#this was supposed to be Zhanhua endgame but

[rose-tinted-vision]

Fic: 悬不合时宜里 | hanging out of time

Fandom: Mysterious Lotus Casebook （莲花楼）

Relationship: Li Lianhua | Li Xiangyi/Zhan Yunfei, Li Lianhua | Li Xiangyi & Zhan Yunfei, (implied) Li Lianhua | Li Xiangyi/Fang Duobing

(read it on ao3)

Summary:

The man before him was no longer the Li Xiangyi that Zhan Yunfei once knew, but Li Lianhua who had been born through grief, disillusioned and moulded by the jianghu that he had roamed for a decade. Zhan Yunfei feels himself fall again all the same.

Zhan Yunfei hears people approaching, recognises the cadence of Sect leader He’s quick and confident footsteps, closely followed by Young Master Fang’s heavier ones keeping stride beside her. There is a third person with them, light and surefooted, which puts him on his guard. He does not recognize this person.

“Guardian Zhan! Come down! My mother needs your help.” Young Master Fang calls, cutting through the symphony of cicada cries that accompanied him on his watch.

He pauses, reluctant to meet another stranger, having to feign pleasantries. But duty eventually wins out, and he leaps off the roof to greet the masters of Tianji Manor, only to freeze when he sees the third person trailing languidly after Young Master Fang.

Li Lianhua, the man introduces himself as.

The man before him no longer holds himself as proudly, nor as confidently, as he had ten years ago. Gone was the hungry, ambitious glint in eyes that had drawn everyone to him, now replaced by a world-weariness that clung to him like a shadow.

He was no longer the Li Xiangyi that Zhan Yunfei once knew, but Li Lianhua who had been born through grief, disillusioned and moulded by the jianghu that he had roamed for a decade.

Zhan Yunfei feels himself fall again all the same.

— ° —

Zhan Yunfei’s life could clearly be defined into two parts.

Before he met Li Xiangyi, the renowned prodigy, rising star of the jianghu, he had been a prideful, overconfident kid who trusted only in himself and his blade. A kid who cared only about making a name for himself in his own right.

He had then caught wind of Li Xiangyi, a rising star, a shining beacon of justice alongside his shaoshi jian, and Zhan Yunfei had wanted nothing more than to challenge this so-called genius.

Meeting Li Xiangyi had changed him– not just appearance wise– but because the boy had properly humbled him, taught him that behind every mountain there would always be a higher peak to conquer.

His younger, starry-eyed self had then pestered Li Xiangyi into agreeing to spar with him every other month, something he threw himself into refining his sword form for.

Then one day Li Xiangyi shows up with his wenjing jian, made of Cloud iron that only the He family possessed.

The same family that had met a tragic end a month ago. (He would know, he had passed by the family estate and had seen the aftermath of the bloodbath. He had been too late to help, and it had been haunting his dreams ever since).

Zhan Yunfei, being barely nineteen, had not known better than to storm off, letting his mind jump to conclusions instead of staying to ask Li Xiangyi where he had gotten the blade from.

— ° —

The person in front of him is not Li Xiangyi.

Certainly, most of his habits and gestures were Li Xiangyi, right down to his painfully obvious lies, but he is not Li Xiangyi.

Li Lianhua drinks like a sailor, lies as easily as breathing, and holds himself entirely differently from the righteous young hero he once was. The person he is now carries his ghosts with him, cares less about proprietary and has little to no regard for his pride anymore.

He watches as Li Lianhua immediately latches onto the suspicious details surrounding Wei Qingchou’s death, watches the way Li Lianhua worked alongside Young Master Fang, the way the two of them moved around each other with practiced ease.

(He ignores the way his heart aches, turns away from the jealousy threatening to eat him up, locks those ugly emotions away in a box and refuses to look at them).

Zhan Yunfei is simply happy that his friend is able to live unrestrained as he had longed to all those years ago, unburdened by the expectations of the jianghu, free to wander as he once had.

Nothing more, nothing less.

— ° —

But because he was a fool, still too easily driven by his emotions and entirely unable to stay away from the light that is Li Xiangyi, he continues meeting the other for their monthly spars.

Li Xiangyi has the courtesy to use shaoshi against him, instead of wenjing, a gesture that does not go unnoticed, and only serves to makes his heart beat faster around the other.

They do not talk about what happened the previous time they met.

He hears of things stirring in the jianghu, mutterings of an impending clash between the leaders of the Sigu Sect and the Jingyuan Alliance. It is something that reflects on Li Xiangyi, who looks increasingly ragged and unfocused the next time they meet. But Li Xiangyi does not bring it up, so he asks no questions, content to simply play his role as Li Xiangyi’s sparring partner.

Zhan Yunfei meets Li Xiangyi for the last time a few nights before the destined Battle of the East Sea. He had managed to find out more about the rumours, knows it will be useless to try and dissuade Li Xiangyi from going– the other boy was too consumed by his need for vengeance, too full of anger to listen to logic– even if the situation surrounding Shan Gudao’s death seemed all too strange, and had the Jingyuan Alliance’s fingerprints all over it.

(He hears things, travelling the jianghu as he does. People talked, and they did not care who heard about the stories that they spread).

But who was he, to comment on the inner workings of the jianghu that he had consistently kept himself on the periphery of all these years? He was simply a wandering swordsman, someone who admired the Xiangyi Swordplay, an outsider who did not know Shan Gudao personally.

So he simply throws his all into this spar– it may be the very last one he has with Li Xiangyi, no matter how much he wishes to deny it– though the other seems distracted, unfocused from the rage coursing through him, and Zhan Yunfei eventually gets his first win against Li Xiangyi.

— ° —

Zhan Yunfei waits in the clearing just outside the west gate of Tianji Manor, anticipation bubbling just beneath his skin. This was a chance he never thought he'd get again– and Li Lianhua does not let him down.

He lunges towards Li Lianhua the moment he hears him step into the clearing, sword drawn with no holds barred, demanding a duel from the other.

It is more of a greeting rather than a spar, a reunion– a wordless exchange between two old friends– feeling out the other and where they now stood.

Li Lianhua would not be able to defeat Zhan Yunfei with his martial skills as weakened as it was now, anyway, and they both knew it. Even so, they continue their deadly dance, weaving their moves together the same way they did ten years ago.

“It would be better if you tied your hair up,” Li Lianhua casually remarks, something akin to regret shining in his eyes, “what if you had someone you loved, and they saw you like this?”

Zhan Yunfei smiles bitterly. He is a stubborn person– once he has set his heart on someone, his feelings would remain unwavering– as with his promise, he would remain the same, unchanging throughout the passing of time around him.

“It's a promise I made to an old friend, and I'll keep my word.”

— ° —

He hears of a Young Master who claims to be Li Xiangyi’s disciple, and resolves to hunt him down–Li Xiangyi had never taken a disciple, and if this upstart was planning to desecrate Li Xiangyi’s name for his own fame, Zhan Yunfei would be the one to take his life.

(It would not be the first time he has done so, throughout the years following Li Xiangyi’s death).

He eventually makes his way to Tianji Manor, narrowly surviving an ambush from mountain bandits who had assumed he was affiliated with the He family.

He Xiaofeng had found him clinging onto his last thread of consciousness, and swiftly escorted him to their family's physician to fix him up.

He had not planned to stay.

(But He Xiaofeng was a force of nature, equally as stubborn as he was, and it was not long before he caved to her requests.

It would not be too bad to rest his wings for a year or two, he supposed. To have a constant shelter over his head that he could go back to).

He had not planned to stay, but he managed to meet the Young Master he had come looking for. Young master Fang was a sickly child, obviously in no shape or form to have been Li Xiangyi’s disciple, and yet he insists so. He claims that his shifu is still alive, declares it with such conviction that Zhan Yunfei finds himself momentarily convinced.

(He wishes that he could have the same unshakable belief as Young Master Fang).

The kid has asked him about his hair on multiple occasions, obviously determined to weasel an answer out of him, but Zhan Yunfei is just as committed to keeping the answer to himself.

It was a promise only Li Xiangyi and himself knew about, the only reminder he had of the bright star that flew too close to the sun.

So what if people thought he was crazy? It was something he learnt to live with, something he did not care about, if it meant keeping the memory of Li Xiangyi alive.

— ° —

Li Lianhua eventually deduces that Wei Qingchou is really the Liangyi Fairy who had been entrusted with a piece of the Rama Heavenly Ice, but he is a step too late. Shan Gudao attacks, exposing Li Lianhua's identity, demands for the other Ice shards, and leaves a trail of destruction in his wake.

Through it all, Li Lianhua remains himself. Upright. Kind. Self-sacrificing.

He sees Li Lianhua to the gate.

“Zhan-xiong,” Li Lianhua turns to him, expression sombre and all too knowing– it's a look that he recognises– he has seen its mirror ten years ago, and his throat tightens.

“I'm sorry,” Li Lianhua says, clearing his throat in discomfort, faltering for half a second before his eyes fill with determination, “I know how you feel towards me, but–”

Zhang Yunfei knows. He knows. He had seen the way Li Lianhua lit up around Young Master Fang, the way he relaxed his guard when the other was near, no matter how imperceptibly, knows that it is something he would not be able to draw out of Li Lianhua.

It is a happiness that Li Lianhua deserves, after everything.

(At least it was Young Master Fang, who he could trust to treat Li Lianhua well, who wears his heart on his sleeve, who had similarly remained unflinchingly loyal for ten years).

“You don't have to apologise, as long as Young Master Fang makes you happy.”

“He does,” Li Lianhua flushes at the mention of their young Master, and Zhan Yunfei’s heart clenches.

They have both changed with the passing of time– neither of them still hunger to be the best– Li Lianhua just wants a peaceful life, and Zhan Yunfei has found something to protect.

(Even so, Zhan Yunfei’s heart still remains the same, still longing for the same person.

He would get over it eventually, he tells himself).

— ° —

Extra:

“Why didn't you confess?” He Xiaofeng elbows him, as they watch the Lotus Tower gradually disappear further into the distance.

“He is happy with Young Master Fang.” Zhan Yunfei states, turning a bemused eye onto He Xiaofeng, “besides, did you want me to snatch your nephew’s lover?”

The ensuing reaction causes the nearby pigeons to take flight in shock, “He- he and our Xiaobao?”