#this time I remember little fifteen-year-old me standing defiant on this balcony structure
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okay
wow
that was a messed up dream
and I say as a perennial weird-dream-haver
might need to lay off mikado and yeomen for a while?
#I don't mind dying in dreams as a rule#but this was... something else#in what twisted region of my subconscious do schools publicly behead dissidents#even besides my being fifteen again that is uh#dark#dreams about dying in battle or being chased by a monster can be very unpleasant#but aside from extreme cases at least leave me an exciting story#in this one I don't think I even ended up actually dying#there was just all this horrible lead up to the execution#my mum and I determined that I would be brave and dignified so my death would be a symbol of resistance#(most unrealistic part of the narrative I am an absolute coward)#again remember dream me was FIFTEEN#this was normal in dreamworld there were maybe twenty schoolgirls lined up to be killed in turn#I think many were my real-life schoolmates or friends from my early teens#I rarely remember sensations in dreams#the only one I can think of is my worst nightmare until now#where I woke recalling the feeling of the monster cutting my wrist open with a razor but no actual pain#this time I remember little fifteen-year-old me standing defiant on this balcony structure#and obediently putting her neck on the block just waiting for it to be over because the strong front was going to crack any moment
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