#this isn't Good but it came to me fully formed and I'm stuck in traffic

[blorbocedes]

"Georgie, do you know you're a robot?" Alex says casually, but the way he's assessing George is anything but.

"Ha-ha." George says with a straight face. It's not like Alex to resort to the lowest common denominator jokes, George's heard it a thousand times, he's awkward, stilted, Pinocchio, robot. Alex usually aims deeper with his casual insults and leave George up at night discovering he has a new insecurity now. Once it was 'having a side profile that was in the reject pile for Roman coins.'

"No, really." The strangest thing is Alex sounds dead serious, no upturned quirk of his lips George knows is a giveaway when he's playing a joke. "Well. You have an override that deflects self actualisation. But robots aren't supposed to fall in love either, and you overrode that." Alex scrutinises him, voice calm.

"You're not being funny, Alex." George retorts, rubbing his palms against his thighs. It's weird, he can't see any of Alex's tells, as if overnight he became an excellent liar. What else has he lied about straightlaced like this, and George had no clue? He'd always prided himself on knowing Alex, better than anyone. It makes a panicky feeling bubble up, he doesn't like thinking of Alex intentionally being duplicitous; it's paranoid, it's unbecoming.

"Come on. Aren't there things that don't add up?" Alex urges gently, takes his hands, warm against his, which are slightly sweaty. He runs a thumb over George's pulse and George can feel it thudding. George looks up at Alex, confused why he's doing this. He's barely actually registered the consideration, too ridiculous to even think about, but rather why Alex is bringing it up. Is it his roundabout way of telling George he's robotic? They're going through the motions? He had thought things were going fine. Are they not adding up anymore?

It's a little bit insecure to say, 'are you breaking up with me?' at your boyfriend calling you a robot.

"Why are you saying that?" George asks, and it sounds more pathetic than he meant it. Would a robot be this emotional, Albon? A treacherous thought in his head betrays him, that of course he would be programmed to feel them.

"Nevermind." Alex sighs, looking disappointed. George hates disappointing Alex but he doesn't know -- should he have played along? Maybe Alex is bored of his robotic boyfriend who can't play along with a joke.

"I'm sorry." George blurts out.

Alex shakes his head, smiling now, squeezing George's hand one before letting go. "Got you. I'm sorry, it was a bad joke." His hands feel awfully cold now.

It's what George wanted to hear but now Alex sounds insincere, like he's trying to cover something up -- the Alex he knows how to read. Alex presses a kiss against his temple in apology, George's heart lurches the way it always does when Alex is this close to him.

"Seriously, don't even think about it."

George thinks about it.

He thinks about it a lot, at how honest Alex had looked in his assertions. He's in the bathroom, washing his face, Alex is in their bedroom putting something on the telly. His boyfriend. Why would Alex be dating a... not a real person, George wonders hysterically, staring at the mirror like his face holds the answers.

He frowns. If Alex was a robot, but he was still Alex, George would still be with him; no questions asked. They've already gone over the worm question, George would build a terrarium with plenty of enrichment.

Staring at his own reflection until his own face started looking strange to him. Too unnervingly blueish silver eyes, a chin that juts out too much, pores around his nose, patch of redness around his neck. All these little imperfections that pile on, why would someone create something and then give it flaws? That seemed antithetical. He sprayed water over his face -- doesn't short circuit like an iPhone charger because he's a real boy.

Things that don't add up... Alex had said. Everything added up, he had a pretty average childhood like everyone else, mum dad sister and a dog. University. Alex. Alex. Alex. It was all accounted for.

'Aren't supposed to fall in love either...'

George can't remember falling in love with Alex. He frowns. He has a million memories of him, all catalogued. From the smallest micro-expression change, to how his eyes light up when he sees a cat or how he groans before coming, shivering together when they got caught in the rain, their first real fight during a road trip and Alex's casual 'we'll wing it' and finding the motel they were supposed to stay at was booked finally getting to George's need for structure, apologies in the form of convenience store snacks and hooking up in Alex's shitty Toyota. All of those are real, tangible experiences. There is life before Alex but he doesn't put too much stock into it. There's life after Alex but George doesn't think about it, that's barely living.

There's a razor, beside all of Alex's hair dye products. George is relatively hairless, something Alex has harmlessly made fun of many times -- not being able to grow any facial hair. He's never dyed his hair either, in fact altering his appearance had never been something he'd considered, even as Alex went from red to blonde to brown; gorgeous in all. No tattoos, no piercings, not even a single scar from a scrappy childhood fight; completely unblemished, unchanged. Maybe it's arrogance, he knew he was perceived as handsome -- Alex certainly found him so, so why change what works already? He chalked it off to being conservative in his fashion sense, and risk averse to never offend anyone to get in a fight, rather than any conscious decision making to avoid it.

How's this for impulse decision making? George thinks, taking the razor and swiping his against dried cheek. He'd have a tiny scar, no more unblemished and perfect. A hysterical laugh bubbles in his chest if a copper asks what happened, Officer I gave myself an uppercut because my boyfriend played a cruel joke and I had to confirm my morality, no, please don't take him away.

He swipes it before he can think of why he shouldn't, a dozen reasons why forming an excel pros and cons list in his mind with the pros side blank. A frantic voice in his head saying he's being irrational, that nothing's going to come out of this and he's going to be feel real stupid. He's never hurt himself on purpose before. Alex is going to think he's such an idiot.

It stings.

George waits for the drop of blood.

Instead, he watches as his skin instantly heals itself where George had cut it, completely disappearing, leaving it smooth and unmarked.

"Bake-off's on, get in here already." Alex calls from their bedroom.