#this is how i felt when i really got my hooks into DAO and fell in love with dragon age

[bogunicorn]

i've been quiet here to avoid major spoilers (posting them OR seeing them), but i started act 2 last night and holy shit, oh my god, this game is so good. it feels like a cross between playing dnd with the world's most competent DM and reading a really good fantasy novel.

[dragonswithjetpacks]

I think I’m finally figuring out how to tag fanfiction. Strange Fates is legit the first piece of fic that I’ve written start to finish (assuming I’ll finish) without taking breaks and without writing big pieces at a time. This is also the first fic with multiple chapters that has gotten this much attention. I know it’s not a lot. But it has been a really awesome little journey for me. And for it being my first time... I’m kind of excited. This is the first thing I’ve written that feels like I can actually finish it. And to have support just feels awesome.

A little background... (cut because it’ll be long)

*trigger warning for mental abuse*

I’ve been writing since my parents got their first fancy computer. I was typing 60 wpm before I was ten. But it was because I was writing. Fantasy, science fiction, horror. I wrote all kinds of stuff. And I wrote my first fan fiction when I was... oh, I don’t know... twelve? Thirteen? We had a PS2 for about a year and my cousin gave me a bunch of cool PS1 games. And I became obsessed with Legend of Mana. I legit wrote everything out on paper. Then I typed some of it out. I just saved it in folder on the computer on my account I had on there. I didn’t actually see fanfiction or know it was thing until I was fifteen. That’s when I started playing FFXII. At first, I found a fan page. Submitted a few chapters. But back then, I was so embarrassed and didn’t have anyone to talk to that I just ignored it. Let me just add here real quick my parents, mostly my mom, were never supportive of things I actually enjoyed. She hated I liked video games.

I didn’t go back to fanfiction for years because I legit had no idea people did this. I thought I was weird. I was already getting bullied at school. Also, I found out my mom was reading everything I wrote. Like everything. And the way she made it known was just that she liked a part I wrote. Nothing supportive. Just hey I like you wrote this. I was humiliated. I also finally made some cool friends so I just hid my love down deep. Deep. Deep. Like I didn’t talk about video games or books or anime or anything until like six years later when I got into college. It was awful. College was about the time I started feeling comfortable gain. And that was when I found Fanfiction.net.

To be honest, I don’t remember if it was DAO or Fable 3 that got me hooked on Fanfiction.net. I had starting writing little ficlets. Like little one shots. And I found some fanart on deviant art. Then I somehow got lead to the website. It was wonderful. Fast forward to like 2012. I met a guy. And I still had this fanfiction. I would write it in secret because I was still ashamed. I decided I was going to just get rid of it. Because I had this set in my mind that I was using it to substitute fake relationships for real ones (thanks mom). I had no idea I was just enjoying a friggin hobby. So I made my first account on fanfiction. Posted my ficlets of F3, because I had an attachment to them. And I didn’t want to just throw them out. But some of them... I did. And I wish I didn’t.

A few months later and for many months after... I kept getting notifications asking when I was going to finish my fic. It inspired me. And I finished it. And it got me on a kick again. But I knew I had to be careful, because my boyfriend at the time was super nosy. He got mad at me for writing a very explicit piece. One, it was practice because I was horrible at smut (even back then) and two, it was a super old piece I wrote before I even met him. So I got a flashdrive and kept everything on the flashdrive. I felt horrible keeping a secret from him. But he also made me feel like shit.

Then I found Tumblr. And then Inquisition came out. And it all just... fell apart. It was like Inquisition was the only happiness I had left in that shit life I had. My boyfriend was awful. Controlling. Manipulative. Narcissistic. Dragon Age and fanfic were all I had. He even got me a laptop for Christmas so I could write... but then got mad because I would sit in my room and write. It was password protected and he was pissed he couldn’t read it.

I was writing a lot back then, though. I was also drinking... a lot. It was like the only outlet I had at the time because he had isolated me. I still have stuff I need to go through that I haven’t touched yet. There is SO MUCH. But needless to say, thank the Maker, we broke up. But I didn’t write again afterwords. It was a weird time for me. I just kind of stumbled through that year and drank myself away and made bad choices.

That was 2015. And I picked back up in 2017. I had made my Ao3 but only so I could just throw some stuff up I was never going to finish. I had some decent fluff in there so I didn’t want it to go to waste. I don’t think I wrote again for quite some time. And that was because of Aeva. It was just bits and pieces here and there. I guess I just recently started taking my writing seriously again.

Now, I have a very supportive boyfriend. And he wants to read what I’m writing. And he gets excited every time I talk about finishing a chapter. I don’t let him read anything because.. well... I’m still embarrassed (shit relationship left me with borderline PTSD, trust issues, and a multitude of other mental disabilities). But I feel better knowing he’s not going to get mad because I wrote about kissing a guy or anything. He understands writing this makes me happy. And it isn’t always romance, is fight scenes and plot twists and getting involved in a universe I love with a fandom of (mostly) cool people. He even wants to play the games! And I love him so much for that. And that all of this is coming together for me.

So I guess... I’m not new to this... but at the same time I am. I still don’t know how to tag. I still don’t know about all the drama. Who’s good to follow and who’s not good to follow. All I know is I love Dragon Age. I love all it’s characters. I love my OC’s. And I love my mutuals. Even though I don’t communicate with them... it’s still hard for me. Because the last time I did... well... my ex had made a fake account and called me a slut. So... yay more trust issues... even on the internet... But I’m trying! And I’ll get better! And I support all of you, too!