#this is why its so important to rewatch the shit you enjoyed in middle school

[missgrelle]

im in such a hater mood today 😔

[sapphicambitions]

hey! hey! why do you hate the television format??

Ah yes, thank you for reminding me

I would like to state for the record before we begin that this is my personal reasons for not enjoying the format of television and not “why television is bad'' because im sure there's many people whose reasoning for liking TV is the same as my reasons for disliking them. please dont get mad at me if you disagree lmao

I feel like the short answer could be: “I have a degree in theatre and i prefer books” 

But really i hate the fact that the story is subject to change via outside forces.

In a well written play or book, there is a beginning, middle and end. It is a complete story that has been well thought out and woven together. Every detail is important and makes sense dramaturgically. You have your characters and your plot and nothing about that changes. We’re taught in Theatre School (TM) that the playwright is the first artist, and everything goes back to the playwright’s words. The story cannot change because of outside forces and it will not change over time. Once a book has been published, it is done. And yeah in theatre, a play can be done by many people with multiple interpretations of the story but it always goes back to the playwright’s words as they are the first artist and it is about honoring those words. Yada yada. you get it.

TV is always subject to change. Actors leave because there was drama on set or because they have other projects to work on. Writers change and the tone of the show changes. Or they go to a different network and the show changes. You never know how long the show is actually going to go so it could be cancelled in the middle of an important plot they never got to wrap up or the show could extend past the original plot idea and the seasons get more and more ridiculous as they’re just trying to come up with shit to do so they can keep the show running.

Like supernatural, which went on for far too fucking long and just kept spitting out nonsense when they could have wrapped up in season five.

Like the Vampire Diaries, where the main fucking character Elena Gilbert left the show (which was ridiculous!!) or when her little brother Jeremy was just like written out of the show and then never talked about again like what the hell

Like Timeless, which got cancelled after two seasons and left so many loose ends (they had to like, beg for a movie to wrap everything up) 

Like the Magicians, which just, like, sigh. Y’all know. I don’t want to get into it. Y’all know. 

Hell, even Parks and Rec, with Ann and Chris leaving the show. If Parks and Rec had been a book Ann would have never left!!! Never!!! 

Characters get pregnant because the actors who play them get pregnant and suddenly THAT’s the plot line of the season. (Wynonna Earp, Brooklyn 99, The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Sex and The City, Bones, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Once Upon A Time, Charmed, The Vampire Diaries, Parks and Rec, Grey’s Anatomy, The X-Files, Yes I Looked Up This List To Prove My Point)

If an actor breaks their foot then the writers have to change the plot. Everything about the story is subject to change due to outside forces and that might be a selling point for some people but i do not vibe with it!! 

And also, you’re watching the story unfold over the course of time and something could change halfway through the season and they abandon the really cool plot they were working on to suddenly set up a way for them to kill off the main character of the show. (okay apparently i do want to get into it with the magicians).

Like call me a snob but i like a concise arch! Something that the show is working towards, the story that they’re telling and the thesis of the show, and the end goal they’re working towards. I just honestly don’t like the “stories wrap up in one season and will we get another? Maybe? Okay yes we will so let’s come up with a new big bad for the characters to fight who’s got ideas” or like if you get seven seasons into a show and they’re like “And here’s my long lost sister that ive literally never mentioned before but we needed something exciting for the plot so here she is!” like i hate that shit. I know my old roommate loooooved when TV shows pulled twists like that so im not saying it’s bad writing im saying I personally hate this style of writing. 

I just keep throwing in these disclaimers so no one gets pissy at me lmao 

I think what caused me to realize and put a name to these feelings was watching the Schitt’s Creek Finale. I love Schitt’s Creek because it feels like one concise story. The characters all grow and develop and have an arch and at the natural conclusion of that arch, the story wrapped up. I loved that shit. It was a game changer for me. Any other show would have kept going and the tone of the show would have been totally different and frankly im glad they wrapped it up when they did and as they did. It was a perfect ending. 

I haven’t really watched the Good Place but I’m told similar things about it. 

Avatar the Last Airbender which we can all agree is the greatest show ever written had a clear plotline throughout the whole series and a goal they were working towards even if they did have side plots, it was all building up to one endgame. And it was stellar. 

I also recently rewatched parks and rec which is one of my favorite shows of all time and i do truly love it but like the whole point of the show originally was that they were gonna build a park and there were times in the show that they just totally forgot about that goal to work on other storylines until they were like ANN’S LEAVING WE GOTTA BREAK GROUND. That’s annoying! And once parks and rec started getting really popular and making more money they were able to be like “let’s send them to england! France! DC! Scotland! San Francisco! Let’s bring in Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and John McCain and Madeleine Albright! Which like all of that was really cool and some of the best parts of the series but also just another example of how the show changed over time as they got more name recognition and money. 

Also lmao i just had the thought that it doesn't really matter what community did because the point of that show was to be batshit and they succeeded spectacularly. What a good time. Just had to add that in there. 

So yeah that’s why i hate the television format because everything is subject to change from the plot to the tone to the writing to the characters and a lot of times there isn’t a clear narrative arch as they’re just coming up with nonsense to keep the show going and i just don’t vibe with that. 

So if i hate the television format why do i still watch it, you ask? You never shut about tv shows on your blog and yet here you are declaring that you hate them. What’s up with that. Well, the answer is simple. I have major FOMO. Also lmao quite honestly i just recently came to these conclusions and put words to these feelings during the quarantine so after 23 years of being pissy at tv shows all the time i honestly probably will watch less of it. I probably wont stop completely tho. Ive already said that im not gonna watch tv shows with queer characters until the show is over and its been confirmed for me that the show treats its queer characters and viewers with respect and dignity and i stand by that. (It’s the only reason why ive started to watch black sails.) im for sure never watching another cw show again. I have literally never finished a CW show because something has happened in it halfway through that pissed me off so much i never finished the series

So that’s my opinion does anyone also feel the same way? I feel like im crazy

[shriekthemighty]

High School (and Middle School) Never Ends

For years I have occasionally thought back to the videos that made my youth. Salad Fingers, Cat with Hands. Spoilsbury Toast Boy. The first two were amusing, if off-putting at times. Fond memories of my youth. But Spoilsbury Toast Boy is a hectic flashback mirage of deeply unsettling imagery. I like to think of myself as someone who isn’t easily scared. I found Salad Fingers amusing. Cat with Hands was mildly creepy at best. After one viewing I vowed to never watch Spoilsbury Toast Boy again.

Every time I remember Spoilsbury Toast Boy, I resolve myself to rewatch it. To prove to myself that it’s not as intensely unnerving as I remember. Every time, I forget. Like my mind is protecting me from what I have mostly forgotten. 

But today that will change. Today I will rewatch Spoilsbury Toast Boy for the first time in about a decade.

But first. Salad Fingers! I figured it was a good starting place on the creepy scale, as I can understand why some people would find it unnerving. And I’ve heard there’s been some new content since I was a kid! So let’s go!

Episode 1: Was this a youtube thing originally? That doesn’t seem right. And 11 episodes??? I feel like there were maybe 5 last time I looked? Granted, that was almost a decade ago. I’m making myself feel old. But now! The first episode!

“The feeling of rust against my salad fingers is almost orgasmic.” Iconic. THE quote that dominated my early teen years.

The rusty kettle thing feels like it’s there to just make him look like a creep, but ALSO feels like some weird foreshadowing or something. It’s been so long. idk.

Episode 2: The introduction of the finger friends! The real start, in a first watch, to indicate that Salad Fingers is maybe a bit fucked up. And the abrupt language change is interesting. This is all familiar so far.

“I like it when the red water comes out...” Okay, this is when it should probably start being unsettling? A humanoid figure is presumably burned alive while the non humanoid is getting off on impaling his finger. But. I’m not upset? This feels normal for the times? What were the early 2000′s.

Real world references to bring the weirdness home! Very good! And a finger friend now seemingly in the flesh! The episode ends with a return to the oven and the ‘fish’ about done. Still all things I remember

Episode 3: There is so much, in only the first few minutes of this video. Oh boy. Is it a product of the times, or ahead of them? Only time will tell. I don’t even have the energy to talk about ‘milk from the teat’ of Salad Fingers being produced via masochistic acts and just... I’m too tired. This is a quarantine adjacent nostalgia tour blog.

I took a break and am now restarting this the next day. The flute playing is, interesting? As is the more humanoid but clearly mutated figure being so intent on killing Salad Fingers.

Episode 4: A person is watching him so he just... goes home. I feel that.

This child loves him. Why???

A bug! Little sister.

I love the post apocalyptic implications of his house having a number on the door. And a trap! A grubby tap trap!

There is so much phallic imagery happening.

And he just... bamfs out! The poor child is sad. Riding taps into the sunset...

Episode 5: The broken phone and forgetting Hubert’s name is interesting. All still somewhat familiar. I’m pretty sure I’ve see this episode before.

Dressed as a bride and distressed. Not just a picnic, a wedding. Guests imminent!

One of the finger friends in the window does NOT like him having a new playmate!

THE BIRD. THE BIRD STOLE THE SPOON! OH NO!

The girl talking is definitely significant. Interesting

Episode 6: Someone is in the house, and the finger friends are back! He remembers Hubert’s name this time. Bye bye Jeremy!

Wash those bad thoughts away. The toilet (somehow still able to flush) knows things.

He’s eating... himself? Another Salad Fingers? Who knows. The toilet knows.

Episode 7: Floor sugar.

I can never tell if this is one of those things where there’s all some deeper meaning, or if it’s just meant to be weird and senseless. Is Kenneth actually his brother? Was there a great war? Idk, I’m drunk.

The tree “barely shuffled an inch” a way of keeping sane? Making sure all is in its place? I’m reading too much into this.

In a dress once more. I want this to be a gender thing, but I don’t think it is.

Episode 8: Filling a clearly broken radio with... metal pellets? Buckshot? And Things are happening.

Hiding in the safety cupboard with a ‘special hair” dragged across the eye. Interesting. Multiple special hairs.

By the end of this I fully expect The Revenge of Hubert Cumberdale.

Oh someone wants their hair back! A ghost??

Goodbye special hairs. The safety cupboard is the crying cupboard now.

Episode 9: The animation style seems different here. I’m not sure I saw the last episode, but I’m almost positive I haven’t seen this one.

Oh shit. Baby Yvonne.

Wtf is up with his salad fingers!!!

Use your “baby” to clean the windows and then eat a sandwich. At first I thought he didn’t want to give up Yvonne, but now I think he just realized it wasn’t a baby and came up with another reason he must have gone there?

Episode 10: WAY nicer animation immediately. This was obviously done years after the original ones.

Milford is still there and it’s Hubert’s birthday! Oh shit!

A shiny new monolith thing, here to bring salvation and the end of Salad Fingers’ world?

Oh the detail on that is HORRIFYING. I miss the low quality now.

Hubert Jason!

Well. Dr. Papanak is terrifying.

That took an unexpected turn. Poor horse.

And... more horses. Okay. Also, does Salad Fingers look older suddenly? Sounds older too.

More Salad Fingers!! Oh poor boy, he’s seeing what he would have (should have?) become. He’s all alone.

The monolith is moving!

...okay then.

Episode 11: The last episode! How will it end?

Fighting with his finger friends, so sad.

I REALLY don’t like the detail on the fingers now. Better animation is not always a good thing. Does help the creepy factor though.

New Hubert is awful and glass mother is entirely unsurprising. Let’s see where it leads!

Very Gollum/Smeagol. Interesting.

Yeah, saw that coming. Bye, Hubert!

Through the puddle, rescue Hubert! And... do that, I guess. Will Hubert seek revenge yet?

Huh. So that’s all of Salad Fingers. I enjoyed it, but I understand nothing

Spoilsbury Toastboy Time!

Episode The Title One: Oh shit it’s by the same guy! That makes sense.

Idk if I’ve ever seen this one. I watched the one titled episode 1 first.

Oh wait yes, I think I have seen this! The beetle goes into his ear and that’s why he sees beetles!

Oh. Well. Things can’t be wrong if you’re dead, I guess!

Episode 1: I technically watched this one first, so that’s important.

Already very intense. Kill grandma!

Speckled huckleberry leaves. That’s the thing that made Salad Fingers sick, I think!

Grandma burning in the fire. I remember that!

For some reason I remembered the beetles as crickets? I have a very clear memory of this.

Episode 2: Quite the young gentleman. And then straight to work! Sounds about right.

Corporate slavery seeming all normal, and back to grandma! I feel like she was a big part of why this terrified me as a teen, so let’s see.

Oh the beetles are fucking. I think one fucks grandma at some point? Yup, there it is! They’re raping grandma. Cool.

This just seems... senselessly cruel? Like, not even entertainingly grimdark. Why did this used to scare me. I’ve finished it and I’m just annoyed that I wasted my time.

Bonus: Cat With Hands!

Since I mentioned it in the intro, I figured I’d watch this one again too. I remember finding it mildly creepy. More so than Salad Fingers, but way less than Spoilsbury Toast Boy.

The guy who hasn’t spoken is the cat, right? I remember this. He just needs a tongue.

Wow this animation is BAD. But that almost makes it better? It works, for the story.

Yup, just as I remembered. I think this one is probably only scary the first time, when you don’t know what to expect.