean they could become humans again by regaining some humanity? by doing good deeds? (potentially this is confirmed with jessica and how she came to love sam; genuine love and care for a human could reverse the demon process?) this also means dean was a demon in hell but was purified/turned back again when castiel raised him. this also plays into dean becoming like michael; in trying to absolve himself from what he did in hell he becomes ruthless, unforgiving and righteous to evil, much like the angels, regardless of his personal connection to a person and what he would consider “evil”

dean and pacifisim: after dean is cured from being a demon/the mark of cain/is made aware of his blind righteousness that he used as an excuse to kill, he becomes firmly determined to reign in his anger and violent tendencies by becoming a pacifist (like sam in s11) as a way to redeem all the blood he’s spilled. of course in his profession and true dean fashion he won’t be able to do it 100% so he decides to only act in self defense, and he only goes batshit violent on the offense when it’s about protecting sam

OR. dean’s self righteousness becomes his own downfall; the belief that all evil must be eradicated, refusal to see the circumstances and the shades of grey is what pushes him to lose his humanity and become a demon and therefore, in a potential ending the ruler of hell, because i think it would such an interesting journey from a to b, that dean starts out human, revels in his holiness, executes and kills in the name of his own holiness in the belief that he’s becoming the ultimate angel, the ultimate hero when it’s doing the opposite. if this happened then sam would take the opposite route; starts as a human, becomes more and more demonic, stops himself and returns to his hopeful and optimistic self, has faith and humility and that is what makes him ascend from abomination to purified and holy (trials).

this could be a perfect 10 season structure as well: s1-5 are when sam and dean start off humans; dean becomes holy and as close to an angel a human can be, while sam drinks the demon blood and almost becomes one to gain the freedom and power he wants, but begins to turn it around to send lucifer back to hell. s6-10 is when dean becomes the unholy and sam becomes the holy even though neither realize because now there’s no grand master plan - this is who they are, who they choose themselves. don’t know how this ould end though; either as normal humans again (but there wouldn’t really be a ”normal” after everything) or they really go off the rails with sam like ruling heaven (not as god though, just as a good and just man) and dean ruling hell. castiel is human and stays on earth with jack.

the gothic americana aesthetic is kept throughout the entire show and is only shot on film

after s5 castiel returns to heaven to help restore order, and he takes charge for a little while, but eventually returns to earth after trying to introduce democracy to angels who didn’t get it. in his place, anna takes over and she rules heaven well (after trying to kill mary when going back in time she isn’t killed by michael, but narrowly escapes and remains in hiding to heal until castiel reaches out and finds her)

when finding out they are The Vessels and will be brought back regardless of what they try, sam and dean explore what this means more. dean throws himself into dangers and to protect others. he is burned, blown up, stabbed, electrocuted, beheaded and eaten, but wakes up the next morning in his bed without a scratch, without any pain and memories of his deaths. he revels in this untouchability. sam kills himself over and over only to be resurrected again and again by lucifer. he remembers the pain and blood.

that being said, while dean is like angel royalty, sam is demon royalty. the demons don’t go after him, they don’t hurt him. some even offer up themselves to be drained of blood, even after lilith’s death. it makes it really difficult to stay clean but he pulls through with dean and castiel actually supporting him. to help sam get through his addiction, dean stops drinking alcohol and they go through their withdrawal together

the angels almost worship dean as the michael sword and have an open disgust towards sam for being lucifer’s vessel - they always answer dean’s prayers and calls for help, they follow his orders if need be and don’t hesitate to heal him if he needs it. sam could pray until his vocal chords bleed or call out for help while holding his guts in his hands; none of the angels would come to his aid. the only one who answers sam’s prayers is lucifer as a voice in sam’s head or a hallucination. sam could call demons to help him out but he refuses

sam isn’t the first hunter to drink demon blood, to try to enhance his own abilities using the supernatural as a means to get there - there are hunters who have altered themselves with parts from werewolves and vampires to become better hunters, like the styne family (the guys from s10), blurring the lines again of what’s good and human vs what is evil and inhumane

if angels can’t find a vessel to volunteer, they will force them to say yes - the how is not important, only that the ‘yes’ is said, whether its meant or not, any verbal yes will do. the angels never sleep and they never eat, which is disturbing to sam and dean who are exhausted all the time and eat scraps whenever they can

castiel, like all other angels, is taught to despise and not care about sam winchester at all, but the more castiel gets to know sam, he becomes fascinated with him, how lucifer’s ultimate vessel, starter of the apocalypse and destroyer of god’s creation can be so kind and gentle, so full of faith, acceptance, optimism and hope. in dean castiel sees a good man, yes, but also a man who’s bloodthirsty, rages, revels in war, resorts all problems with violence, loves conditionally and expects unquestioned loyalty. sam too, has a darkness and bloodthirst in him, but it only comes out in glimpses. castiel thinks it’s funny, how sam turns out to be the opposite of lucifer while dean is so alike michael

#hbo spn #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #iben spoke #girl help this makes no sense #these are just things i want to see plot-wise and character arc-wise

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softscholasticism · 6 years

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•delilah, darling•

rami malek x oc | ch. 2

a/n: ahh im so sorry that i made y’all emotional with the first chapter... um this one isnt any better... sorry?? anyway, once again, thank you so much for reading, THANK YOU FOR 500 FOLLOWERS, and if you’d like to be tagged please let me know:) AND THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT

word count: 6k+

warnings: angst, manipulative boyfriend, and deacy gets super pissed at the end so yeah. ALSO MARY DOESN’T OWN GARDEN LODGE OR EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE, BC FICTION. also this chapter isn’t that great so i guess that’s another warning.

chapter one

C H A P T E R T W O: you get away with murder

Summer, 2010

The Garden Lodge was quiet this morning. Delilah had received the Lodge from Uncle Fred in his will along with a rather large sum of money. Jim had lived with her for as long as he could until he had passed at the beginning of the year. She lived a quiet life, mourning the loss of so many people in her life. Even with Freddie’s death being so traumatic for her, she couldn’t be prepared for Jim’s death. She had been with him right until the end just as he had been there for Freddie. She had spent the last 6 months going through the motions of life, using a scheduled life as a distraction from the emptiness of her Godfather and Jim’s passing.

She hadn’t been the same since November 24, 1991 and it showed. She barely talked to her family and only spoke to Phoebe, Roger, Brian and her parents when she put it in her schedule. Of course, her parents understood, John had stepped down from his position in Queen due to Fred’s death becoming too much for him as well as needing to focus on his family and being there for them. The only thing that kept Delilah going was the small, golden locket that hung from her neck. Delilah was a woman now, no longer the little girl that been playful and so loving, she believed she had been a woman since Freddie’s passing. She longed for hope and joy she had once found in her Godfather, she wanted it so desperately but she didn’t know how.

On a day like today, Delilah had planned to go through her typical regiment. She woke up, drank coffee, read a book, gardened, ate lunch, read some more, call one of her uncles and her dad, ate dinner, went to bed but not before curling up with tears shining in her blue eyes.

When Delilah was eight, she remembered Freddie talking about the “in-between moments” where life is just kind of mundane and thoughts aren’t distracted by activities. In her 29 years of age, she now understood what her Uncle was talking about. She shrunk back into her mind, allowing memories of her past to overwhelm her. Delilah pretended that her blanket was a pair of arms, trying to form some kind of comfort and fill the void that had raged upon her. The void filled her like a wildfire, the flames swallowing every sense of peace she had and left her with ashes of her past. She could try to pretend like everything was okay, but once she wasn’t distracted her thoughts came back to haunt her, breaking her heart all over again.

Something was different about this day however, Delilah was out gardening, the sound of tourists coming to visit the lodge and leaving presents or notes to her Uncle. She didn’t mind however. Delilah understood what is was like to mourn, so it didn’t bother her that people came to leave anecdotes about Freddie, in fact she thought it was lovely. People saw just how special Fred was in the same way that Delilah did, so who was she to deprive people of expressing their feelings when she felt the same way? The brunette enjoyed hearing people singing to the Garden Lodge or just the white noise of people reminiscing about her Godfather while she gardened. So here she was, picking some weeds out from the flower bed, softly smiling at the buzz of Garden Lodge. She worked quietly, her hair pulled back in a braid due to the Deacon gene of fluffy hair, the other workers in the Lodge moved around as well, gardening or cleaning amongst other jobs.

Suddenly, the shrill ring of the telephone roared over the tourists and workers, taking Delilah out of her focus, a worker came and fetched her saying that it was her father. Delilah’s eyebrows furled in confusion, typically she was the one to call him after she had finished her work in the lodge. John knew that she needed to keep her schedule and that she didn’t much like change in order to stay sane, so Delilah figured this was something important. Her stomach dropped at that thought, the last time someone called her it was always brought bad memories. Calls always meant that someone had passed or became sick or would ask her about Freddie. She liked to start the calls because it gave her control over the conversation, distracting her from the in-between moments that she hated.

Solemnly, she nodded her head, taking her gloves off she walked inside to the phone that the worker was carrying. Taking a deep breath, she spoke, “Hi, Dad.” Her heart was beating rather quickly in anxiety, not knowing how to react to this change in her daily regiment.

“Delilah, darling!” Delilah winced at the nickname, not wanting to think of where her family had coined that phrase. “I’m sorry for calling you so early, but I wanted to ask you something.” John was nervous, his niece had voiced her dislike of change but he wanted her to live, not just go through each day doing the same thing over and over again. He didn’t want her to become like him and he was afraid that that had already happened.

“That’s quite alright, Dad, I was just gardening. What’s up?” Her hands were shaking, this was so different, she despised different. John proceeded to explain that he needed a book to read that someone had told him about, of course, John couldn’t go and get it himself because he much preferred to stay home. He mentioned that all of her other siblings were either gone or busy and couldn’t go get it and that she was the only one who could do it. “What about Mum, couldn’t she go get it for you?” Delilah knew how busy her siblings always were, so she understood, but the idea of leaving Garden Lodge was a daunting task.

“No, no your mother has friends over. Please could you do this for me, Delilah?” John felt horrible. In fact, he didn’t need the bloody book at all. He just wanted her to get out of that house and do something. “You could go to that one coffee place you’ve been dying to try because they have special type of milk they use in their drinks. And yes, Bri and Rog did tell me that you talked about wanting to go by it, so I know that you want to go.” And there it was, Delilah knew why he called. He might’ve needed the book but she knew how badly he wanted her to go out and away from the place that haunted her dreams. A somber feeling washed over her, her father just wanted her to get better, he understood her best and she recognized his desire for her happiness when he probably was feeling the same as she was.

Delilah nodded her head, “Of course, Dad. I’ll go get it for you and the coffee, I’ll grab one for you too if you’d like?” John laughed in victory and did a little happy dance around his telephone, expressing how that bringing him coffee would be lovely. He told her how proud he was of her and to be careful. Delilah shook her head as she giggled at her father’s antics and told him goodbye. She told the worker to fetch her car and soon she was off, the people in front of the lodge recognized her and tried to get close but she was faster. While she did appreciate their love for her uncle, she didn’t want to be hounded by them.

The ride to the bookstore was calm, on the inside she was freaking out at her schedule change but it felt almost rebellious in a way. Her fingers shook with excitement as she parked, stepping out the air felt lighter. The bookstore was a petite building, the inside was warm. As she walked around looking at the Lodge, Delilah realized that the Lodge had begun to grow cold, yes, she had the workers company along with her two dogs, but it still felt so empty. She knew why it felt empty, but she wanted to hold onto the memories that were held in Garden Lodge so she stayed in it. The small store had bookcases that touched the ceiling and had multiple bean bags or couches so people could sit and read. It brought back a childlike awareness that she barely let herself experience.

After grabbing the book her father needed, she walked around for much longer than she needed to, buying multiple novels in the process so she could have more to read in the Lodge. She had already been through most of the books in the Library that Freddie had turned one of the cat’s rooms into, the ones she hadn’t read were either things she read as a teenager or were silly things like dictionaries or encyclopedias that she had no patience for. Once Delilah had purchased all of the books she acquired, she began her walk to the coffee shop. Luckily it was a block away so she didn’t need to drive over there.

A soft clicking noise sounded from across the street, Delilah didn’t think anything of it though. She walked inside the coffee shop and was immediately hit by the strong smell of espresso, soft indie music playing in the background. Much like the bookstore, this coffee shop was so warm and cozy. There was also an upstairs spot that was considered a study area and had whiteboards and bean bags as well as couches with too many pillows. She had barely been in the building for five minutes and she was in love. Delilah still felt uncomfortable with being out in public but she was comforted by the soft atmosphere.

Making her way to the cashier, she was met by one of the most beautiful men she’s ever laid eyes upon. He was tall around the same height as Uncle Brian probably. He skin was a deep brown, his eyes the same color, he was muscular too, much to her appreciation. “Excuse me, can I help you?” Delilah blushed and quickly apologized, not realizing that she had been staring for much too long. The man, Charles as his name tag provided, laughed lightly at her demeanor, saying that he didn’t mind. “What would you like?” Charles was intrigued, the woman had looked familiar and it did help that she was quite gorgeous.

Delilah, wanting to escape from her embarrassment, asked for a simple latte, something she was familiar with and comfortable with ordering. She rapidly paid and made her way to one of the small, two person tables, waiting patiently for her drink while wallowing in her distress. Delilah realized she had allowed herself to get stuck in her brain again because suddenly, Charles was sitting in front of her, holding her drink. She jumped practically out of her seat, not at all easing her nerves in front of this gorgeous specimen.

At first glance, Charles thought the woman was unique, she seemed shy and reserved, immediately he wanted to get to know her better. She seemed familiar and he couldn’t understand why. Maybe she had been to one of his gigs with his band or maybe she worked somewhere local, Charles couldn’t place his finger on it. He placed the drink in front of her and asked if they had met before.

“Oh, I don’t think so,” she laughed, hand covering her mouth, “I tend to stay at my home, I’m just running an errand for my father.” Charles nodded, understanding that people could seem familiar but really had never met.

“I see, you don’t explore the town?” The man winked, he had started to get where he wanted to go, the woman was attractive and sweet, he figured a date would be fun. As he waited for a response, Delilah nodded her head, because it was true, she never explored the city, she wanted to but it was too much of a risk for someone to recognize her and too often she saw something that reminded her of Jim and her Godfather, it was too much for her to handle. Charles however, a man she had just met, who seemed interested in her, was proposing an excuse to leave the Lodge, in a flirty manner at that.

“No, I suppose I don’t, but I would like an excuse to, I perhaps.” Delilah flirted back, her hand sliding towards his own. He noticed what she was doing and knew he was on the right track to what he wanted. Charles stood and grasped her hand, kissing it lightly.

“I’m afraid I have to go back to work, but I’m free on Saturday.” A blush rose to Delilah’s cheeks, she sipped her latte and nodded. She had never been in a relationship before due to her being scared her heart was going to be ripped apart even more than it already had been. But Brian and Rog had been adamant that she needed friends or even a boyfriend, she figured she would make them proud.

Charles knew he had to initiate because this woman was so shy but he didn’t mind. “Let’s say seven o’clock?” He grabbed a napkin and wrote his number on it, handing it to her, enjoying the redness that fluttered and grew deeper than humanly possible. Delilah nodded, grateful that Charles left her to her coffee as she tried to comprehend what had just happened.

The brown-haired girl turned the napkin over, blue ink scribbled across but could clearly read a number and the words “see ya on saturday, love xx”. For the first time, in what seemed like forever, Delilah had plans during the weekend, something she hasn’t allowed herself to have since Fred’s death.

She called Brian and Roger immediately, realizing she had to figure out what one did on a date.

SATURDAY

“Love, you need to hurry up or else you’ll be late.” Roger exclaimed, not helping with Delilah’s stress levels, Brian was currently deciding which shoes his niece should wear. Delilah had settled the plans with Charles over text, they were going to meet at the coffee shop and he would drive them to the restaurant. Delilah suggested somewhere small and local, preferably not busy as well as them meeting up at a neutral site. She didn’t quite trust him yet to expose where she lived. Luckily, he complied and told her not to worry about dressing up either, he was adamant that she was comfortable for their first date.

Brian settled on some white chelsea boots to go with the high waisted Levi’s and coral blouse. He grabbed the shoes and walked over to where the brown haired woman was sitting and handed the shoes to her. Delilah smiled softly, adding the finishing touches to her look before putting the boots on with shaking hands.

Delilah had never allowed herself to get close to anyone besides her immediate family including Brian, Rog, and Phoebe. She had tried to a few times previously but everyone just wanted to meet her dad or ask her uncomfortable, intimate questions about Freddie that she didn’t have the strength to answer. So, she gave up the pleasure of having friends and kept to herself. But now Delilah was nearing thirty, it was time she broke out of her shell and make her life more worthwhile than the same repeated schedule every day.

“Alright, I think I need to get going. Are you guys going to hang out here for a while? You’re more than welcome to stay of course.” Delilah stood, grabbing her keys and purse, wringing her hands in nerves.

“Yeah, love. We’ll stay here just in case you need anything.” Roger wrapped an arm around the woman, kissing her cheek. They were just as nervous as she was, Delilah had been through so much heartbreak in her life and Roger as well as Brian didn’t think she could handle another one.

A huge weight was lifted off of Delilah’s shoulders, she had her uncles to watch over her just in case anything had gone awry and she couldn’t be more grateful for them. With this release of tension, Delilah kissed and hugged both of her uncles and set off, the workers all wishing her good luck as they finished up their duties and head back to their homes.

The drive to the cafe was much easier this time, Delilah knew what she was doing and hadn’t felt this excited about something in, forever it seemed like. As she parked, she saw Charles waiting for her with flowers, her favorite ones too: daisies. Delilah had no clue how he had known that she loved daisies but she didn’t care because here was an extremely attractive man, with flowers for her, about to take her to dinner, what more could she want?

“Hi, love,” Charles voice was even more smooth than it had been when she had first met him. He looked at her up and down as he approached her, “my do you look absolutely ravishing.” He sighed, kissing her cheek before presenting the flowers. Delilah’s blush wrapped around her cheeks to her ears, flattered by the show of affection of an outsider which of course, Charles was very excited to see the rosiness appear.

“We have reservations soon and it’s about a five minute walk, is that alright?” Delilah was still quiet, her nerves trying to dampen but she let out a smile and nodded. He brought his arm out for her to grab and together the two walked to a small restaurant that seemed extremely modern, but not noisy or busy much to Delilah’s appreciation. A waiter brought them to their table, the restaurant had a warm vibe to it as the couple sat down. The tables were a dark wood, one soft light over their heads along with a candle placed on the table. It was everything Delilah would dream of for a first date location-wise. So far, she was quite impressed with Charles decisions.

“Thank you for bringing me here and the flowers.” Delilah spoke softly, placing her hair behind her ear. Charles smiled one of the whitest smiles she had ever seen and put his hand in hers across the table.

“You deserve everything and more.” Delilah could melt into the chair and would be perfectly fine. Together they continued dinner, making conversation. Both were asking questions about each other’s family but Delilah was delighted when she realized that Charles wasn’t prying. That may have been because he didn’t know her past or who she was associated with or that he could tell that family was a tough subject for her. He never ever pushed her and she couldn’t feel more satisfied with this date so far.

His eyes shifted to her locket, he remembered seeing it the first time he had seen her, he figured that she wore it often. “I like your locket, where’s it from?” He saw her hand move towards the locket, the light glinting off of the golden jewelry. It looked old, worn from use. It took her a while before she spoke, when she looked at him, her eyes were watery and Charles was worried he hit a soft spot.

“I got it from my Uncle when I was 10, he passed away a little after that.” Delilah sniffed and looked back down at the locket, twisting the chain in her long fingers. Charles grasped her chin, he didn’t say anything because he didn’t know what to say. His family was large, he didn’t know what it was like to lose someone so close. So, he figured just being there for her would suffice. Again, he didn’t pry because he felt as though it wasn’t his place.

Delilah was at a loss of words, on one end, her heart was aching at having to think about the loss of Freddie but the other end was filled with so much joy because Charles didn’t try to make her feel better, he didn’t try to ask what happened or try to make the loss seem less than it was. He just proceeded to care for her and hold her, and for Delilah that was enough.

The date ended with Delilah insisting she paid for dessert. Charles had done so much and treated her with so much care, Delilah couldn’t remember the last time she had this much fun as well as how nice it was to have a companion that was relatively the same age instead of 60 year old rock stars (even though she loved them more than anything). After paying for dessert, Delilah and Charles walked out, not before Charles held the door open and placed a warm hand to her lower back. He further wrapped his arm around her leading her to her car. As the two walked closer to the car, she saw two very familiar faces waiting for her by the car thus causing Delilah’s heart to come to a full stop.

There at the end of her car was Roger and Brian. Roger Taylor, famous drummer of queen and car extraordinaire and Brian May the actual guitar hero, Delilah’s uncles.

“Oh my god.” Delilah quickly turned Charles around to face him away from them. She grabbed her phone out of her pocket and quickly realized that she had never updated Brian and Roger, she had almost 50 texts and at least 20 calls from both. Since Delilah never goes out, they worry about her constantly and like to be updated.

Delilah didn’t want to have to break the news to Charles like this, the date had been everything she wanted and so, so much more. She couldn’t bring herself to be frustrated at Brian or Rog, they were just looking out for her, Delilah’s anxiety however, was becoming a monster because this would make or break the desire of a second date.

Charles eyes drew concerned, Delilah’s whole demeanor changed within an instant. He moved to turn around and see what she was looking at but her grip was surprisingly too strong.

“Charles, I need to tell you something,” Her hands were white with how hard she was gripping him. Charles’ hands moved to her waist in order to ground the anxious woman. “You must understand that I didn’t tell you this because I was worried that you would think differently of me. It’s also not exactly my favorite subject because it brings bad memories that I would rather not think about.” Delilah continued to ramble until Charles placed his hands from her hips to her cheeks.

The woman sighed, Roger and Brian were about to approach when she shook her head, motioning for them to stop. Charles moved to see what was bothering her but again, she held him tightly. With a large inhale, she spoke.

“My family is famous.” That was so not how she had meant to word it but, it was too late. “My dad was a bass player for a band called Queen.” She watched as Charles eyes grew as wide as saucers, he realized why she had seemed so familiar from the first time he had met her. One of his musical idols is John deacon because he inspired Charles to play bass in his band. Charles had countless books and posters about Queen and read so many things on John’s bass playing, he was a very strong Queen fan. He didn’t know how he hadn’t realized it earlier but then again, this was only their second date.

He didn’t continue, not exactly knowing what to say because how does one react to the fact that they’ve got a famous girlfriend or partner. She continued to explain who her dad was and that Brian and Roger were her main source of contact since John preferred to stay quiet, which Charles knew of course from his research.

As she finished, Delilah allowed the man to turn around and come face to face with the people he had been idolizing for his entire life. Somehow during their date, the topic of Charles’ band never came up so she had no idea that he was a) a bass player or b) a huge Queen fan, so the prospect of meeting the two didn’t seem like a big deal, in the grand scheme of things.

This was it, Charles thought, this is how I’m going to be successful.

Fall, 2010

Delilah was backstage at one of Charles’ concerts, thinking about the time when he had broke her the news that he just so happened to play bass in a band and that she knew who her parents were and looked up to John. However, instead of getting the spiel about how he wanted to meet her parents, Charles respected her boundaries and allowed her to make the call for when they should meet.

The club that the gig was in was dark and filled with smoke. The only light source being the lights from the stage that bloomed with color and reflected off of the instruments and faces of the crowd. Delilah had been to many gigs, never fully in the crowd though. It was difficult at first for her boyfriend to get her to come but she came nonetheless. Charles’ concerts were much different than the ones she had been to, the crowd was only of hundreds and not hundred thousands, the band (known as Cash Only) played in very small venues with closed roof which was of course, a stark contrast to the Wembly’s and Budapest’s among other famous Queen venues. In a way, that’s what Delilah loved so much about these concerts, they didn’t allow her to think of her childhood, the just focused on music and the feeling that it brought, not the memories of Freddie’s warm hugs or encouraging words, or the luxurious things that her father and Roger would take them to do. Charles’ concerts allowed Delilah to enjoy music again.

This quickly became Delilah’s new and improved schedule, instead of staying at home all day and doing nothing, she hung out with Charles and went to lunches and fancy dinners. Delilah was content, a word she hadn’t used since in a very long time. She talked to her family more, even her siblings seemed like they wanted to talk to her! The concerts really helped to because while they were a great distraction from her past, they also let the woman pretend that for a second, just a small moment, that Delilah was back in those massive arenas with deafening screams. Delilah could pretend that Jim and Freddie were there and by the time Cash Only set was over, her blue eyes would by red from tears. Charles never questioned it, Delilah had opened up to him about her struggles with Freddie’s death as well as Jim’s. While Charles was a big Queen fan, Delilah noticed, he only ever asked about her father.

This normal schedule of concerts and hanging out would pass on for another month into the anniversary of Freddie’s death. Delilah had already told Charlie that she would prefer to be alone because she would be having her father, Rog and Brian over the whole day. The four of them would all hang out together just supporting each other. Phoebe would come over later for supper, he much preferred to spend the day alone typically.

The morning of the anniversary rolled around like a thunderous cloud, black and thick with moisture. Delilah’s body felt heavy and her head pounded. The Lodge seemed especially empty on a day like this day. Charles had still never been to the Garden Lodge mainly for safety reasons, so it was still just the workers and Delilah. Delilah had her nails painted red in representation of AIDs awareness, sparkly of course because Freddie was known for his extravagance. The sunlight shone through the window and gleamed off of her bright red nails as she put her locket on, immediately sending her into tears of pure anguish. Her brain was going through the torturous moments of having to relive her last moments with a very sick Fred. As the years passed, missing him would never ever get any easier but this year felt especially gut-wrenching because it also meant the loss of his husband too, Jim.

By the time John had arrived, Roger and Brian were cooking breakfast, Delilah sat on a stool at the table with a large blanket surrounding her. No one spoke. No one needed to. They just needed each other’s presence and comfort to get through.

Throughout the day, the Lodge was quiet, the workers had warned them not to go outside because hundreds of mourners were at the gate of the lodge paying their respects. Delilah’s heart warmed because it didn’t matter that Freddie’s death was almost twenty years previous, he still had such an impact on such a large audience, she could never ever turn the mourners away from the Lodge if it meant that they got to pay their respects.

By the time Phoebe had shown up, the four people were sat on the couch, tears still falling silently. There was nothing to ease the hurt, their friends and family were taken and there was nothing that could bring them back.

The sky grew dark meaning this wretched day was almost over, Charles hadn’t texted Delilah all day thus bringing surprise to Delilah when she had seen that he had texted her. Don’t check the news right now. The text had said, which of course prompted the brunet to check it, she suddenly had thousands of notifications once she opened the app, after finding the culprit of all of this mayhem, a gossip organization was talking about Freddie’s death and had pictures of all of the mourners outside of the lodge when suddenly, a picture of Delilah and Charles popped up on the television.

The reporters spoke about how there were numerous sightings of the “mysterious Deacon” and further questioned where her father would be. Delilah’s heart stopped, for so long she and her father had stayed out of the limelight. Luckily, there were no pictures of her father, just ones from the 90’s. But Delilah knew how the media worked, now that someone knew something about her whereabouts, this would spiral in the frenzy of trying to figure out where not only she went burt where her father went too.

Winter, 2010

The media had stayed relatively calm, Delilah still stuck with her schedule she had created with Charles. Of course, there were still pictures but somehow Charles always ended up standing in front of her and the camera, flashing a darling smile at the paps. It confused Delilah, she didn’t understand why he felt the need to stand between her and them or that he had to give those ridiculous smiles. Delilah just kept pushing through, living life whilst attempting to get over her past.

Christmas time rolled around quicker than Delilah could’ve imagined and the inevitable question came from her boyfriend. “I think I should meet your parents.” He didn’t ask it as a question, he never did, he normally just said it and that was it. Charles’ nature almost seemed non-negotiable, Delilah was starting to feel uneasy about what kind of relationship she was in with this seemingly sweet, rugged man.

Up until Christmas came, Charles wouldn’t stop talking about how excited he was to meet the John Deacon. He no longer would ask questions about Delilah or ask her about her day, all he cared about was Queen and specifically her father’s roll in it. She didn’t really mind at first, understanding what it was like to have someone to look up to. She was so grateful that someone appreciated her father as much as she did and thus she didn’t quite mind answering a question or two about the luxuries of rockstar life.

Her relationship was going on 5 months long, yet it no longer felt like a relationship. It felt like the only person that was contributing was herself and even then it was barely. The separation didn’t help that Charles’ band was growing more popular (thanks to the paparazzi pictures finding out who he is), this made Charles much more focused on music than actually kissing his girlfriend hello. Yet, despite all of this, Delilah was still deeply in love with him, when he would kiss her, fireworks spread throughout her body. She longed for touch she didn’t allow herself to have but with Charles it was so easy to let herself go. So, he stayed.

Christmas was a quiet affair, all of her siblings were present with their S.O.’s, the warmth of the Deacon household was christened with Christmas. Delilah loved Christmas, it was always so warm and fuzzy. It also was the best because her older siblings used to sneak her eggnog that had a kick to it and her siblings actually spoke to her. Charles was a hit, her siblings and mother doting on him and making sure he was well fed.

“He seems nice.” John whispered, standing next to Delilah handing her the alcoholic drink. Delilah nodded, feeling at peace with how well having someone meet her family went. The rest of the holiday continued with presents and even Charles got a bunch of nerdy bass things from John. There was so much laughter, if only it had lasted so much longer.

A couple days later, Charles had completely ghosted Delilah. No texts, no calls, no emails, nothing. She didn’t want to seem clingy by sending him a constant stream of worried messages. Roger and Brian were kept in charge with making sure everything was okay, Deaky’s orders. Anxiety pooled in Delilah’s stomach. This went on for another week, she even went to the coffee shop he worked at only to discover that he no longer worked there. He could be dead, he could be hurt, hospitalized, anything, and Delilah was stuck not knowing what was going on.

On the eighth day of not knowing where her boyfriend was, Delilah received a text. We’re over, been seein one of the band’s fans, hope you don’t mind if i keep the bass stuff. And just like that, another rock bottom had been hit. Delilah read the message over and over again, trying to see if it was real, if it was Charles and trying to understand how everything in her life had changed within the matter of seconds, again.

The deep feeling of anguish roared into her chest, the brunet threw her phone across the room, catching the attention of Brian and Roger. This feeling she had wasn’t grief however, it was embarrassment, loneliness, heartbroken. The two men ran to her and grasped her shoulders trying everything to get her breathing to slow. The sobs were harsh, chest wrecking, her sweet, sweet Charles was gone. Someone normal and kind, who cared about her, gone. Delilah couldn’t understand what she did to deserve this life of sadness. The dark cloud that was once black over her head had started to become a lighter grey, but storms come and go, this time it seemed just as strong as the others.

All Delilah wanted was to be normal, to love and be loved. She didn’t ask for her family to be what it was, she didn’t ask for her family to be affected by this wretched disease. No, all Delilah wanted was a sense of normalcy in her shrouded world.

At some point one of the men had gotten up to get Delilah some water, Delilah didn’t know who and she didn’t care. All she could do was focus on the weight of the locket that brought a fraction of comfort. A shrill ringing overtook her ears, someone answering it, again, Delilah had no clue who was talking, her brain just running through the recent events.

The telly in front of her turned on, Roger’s hands shakily holding the remote. Images of her home, not the Lodge but her family home. Images of her dad, mother, and siblings talking and laughing. These would be normal pictures, family pictures that could’ve been kept for a keepsake. But they were in the news, a detail Delilah noticed was that it was Christmas. The only one who could’ve taken these pictures was… him. Her life, her private life not to mention her father’s life was exposed for the world to see. They had took such care of everything, keeping everything quiet and not trying to be bothered and all of that was being blown up right in front of their very own eyes.

This heartbreak was much worse, she knew she let everyone down. The Deacon family was very cautious about bringing outsiders in and Delilah broke the most important rule they had. The Deacon’s wanted a quiet and private life, but Delilah had to go and ruin everything.

Roger and Brian were trying to talk to her but still, her ears didn’t put together the functions needed for her brain to register the words. Nothing made sense, everything was going so well, but Delilah had to get close to someone like she did with Freddie, Jim, her siblings, friends from school, etc, and the end result turned catastrophic.

The tears poured out again, there was no coming back from this. Her life would be absolutely insane for a while now, paps trying to get more of her privacy that she clung to, people trying to learn more about who she was associated with. Brian’s arms held her tightly, whether that was to restrain her from doing something bad or for comfort she didn’t know. Delilah’s brain was going a million miles a second, trying to ground something.

The front door to the Lodge slammed open. “Delilah!” Her father roared, steam-rolling into where she was. The hairs on Delilah’s neck stood, her father knew how to use his words to tear someone apart piece by piece. She had heard plenty of stories and had even witnessed it once herself. Her regularly friendly father was pissed. Her mother was behind John, trying to hold him back, they both had tears streaming down their eyes, disappointment laced within them.

“How could you?” John whispered, he was so frustrated with his daughter that he couldn’t even think to notice how upset she was. “You ruined our privacy, your damn relationship and decisions ruined our lives.” He went on and on for what seemed like hours, using his words to pick apart every insecurity that she had to emphasize just how bad this whole situation was. Brian, Roger, and Delilah’s mother kept trying to get Deaky to stop but he kept going and going. By the end of the monologue, there was nothing left of Delilah’s heart. It was so broken that there were no longer pieces, it was just dust that was carried off into the wind.

For her whole life, Delilah just wanted to please her family, she just wanted to be like her Daddy or Uncle Freddie or her Mummy. Delilah wanted happiness but it seemed she would never happen again for her. There was nothing left for John to feast on it seemed. Everyone stood silently, not knowing what to say, tears were coming down in waterfalls, tears that should’ve been gone but Delilah figured with all of her sadness, they wouldn’t go away. Roger moved to talk but John had one last thing on his mind, he looked at Delilah right in her blue eyes and spoke, not caring that they shone with tears just like they had when Freddie had died.

“I don’t want to see you anymore,” he whispered, almost too soft for her to hear. Her mom protested, saying that John was not thinking straight. “I don’t want to have any calls from you, texts, books, movies, dinners, lunches you name it, I don’t want it Delilah. You ruined our bloody lives, just like you ruined Fred’s” None of it made sense, nothing made sense. John turned on his heel and walked out, not caring about how the screams of anguish twisted his heart, not listening to Brian and Roger or his wife. He was blinded by madness so harshly that he couldn’t see that he had obliterated any kind of relationship that he had had with Delilah.

As for the brunet, she couldn’t take it anymore, she had to get out of the Lodge, not knowing where, she just knew she didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s lives like she thought she did.

tag you’re it: @ironqueen98 @bellamy1998 @missmercurythekillerqueen @philosophical-dumbass @deacydeacy @wanderlustnightwanderer

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