#this mf is not cut out for a life of crime he's got the soul of some kind of small critter

[kcamberart]

hamizawa...

[aiscapades]

touchstarved m5 as npmd songs

i already did arcana x npmd so might as well do touchstarved

leander — dirty girl, hatchet town

vere — nerdy prudes must die, the summoning

ais — literal monster, the best of you

mhin — bury the bully, if i loved you

kuras — cool as i think i am (reprise), dirty dudes must die

defending myself brief explanations:

leander

dirty girl: he is a toxic alpha male "daddy" who would say the cringiest shit if it worked to manipulate mc. being attracted to someone you know is Not Good For You. the grace (mc)/max (leander) dynamic "you got me hypnotized / i'll never ever tell you to behave / i am expecting you to betray me" + "i am expecting you to behave / you want a tour of the house you better straighten out your crooked ways" just fits imo. he's so slutty. hatchet town: this song encompasses the anyone-could-be-a-monster mass hysteria that fills me when i look into leander's eyes.

vere

nerdy prudes must die: almost self-explanatory. he is in every shadow, hunting you. you cannot rid of him. he wants you dead? you're dead. the lyrics give cat-playing-with-their-prey vibes and that fits vere best imo. the taunting, the insults, the pettiness. sucks to be a nerd i guess. the summoning: i was conflicted abt this one. first i assigned it to kuras for the biblically-accurate angel vibes; then i wondered if it fit ais & ocudeus. i settled on vere because... he speaks in riddles similarly to the lords in black + vere is def the type to ask for what you cherish most in return for helping you + "take all our kingdoms back" because vere was once revered as a god but has now been reduced to the senobium's pet. also nibbly wanting to eat souls is vere-coded. && wiggly claiming to be their friend but obviously having nefarious motives. "our true form would melt your minds" can apply to kuras but i think vere would be pretty frightening as well. "you gamble it on the roll of the dice" befriending vere is a gamble; is he going to toy with you, kill you? or love you?

ais

literal monster: of all the m5 monsters, i think this fits ais best. "his fists are always half-cocked" ais is prone to violence. he's always up for a fight. worrying about associating with him because you are at risk of falling victim to ocudeus. "no one's gonna stop him" nobody seems to care he leaves people for dead?? people are too scared to interfere?? the best of you: this is a vague happy-lovey-dovey song that could apply to them all, BUT it reminds me of how ais seems especially attached to mc from the beginning and doesn't want them to lose themself to the seaspring. "i need the kind of love from someone else" + "it's like you test me but not to best me" their witty banter/teasing dynamic.

mhin

bury the bully: cutting up the body of some mf who bothered them is so mhin haha. not in a crazed killer way; the song is very matter-of-fact and it fits their medical vibe. they stuck their dagger in the neck of a soulless like it was nothing. "we're gonna hack all his limbs off / how else he gonna fit?" if i loved you: this is classic tsundere mhin vibes. arguing that they don't love you as they sing a love ballad—like c'mon!!

kuras

cool as i think i am (reprise): this is the part where pete is telling steph it's okay to sacrifice him if it ensures her safety. that is very kuras-coded to me. "let me take the bullet / is it really a crime if you get to live your life to the fullest?" he has lived for thousands of years; he would rather you have a fulfilling life than continue with his own miserable one. "if i loved you more than the stars above / i'd have to let you go" dirty dudes must die: the themes of repentance and sinning fit kuras; he's still a monster who has probably committed horrible atrocities (what is he repenting for?) even if he presents as a noble angel doctor. this song kinda gives the vibe of his bad ending maybe? giving in to your own sins to make those around you repent for theirs? "who will pray for you when your body is gone / this is the consequence for what you've done"

[cloudninetonine]

Okay, I see your single parent! Player and I raise you: godparent! Player.

This is more in tune with LuImagines blog but I'm gonna put it here because it was introduced here. Hear me out because I'm gonna throw a bunch of ideas at the wall that don't string together at all, instead of player having a kid, mf was literally just babysitting a kid before both of them got scooped up into dink's antics.

(I didn't know the gn term for aunt/uncle so I used godparent, someone who is close to the kid but not 'this is my responsibility') I mentioned Pinky because I can't help but see the kid as just Lucky/kid link of player's Hyrule (I use 'player rather loosely here btw). I say this because 1) the kid's a little shit and 2) the chain absolutely wouldn't let a random person and their child travel with them, not unless the kid in question is another Link, one that is far too young (according to some links) to defend themself against Dink (the person who brought them all here for some reason). Player and Lucky's relationship is like that one meme of the guy holding his kid upside down by the ankles, now it's that x2 because they've adopted wind into their little 'family' and by Hylia if player isn't carbon cut copy of the 'hot mean older brother' I don't know what is.

Or maybe parental figure! Player who is in a similar situation to Eda from The Owl House. "I Don't want kids" "who's that *points to Lucky*" "an exception" or "I've had Lucky(and Wind) for ___ weeks now and if anything happens to them I'm killing everyone and then myself". Player is not a good parental figure, and Time and Twilight both have aneurysms whenever player turns to one of the two and says something like "you wanna know how to make a pipe bomb?""you want to jump off the ledge into the sea? Sure lemme get Wild's slate I want a picture"

I bring this up because Player isn't Link's parent they are but shhh, Link knows that, strangers however, don't.

Player is trying to spit some game, either to get cheaper prices or they saw someone real cute. Either way, it works and said person reciprocates and offers a time for a date. Suddenly a childish voice yells out "HEY MOM/DAD/ETC." Player's soul is halfway to Hylia by the time they feel a small hand grasp theirs with a 'there you are! I've been lookin' all over for ya!'. Player can only look somberly at his huge grin and evil bright eyes. The two immediately walk off, player unable to even look in the merchants direction from sheer embarrassment. A Link is not a Link if they are not a little shit at some point in their life, so you can expect Wind to join in at some point--hell, even Four joined once.

"Why can't you guys just let me have nice things!!!"

"because we're family, dummy."

Also because I did mention lucky and it seems a crime to not include this. Essentially Lucky works because reader decided to defeat Ganon all on their own because Lucky was too young to do so himself. I feel like, while Lucky would be extremely thankful that Player took that burden off of him (and the entirety of Hyrule), I can't help but feel that he would go through a phase of imposter syndrome, especially around 9(10 if First is there) Heroes who are essentially Him but they didn't need help, they actually got the job done all on their own, who is he compared to them? I feel like he and Wind (and probably Wild later on) would really bond in not fitting in with the others, that's probably why Wind was essentially part of your family before the rest were. Maybe Wind tells him that he did have help on his journey, and that her wishes that he had someone like player. Jokes on them both, it doesn't make either of them less of a link, less of a person just because they relied on others for help, that they didn't fulfill destiny as intended

Not looking over this me tired 📦

I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT LUCKY BUT WHO IS HE??

Okay but Player's just the "I didn't sign up for this but might as well." sort of God parents because if no one else is gonna do it then who will?

[the-sheep]

ID GO ABSOLUTELY BONKERS IF U TYPED OUT HIS ENTIRE HISTORY FBFBFBFB i would like 2 see it..........

alright right right

This ended up being A HUGE POST so all info is under the cut.

Unless you’re on mobile, in which case, enjoy scrolling.

It all starts on flight rising. Well, Heart starts on FR. It REALLY starts with my webcomic/animated series.

It wasn’t well drawn or animated at first, but it steadily got better. One of the plot holes, back in 8th grade, was “who created priscilla and Jake?”

It was mostly summed up to “Penny made all the bots its all simple” but i was a middle schooler and i needed a complicated (and edgy) story. 

Thing is I had already made Fandragons of a good chunk of my ocs on flight rising.

I bred two dragons to get my main characters, so why not just use them?

Christy Suggested the name Cavet, and I liked it.

Yeah this is my first digital image of him as a human and he DOES NOT LOOK RIGHT

no necklace, no beard, orange eyes…

horrific.

So I made human designs for them both, but Chrysanthemum remains forgotten, not even canon to Mechanical Fury anymore.

Here’s old art of her and Cavet back before she got wiped out from existence.

the art is bad btu the Heart gimmick is there

Here’s him in his second image ever. The one that pretty much defined his design.He also quickly gained a husband

Anyway he quickly morphed into a villain several time more dangerous than the main villain

He’s responsible for the deaths of not ONE, not TWO, but THREE children.

Two his kids, one the younger sister of a character that one of the dead kids liked.

One of his dead kids got his own story, the other was literally a main character.

Chloride, (Charlie) in all his glory, lucky enough to get resurrected as an android but after finding out he’s not who he thinks he is, has to attempt to live a normal Human life… when his two best friends are paranormal investigators, his love interest having lost their arm and their only remaining sister to the main villain.

He originally found out he was an android by finding his own blueprints, hearing his Mom cry about it, and then cutting open his face (for his signature scar) and running off. 

Running into Cavet’s husband, Nathair Liu. He stitches him up, know all about robotic n all that but he is.

also a secondary villain….

I hate the art in this video but its not my worst.

(Video was Vendy’s debut, too. tho Vendy was more Nate(logan/mind/princi/whatever)’s kid than Cavet’s)

Okay i’ve gotten off track.

Yeah at this point I was really loving Cavet, on FR, and wrote an entire long story between him and Skittles based on the events of Mechanical Fury.

This was where I got the idea for reincarnation.

I needed an explanation for why the same character was in two different universes, and it was perfect. In fact, it lead to an amazing way to end it. 

But what is in control of all this? What does he see in the in between?

Well, Death was packaged with two other red herrings to keep people from thinking she was more important than them from the start, when in fact, she was. One of the plot points is that Cavet dies. He continues causing havoc, but nobody can figure out why or how. he doesn’t have a body.

Except he does. Death.

She was scary, but that was just her, she was a literal robot grim reaper. Nobody suspected she was spreading a virus to make robots susceptible to Augap’s control everywhere she went. Not even her. Cav liked hanging out in the AI scape, AKA the robot afterlife or virtual heaven.

What a fun way to make a real grim reaper.

I never really kept track of the transition from “cute robot char” to “cute real god char”

and i guess it never happened. Heart still thinks of her as she was, as cute little Litty. Except when she’s not. He gave form to the literal concept of DEATH. And became her friend. She still calls him Papa, sometimes.

In any case, Cavet’s doodles started being more and more revolving around his angst with the reincarnation.

in fact, i had a few character in the same boat as him, as I had made a couple dragons into MF characters as well.

I called them The Artifacts. It didn’t seem rounded out with only four, so I added a 5th. To give me more leeway in case I make a character i like enough to bring with them.

and turns out. I did.

I was sad enough about Cavet losing the love of his life, betraying him, creating a rift between them with his descent into obsession.

So he came with them.

They’re inseparable.

after a few lives of getting revenge on him for killing his sons and some adult humans and a BUNCH of robots, (not even counting his crimes in the vampire life he committed because he thought he lost Liu forever) Soul revealed to him something about Heart’s 6th life, which Mind doesn’t remember.

But he was there.

Long story short, he was Captain Shuggazoom. Yeah 10 lives of stuff he forgot before he started remembering his past lives. Messed Heart up.

ANYWAY BACK TO DEVELOPMENT!

I went around, making original characters to fill in Heart’s lives. I put him in a LOT of stories, but a notable one is My Old Ask Blog, @ask-musical-monsters

In which Heart is our lovable Tweedle, Bean.

He’s the bird. (this is also the blog where Willow was made!) (also a character i referenced when putting antauri on the baldi blog)

I still hadn’t abandoned MF so Bean has a lot of influence from Cavet. 

I REALLY liked bean. It occured to me here-ish that Heart isn’t constrained by being my oc. He can be whoever he wants and nobody will care. 

So of course I immediately declare him purple guy. No drawings of him, but I know I said he was purple guy at some point. Also at this point in time I started organizing the lives by number order, and making a simple arc for Heart and the others to follow.

1000 lives. 

I made a brief description of heart’s 1st life, but made it purposefully very superfluous so i can change it whenever i want. All i know is he had albinism, and a desire to live forever.

That summer I got an amazing idea. I would take advantage of the Baldi’s basics trend with a ASK BLOG.

It was a mathematically calculated success. I did as many things as possible to generate more audience. MAIN thing being posting as often as possible, and being REALLY funny. 

But knew I wasn’t going to like adding to the ask blog if i didn’t like the main character

I already knew he was going to be Baldi, but I wasn’t sure exactly how to characterize him either. 

Turns out making him heart solved both of those problems. He’s always been Heart.

And Princi has ALWAYS been mind.

Even if they don’t always show their artifacts, they always were the same people as all these other things ive made. They have a DEEP connection to both each other and me.

At some point, I re-re-discovered SRMTHFG. The first few seconds I saw SK I knew he was Heart. It was so perfect it scared me.

HE EVEN DOES THE POSE!!!!! RED EYES!!!! AAAH!!!

I got an idea for a storyline based on formless and regret and monkeys… so.. uh

Anyway that kinda brings us to today, where the events of the blog have happened based on Heart things, and i can play around with Heart as much as I want.

And Willie’s next life? Well, 23 is my favorite number. It’ll be cool, but I’m not sure how. All I know is 23 wears a striped shirt, and is a vamp again.

In summary, Heart is the most important character I’ve ever made, and I will never come close to anybody as wonderful and as complicated as him. He’s the greatest formless, the best villains, the heroes, and one character i want to hold out for finding irl.

 I love them even in scribbles i find on bus seats, in fanart of him, love her in songs i hear, in flowers i see in the wild.

Whoever they end up being, it’s safe to say I’ve fallen in love with Heart. 

If you want me to describe his in universe story, I’ll need a seperate post.

Other Heart Resources:

The Spreadsheet

The Playlist

[usgunn]

September 1, 2019

CLICK HERE for the September 1, 2019 playlist

1.    Furniture - “Transatlantic Cable” (1983)

I stumbled across this band for the first time this week.  Led by Jim Irvin, who went on to be a British music journalist and also has a co-write credit on a Lana Del Rey song?  Only one EP is on Spotify, but I was so smitten with it I had to lead off with something from it this week.  I’m getting a David Sylvian-vibe.

2.    The Late Bronze Age - “King Greed” (1980)

Spotify credits this song to Col. Bruce Hampton and the Late Bronze Age, but when this record, Outside Looking Out, first came out, they were just the Late Bronze Age.  No offense to my hippie pals out there, but due to his frequent visits to the Georgia Theater back when it was a jam-band haunt I always assumed I would never want to have anything to do with Col. Bruce.  But nobody told me he was in a jazzy new wave band in the early 80′s that sounded like what I always wished Pere Ubu sounded like.

3.    Tesco Bombers - “Break The Ice at Parties” (1982)

London band with but one release, the 7″ from which this song comes, on Y Records, which also put out killer music from Maximum Joy and Shriekback.  I only know this from a compilation,  Cease & Desist: DIY!, put together by JD Twitch of Optimo, the legendary Glaswegian DJ team.

4.    Social Climbers - “Palm Springs” (1981)

NYC-band (by way of Bloomington, IN) who made one self-titled record and disappeared as far as I know, later reissued through the combined power of Drag City and Yoga Records.  Now you know as much as I do.  A lot of the album is more vocal-driven, but this track felt right to kick off a run of instrumental tracks coming up.

5.    Fernando Falcão - “Ladeira dos Inocentes” (1981)

Back to Optimo - they also run a label, Optimo Music, which has picked up a sub-label, Selva Discos, that is putting out some fantastic and forgotten Brazilian music--and that label has just reissued two private-press Fernando Falcão albums.  I first heard Fernando Falcão on the great Outro Tempo compilation a couple of years ago of avant-garde Brazilian music from the 80′s (the Os Mulheres Negras track from a few weeks back came from that compilation).  I don’t know what you call this music.  I like it when you don’t know what to call it.

6.    Ennio Morricone - “Seguita” (1971)

I’m not gonna pretend to know much about Morricone beyond what everyone knows (Italian film composer, did several Sergio Leone movies).  But I always love hearing his music, and I’ve always really liked the Crime and Dissonance compilation (from which this song is taken) of some of his lesser-known work put together by Alan Bishop of Sun City Girls and released on Mike Patton of Faith No More’s Ipecac Records.  This menacing jazz tune is from the movie Gli Occhi Freddi Della Paura, if knowing that sort of thing is important to you.

7.    Sons of Kemet - “My Queen is Harriet Tubman” (2018)

One of several projects of Shabaka Hutchings, a British saxophonist and restless collaborator.  Seems to exist somewhere between jazz and afrobeat, with two drummers pounding out frenetic rhythms.  The album this comes from, Your Queen is a Reptile, was The Wire magazine’s #1 album of 2018.

8.    75 Dollar Bill - “Tetuzi Akiyama” (2019)

75 Dollar Bill started as a guitar and drums duo but have expanded to something much different, playing music that seems steeped in the traditions of some mythical country.  This song is like the blues on acid.

9.    5ive Style - “Pledge Drive” (1999)

5ive Style was a Chicago supergroup (if a supergroup can consist of people no-one has ever heard of): John Herndon (Tortoise, Poster Children) on drums, Leroy Bach (Chicago man-about-town, later in Wilco) on bass, Jeremy Jacobson (one-man-band The Lonesome Organist) on keys, and the inestimable Billy Dolan (later of Heroic Doses) on guitar.  Dolan is one of THE great unsung guitar players of the last, I don’t know, 40 years, and you get a taste of that here.

10.   Orange Juice - “Two Hearts Together (10″ Version)” (1982)

Whether you like this song will determine whether we can be friends.  Not really, but I will die on the Orange Juice hill.  Orange Juice was a Glasgow indie-pop band that most people only care about for their early singles and first-draft of their first album, when they were a scrappy, lo-fi band on Glasgow indie-lable Postcard Records.  But I prefer Orange Juice after they signed to Polydor and became an over-produced also-ran.  This Caribbean-inflected non-album single came between their first and second albums on Polydor, when the band had shed its original guitarist and drummer and added Malcolm Ross on guitar (from Edinburgh’s Josef K) and Zeke Manyika on drums, a Zimbabwe-born multi-talented musician who later recorded with The The and The Style Council, and who in my opinion was a catalyst for the best phase of Orange Juice’s career (but who otherwise seems to be a footnote in most people’s Orange Juice histories--to the extent other people have Orange Juice histories). 

11.    Archer Prewitt - “Gifts of Love” (2002)

Archer Prewitt is best known as the lead guitar player for The Sea and Cake, but made several solo albums of his own in the late 90′s/early 2000′s.  No one would ever accuse The Sea and Cake’s bossa-nova inflected, jazzy post-rock of being “hard,” but Archer’s albums really veered into 70′s soft rock territory, in the best way possible.  There’s a lot to like about this song, but the string-laden outro may be the best part, so good that I’m always disappointed when it fades out so soon.

12.    The Clientele - “Bookshop Casanova” (2007)

The Clientele are a long-time Merge Records band that’s never really caught fire like some others, likely due to their spurts of inactivity and seeming reluctance to tour the U.S. in any meaningful way.  Their catalog is deep at this point, full of poignant moments of beauty and deceptively complex arrangements that invite repeat listens.  This song, though, is probably the closest they ever got at translating what they do into something that might catch a casual listener’s ear at first blush.  

13.    Howard Ivans - “Red Face Boy” (2013)

Howard Ivans is the alter-ego of Ivan Howard, co-leader of another Merge Records band, The Rosebuds.  While The Rosebuds always rooted their genre-experiments in the world of indie-rock, the Howard Ivans persona allows Howard to go full R&B, with wonderful results.  This was one of the first singles put out by Matthew E. White’s Spacebomb Records, and they went all out, with horns arranged by White and strings arranged by Trey Pollard, all cut to tape in Richmond, VA.

14.   BADBADNOTGOOD & Ghostface Killah (ft. MF Doom) - “Ray Gun” (2015)

BADBADNOTGOOD is, as far as I can tell, a bunch of nerds from Canada who play really inventine funk, soul and jazz music, and they made a whole record, Sour Soul, backing Ghostface Killa from Wu-Tang Clan.  I haven’t dived in too deep yet, but really like this song featuring the legendary MF Doom.  Doom and Ghostface have been teasing a collaborative album for years under the name DOOMSTARKS, but so far, nothing.

15.    Baby Huey - “Hard Times” (1971)

Larger than life at 400 lbs. and dead at 26 due to heroin, Baby Huey was not around long enough to make much of a mark.  But he did manage to record one full-length, produced by Curtis Mayfield, from which this song comes (the song was also penned by Mayfield).  There’s an amazing, nearly 10-minute performance of “A Change is Going to Come” on there too, but there wasn’t room this week (I reserve the right to put 10-minute long songs on this playlist, though).

16.    Craig Finn - “Something to Hope For” (2019)

I was never much of a Hold Steady fan -- I appreciated them more than I liked them.  But I feel like frontman Craig Finn is really coming into his own on the solo side of things, and the album he put out this year, I Need a New War, has some great moments, including this earnest, soul-inflected tune.

[ohmygoodgollymissmolly]

Answer all the questions

Wow, thats a-lot to wanna know.. But Lucky for you i’m trying to procrastinate atm. So here we gooooo.

Ask Me:

Kill your curiosity 

1. Last kiss- Sometime in December, not sure of an exact date. I don’t kiss, and tell, so thats all the info you get about that.

 2. Last phone call- My sister.

3. Last text message- Also with my sister, just her telling me she hates her new hair.

 4. Last song you listened to- Space Bound, By Eminem 

 5. Last time you cried- Like 3 days ago, but they were actually happy tears. Found out some really cool news.

 HAVE YOU EVER:

 6. Dated someone twice- Yes, big mistake.

7. Been cheated on- Literally haven’t been in a relationship where I wasn’t.

 8. Self harmed- Yes, I used to cut stupid bad on my thigh. Also have some burn scars, from putting out cigarettes on myself. Thankfully thats not something i’ve done in years, and i’ve learned better ways to handle stuff like that. 

 9. Lost someone special- I’ve lost a few: My dad, my grandpa, and my childhood best friend.

10. Been depressed- Yea, but it’s a work in progress. I was on the worst medication I could’ve been on, which made it so much worse. Got admitted, now I’m on different meds for PTSD, and mood stabilizers. It’s helped A TON.

 11. Been drunk and threw up- I have been drunk, but rarely throw up.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: 

12. Had sex- No, and don’t really expect that to change. Lol, it was a miracle I did last year..

13. How many people have you had sex with this year? 0 

14, and 16 are missing.. so we’re just gonna continue.

15. Made a new friend- Yes, i’ve made a couple.

17. Laughed until you cried- Yes!

 18. Met someone who changed you- Not this year, not yet.

19. Found out who your true friends were- It’s my sister, thats been every year. She’s the ONLY person I could ever trust.

20. Found out someone was talking about you- No, but it wouldn’t be anything new. I just don’t care what anyone has to say about me. 

26. What did you do for your last Birthday- Cried like a little bitch because my niece was hospitalized, I have never had a good birthday. 

 27. What time did you wake up today- 7am.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for- To start my new job!

 30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time- Well since I only have one sister, last night when me, and her went for drinks.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life- How other treat me, and get so tired of me so quickly.

32. What are you listening to right now- Crime Junkie!!!! If you haven’t hear their podcast, you’re missing out.

33. When is the last time you had sex? Sometime in December. 

 34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now- Myself.

35. Most visited webpage- Usually Tumblr, but lately i’ve been wildin out on FB.

36. Favorite color- Red 

37. Nicknames- My absolute favorite one is Moll’s, but i’ve also been called hot rod, hot tamale, and fight club.

38. Relationship Status- A joke.

39. Zodiac sign- I’m a Libra, can’t make my mind up for shit.

40. Male or female- Female 

 41. Primary school- Pinson Elementary 

42. Secondary School- Rudd 

43. High school/college- Pinson

44. Eye color- Hazel, they change weird ass colors.

 46. Height- 5′4

47. Do you have a crush on someone- Yeah, and they mf HATE me. So no new, news.

 48. What do you like about yourself- My eyes, and humor. 

 49. Piercings- 3 in each ear, 2 in my nose, belly button, and nipples.  

50. Tattoos- I have a pretty big piece on my right side of my ribs.

51. Righty or lefty- Righty. 

FIRSTS: 

53. First piercing- I don’t remember getting my ear pierced, so belly button.

 54. First best friend- Literally an angel, I miss him more than I can ever really say. He was killed by a drunk driver, and it’s someone I still talk to daily. I literally just talk out loud, so he can hear me... even if I don’t get a response.

 55. First hookup- I’ve never been the type to “hookup”, but my first kiss ever was in a church if that say’s anything about me lol.

56. First Bestfriend- PLW

RIGHT NOW: 

59. Eating- Nothing

 60. Drinking- A redbull.

 61. I’m about to- Finish this up, and then start sending out emails.

62. Listening to- This was already asked, and still listening to crime junkie. 

 63. Waiting for- Not a damn thing.

YOUR FUTURE: 

64. Want kids? Only way I would want a kid is if i’m 100% financially stable, and also found a good partner to have one with. I don’t want to bring a kid in this world, if both parents won’t be in the kid’s life.

 65. Get married? I honestly think marriage is a whole scam, and don’t even et me started on the bullshit of an engagement ring... However if I found someone that’s my bestfriend, and soul mate I would.

 66. Career- Oof I thought I knew, but now i’m kinda lost.

WHICH IS BETTER: 

67. Lips or eyes- Eyes. I’m a sucker for brown eyes, not a fan of blue eyes.

68. Hugs or kisses- Either honestly.

69. Shorter or taller- Same height, or taller.

70. Older or Younger- Preferably older. 

71. Romantic or spontaneous- Romantic.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms- Nice arms.

73. Sensitive or loud- BOTH.

74. Hook-up or relationship- Relationship.

HAVE YOU EVER:

 76. Kissed a stranger- Yes, Halloween party like 4 years ago. That’s the only time i’ve ever really kissed a stranger that I can remember.

 77. Drank hard liquor- Yes, I was bartending before I was 21, so i took full advantage of that, and drank like a fish when I would get off.

78. Lost glasses/contacts- I constantly don’t know where my glasses are.

79. Had sex- Yea, but not with many. I don’t let a lot of people have that part of me.

80. Broken someone’s heart- No, it’s always me to have my heart broken.

 82. Been arrested- Never been arrested, I have however been in the back of a cop car 6 different times.  

 83. Turned someone down- Everyone who has ever tried to shoot their shot. I’m picky, so i’ll wait forever till I find someone who I think is right.

84. Cried when someone died- Well duh.

 85. Fallen for a friend- Yes. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 

86. Yourself- Fully, I can get through anything

 87. Miracles- Yes, they just don’t happen for me.

88. Love at first sight- No.

89. Heaven- Ehhh, hard to say. 

90. Santa Clause- Wait, what?

 91. Kiss on the first date- No.

92. Angels- Yes.

93. How would you label yourself? Stupid, besides that I wouldn’t.

 94. Someone You Pray Everyday For- The people i’ve lost, the people I have, and the friends i have. I’m also a hopeless romantic, so I pray for the person I am mean’t to be with. I just want those people to have success, health, and happiness.

95. Did you sing today- I can’t sing, but that doesn’t stop me from singing everyday.

96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About- I haven’t.

 97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?- 7 years ago so I could tell him don’t get in the car. 

98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For- My own happiness.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? Im scared of bridges, and falling in love. My two biggest fears in life.

100. Do you like the way you look? I’ve started to, after years of an eating disorder i’ve learned to live with my body. But I hate that it only will ever attract lust, and never anything more. I’ll ever only be liked for my looks, not personality. So in turn, i’ve started to hate my looks again.

[ecotone99]

[MF] The Traitors Letter

To whom it may concern,

​

I’m certain that no one will read this and that if they do it will be far into the future and make little sense to whoever reads it. That doesn’t bother me now because tomorrow it all ends for me and with no outside contact I find myself needing to speak to someone, anyone, and get it all off my chest. So to anyone who comes across this I’d just like to begin by apologizing for the atrocities I’ve committed against my fellow man and against my government.

You see I was born before the war in a simpler time and I suppose that my upbringing, what little I had at least, was to blame. I blame my upbringing but I do so without using that as an excuse. I was born in Western Kentucky in ‘94 (1994 that is) to a single mother whose obsession with booze meant that I would spend my childhood out on the streets learning everything the hard way. It could always have been worse: I could have turned to drugs or gangs instead of the computer.

Either way to make a long story short the kids I hung out with after school were what you’d call “hackers.” Not the Guy Fawkes mask wearing type (if you even get the reference) but the kids who could “root” your playstation for you and put pirated games on it. Because of them I got pretty good and computer science was my obvious profession of choice upon turning 18. Hardest four years of my life up until I got put in here but I finished it and moved out West to find work at what they called “Silicon Valley.”

I ended up working for a company whose name I’ll keep to myself (not that they’re still around anyway) and did so for six or seven years before the war. Hell I even managed to get a pretty nice house with a picket fence and everything. But when the tensions rose and war seemed inevitable everything changed.

We all knew the foreign policy of the last few administrations had been blunder after blunder but when our boys went off to war in Asia it was initially just against one nation and we had the coalition. Wasn’t long until everyone seemed to become our enemy in battle. Nations that we’d been allied with for decades they said were killing our men and the draft was imposed. That’s when it all changed. I was already older than 25 and my job was in data science so I didn’t have to go fight but I saw some of the people coming back and I was, am, just so sorry for them. That’s why I did what I did that was all. But they’re right a crime is a crime.

Anyway I started “working over” every night once the rationing began since I didn’t have much to do at home and could use the companies internet to monitor the goings on overseas. I don’t know why I guess I just like the whole “great game” world news type stuff and I also saw so many people coming back I always thought the war was ending any day. My mistake was not knowing that after the Peace Act was passed my company was one of many that were rolled into the DoD and so the whole time I was being monitored by NSA guys.

I started doing the usual info gathering stuff. I would take on of the last known battles and look for towns around it then lookup newspapers from those towns. I thought this would be all I needed to do to get news from the front and there was so little being played for us here at home. Messed up thing is I never read nothing about no battles in Iran or Japan and I even wrote programs to crawl whole regions worth of newspapers and I found plenty of battles but none involving the US in either of those countries.

So I thought this has to be an error or those countries gotta be covering the war news somewhere else. Around that time I stopped being able to connect to the servers outside America and I assumed it was something the company had done so I started using a system of proxy servers to connect to the outside world. It worked at first but since I still had nothing I started looking through Cameras and microphones but after awhile I still had nothing.

So I began putting together all the information I had into a single folder and I was gonna take it to a real journalist: someone who had an idea what to even look for or who to tell. That’s when the Blackcoats got me. Roughed me up pretty good too and at that time I had no idea what I’d even done or why just that I was in trouble something bad cause they through a black potato bag or something over my face.

After the beating they through handcuffs on me and I left in a what seemed like a bus. I know there were some other people in there with me because I could hear them yelling before loud slaps shut them up. I don’t know how to describe it it was the saddest and loneliest I’ve ever felt and then a heart dropping guilt just kinda sat there in the background. After what seemed like a whole day we arrived at some facility and I was brought to a cell and the bag taken off.

I asked the guy who put me in there as he was locking the door, “hey buddy what the hell is all this for?

He just told me to stay quiet and walked away. My cell faced one of the big white brick walls so I couldn’t see anybody else but I could hear a girl next me sobbing saying to let her go. I don’t know how long she was in there but I know after 5 minutes I heard some loud footsteps and that girl didn’t cry after that. The guard brought me a nasty plate of wet food just once the whole time I was in that cell and I swear it was two whole days.

When I finally did leave they placed another bag on my head, knocked the hell out of me again, and drug me down the hall to a bright room where they took the bag off again and chained me to a large metal chair with handcuffs. In front of me was a tall blonde lady in a black dress suit and a shorter mean looking man with red hair. The man stood up over me as I sat in the chair and pulled a baton off of his side

“Name and social?,” the lady asked in a monotone voice. I told her and the man gave me an unsatisfied look as if he wanted me to tell her a lie.

“Tomorrow you are being bussed to Florence Correctional Institution where you will wait out your final sentence.,” the lady said again monotone, “If you have any questions this is your one chance to ask them.”

As the lady pulled out a pen and prepared to I guess take note of what I asked the man grabbed my hair and told me to ask quickly. I was devastated and had a million questions but the only thing I could spit out was a crying, “Why?”

The man hit me and yelled out for me to be more specific so I asked, “Why am I going to prison? What have I done?”

The Lady gave a soft sigh and put her notepad back and pen back on the table. She signaled for the man to let up on my hair and after he took a step back she began, “did you know we are at war with thirty-seven nations at this time? That hundreds of your fellow citizens are dying every day?”

“I know there’s a war,” I said, “I didn’t know who all it was against.”

“Oh?,” she immediately responded and cut me off, “you seemed to be quite the detective when it comes to the matter how did you not know?”

“I don’t even know if there is a war I didn’t see-,” the man knocked me in the stomach with the baton and my head flew forward. He grabbed me by the hair again and the bastard smacked me in the face two or three times. The lady walked up stern as the man was hitting me and rose her voice. It wasn’t monotoned anymore that’s for sure.

“This!,” she yelled as she brought her mouth right next to my ear, “is why. You are a treasoninst liar who attempts to subvert the war effort by misinformation!”

“No!,” I cried out and the man slapped me again. I didn’t let it stopped me from screaming, “No that’s not it I just wanted to know. I just saw all the men coming back and was curious why so many seemed so rough compared to the wars of my youth. I just wanted to report on the war that’s all!”

“We have war reporters and official channels,” she screamed in my ear as the man beat me for a few more seconds, “we don’t need subversive news from the likes of you.”

The both backed off of me as I cried out that I was sorry and I didn’t know. I must have swore to every god I could think of that I wouldn’t do it again: that next time I’d know better. They were having none of it and they both walked out of the room as the bag was brought over my head yet again and I was dragged out into the hallway and back to a cell.

The next day I took that bus ride with my face covered. It took us three days to get there with me being beaten every now and then and the occasional screaming off some other poor soul who had done wrong. I won’t bore you with the details of the terrible things I suffered through over the last few years since I arrived but I did want to say that if the weekly needle therapy is still around I hope you never have to go through it. Once a week for the last few years I’ve been brought to a room where I talk about the crime I committed and other crimes like it except when I do these nurses stab needles into my side and inject some kind of reverse pain medicine in me and that’s the worst thing I’ve ever felt.

Now I know it’s taken me awhile to get here but the whole reason I decided to write this was what happened yesterday. I had just came back from the daily hour I get outside the cell when the door opened and a man with a bible came in. He was the preacher see and everyone is given one last visit before you know what. He walked up and put his hand on my shoulder.

“If you wish to repent you can do it now son.,” he said in a gently voice and looked at me. You can imagine I apologized for everything I’d ever done and when I finished the preacher went on.

“I’m sure you are,” he said as he stepped back and looked up at the one small window at the top of the cell, “I know it doesn’t mean much to you now but since it’s almost over we figured we would give you the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve helped the world just a little bit.”

I looked up at him with tears in my face and said, “H-how? What do you mean?”

He gave a large smile and spoke, “The Administration has been looking for a way to rehabilitate vile prisoners in an efficient and reproducible way. You’ve been part of a test to perfect this method and I’d say are living proof that it works. Murderers, rapist and dissidents all can be churned back into productive citizens in a few years. Once the post-therapy kinks are worked out of course: but you’ll not have to worry about that.”

I was dumbfounded. Part of me wanted to scream at him but as soon as the anger came a pain hit my lower gut and a fear like that of child seeing monsters in the dark came over me. Anxiety overwhelmed me and I looked at the man, who still smiled, and with a mouthful of choking tears I cried, “G-glad I could help. So there’s no death penalty anymore? You just let people go?”

“Yes that’s correct.,” he said as he walked closer to me yet again, “well except for you and the other test subjects. You’ll understand that having people around who remember before the treatment will be a bit of a problem going forward. We can’t allow you to even unconsciously spewing such conspiracy theories as the one you were locked up for lying about.”

I did, and do, understand what the preacher meant. The state has to uphold unity in the people and I was planning to spread disinformation or at least to spread information I didn’t know was correct. I only wrote this letter for people in the future to find because they’ll wanna know how it happend. How the world became so much better as a new type of society emerged from the victor of that awful war.

Before I don’t think I would have been able to look death in the eyes without that odd guilt one gets when imagining the world without them. Today I know I leave to give a better world to the children of honorable citizens and to prevent men like me from existing. I think, though I don’t know for sure, that given the chance I’d have killed myself all those years ago even before the Lady in Black and the Red Haired man beat me. If they’d have just told me it was for the good of society.

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