#this is meaningless to anyone except me but I had to exorcise it somehow

[winterwyrd]

Ok absolutely no one wants this but here we go - Caleb #2 playlist ranked for how absolutely unhinged it makes me to listen to and think about for more than 3 seconds: 

The Mask by Matt Maeson 

This one is a pretty standard opening track, it’s about the level of angst I was expecting from Mr O’Brien with this playlist. Classic Caleb narrative, pain, guilt, deception, burying his old life deep. The lyrics hurt if you listen too hard, but it’s easing us in gently. Solid 6/10. 

Sisyphus by Andrew Bird

For starters: great song, Andrew Bird is wonderful. Again, we’re not in unreasonably feral territory yet. It’s fun to listen to. Liam’s commentary adds an edge to it - hearing ‘let it roll, let it crash down low/There's a house down there but I lost it long ago’ and thinking about Caleb deciding whether to go back and save the home that Brenn left a smouldering ruin hits hard. 7/10

The Harrowed and the Haunted by The Decemberists

This is the reason I made this whole list. Just. Absolutely. Off the fucking charts. I’m not kidding I had it on repeat for three days when the playlist first came out. I cannot begin to articulate why thinking about Caleb and hearing the Decemberists hauntingly sing ‘we beloved of the springtime/we were lions to the light [...] will I always misremember/how we called our kisses bright/will I make this right?’ and ‘this is what you wanted/I'm harrowed and I'm haunted/haunted by the light’ sends me absolutely insane. It added another dimension to how I think about Caleb’s relationship with his past, and it hurts. ‘I will roam and I will ramble/till my heart no longer craves/our brazen days.’ That’s it, I’m out of here. If you need me I’ll be staring at a blank wall for a little bit. 100000/10. 

You’re Mine by Phantogram

To be honest, I’ll take or leave this one. Maybe because I’m still recovering from the previous track. The emotions from it aren’t something I can connect with Caleb and Astrid that well, personally. 2/10 

It’s Alright by Mother Mother

It’s really a good job I had the last song to chill a bit because this tips me straight back over the cliff. Mr O’Brien you owe me for emotional damage. Everything about this song in relation to Brenn/Caleb is agonising and if I think about it for more than 2 seconds I lose it. Liam wanting to say to Brenn ‘It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay/you're not a monster, just a human/and you made a few mistakes’ is *brain static*. Also, ‘I don't wanna know who I am/cause heaven only knows what I'll find’ hits way too hard for Caleb.  Incalculable/10.

Maybe It’s Time by Bradley Cooper

Establishing a pattern here, this song doesn’t hit me particularly hard, but it does make me sad thinking about Caleb’s relationship with his original plan to fix his past mistakes and the way it’s evolving. It’s a soft song. 4/10

Why Would I Now by The Decemberists

Decemberists again, so instantly high on the unhinged scale. It’s such a bittersweet look at Caleb and Veth’s relationship - ‘I will never be your familiar soul/I will never see your interior whole/but have I ever stood back and watched you fall/why would I now’ sums up everything about them from Caleb’s point of view and I can’t elaborate on what it says about the baseline of trust and support the two of them have established and how desperate Caleb is not to lose it without losing my mind. 10/10 

Im Ascheregen by Casper

Absolute bop. I can’t speak German so I had to translate the lyrics, and then it became an absolute bop that also makes me want to watch as Caleb destroys Trent and his legacy. It’s too focused to rate very high on the unhinged scale, if that makes sense. It makes me want to dance around the Academy’s smouldering ashes. Also, I am dumb and hadn’t realised Brenn was German for fire until this point and that is... I have no words. 5/10 

Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Lorde

This song for the Empire Kids is A Lot. It’s relatively short lol so it doesn’t have as much feral potential as the others, but it’s dangerous and the edge to it perfectly echoes Caleb and Beau’s attitude to the peace and the way it’s balanced on a knife edge. They’re so close but still so far. 7/10

Bet on You by The Man Who

Here we are again lads, off the scale, losing my mind. This is the found family,us against the rest of the world type of shit that we’re all here for and it’s summed up perfectly in this song. ‘After all the hell we’ve been through/I’ll still bet on you’ is the perfect Mighty Nein feeling and it has ended me. 50000/10. 

Change by NF 

No thoughts head empty. Good tune, chance for my brain to re-calibrate, I’m gonna tell myself it’s just about Caleb being a magic lad and move on because I don’t have the emotional capacity to think about it further. 3/10

Arsonist’s Lullaby by Hozier

This was inevitable. No Caleb playlist could avoid this song for long. Hozier is my fav, this song on it’s own sends me into an unhinged headspace, so connecting it to Caleb is just the icing on the cake really. But it’s not a new insight for me, so comparative to the rest of this it’s pretty on the level. 9/10