#this latest trouble kind of illustrates something I've been struggling with
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#this latest trouble kind of illustrates something I've been struggling with#which is that friendship apparently does not really define what I feel for my close friends#What I want from them is more than most of them are willing to give#and it's incredibly painful to come to this realization#and know that what I want is a partner#who will be with me#and who I can hold accountable for their choices#I'm so disappointed at the moment#just...#this fucking mattered to me#and apparently I didn't make that clear enough#because if I had made it clearer#she would have made a different choice?#no#she would have done the same fucking thing#and that FUCKING SUCKS#I'm tired of being disappointed in friends#I'm tired of not feeling like I matter to people#I'm tired of turning to someone I rely on#and finding that they are closing their shells#we're all getting lonelier#and there doesn't seem to be a cure
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