#this is pure brainrot. i wrote 87% from my brain alone and the rest was ag going. add this. and this. oh and this

[milflewis]

Really sorry if this is a dumb question but how did dantteri become a thing? Is there some masterpost out there I could read? Thank you and sorry if this is stupid!

long story short is that dantteri became a thing bc daniel ricciardo is incapable of being normal about valtteri bottas. like. physically unable. the rest is under the cut.

here’s a brief rundown of their history by the great ag tumblr user @andreagrimes themselves. i will wait for you to read it. i will also wait for you to read this masterpiece of modern poetry by lo tumblr user @hungerpunch. both are mandatory reading btw!!!!!!!

they basically came up together and their rivalry when they were younger v much dictated where they ended up in formula one (daniel to redbull and valtteri to merc) but they were never friends! this is not pierresteban or brocedes. these two are Something Else

they just raced against each other. and then they’re in f1 (daniel first. valtteri a year later) and daniel’s career starts off more successful than valtteri’s. starting with him getting a race win first and ending with him jumping v quickly into redbull and beating four time wdc sebastian vettel while valtteri is in a williams (and tbf does quite well but like. it’s still a williams) and then goes into merc with lewis. and. ok. it’s lewis hamilton yk. and so he never beat lewis but i will fight anyone who says that valtteri didn’t do a fucking amazing job while in merc. that just anyone could've been put in the position and seat that he was put in and not only handled it that well but also performed to that high of a level. you don’t need to beat your teammate to have done good! esp when said teammate is lewis fucking seven eight time world champion yeah i have over 100 race wins what about it hamilton who says HIMSELF that valtteri pushed him. that valtteri was faster than him in some races. pls be serious!!!!!!!

and as ag says. while this is all happening daniel makes comments about valtteri’s position in merc and being a second driver. there’s an interview with max when he’s in redbull where he’s asked what was the best race he ever did or smth and he names the fucking formula renault race from 2008 where val dominates all weekend and then daniel overtakes him in the last lap and daniel says: thanks, valtteri, nothing has changed. bc he’s fucking insane. (not the interview but a clip of an article talking about that championship). he then LEAVES redbull bc HE doesn’t want to be a second driver. which. fair. and he goes to renault. gets paid a lot of money. gets a podium. dips. goes to mclaren. gets another podium. (which he shares with WHO???? you guessed it. valtteri bottas.) becomes what is essentially a second driver. that shitshow happens. you know the story.

AND DURING ALL OF THIS. smth seems to like. switch on in daniel? idk if it’s bc he seems to be trying to recreate this rivalry he had with val when they were younger and it’s just not there in f1. bc of their circumstances but also bc val does Not Care lmao. or if it’s bc he’s like. omg he’s like. cool i want him to like me. or if it’s both or smth else entirely but he gets Weird. with a capital w.

a v important detail to know is that shoeys are daniel’s thing in formula one. like. they are daniel ricciardo. it’s like seb and the finger. daniel gets everyone who is on the podium with him to do it. literally everyone. he got lando norris who is one of the most squeamish ppl i’ve ever seen on telly to do it. and yet. valtteri and daniel have shared a podium several times and every single time valtteri has dodged it. here is daniel finding out that valtteri has never done it. it’s pure gold.

(also! i just found out from ag that apparently at the end of 2022 bc of daniel’s defending against seb in abu dhabi alfa romeo were able to win p6 in the constructors and so there were some alfa romeo mechanics doing shoeys in celebration. which. god. the layers there! valtteri refusing to do it even when faced with daniel right there but valtteri’s ppl being more than happy to despite daniel not being there….)

as ag reminded me the other day. april fools. 2022. valtteri said that he was going to be coming out with a wine brand. and then after was like. hahaha jokes! jokes! i would never be so cringe and basic 😌. but as we all know. daniel is the most basic of all basic white girlies (gn) and a few days later came out with his own wine and a shoey decanter. the tackiness levels were high and he was soooo delighted with himself.

at one point daniel did ask valtteri to try his wine which it’s like. just fucking ask him out this is getting tiring. and valtteri was like. it’s ok? and daniel apparently nearly swoons at the mere thought of val tasting it. let alone liking it.

jump scene. cue cut. back to 2021 and daniel guessing valtteri for his secret santa bc he was given a bottle of red wine and “i know he likes his red”. spoiler alert: it was not valtteri. and THEN. like a year later i think. valtteri guesses daniel bc and i quote. “someone with taste of, like, funky things, like…it could be daniel?” FUNKY THINGS . is this a compliment. is it an insult. either way i’m fairly sure daniel was buzzin after he heard.

omg and the bottass. so when dts came out in 2021 and valtteri showed his bare ass and balls on tv but netflix only let us see one of them. cheap cunts. daniel had A Moment on twitter. see below:

and then! when valtteri does that whole poster of his ass out in a river for charity thing in 2022? i think? daniel has another Moment but it’s when he’s asked what is smth unusual he wants to do and HE TALKS ABOUT VALTTERI AND HIS ASS PIC ? 🤨 ??? and to add insult to injury. valtteri never once acknowledges this in public but what he DOES do is make a show out of giving a poster to lewis while staring at him like he shits gold after lewis was asked about the poster in an interview and didn’t even know what they were talking about!!!!!! it is literally painful to watch for so many reasons.

you just know daniel was seething. lewis is a fake fan while daniel is a real one!!!!! daniel nearly half recreated the same photo but he’s not in the river and he’s fully clothed. coward. AND he gushed about the pic unprompted!!!! but lewis! who didn’t even KNOW it existed bc he doesn’t have valtteri’s notifs on 🙄 gets a signed copy???? AND A PERSONAL VISIT???? where he has the nerve to say not that he already doesn’t have stuff to remember vb by. all while valtteri is bright pink in the face. i tip my hat off to daniel for not committing vehicle manslaughter right there and then.

and for all that daniel has talked shit about valtteri in the past and more specifically valtteri in mercedes. he had nothing but praise for him going to alfa romeo??? while ppl were like. it’s a step down! what a waste. daniel is like. valtteri isn’t stupid. he knows what he wants and needs and he’s going for it. which!!!!!!! is what daniel tried to do!!!!!!! but it worked out sm better for valtteri than it did for him. which. actually is a running theme throughout their entire careers 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 i need three to five business days to recover every time i think about it

and NOW. now. he doesn’t know what to do with that fact that valtteri seems to have adopted australia which has adopted him right back and has an australian gf and has a mullet and mustache and wears flip flops and tanks and is sooo australian but still doesn’t seem impressed by daniel who IS australian ????? his poor brain. bless.

he used to get sooo giggly last year whenever he’d put his camera in val’s face and take a snap. it was hard to watch. literally just go onto daniel's jpg instagram account. there's a few v v close up pictures of valtteri's face. daniel actually captions one with fanboying before - in how eye imagined it went - he chickens out and adds a few more pictures of other drivers to the post after the cover picture of val. disgraceful.

like.

wtf. why are you as a man being changed by another man's hairstyle.

i also need it to be known that for years daniel didn't follow valtteri on social media. despite talking about him A LOT (including the bottass tweets from earlier) until valtteri rocked up with a mullet and a 'what's cracking, australia' vibe and then he caved and followed him on insta. valtteri didn't follow him back.

in summary: daniel got a seat both in f1 and later in a top team and a race win before valtteri. tho valtteri ended up with more wins in the end. daniel joined said top team thinking he was going to be top dog and was pushed into second. valtteri always knew he was second driver before all else. daniel jumped from team to team to escape this before ending up in mclaren's shitbox and regulated to second. once again behind a younger driver. that went tits up so badly that he was left without a seat for the 2022 and had to go back to the top team that he left bc he didn't want to be second driver and signed to be their reserve. valtteri left mercedes with ten wins and the longest q3 consecutive streak ever with 103 weekends to join a team that welcomed him with open arms and gave him a multi year contract. they mirror each other as much as they contrast. what if i cried for a hundred years