#this won't stop me from romanticizing things I've romanticized since childhood

[arrow-dodger]

When I was 12, my mom bought the soundtrack to The Phantom of the Opera movie with Gerard Butler. She must have gotten the CD from the bargain bin at Wal Mart or something. She started playing it all the time in the car, insisting she loved that kind of music (which she had never listened to before, as far as I'm aware).

I became obsessed with it almost immediately. I made her get me the movie and I watched it almost every night. At that age I hated Raoul because I thought he was lame and weak. The Phantom was my sexy sad boy and for some reason I thought I could fix him. No offense to Christine, but I was built different. The idea of being someone's entire world was very appealing to me, because I never felt important to anyone. I wanted someone to take me away to be theirs forever. That was a romance I could read fanfiction about for years to come.

I've always listened to it and watched the movie from time to time since, but I revisited it more specifically recently. It occurred to me that I only know the movie version of the songs, which are probably the worst ones, so I started listening to the original Broadway cast and the 2011 recording.

The vibe is... very different. I am very different. Gerard Butler's Phantom IS kind of a sexy sad boy in comparison, and the stage Phantom has much more "muahahaha" energy. I mean, he's a devious, cringe little bitch. But the thing is that he's also scary as hell. Actually, this entire thing has always been scary, and I was kind of blind to it because of how sexy Gerard Butler is, maybe. Listening now, it's a horror that sends chills down my spine.

Now as an adult the romance angle doesn't work the same. I've had men make me their entire world before and convince me they'd die without me living to care for them. I've had men give me things without me asking and then use that against me later. I've had men seek out my very specific weaknesses to exploit them in their favor. I've had men threaten violence and violate my personhood because they wanted to own me so badly. I had a man essentially brainwash me for so many years.

I always hated Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again as a kid. I thought the song was boring and would skip past it sometimes, because I just didn't get what it added. Now I get that it's the entire linchpin to the plot of this thing.

When I watch that scene now, I realize that Christine's trauma about the death of her father IS the plot. That's what all of this is about, in the end. During the Wandering Child bit afterwards, when I see her say "wildly my mind beats against you, but my soul obeys," I know that very feeling... and it isn't romantic, it's DARK. When she says she has endless longings, she doesn't mean she longs to have a sexy phantom boyfriend, she means she longs to feel safe! Feel loved! Protected! She wants to feel like her father is still around and looking out for her! And she spent all these years thinking she would get these things from this person who's convinced her he's an avatar of her dead father, who spends this song calling her a lost child who needs his guidance, specifically poking at the wound he knows she has to give himself the upper hand. That isn't hot! That's awful!

When I see Christine crying as she turns away from the Phantom at the end of the 2011 production, I don't think she's sad because she's in love with him too. I think she's sad because she's leaving behind this person who is the architect of her entire consciousness. Someone who has convinced her that they need each other, that they're each other's destiny. She's realizing that she needs to leave her father behind. When he says "Christine, I love you," she's hearing her father's voice. She doesn't know who she is without him, or if she'll completely collapse if she takes another step away. And bitch, same. I've been there too. I thought I'd die myself.

The angles that art can stab you from change with you as you age. Stranger than you dreamt it!

[maxzinn]

Omg the whole aventurine fanfic drama is still on going..but fr I'm glad some people are defending the author that wrote that harmless fic! It's kinda crazy that they would read a fanfic where reader literally just saves him and tries giving him a more comfortable life and immediately say "that's horrible! That's racism! How dare you romanticise slavery!?" Like- c'mon it wasn't even an NSFW fic! And are they just triggered because the reader "buys" him? Like would they cause all of this drama if reader like helped rescued him in other ways?

Please i can't tell you how scared I was when the author suddenly started getting backlash but then I saw your post defending them and i let out the biggest sigh of relief 😭

I just got past my awkwardness when reading aventurine fics but now seeing this mess again I'm feeling even more awkward 😭 and please the "white knight syndrome" thing is just stupid how tf do you read a harmless fic that was written with pure intentions and turn it into this???

Anyways off topic but I love your vibe! I would love talking to you about silly stuff other than this whole stupid fanfic drama!

(i don't play hsr (i don't have enough time and money okay 😭) but I've been there since the game first started and got wayyy too attached to Jing Yuan and now I'm too invested in the damn game 😔)

You said it very well anon! I just wish they stop this drama now tbh cuz it's literally pointless.

I'm so confused as to why people think that fic was to be condemned just because reader "bought him". That fic didn't even romanticize slavery or anything! The fic didn't even sexualize his slavery as well! They weren't even in a relationship nor did the reader in that fic even tried to get together with him.

Besides, I'll say it again, it was his IN-GAME lore and that author only made their own script/version where aventurine had never gone through that trauma of fighting for his life and someone was able to save him to give him a better childhood.

Even though reader didn't "buy" him and rescued him instead, nothing would have ever changed imo. I think people will still nitpick on the fact that it's a fic about slave aventurine and will still claim that it's 'white-knighting" and "fantasizing to be his savior" and all that bullcrap. (i'm really getting tired of these people turning every good intentions into something malicious)

And besides, imo, even if reader were to rescue him (in the fic) then aventurine will still be in danger and both of their lives would be at risk. Buying him is the only safest option where his previous owner won't come to look for him, and I doubt the reader in that fic even knows how to fight or murder anyone lol. I think it's the most safest, efficient, and fastest solution to save slave aventurine from the abuse. I don't like buying slaves cuz it's not right, but if that's the only safest option on guaranteeing their safety and mine as well, then I'd do it even if it's against my own morals/beliefs because I know that it was out of goodwill and not out of maliciousness.

But aside from that, I would've get it if the hate in the fic (aside from death threats) was because it was borderline romanticizing slavery and is making it nsfw where the reader was taking advantage of their roles as master and slave, but it's not that at all!

Reader was literally just trying to help him get out of his hell, yet people are accusing it as a "white-knight behavior" like pls,,, they're acting as if we're having some sinister and evil motives for reading that fic.

I get you anon, it's very awkward for me as well to read aventurine fics now cuz these people ruined everything for me. I can't believe a simple harmless fic was turned into this just because it mentioned his slave past.

(I hope you'd have the chance to play the game in the future! HSR really didn't disappoint. Even thought it's a turn-based rpg, it's still a good game and is not too far off from the other popular games! I would love for you to experience the game yourself someday and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me <33)

[jojotichakorn]

my thoughts and opinions on "lovely writer": criticizing the critic

tw for discussions of age gaps, rape, and sex

before i turn into the mean and constantly dissatisfied archer that we all know and hate, i just want to say that i liked this show. i think it's great, actually! gene and sib are appropriately cute, the premise is nice, and the attempt at criticizing the industry is... well, an attempt, which is better than nothing. moreover, "lovely writer" came with gifts because it gave me my new favorite character, so you can't go telling me i'm trying to completely obliterate it or something.

besides, this specific post isn't going to get into analyzing the show as a whole anyway. i won't be talking about any irrelevant plot points, cinematography, sound design, or anything like that, though i could probably write a post just as long as this one about that side of things as well. however, i am here to specifically look at the problematic things that were both criticized by the show and included in the show without any criticism. i'm going to talk about the more serious side of things here, which means i'm going to get serious. and i'm going to be harsh. very harsh.

gene and nubsib: yes's and no's

overall, the relationship between gene and sib was a fair attempt at showing something complex, yet ultimately quite healthy, which i appreciate. there were some things i was especially glad about. the fact that sib dated other people before settling on getting together with gene, for example, makes the whole situation a little less codependent. however, as much as this show prides itself on not wanting to romanticize problematic relationships, there are at least two major problems with genesib.

the age gap (and why it was not needed)

i've tried my very best to give this entire concept the benefit of the doubt. at first, i was convincing myself that they were simply close childhood friends, then i was trying my best to believe that even though sib did have a sort of crush on gene (which sometimes happens to little children), gene only saw him as his younger brother, but eventually, the show gave me no choice, but to deem the entire storyline problematic, because they did their best to romanticize that relationship - from gene's dad seeing the "early signs" to the counting and kissing the cheek turning to counting and full-on lip-locking in the last episode.

i could go into how this could all easily be mended if little sib was shown as kind of obsessed with his older friend, but gene was shown as not being anywhere near interested in the kid. but the real question is - why was the age gap needed at all?

i've researched the age of the boys during the flashbacks to the best of my ability and it seems that gene is 11 and sib is 6 or 7. if sib was the same age as gene (or maybe just one year younger, but not any more than that), not only would none of it feel weird, it would also be quite appropriate to explore that first glimpse of romantic feelings some of us experience exactly around that age. i don't think it's necessary for sib to be much younger than gene (children can be just as impressionable at 11 as they are at 7, and as for gene being surprisingly nice and helpful and the other kids not wanting to play with sib, he could have easily been - for example - bullied by his peers instead, which would have the same effect).

moving forward to the present, i don't think the lack of an age gap would affect the storyline that much either. even if they desperately needed sib to be a university student, they could have that one-year difference i've talked about before, which is not as significant. sib could be in his last year of uni, while gene could have easily written his very first novel during his university years, which would actually make more sense (since that guaranteed him employment and freedom to write after he finished uni; and i would rather believe that he had time to write his first novel in-between classes than in-between shifts at work, which he would surely need to have if he started writing after finishing university).

so that brings me back to my initial question - why was it needed? and much like the show often does, i will leave this one up for your interpretation because i do not have any sensible answers myself.

the issue with sex and consent

"but archer!" - i hear you exclaim - "lovely writer is known for explicitly denouncing rape romanticization in bls, how could there possibly be any problems with consent here?" and i hear you, my dear reader. and you aren't incorrect, "lovely writer" is indeed very explicit at calling out bls for having rape scenes (and i do appreciate that). however, as i'm sure you know, there are different ways in which consent can be taken from a person, and there are different non-consensual acts that someone might perform. for example, there are many different forms of coercion, such as the person being persuaded until they feel like they have no other choice, but to say yes. touching someone or kissing someone without asking for permission are also non-consensual acts. i can go on and on, there are many examples outside of what so many people consider rape.

now, what if i tell you that though there (thank the gods) has been no rape present in "lovely writer", not all scenes with gene and sib are consensual? well, that's what i'm telling you because it's the truth. both the first kissing scene and the scene where gene and sib "try out different poses" have clear coercion in them. the entire "joke" of the scene before gene and sib's first time is literally built upon the concept of "a person is trying to run away from someone, who wants to have sex with them" and it is NOT funny. the later reveal of gene actually looking up how to have sex seems to be there on purpose, to show that everything that's happened is "ok" because gene was thinking about it. as a sensible person, i will only accept actual enthusiastic consent and not someone possibly maybe probably considering it. not to mention that right before having sex, sib asks gene one last time if he is sure, which is great, except it is immediately followed by "i'm not going to let you change your mind anymore", which - daily reminder - you are allowed to stop having sex at any point during the act if you start feeling uncomfortable with it. that's absolutely normal.

now the problem that we seem to run into here is that "lovely writer" appears to think that it's ok to push someone to the limit until they either finally agree or confidently and loudly disagree. the drama has repeatedly shown us that actually forcing someone to have sex is not ok; however, persuading and otherwise coercing someone, as well as taking an approximate guess of them wanting to have sex based on some marginally related factors, is ok. i would like to once again remind everyone that all of that is not ok.

one more issue i want to bring up in connection with sex is something i wish was common knowledge: it is NOT supposed to hurt during your first time. whether you are planning to have vaginal or anal sex for the first time, it should not hurt. and if it does, something has definitely gone wrong and you need to stop. you are not supposed to experience any pain or discomfort during sex, including your first time (outside of desired and therefore intentionally inflicted pain, but that's not what i'm talking about here). i have seen this misconception brought up many times in bls along with the other person "thanking the person who got hurt for bearing the pain to bring them pleasure" and absolutely none of that is normal. stop. please, just... stop.

criticism of the BL industry

there are certainly quite a few things i liked about the way "lovely writer" criticized the many problems that surround bls. i think they dealt especially well with the fan aspect. the breaches of privacy that are considered normal, the toxicity of social media that encourages people to comment on other people's personal life, harass and stalk them - all of that was shown in its full glory (or rather horror) and clearly condemned. it was also interesting to see how easily everyone around sib fell into the routine of having to hide genesib's relationship, just because "that's what's supposed to be done in these situations" - even tum did that without thinking twice.

however, i have not spent the past three years hating gmm for a show trying to criticize the industry not to focus on criticizing the production company and everyone professionally involved with the making of bls. don't get me wrong - they didn't completely overlook that side of things, but i found the way they approached it dissatisfying.

like yes, tum fights with his sister (aka sib's manager) and calls her out for her terrible actions, and the publisher (bua) eventually apologizes for what she did, but all of that feels a bit too... personal. i do not care about these individual stories. i care about you saying that the whole system is broken because it very much is. i wanted manner of death but with the bl industry, and instead, i got an "uwu the fans are demanding we do this, and our hands our tied" (which is a lie) and "uwu i'm just trying to make money" (which i mean... if you feel ok milking even more money than you already have by doing something unethical and immoral, then be my guest, but also go fuck yourself). besides that, i didn't see any criticism of tabloids or exploitative celebrities either (both of which we had examples of in the show), and that was kind of disappointing.

coming back to the fans for a moment, i also think that the criticism of real people shipping was entirely unsuccessful. we basically mostly got an "oh, what if this person's partner thinks they are actually dating", which... if a bunch of people on the internet who do not know your boyfriend personally and make all their judgments from screenshots and their imagination can convince you that your boyfriend is cheating, i've got some bad news for you and also a number for a therapist. partly i know why it was so complicated for them to get into it properly - the issue with real people shipping is an issue of privacy, boundaries, the perception of celebrities, acceptable interests, and many other complex topics. however, it's better to not criticize something than to criticize it badly and inaccurately (because the latter usually leads to even more encouragement of whatever you were attempting to criticize).

aey: the flamboyant villain

aey certainly starts as a promisingly complex character, but the farther we go from his backstory and his family, the less complex and the more evil he gets. eventually, the trauma he goes through is no longer enough to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card, and he loses all remaining sympathy after sexually harassing gene and pretending to drug sib. and i did start this post by saying that i am not to analyze any plot points or characters from the show here; however, i'm saying all this to prove a point that aey is a clear villain in the show. this is further cemented by the fact that by the end of the show he loses the only two people who cared about him, and the very last moment with him in the show is literally just him crying for about 3 minutes. there was no redemption arc, no pity, no revenge - he was left alone and broken, clearly punished by the narrative. and i've got a bone to pick here as well.

one of the first things that we find out about aey is that he is gay, and quite openly so. he is repeatedly described as very feminine by many characters, he flirts with men, he talks about being good in bed, and his entire character is built upon being gay (half of it directly, and the other half due to the fact that his entire backstory and therefore personality is also built upon the fact that he is gay). he is - for the lack of a better term - the gayest character in the show and the only one who is loud about being gay not because he is in love but simply because it is a part of him and he doesn't want to hide it. and he is the villain. not the disgusting publisher or the terrible manager - no, this guy was specifically chosen to ruin everyone's lives. and i can't say i'm particularly happy about that. *british voice* seems a bit homophobic love

not quite queer enough

as i said, aey is openly gay. gene and sib also eventually say that they are gay, gene's father teep is queer, so are tiffy and mhok. but it just doesn't seem to come up as much as it would in real life. the only time anyone has a problem with any of the characters being queer is when we deal with the parents. but knowing actual queer thai actors in real life, we are all aware how hard it can be for them, but it has not come up even once for aey, gene or sib (with genesib only being a problem because they are a "non-shippable couple"). being queer is far from being a non-issue in the industry, and i found it incredibly weird that it was never brought up (and i would also prefer if they brought that up instead of showing the unaccepting parents plot for the millionth time).

same goes for the lack of conversation around queer people on set. i think we all have a wonderful example of how much better a bl can get simply when it involves a queer director and/or screenwriter (gods bless p'aof), gay actors, etc. i also thought it was a missed opportunity that gene being a gay man writing a bl novel was never highlighted. if anything, everyone made a big deal out of him being a man writing a bl - never mind that he is a gay man that is far more qualified to write bls than a straight woman.

in conclusion, there are simply not enough queer issues talked about here for a show that is about queer people facing difficulties while making a queer drama.

tiffy and tum: the good, the bad, and the ugly

overall, tiffy and tum are quite cool. outside of my own personal feelings, i really liked the clear reversal of gender roles they have going on: he knows lots about make-up, she knows nothing about it, he knows how to sew, she knows how to repair a car, etc.

tiffy is also a nice addition to the precious few queer girls we have in bls. however, the way her being bi is executed... it isn't great. when she first talks about dating girls to tum, she says things like "even though i look like this" (implying queer girls have a certain look?) and "maybe it seemed normal because i was at an all-girls school" (which wtf does that even mean?). i think the worst thing, though, was when she assumed tum was gay. my best guess is she thought so because she initially thought that tum and gene were a couple; however, she should be the first person to know that just because he likes men, it doesn't mean that he doesn't like women or any other gender. even though there was nothing explicitly leading me to make this conclusion, this whole thing did kind of feel like the old "flipping the switch" stereotype (meaning, she used to like women, but now she likes men, and both of them can't happen simultaneously).

make it make sense

i think i've never been more confused in my entire life than when i found out that the director of "lovely writer" also happens to be the director of "th*arnt*pe". and if at first, i was asking a lot of questions about this peculiar individual, who went from working on the worst rape-romanticizing show we have ever had to a show that explicitly states that rape is not normal. but the more i thought about it, the less i was interested in him, and the more i was interested in whoever made the decision to hire him. there are dozens of different directors that have worked specifically on bls, and even more that haven't. yet out of all those, you decided to choose this one. the dude, who before your show has only directed the show with the biggest rape-y vibes. that casts a particular kind of shade on the entire show that i simply do not like.

conclusion

at the end of the day, i think what "lovely writer" tried to do was very interesting. it succeeded in some ways and failed in others. frankly, i think this show could have easily been made better if someone queer was involved in making it. that's always true, but especially so, when we try to talk about the issues of making a queer drama. either way, it's certainly a good start to this conversation; however - as i said - i'm still waiting for my manner of death but with the bl industry. this was unfortunately not it.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer Episode 7 - analysis

This week's episode was - comparing to the others - rather calm and just about Nubsib and Gene. All the other side characters had no screen time at all and I was missing them a bit but at the same time I somehow wasn't... The flashbacks could've been a bit shorter though.

Nubsib

At least, we finally understood him and he wasn't faking anything. Six whole episodes of waiting until he will be real was long enough.

So, apparently Nubsib was hit, abused and unloved as a child. Well, it explains at least why he's so drawn to Gene who was the opposite of all these three things. He protected him from the stick, he believed him when he told him about the piano teacher and played with him out of his own will, not because he was forced to. As a child, it must've meant a lot to Nubsib. It wasn't romantic love back then, not even the closest, but for Nubsib their friendship was precious and very important. He had someone who cared.

Nubsib asked me to use your aunt's surname because his father doesn't support him.

These years alone must've been very lonely and since Nubsib's family wasn't very nice to him and his dad didn't like the path he chose for living, he had to escape his own family alone. He had to face all of this alone without Gene by his side. But it was all worth it because he would see Gene again. Isn't this romantic?

It would be romantic if Nubsib wouldn't be so selfish and manipulative. He held on to this memory that was becoming a fantasy and did everything to make it turn into reality no matter what, and that's pretty selfish.

But you can tell Nubsib only behaved the way he did these past episodes to earn Gene's trust and love again. He is so desperate to be liked by him, he even pretended to be someone else. Gene means so much to him, he is ready to lie, pretend and manipulate. But behaving like he did as a child (at least a bit) means a lot of energy for him, I guess, because he outlived some stuff and changed a lot since then. It must've been hard to pretend all the time...

Gene

In the flashbacks we saw Gene being as antisocial as he his right now. He lives so much in his head, he doesn't understand when people tell him to let others into his world because it doesn't make sense for him. It's the same we saw last episode when he was storming out because of his rage. I believe he regretted it as soon as he closed the door but blinded by his anger he just wanted to get away because he was disappointed and hurt. He shut the door to the outside and Nubsib couldn't get through to him even if he tried which got pretty clear when he wanted to touch Gene's face but Gene turned away last minute. He shut the world out and it's something he always did and will always do. Nubsib just has to find a way to stop him and in some way save him from getting lost in thoughts. We saw that before and now in the flashbacks.

Everyone can tell the parallels between the scene when he was drunk in the car and the one in the flashbacks when he was playing with the plushies. When he plays with toys, the story happens in his own head and he doesn't let people in to see the things he does. When he's in the car, he does exactly the same and Nubsib recognizes this strong character trait of him, that's why this scene was so quiet and sweet because Nubsib found his Gene again. He saw something from the younger version of Gene in his very adult self.

They make up

Gene is still mad and pushes Nubsib away but nevertheless, he's listening when Nubsib doesn't go anywhere. Because Nubib has his mission now and won't let it fail. We saw in the flashbacks, he waited until late in the evening being sad about Gene not showing up. He knows now, Gene would rather be sad and regret it all his life than looking for him to explain why he acted the way he did. And as a child, Nubsib didn't get it but now he does and he knows he has to reach out first and if not through phone calls, then he needs to show up in person.

Like I said, Gene lives in his head and somehow wouldn't ever get the idea of being the first one to reach out and apologize because he's so damn antisocial.

Don't pretend to be a good kid. Just say whatever's on your mind.

What I liked a lot in this scene was when Gene says Nubsib should be real if he wants Gene to like him. I don't think it's just because he scond-guessed all their conversations but because he always had an odd feeling about Nubsib not being completely real and honest. Nubsib was always weird and Gene felt that too. But of course, he's mainly calling Nubsib out because of all the drama before.

And also, it is not right to start a relationship based on lies. You are not that low and Gene stands up for himself. He doesn't accept it, now that he knows about it and he makes sure Nubsib will remember, lying and manipulating is not romantic or something that will be forgotten quickly. Nubsib has to work a bit to earn Gene's trust again. Gene's speaking up and I love it.

privacy

After the weird dog metaphor that was somehow romantic, the ending of this episode was very calm and pure.

And like in episode 4, I had the feeling of watching something I was not supposed to watch. It felt very private what they were doing - or I should just say what Nubsib was doing.

Do you know? Since you left, I've been very lonely. Now that we can be together again, don't disappear again.

The way Nubsib tucked Gene in and touched his face softly was so caring, calm and pure, my fangirly heart was dying. But apart from it, it was nice to see them being a couple - or like a couple because they haven't made that clear yet.

Also, the lighting in this scene is important too. When Gene was alone and uninspired because his thoughts were spinning around his fallout with Nubsib, the sky was cloudy and it didn't look very warm nor bright outside but now, they sort things out and the bed room is flooded with bright sunshine. Everythig is positive and happy now and sunlight also represents peace.

flashbacks

Even though the part with the flashbacks was pretty long, it was not like nothing was explained through them but I agree there were some parts that were boring.

I saw some people saying the flashbacks felt weird and I totally agree and I don't know if I see this whole show as it's supposed to be seen but I always see it as some sort of parody. I believe the drama last week which was out of character and out of the blue was in fact something the writers made fun about because such sensless drama always happens in BLs and suddenly the drama becomes big and one of them even storms out to escape the scenery. It was so over-the-top dramatc, I believe that was the point. This is just a cliché. Just like the quick make up. I don't know how much time has passed but I believe it was a day or something and Nubsib shows up and things are suddenly okay. People were saying their kiss was too early and I feel like this too but again, if they are resolving the stupid drama then at least with a kiss, right? Because it's the absolute cliché.

The "childhood friends" trope is nothing I am against but I find it weird to romaticize such a friendship when they are like 6 or something. Here, Nubsib was even younger, so it makes no sense for their friendship to be romaticized because as a 4-year-old (or something), you don't feeel such things. You can't, or at least you don't understand it at all. And I guess, the writers also wanted to make fun of this trope being so romanticized when they were too young to understand the feeling and act on it. The flashbacks felt even weirder when the cheek kiss was cut and when they went to sleep in a close hug.

I think the director does a good job for portaying weirdness as awkward and private matters as uncomfortable for the audience as it is.

preview

It seems like we'll see the side characters again but Aey won't be nice at all.

Aey is such a troubled person who should protect his heart more because if you wear it on your sleeve all the time, people will be quicker in breaking it. And it's not like he didn't know Nubsib doesn't like him that way. I don't know what to think of him.

And the fanservice will become an even bigger problem. I wonder if Gene can handle it even though Nubsib is now clearly his but I guess, Gene will assume stuff again. Trouble is gonna be big guys.

But to comfort you - Gene being a mood: