#this is what happens when i rewatch the ep in hd lmao. neat to see they added in extra planet scenes

[favvn]

Okay, this 100% brainwormed madness because it is absolutely unnecessary. I am admitting it upfront, and I am saying it in earnest, not as a self-deprecating joke. But.

There's something about how Spock's pleading with T'Pau re-contextualizes their initial meeting. (Under a read more for images, long-winded typing, etc., I need to log off and read my silly 1000 page books and give my brain better enrichment sources.)

T'Pau looks like she initiates a mind meld on Spock or at least uses specific contact points to look into his mind to determine his current state in Pon Farr. She glances away from Spock to Kirk and McCoy after breaking contact and says, "Spock… are our ceremonies for outworlders?" Which, yeah. Kirk and McCoy are outsiders, no duh.

But later, when Spock--despite being deep in the blood fever and supposedly unable to talk much less care about anyone beyond the fever--tries to get T'Pau to reject Kirk as T'Pring's champion for the challenge, he says, "My friend… does not understand. He does not know. I will do what I must, T'Pau. But not with him. His blood does not burn. He is my friend." And like. I initially took it as "Kirk is an outsider, but he is dear to me. He is not a Vulcan. These customs mean nothing to him, nor does he know anything about them. The fever is not compelling him to do this, so don't allow him to go through with something that could kill him when it is unnecessary."

But pairing these two scenes side-by-side, knowing Theodore Sturgeon--master of subtext--wrote this episode (was he gay? Bi? I swear I read that somewhere, but Google is not yielding anything), knowing that this scene begins and ends with "my friend" (the repetition! bookend phrasing!) and that such a designation allows an outsider to be privy to Vulcan secrets….

My (brainwormed-fried) take is this: T'Pau sees the presence that Kirk takes in Spock's mind. Not only are they linked by their work but by a bond of what has repeatedly been termed friendship by Spock in the series ("When I feel friendship for you, I am ashamed"). This episode reveals what the term "friend" means for Vulcans, that it can supersede the boundaries separating Vulcans and non-Vulcans. T'Pau asking if their ceremonies are for outsiders can take a second meaning, namely, if it is Kirk who is to take part in the koon-ut-kal-if-fee, long before T'Pring initiates the challenge against Spock's betrothal/bond to her. (To say nothing of that phrasing! Consider an alternative: "Spock.... are our ceremonies to be seen by outworlders?" which, I assume, is the intent of the original phrasing, but taking it straight as the words are in the episode, however: "Spock.... are our ceremonies for outworlders?" What? Hello?? Ma'am???)

So, in this (brainwormed) context, Spock's pleading for Kirk takes on a new meaning--Spock doesn't want to undergo the ceremony or challenge with Kirk because he assumes Kirk doesn't feel the same way as he does about their relationship, having no blood fever to compel him and having a different human understanding for friendship. His pleading sounds like someone trying to keep an unrequited love secret.

Like. I'm saying those two got married in that fight, somehow performing the whole koon-ut-kal-if-fee in one go, and T'Pau agreed to it because she saw how over the damn moon Spock is for Kirk, but--due to some tradition, no doubt, to test the challenger's commitment--she gave Kirk multiple opportunities to leave and not take part. Kirk doesn't. He cares too much for Spock and. Well. Here we are.