#this was written by me last night at 12:30am in bed and laskdjfsdf there's no edits and u g h

[hyyunjinn]

idk I sort of just want to talk about hyunjin (this is not at all cohesive and i’m just really emotional so read at your own risk)

what really has been bothering me is that I’ve seen so many tweets saying that he’s more than just a visual—more than just his looks

and to think that people have to remind some stans about this,,, actually that’s not what I want to say, more like, the fact that people only like him for his looks?

I know we have this problem with Felix too but I just want to talk about Hyunjin.

I’ll admit the first time I watched Hellevator and he came on, I immediately screamed “oOH HE’S CUTE HE’S MY BIAS” as a joke but I wasn’t set on him being my bias. I chose hwanghyunjinnie as my url bc i always thought those solo member urls are cute compared to the group names (like ahsgahha is xbxngtxnsboys, ssvtss, or starsforastro cute? nO, i’m just attached to those names now haha) so I picked him. I was really hesitant on biasing him because all I knew was that he’s my age and is the visual/part of dance line. I legit thought I would later become Jisung biased.

Also the fact that he’s born in 2000 really threw me off as a potential bias because agsghsjaaj boys my age lmao

but anyways, I thought he was cute and as I kept listening to Hellevator, I really liked the way he fluctuates his voice, even if Jisung’s following rap stood out to me more because it sounded like Rocky’s.

So episode one came around and the one I completely fell for is Minho (and kept side eyeing Felix haha) and I was???? really close to??? biasing Minho? i mentioned so many times in my tags early on about how cute minho is (and the fact that he dances to bts is a big yes from me) yet there was always something that pulled me back to Hyunjin.

but tbh, since I called myself a Hyunjin stan from day one, idk when I really fell for him? like, I like him and my heart legit goes 💘💗💘💘💘💘💖 every time he does something, but the fact that

idk

idk what i want to say

i just really like him and while i know my friends and i joke about me swerving to minho’s lane all the time and i keep getting called out for it,

I really like hyunjin it sort of hurts.

my twt group chat was talking about their first biases and so many people dropped hyunjin, i don’t, idk it sort of hurt seeing that haha

like obviously it’s not their fault but because so many people found out how they ended up biasing someone else and—i guess the way they were joking about how they all dropped hyunjin,,? IDK MY MEMORY IS PROBABLY FAILING ME BUT I THINK I SAW SOMETHING ABOUT HYUNJIN’S PERSONALITY NOT RETAINING THEIR ATTENTION OR SOMETHING??? GUYS IF YOURE READING THIS, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT I’M JUST RANTING

but yeah

I guess I’m just really afraid of how people are treating Hyunjin only as the visual. Like a decoration.

Or maybe I’m just really afraid I’m liking him for the same shallow reason.

and the fact that i just, hype of minho all the time, idk i do this thing where i never talk about my bias so it seems like i bias someone else

and all i say is how cute hyunjin is

idk i aort of want to cry as i write this but

I

Like

Hyunjin

so much I can’t even make myself use the word love because I feel like it doesn’t match this situation?/he doesn’t deserve my love?/idk?

Like,

I love his laugh and how it’s like a giggle or a loud noise comes out and then he’s laughing

and I love his scrunched up face when he’s smiling brightly and how his eyes curve

I also love how hardworking he is. He’s so determined to improve and pursue his dreams and he’s still so humble about it. This kid wakes up at 5 to go to school??????? and according to woojin their practices end really late? And all those times we’ve seen him practicing his pronunciation and I love how he went to Changbin for advice—

AND HE’S SUCH A NERD FOR DANCE OMG AHSHSHAJAJSBXB like 1) he’s enrolled in dance for sopa? that’s pretty amazing 2) i remember how much he wanted to dance for the 3:3:3 mission but he couldnt and he was lowkey salty about that 3) he looks s o o o happy when he’s dancing

during thw yg battle? he couldnt stop smiling and was such a happy sht when they executed the performance flawlessly. and that spot kids of him teaching chan? I WATCHED IT SO MANY TIMES IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY but shahsgbsjas he’s so passionate even when he’s laughing as he’s practicing

ALSO HE LEANED CLOSER TO INSPECT A MOVE THE YG GROUP DID DURING THEIR PERFORMANCE AND I THIUGHT THAT WAS SO CUTE BECAUSE SAME

and this kid never stops wiggling or tapping his feet or dancing to himself it’s hella endearing

the moles under his eyes are really cute too 😞 i want to kiss them so badly

what I really hate though was the fact that he was smiling for Felix and that really hurt. he was crying but he wanted to cheer Felix up and sdfsadfghfd it was like watching Minho smile until Chan hugged him u g h

he can be pretty savage but I feel like that’s how he shows everyone he cares for them? I do the same thing so I think it’s sorta cute but some people might take it the wrong way and

yeah

honestly idk where I’m going with this because I lost my train of thought but

um

there’s also a concern of mine about him with the title of visual? i’ve seen him get sexualized a lot already and, i dont want that to happen anymore but it keeps happening and a piece of me dies a little inside because,,,, it’s so wrong and he doesn’t deserve this and the fact that he’s the visual there are some implications lkjfasdfasdf 

idk

that spot kids featuring him yesterday really hit me

i really like him and idk what to do or how to feel about it

he’s improved so much from what we’ve seen and he’s so passionate but he’s also really kind and funny and caring and yes he has the looks but he’s so much more than that and I hope people see it because it’s all I can see but I don’t know how to express it

AS CHEESY AS IT SOUNDS

my eyes always look for him and my heart swells every time he smiles and i smile like an idiot when I hear his improvement and i just want to let him know that I really appreciate him and

tbh

i don’t think any idol has made me t h i s soft hahah it’s bad

i got it bad

and i really want him to know he’s more than just the visual and that he’s talented and that people should appreciate him and not just mention his visuals

it’s like eunwoo--or all of astro tbh--again,, all visuals, no mention of the other things that make up them

ugh he makes me so happy i really just want to scream at him to stop 

i lost my train of thought again

idk should i even conclude this

i can’t even think straight lmao

what was i even gonna say about this

what was the point of this?

idk maybe i just needed to get this off my chest and i don’t really know who to rant to so uh

thanks for reading this nonsense this far? i guess?