codycampbell

[mokutone]

@gertrudehatake replied to a post:

(I know it's two years later but) What kakashi was "doing" to be sorry about?

totally fine to ask a question two years later! honestly, i really don't feel like that comic did a good job of explaining itself, and i don't mind explaining for it, in its absence.

this is gonna be a bit of a long response because that comic was supposed to have a lot going on...but in practice...it doesn't hold up.

Basically, they're having a conversation beneath the words they're actually saying, as they do frequently when I write them. The "underneath" conversation they're having is as follows (TW for discussion of Kakashi's self destructive/suicidal tendencies):

TENZŌ: You're not protecting yourself in battle. You're letting yourself get hurt. I'm beginning to be afraid that you want to let yourself get hurt—maybe that you want to kill yourself.

KAKASHI, who doesn't want to talk about being suicidal: Maybe I don't. Maybe, I just trust you so much that I don't have to be as careful in the field. TENZŌ:

TENZŌ: That was a fucked up way to evade the question. TENZŌ: Even if that was true, which it's not, that was an extremely fucked up thing to say to me. And for what? The crime of being worried for you? KAKASHI: You're right. sorry. sorry.

it's messed up because Tenzō is confronting Kakashi about his very real self destructive patterns, and Kakashi, instead of being honest and acknowledging them, or even being honest and saying "I really don't want to talk about this" tries to sidestep the conversation with an alternate, explanation, that he's just so comfortable working in this team that he's not afraid for his life. Which is bullshit. He's not taking this seriously, he's dodging. Maybe, he was even thinking he could avoid it while complimenting Tenzō, talk about how much they trust each other and how much he values that bond, instead of talking about how little he values himself.

The problem is, the way it comes off, especially to tenzō who, unlike kakashi, is worried for Kakashi's safety and life, is that it sounds like Kakashi's saying "I only act like this because you're here" which is both untrue and something that is really upsetting to hear.

kakashi, who obvs knows what it is to blame himself for the death of a friend, is immediately incredibly sorry for having said that, once its made clear to him how that sounds. Its not an incident he's going to ever repeat

like i said...the comic doesn't do a good job of explaining itself. It kind of needs me to stand beside it, explaining for it. I think that now, with the skills I've gained in the past two years, I could remake it better...but I also don't think I would?

This particular angle of their relationship...I don't think I see it in the exact same way that I did back then. If I were to make a comic abt this topic again, I don't think I'd make it in the same way at all

anyway, I hope this was useful, or at least interesting to you!