“Listen to the sound of my heart beat slow
Yeah, my heart's like yours, my heart's like yours
Listen to the sound, oh it feels like home
When our hearts beat slow together.”
Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2019!
dark night — philip sheppard // curse of the i-5 corridor — neko case // way down we go — kaleo // almost — hozier // dancing in a room — ezi // epic (pt ii) — anais mitchell & justin vernon // spanish sahara — foals // obstacles — syd matters // tom thumb — bitter ruin // wolves of the revolution — the arcadian wild // epic (pt iii) — anais mitchell, justin vernon // the spine — darren korb & ashley barrett // don’t think twice — hikaru utada // face my fears — hikaru utada // waves — chloe moriondo // ashes — bear mccreary // wake up, moving on — kevin penkin // paper boats — darren korb & ashley barrett // call off your ghost — dessa // power over me — dermot kennedy // a future for the krogan — christopher lennertz // mine — bazzi // bite — charlie cunningham // wait for me — andre de shields // birds — imagine dragons & elisa // crazy — patsy cline // bury a friend — billie eilish // the seed — aurora // eleventh dimension — julian casablancas // sunflower — post malone // what’s up danger — blackway, black caviar // bad guy — billie eilish // elevate — dj khalil // must’ve been — chromeo // dark matter — les friction // lark of my heart — eliza rickman // dancing on my own — robyn // hungover in the city of dust — autoheart // season of the witch — lana del rey // bird song — juniper vale // paradise valley — honey & the sting // my hallelujah — autoheart // furthest star — dirt poor robins // play dirty — kevin mcallister // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // pas de deux — michael abels // i got 5 on it — michael abels, luniz, mi // one day more — les mis cast // into the unknown — idina menzel, aurora // show yourself — idina menzel & evan rachel wood
short version | long version | youtube | spotify unwrapped
long version will lead you to the 165 song, 10 hour and 34 minute playlist which i’ve been slowly adding to since january. short version will lead you to what you see here. youtube will lead you to the playlist you see here but... wait for it... on youtube. mostly because i know not everyone has spotify. spotify unwrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is pretty bloated with austin wintory songs because those are what i listen to when i write or read usually.
the long version is much improved in length from last year, which was 261 songs and 17 hours, but that’s mostly because august through december i was pretty bad at keeping track of the music that caught my attention. whoops.
and under the cut is me ranting about music, like usual. enjoy!
i. dark night || philip sheppard
*instrumental*
This was my absolute favorite from the Detroit: Become Human soundtrack. I tended to prefer Kara’s songs most because they were gorgeous and haunting and just plain fantastic. Connor’s songs were mostly listened to while writing for the fandom, but Kara’s songs were what I kept coming back to.
ii. curse of the i-5 corridor || neko case
So I left home and faked my ID
I fucked every man that I wanted to be
Sometime in January, I fell in love with eighteen wheels on an uphill climb, which was a 91k hank/connor wip by blackeyedblonde. Hank’s a trucker. Connor occasionally dabbles in sex work to keep himself alive and moving. But like, it’s so much more than that? Anyway, at some point the author linked to this song. I think it may have been on tumblr, but I fell in love with it and neko case.
iii. way down we go || kaleo
Oh, 'cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark
Yes and they will run you down, down 'til you fall
And they will run you down, down 'til you go
Yeah, so you can't crawl no more
Speaking of Detroit: Become Human (sensing a theme?), this fanvideo is one of my favorite things in the world. I had it and a couple other fantastic videos like it playing in the background while writing for the fandom. This video, in fact, is what finally made me go in search of the game.
iv. almost (sweet music) || hozier
The same kind of music haunts her bedroom
I'm almost me again, she's almost you
Wasteland, Baby was a thing that happened to me. Which would have already been enough to get it on this list, but I also listened to it on repeat while writing my first DBH fic.
v. dancing in a room || ezi
I know you notice, notice me
I might be broken but it's not showing
It's how I'm copin', copin'
I don’t actually remember where this one came from. I know that sometime when March is still a bit cold, I listened to a playlist on spotify that I can’t find for the life of me. It had a lot of the songs that are about to come up on it, and before I started exclusively listening to audiobooks while I got ready for work in the morning, I listened to random fantastic playlists.
vi. epic (pt ii) || anais mitchell & justin vernon
And suddenly Hades was only a man
with a taste of nectar upon his lips
Hadestown was also a thing that happened to me. This song makes me fucking weak. All of the lyrics are great, the whole song is gorgeous and haunting and so perfect it hurts, but those lyrics above are just *chefs kiss*
vii. spanish sahara || foals
Forget the horror here
Leave it all down here
It's future rust and it's future dust
Sometime during the spring, I played Life Is Strange and had a million and one feelings. I played both options for the ending and each one was gut wrenching in its own way. I think I still prefer the one where Chloe lives, but this song has literally haunted me ever since.
viii. obstacles || syd matters
Someday we will foresee obstacles
Through the blizzard, through the blizzard
And this is the song that plays if you make the other choice. Again, SUPER TRAGIC, but also you know. You get to keep your girlfriend.
ix. tom thumb || bitter ruin
And I know I'll be burnt,
but I can stand a flame or two to catch you
This was one of the songs that I discovered on the mysterious spotify playlist! Something I’d forgotten: I discovered Hadestown off of that playlist. Thanks, mystery playlist. You gave me all the ear worms.
x. wolves of the revolution || the arcadian wild
You're trapped inside of your own heart
It's a spectators sport, just play your part
You guessed it - from the mystery playlist. They’re all very reminiscent of the Hadestown soundtrack. Vaguely eerie, kind of haunting, a lot beautiful. Makes you feel like you’re a forest creature living on the edge of the swamp. You know: the aesthetic.
xi. epic (pt iii) || anais mitchell & justin vernon
Where is the treasure inside your chest?
Where is your pleasure? Where is your youth?
Where is the man with his hat in his hands?
Who stands in the garden with nothing to lose
I thought about only including this one instead of including part 2, but in the end I loved both too much to choose. Hadestown, man. I hope it comes to Ohio at some point in the near future.
xii. the spine || darren korb & ashley barrett
Fingers tied themselves in knots around the heart
It beats in time
I see the spine of the world
I have never actually played Transistor, which is fucking tragic because I listened to basically the entire soundtrack over and over again for the entire year. There’s at least one more song from the game on this list, but it is really wonderful. Haunting vocals, perfect for writing or reading or driving.
xiii. don’t think twice || hikaru utada
I'm only crying 'cause I never dreamed
It'd take this long, it'd take this long
Hi, I played Kingdom Hearts 3 this year. And I cried so fucking much. I had some issues with the game, namely how the ending was such a clusterfuck of boss fight after boss fight and emotional character arc resolutions so it all felt kind of rushed? But the gameplay was superb, the selfie thing was ingenious, and I did cry at least six different times while I was stressing my way through fighting boss fights with blurry eyes.
xiv. face my fears || hikaru utada
Oh, let me face, let me face, let me face my fears
Won't be long, won't be long, I'm almost here
Watch me cry all my tears
So like, if you care at all you’ve probably already seen it, but the opening cutscene of KH3 was to Face My Fears, and I’m gonna be real honest here - I didn’t like it at first. I moaned and groaned about Skrillex and how it was nothing like Simple and Clean or Passion/Sanctuary. But it grew on me to the point that it was actually my most listened to song this year. Watch me cry all my tears, indeed.
xv. waves || chloe moriondo
Make me into more than a goner
Perhaps a little bit stronger
Thicker skin, less needy,
And maybe to not bruise so damn easily, but you can't
I don’t remember where I found this song either? Maybe mystery playlist but probably not. Either way, it’s pretty and uh, I too want to slow the world down.
xvi. ashes || bear mccreary
-instrumental-
Man, oh man, let’s talk about how good of a game God of War was. It was so good, guys. The game play was excellent, the world was gorgeous, and the storyline was interesting. And the music went so, so hard. Between Horizon Zero Dawn and the new God of War, I have basically been ruined for all other games. Also, dad protagonists, am I right?
xvii. wake up, moving on || kevin penkin
-instrumental-
Did not actually realize this was part of a soundtrack to a game? But it’s very lilty. Has that French quirky romcom vibe to it and I listened to the crap out of it in early summer.
xviii. paper boats || darren korb & ashley barrett
The river always finds the sea
So helplessly
Like you find me
Another Transistor song. I really love Ashley Barrett’s voice. I should probably at some point play the game.
xix. call off your ghost || dessa
I hope she makes you happy
It's just a lot to ask to watch your future walking past me
This song played during one of the weather segments of Welcome to Night Vale and made me remember how much I absolutely adore Dessa. Her voice is fantastic and I love the way that her songs flow. Also, this song gives me personal feels.
xx. power over me || dermot kennedy
I wanna be king in your story
I wanna know who you are
I want your heart to beat for me
I have absolutely no idea where I heard this one. It might have been playing on the radio while I was driving somewhere? I played it a lot during the summer.
xxi. a future for the krogan || christopher lennertz
-instrumental-
It’s been a while since I played Mass Effect, but this song came up on a writing playlist and I have been listening to it ever since.
xxii. mine || bazzi
Running circles 'round my mind
Even when it's rainy all you ever do is shine
Shrug emoji.
xxiii. bite || charlie cunningham
Stone cold faces let you keep you poisoning your blood
Cut you open then you'll see poison in your blood
Also shrug emoji? Most of the time when I’m doing these there’s fandom connatations to half the songs, but these year I wasn’t heavily invested in a whole lot of fandoms so these are mostly just songs I listened to while I was a) driving, b) in the shower, or c) while reading.
xxiv. wait for me || andre de shields
Ain't no compass, brother, there ain't no map
Just a telephone wire and the railroad track
Keep on walking and you don't look back
And here’s the last Hadestown song on the list. It’s just... really good, okay. Really, really good.
xxv. birds || imagine dragons & elisa
Seasons, they will change
Life will make you grow
Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry
I think there’s been an Imagine Dragons song on here every year since they came out with Radioactive. This is the only song of theirs I heard this year, but pairing their voice with Elisa’s was fucking genius because this song makes me feel the chorus in my soul.
xxvi. crazy || patsy cline
You'd love me as long as you wanted
And then some day
You'd leave me for somebody new
I was at a bar, and my friend has just announced that he was getting married to his girlfriend of ten years in Vegas, on a ferris wheel, by an Elvis impersonator. We started listening to Elvis songs to figure out what he’d play, and then we got distracted listening to a bunch of old love songs. This one is more heartbreak than love, but I’ve always loved Patsy’s voice.
xxvii. bury a friend || billie eilish
Bury a friend,
try to wake up
I was really slow to the Billie Eilish train. One of my friends recommended her music and it’s just so chaotic and fantastic that I can’t believe I didn’t fall for it earlier. This song in particular was a Billy Hargrove song for a while.
xxviii. the seed || aurora
Feed me sunlight, feed me air
In a place where nothing matters
Feed me truth and feed me prayer
Aurora’s got one of those truly lovely voices. Also I like songs about how the earth should eat humanity.
xxix. eleventh dimension || julian casablancas
'Cause no one really cares or wonders why anymore
Oh, I got music, coming out of my hands and feet and kisses
Back in 2011, when I was still watching Doctor Who, someone made this video which blew my little heart away. I rediscovered this song while we were driving back to Ohio from our annual beach trip and managed to get everyone in the car hooked on it for weeks afterwards.
xxx. sunflower || post malone
You're a sunflower
I think your love would be too much
Into the Spiderverse! Was so! Good!
xxxi. what’s up danger || blackway, black caviar
I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy
I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em
So like, that scene, right? The one that had everyone losing their collective shit? I saw gifs before I watched the movie, and goddamn, it lived up to every single expectation I ever had. I made Nick watch it with me, and he groaned a lot because honestly he is not the biggest fan of super hero movies, but even he admitted that it was the best damn Spiderman movie we’d ever seen. It was powerful and clever and heartwarming and funny and the music and animation were both fan-freaking-tastic.
xxxii. bad guy || billie eilish
I'm the bad guy,
duh
Can you believe that I actually didn’t know about this video until @nijuukoo did art? I mean, I’d definitely heard it and liked it before hand, but the fucking video, man. That pic of Vanitas showering Ven in hearts is still the background of my desktop.(It would have been the one of him sitting on Ansem while he’s doing push ups, but it didn’t work with my screen)
xxxiii. elevate || dj khalil
I jump off this building to save these civilians
My strength and my honor is trusted by children
I'm ready and willing to fight all these villains
No chaos or killings, my style is so brilliant
I really, really liked the music to Into the Spiderverse.
xxxiv. must’ve been || chromeo
I must've been high when I met you
Out of my mind when I decided to love you
There was a Harringrove fic that I read during the summer that made the connection between this song and modern AU Billy and Steve. I thought it was @lymricks but maybe not. Either way - I listened to this for like three weeks straight while reading about Billy and Steve flirting at the pool. Ha! Found it - you, through half-shut eyes by @brawlite.
xxxv. dark matter || les friction
Bring me your soul, bring me your hate
In my name you will create
Bring me your fear, bring me your pain
You will destroy in my name
There was an Outsider fanvid. I tripped over it.
xxxvi. lark of my heart || eliza rickman
Lark of my heart - dance in the dark and say you love me
Lark of my heart - right from the start and say you love me
This one was another that I found on a random playlist while I was reading and I just love the rhythm of the song. I sat right up and favorited that sucker before I lost it.
xxxvii. dancing on my own — robyn
I'm just gonna dance all night
I'm all messed up, I'm so outta line
Stilettos on broken bottles
I'm spinning around in circles
Okay. Okay, okay, okay. So there was that tumblr post that went around a while back where a bunch of subway riders who just got back from a Robyn concert started singing while waiting for the train and I just. It makes me so fucking happy. Like, I remember the night I clicked on that video. I’d never heard the song before, but I didn’t need to because the level of fucking joy and unity in that video literally brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes, humans are fucking beautiful.
xxxviii. hungover in the city of dust || autoheart
We’re hungover in the city of dust
So let our minds run round in circles
While we figure it all out
I really adore autoheart. They did Sailor Song, which was on my Top Songs post last year and honestly, according to the plays on spotify, probably should have still been on my list this year, but alas - this is the abridged version. Every song I’ve heard from them I’ve loved. The entire bridge makes me shiver, it’s just so wonderfully executed.
xxxix. season of the witch || lana del rey
You've got to pick up every stitch,
The rabbits running in the ditch,
Oh no, must be the season of the witch
In October I watched Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and it was super spooky and really great and probably one of the best movies I saw this year? But like, also this cover by Lana del Rey was the best damn thing about it. Someone made a witchy video that was great too but I can’t find it now.
xl. bird song || juniper vale
Listen to the sound of my heart beat slow
Yeah, my heart's like yours, my heart's like yours
Listen to the sound, oh it feels like home
When our hearts beat slow together
I really like Juniper Vale. I found them last year when I stumbled across their cover of Singing In The Rain, and they churn out some really quality music.
xli. paradise valley || honey & the sting
So you'll have to hold me down
Could you just hold me down
build the levees higher
This song was always going to make it to 2019′s list too. It’s just too damn good. Thank you, Wolf 359. You’ve given me a gift that is still giving three years later.
xlii. my hallelujah || autoheart
Thought I found a new religion
In you who was I kidding
There's nowhere to go
Except for under quarantine
More Autoheart! Just listen to that melody! That flow!
xliii. furthest star || dirt poor robins
We'll find our hiding place
Clear across the Milky Way
Beyond the galaxy
On the furthest star that we see
This song reminds me a lot of Muse back in their early days. I was half-napping on the couch listening to, you guessed it, a random playlist on spotify, and I liked this song enough to surface from the edges of slumber to favorite it so I could find it again.
xliv. play dirty || kevin mcallister
Would you get the Devil this dance?
Would you be a part of his plans?
Now you got some blood on your hands
There was a fanvid. It was good and basically caught me up on Preacher. The song is also really catchy.
xlv. it’s quiet uptown || kelly clarkson
Look at where we are
Look at where we started
Last year, this was on my list because of an EOS 10 playlist. This year it’s on my list because I still fucking love it. Also I saw Hamilton this year and it was really phenomenal. I cannot get over how good it was.
xlvi. pas de deux || michael abels
-instrumental-
I watched Us in late October/early November and this entire sequence was really lovely and eerie and just all around fantastic. I loved the mirroring throughout the movie, and it all came together in this stunning confrontation.
xlvii. i got 5 on it || michael abels, luniz, mi
I got five on it
Us had a really good soundtrack.
xlviii. one day more || les mis cast
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!
About a month ago I got to see Les Mis in theater and I cried like six or seven times. That is not an exaggeration I was a fucking mess. As much as I’ve adored every musical I have seen up until this point, I have never had a musical affect me the way this one did. It was incredibly powerful and the experience was worth every damn cent.
xlix. into the unknown || idina menzel, aurora
Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls
I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls
Like, I know it’s cool to hate on Frozen because it got so popular, but Idina Menzel is a queen with the voice of an angel and I’m sorry, but the movies were good. Also, Elsa is very, very pretty and this shit was very, very gay.
l. show yourself || idina menzel & evan rachel wood
Come to me now
Open your door
Don't make me wait
One moment more
Sorry, I don’t make the rules. Elsa gets all the best numbers. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, folks. Happy listening.
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