#thoughtcabinet

[ds2mtoi]

heartbreaking news about project moon.

this project moon news is heartbreaking, for a company who is known for being progressive and having amazing writing when it comes to women, it's incredibly upsetting. and of course, they do the post in korean only so they could avoid further backlash.

you are not protecting this poor woman, you FIRED her and blacklisted her from getting any other job. and for what reason? for RETWEETING about feminism, not even radical feminism posts. feminism isn't a controversial opinion. YOU are the same company that wrote angela, a robot girl who wanted to learn what it’s like to human, going against her abuser (who is a man) and standing up for herself, taking back what’s hers. it’s sickening that project moon would do this.

god forbid women want to be "pro-choice" with their own bodies. hope you're happy with breaking the trust of your incredibly progressive playerbase, don't even bother saving face. you fucked up real bad.

i am not even the slightest bit surprised that this happened to project moon, i am so used to companies going against their code and what their games stand for. i’ve already experienced it with za/um, it’s genuinely heartbreaking with how progressive project moon were. companies will always be greedy and will continue to exploit women.

i sincerely hope you burn down, project moon.

[meirimerens]

SORRY but “get dae fuck to work….” is probably the funniest thing i’ve read in a bit it’s cracking me up

I GODDA... 😔 it's [a whole lot] but it's [pretty dishonest and wicked] work...

[ds2mtoi]

oh dear.

(it's been a while since i last posted, and well.. i was hospitalised a couple days ago, but thankfully i've recovered for a while now. it felt like a wake-up call for me to finally start taking care of myself, and dear god, it was miserable being completely bedridden and trying to exert strength in me to walk around even just for the tiniest bit.)

(i missed a lot of things so much, especially my friends. i'm still trying to find the energy to draw, but lately it's been difficult due to anxiety and well, getting sick. that dealt a blow to my stamina.)

(2024 started out incredibly rough, but it's slowly getting better now. i'm glad. i hope it stays fine for me and everyone else. i've got to start working on my portfolio as well, and keep doing art studies. whew.)

[ds2mtoi]

『car seat headrest』 BEACH LIFE-IN-DEATH.

man, i love this song. i created an edit of two concerts i stitched together to make a comparison of how much will's stage presence (and vocals) have improved! these concerts have a 4year gap.

concert links:

Ground Zero 11/01/2014

Pitchfork 11/02/2018

[ds2mtoi]

the last dream.

⚠️ warning for DISCO ELYSIUM spoilers, you've been warned.

(i had just reached the tiny islet, and of course, went straight to take a rest as soon as possible on that cold bed—knowing what was ahead of me. that final dream. that intersection. that video rental.)

(it had took me an hour and a half to get through the dream, it was utterly devastating—and of course, miserable. it was just sad, it's hard for me to think of anything pretty to say, especially after meeting her innocence, DOLORES DEI. she is so, suffocatingly beautiful, that i am left speechless along with HARRY. conceptualising is harder than i thought.)

(i can't even begin to describe, let alone fathom how utterly devastating it was to go through that dream again. it felt even goddamn worse than last time i played, just a year ago. i was thrown inside HARRY'S shoes, i got plunged inside his mind, i was essentially him, or a part of him. even though HARRY and i weren't even underwater, it felt like we were submerged in it. drowning in that intersection.)

(HARRY is so, so human that it hurts. he's no longer an empty husk of a man, a living ghost with no memories. he's a person, a genuine living being with morbid, disgusting, real feelings. YOU, I, the player made him this way—it's a path to healing of some sort, it certainly is better than any alternative path HARRY had. better than drinking, and taking speed or getting those party eyes.)

DOLORES DEI - "See?" Her eyes widen. "It just takes some time. For you, I think it will take something like... twenty years, maybe? It was hard for me too. I used to think I couldn't live without you..." She looks you straight in the eye -- her irises are light blue, flecked with green.

"But -- I can."

YOU - "Twenty years? That's so much time..."

(so what if it does take HARRY twenty whole years to heal and move on? so what? as long as there's a sliver of hope...it's the only way we can keep moving forward, it's what we deserve.)

SHIVERS - I NEED YOU. YOU CAN KEEP ME ON THIS EARTH. BE VIGILANT. I LOVE YOU.

(even if it hurts cleaning out the rooms, even if the recollection of the past about TEQUILA SUNSET and EX-SOMETHING are painful...little by little, HARRY will recover pieces of himself back together, slowly. one day, he will look on the bay of MARTINAISE, he will study his reflection on the water and be reminded of his efforts, his hardships, the pain, love, and the support—even if it didn't seem like he had any, he will learn that it was worth it. on that day, he'll no longer think about how suffocatingly beautiful and young she is, nor the smell of tutti frutti apricot chewing gum, and the first time she left, when she begged him for forgiveness.)

DOLORES DEI - "You will get over it, just like I did. People do. Things will get good for you again..."

(but hey, i'm just a nostalgic 16yo teen talking crazy about their current hyperfixation on this unbelievably long silly book made in a videogame form. in today's session, i had literally played 22 total hours of DISCO ELYSIUM, while going through a manic episode. what do i know? well, what i know is that i can keep myself on this earth, i can do it for my friends, if not, then for me. just like with HARRY, for REVACHOL.)

VOLITION - You can do it. It's nothing. Do it for the city. Go.

[ds2mtoi]

nervous young inhumans - don’t cry for me argentina.

market hotel - 5/8/18.

the monologue gets replaced here with an excerpt from a song titled, ‘don’t cry for me argentina’.

“it won’t be easy. you’ll think it strange when i try to explain how i feel; that i still need your love after all that i’ve done. you won’t believe me. all you will see is a boy you once knew, although he’s dressed up to the nines at sixes and sevens with you. i had to let it happen. i had to change. couldn’t stay all my life down at heel, looking out of the window, staying out of the sun. so i chose freedom. running around trying everything new. but nothing impressed me at all. i never expected it to. and as for fortune, and as for fame, i never invited them in. though it seemed to the world they were all i desired. they are illusions. they’re not the solutions that they promise to be. the answer was here all along. i love you and hope you love me. have i said too much? there’s nothing else i can think of to say. but all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true.”

(this explains the meaning of nervous young inhumans a lot better for face to face a lot better than the studio version, and in fact better gives context to twin fantasy & times to die as a whole.)

(it took a while for me to understand what will was trying to say in nervous young inhumans, let alone make my own interpretation of it, due to it being incredibly vague. but this concert in market hotel really helped a lot. art does get what it wants, and gets what it deserves, but it’s not always what you desired.)

(i better listen to the original song when i can, it’s always such a delight to see will making references of his own songs and from others. inspiration is an amazing thing. and all great artists steal.)

[ds2mtoi]

lazy. but also, never finding the time.

(i’ve been trying to work on a video essay for lacey’s flash games, a new big interest of mine. but i haven’t been able to find the time to fit it into my routine. i’ve barely gotten the script down, let alone the cryptic messages inside the videos. i have so many things i want and have to do, sigh.)

(but i’ll find the time soon, regardless. i’ve got a whole year and more.)

[ds2mtoi]

welcome to my souvlaki space station.

『mousse . 17 . she / they』  UK.DE.PH (not white)

my art blog & thought cabinet, you can treat it like a journal of some sorts.

if you like my work and would want to see more, you can support me through ko-fi!

you can find my art in #sketchbook - my rambling text posts in #thoughtcabinet - and my photography work in #photoalbum.

multifandom. i like GL and will mostly be posting only GL. i’m very neutral when it comes to shipping, i prefer to depict ships platonically if they are not my otp. i like a lot of things, so if you followed for one thing, goodluck. i only like milgram in my own way. i consume milgram content purely only through my friends & valomilgram au.

DO NOT INTERACT: proship/neutral . under 15 & 18+ nsfw account . mspec lesbians . 0307 shippers irl shippers & robinhill shippers.

you can read my carrd here if you want more info.

my only social medias are: twt: @DS2MTOl & @brokenbirdbug tumblr: ds2mtoi twitch: ds2mtoi

[ds2mtoi]

the precarious world.

(hi, it's been a while. it's been 5 months since i last posted i think? i renovated my twitter and i was planning to do the same here on tumblr, but i forgot. and then i got anxious for some reason, lol. pardon my language, but life went to... shit.)

(it was also my tumblr page's 7th anniversary 2 days ago! i forgot that i had made it so long ago. time flies by so quickly, it's scary.)

(i'm having a lot of trouble being perceived online lately, and i'm not sure when i'm going to come back. it's not going to be never, i don't think. just not right now, for a long, long time. although, i feel safer here in my tumblr page than my twitter page, i am less known for who i am as a person and moreso as an artist here. there is a barrier. a distance between me and people.)

(which is ironic, because i have talked about how i feel here a few times, but no one really looks at that, and even if people did, nobody will really care that much. and that thought comforts me. i am free to express myself without much trouble.)

(i hope i will be given a moment of comfort and respite soon. there is not much i can say other than; "i am tired.")

[ds2mtoi]

happy birthday! im just a follower but your art always makes my day :)

aaa thank you so much!! that makes me really happy to hear:) i'm really glad my art brings joy to other people!! <3

[ds2mtoi]

white mourning.

(i never really moved on from my friendship heartbreak, it is still fairly recent after all. i've still yet to figure out how to heal from it, let alone moving on.)

(i simply just do not talk about it as often as i used to, because there's no reason to. there isn't any reason to dwell on it any further, either. it's always in the back of my mind, somewhere, a haunting memory that awaits me for the next time i want to live inside my head.)

(sometimes, there are days when i think to myself if i am really doing any better at all when i remember all of the heartbreaks i've went through. i guess today and yesterday are those days.)

(it seems that i'm going to need a hug, and a crying session today as well. but i'll subdue the regret, dust it off. i'll do what i can as much as possible with this life.)

[ds2mtoi]

cleaning out the rooms.

(going to check my photo albums in umurangi and toem today, clean and sort them out. i’ve got to start adding stuff in my photo album here, pick out my favourites pictures, my proudest pieces of work.)

(i’ve got to remember as well to send my kentmere pan400 and kodak gold200 for developing, it’s been sitting in my fridge for months now. if i remember correctly, i shot the kodak gold200 a couple of times and may have double exposed images if i send it for developing, i’m curious to see what kind of effects it’ll have.)

(i already have a different piece of kodak gold200 developed, if i find the folders for it in my hard drive somewhere, i’ll be posting it soon.)

[ds2mtoi]

forgiveness and acceptance is quite hard.

(such a difficult task, i’ve only started trying to move past from terrible events & feelings just a few days ago, and it’s such a daunting task. i am trying my hardest, but sometimes, i really do think if it’s possible and if i deserve it. i think i do? i only started thinking that i do, so it hasn’t quite stuck yet.)

(i am not who i was anymore, i have changed a lot. i’ve grown a lot. i just need some time, to heal. i guess this is why i enjoy killjoy & jett’s relationship a lot. forgiveness and acceptance is a daunting task for them, killjoy herself is even denying all of her mistakes and past events, pretending that it didn’t happen. it’s heartbreaking, indeed. i do hope she can move past from all of it, too.)

(they mustn't waste the chance of changing for the better, and stopping their self-punishment. so do i. it’s a really scary thing, not having to hide anymore and revealing yourself, basking in the light. but it’s what we all need to do, what we deserve, when trying to move on.)

(ah, this is why i’ve been enjoying teens of denial more. sigh, the ballad of costa concordia truly is one of the songs ever of all time.)

[ds2mtoi]

yo.

(first post on tumblr, decided to migrate. lol)

(was customising my blog while listening to slowdive. man, i love avalyn. shoegaze is so good.)