#this isn't even a meta it's just an absurdly long conversation i've been having with myself in my head

[killypool]

unformated rambling under the cut pertaining to wade in verses like ps4 spidey where he has a secret identity and works specifically as a nurse as i talk to myself through the explanation of why he would be a nurse, how despite being part of human experimentation to become a mutant he would continue working in a medical field that could potentially constantly trigger him, and how his career as a nurse and his ego follow a similar trajectory. 

aka i’m a nurse, i think way too fucking much about this man, and i fucking love identity reveal tropes. also, stormi you look just like mommy baby

trigger warnings for just medical stuff in general, mentions of his mother’s cancer and treatment and eventual death, mentions of injuries he’s seen during his time in the military, human experimentation/torture, etc.

OH HUGE THING I FORGOT i also like this verse because wade can be much younger because 46 is pushing it, old man. in this verse, he could technically be any age, but early 30s feels most appropriate, and also is a much more reasonable age for shipping or just in general interactions with others.

starting off, it’s very reasonable for wade to have an interest in medicine in general. he regularly skipped school to stay with his mom while she was in the hospital or treatment centers. he spent 3 years from her diagnosis to her death as involved in the process as he could be. his mom was on the highest pedestal in the world, and he felt as if it was his responsibility as man of the house (even at 11 years old) to try to help her. still processing the trauma and associated guilt from her time with wade’s father, she wanted to make up for his rough start in life by letting him do what he wanted and letting him be involved. she knew her eventual passing would devastate him, and she was doing whatever she could to help him cope. those three years allowed wade to see the kindness people in healthcare show to the people they’re caring for, and there’s a huge basis of respect and admiration.

after her passing, wade isn’t entirely sure what direction to go in life, but foster parents and social workers mention how joining the military would be his only option at paying for an education - which wade isn’t even entirely sure he wants. but wade begins to glorify the military and the soldiers and the chance to be a hero, so he enlists and doesn’t look back (for the first 14 years at least). 

here, it’s literally just a coin flip. on one hand, wade would likely not want to return to school, especially with his success in the military, and he doesn’t need to return. in the majority of verses, wade doesn’t return to school because the military fulfills all of his goals and aspirations. he’s able to join the special forces without needing to return to school because there’s no immediate desire to become a commanding officer. and his dishonorable discharge occurs before he considers education.

on the other hand, if wade spends an extended time period not deployed, he’s going to get restless, and returning to school might be the thing to keep him occupied. wade wouldn’t be interested in classes just to pass time at this point in his life. even if history or literature or similar was interesting to him, he would want a specific goal to achieve, and achieving a nursing degree and nursing license is something that i can easily see him focusing on. 

during deployments, receiving injuries and seeing injuries occurs all too often and becomes all too familiar. there’d be a curiosity - if they can stitch up my leg, why can’t i? it’d be easier for me to do it myself. 

now wade has something new to focus on, something he thinks will honor his mom, and something that he would always find useful. at this point in time, wade does want to be a hero. he’s a soldier - and a fucking badass one at that. ever since joining the military, he’s excelled at everything he’s done, hyperfocused on being the best. there’s pressure put on him to be the best, to be extraordinary. at this point in time, nursing is one of the most respected professions in the country. here, he has a way to continue to be extraordinary outside of the military. his ego fucking loves it. he talks back to doctors, he gets every certification and credential he can, he’s the best at placing IVs, he’s the strong guy everyone calls on to help move and reposition patients. he could fit in perfectly at the emergency department - sarcastic, smart as fuck, and confident. 

then comes the kidnapping. or similar. in ps4 spidey verse or similar, wade is either kidnapped by the workshop to be experimented on, or is critically injured while deployed and sent to the workshop from there. either way, wade goes from respected special forces operative and nurse to a human experiment. 

either injected with a serum to activate latent mutant genes or injected with mutant genes directly, wade ends up mutating into his form as deadpool. ajax is still the one responsible, and still the first person wade goes after to try to find a cure for his own appearance. 

but this wade didn’t willingly go to be experimented on. wade wasn’t desperate for a cure to cancer. wade was a regular guy with a pretty fantastic life who had everything taken from him by fucking monsters trying to create super soldiers. 

wade’s hatred of his appearance is almost entirely cosmetic. he’s vengeful, but compared to wade during the movies, he isn’t ashamed of himself. in the movies, wade loses his grip on his sanity long before he goes into the workshop. by the time wade was diagnosed with cancer, he had already had all of his accomplishments stripped away by the military. he hated himself. he was just a slimy mercenary who was a little too good at putting bullets in skulls. he saw himself as a monster, and wanted to survive and overcome his cancer solely because of vanessa. 

this wade still thinks of himself as a hero. this wade still wants to earn the admiration and approval of others. this wade is still proud of himself. he wants a cure for his appearance, yes, but he also wants to completely uproot the entire operation of workshop and experimentation and the rich assholes behind it (cough. osborn. cough). 

so wade takes on the mantle of deadpool while maintaining a secret identity and continues his job as a nurse because it’s all he has left. his new mutations wouldn’t fly during army physical exams, but he can work at the hospital without suspicion, though his appearance is still a sore spot for him. 

and ideally, i’d love to develop this verse where wade still does end up struggling with morality as he realizes he has the power and strength and drive to eliminate targets the way he was taught in the military without orders. he still has the temptation of killing targets instead of capturing them to be put up for trial. and as this evolves, wade’s view of himself as a hero and himself as a nurse as a hero cracks. 

after spending more and more time as a nurse, he no longer sees himself as a hero. he sees himself as the person that has to triage patients, who plays a hand in who gets what treatment. he has to watch patients leave the hospital because they can’t afford treatment or can’t afford to miss work and there’s nothing he can do. he realizes administration and legalities prevent him from being able to make a real difference to some people. 

as for whether or not he would be triggered in the constant medical environment, it’s a toss up. it’s something that could be developed for him to have issues with, or it could just be repressed and shoved to the back of his mind as he focuses on taking out the people responsible for the workshop

god i hope no one reads this far but tldr (for myself later) these are the differences in this verse (verses?) and dp canon verses

wade is forcibly placed in the workshop while serving in the military. he does not choose to be experimented on or mutated into dp.

he still views himself as a hero or as having the potential to be a hero. he doesn’t hate himself. he doesn’t assume everyone else hates him.

he works to maintain a secret identity because after his mutation, he lost access to all of his friends and support and is trying to establish something to fight to keep. he works as a nurse in an emergency department - and has the potential for interactions with other injured heroes.

he’s insecure about his appearance, but it only goes skin deep. he doesn’t originally think of himself as a monster