#tikai dusmas un ignums un dusmas

[zi-ve]

anywhayz today i woke up feeling gross in my body. i dont understand how people fuck around without commitments and not cry. talked to my flatmate about how she is tired from her hoe phase yet she loved it and i dont understand it at all. there are guys hitting on me, some boring random npc’s(im sorry but ) and i just feel so alien to myself. im so frustrated when i feel how people see me as someone they would like to fuck but not as a person. i feel like when they look at me they dont see me at all and they dont hear me at all. i feel mute.

if you’re not gonna kill for me , ride or die for me , why would i let you hit?

i dont feel respected if you fuck me and dont love me. i feel like just flesh with a soul thats forgotten in the mud, non important part for all. ive gotten in these situations for a year now. esp last january and february. i was so confused. a few months ago i slept with some random boring guy just because i wanted to have sex and the sex was horrible.

maybe the problem is me? maybe when people sleep with each other it still involves some kind of love? projecting? but no i do love and i care for such vulnerabilities as having nothing on in front of someone else. everyone is just retarded and horny and these dayzzculture doesnt make it better . its okay i mean good for the hoes. why cant i be one? it feels so horrible to sleep with someone who doesn’t love you. i want to go home then, back to my childhood, back before anything ever ever happened and hide. i think i need to choose better men maybe. but even then whats the point of it without commitememt .its all the same

i feel like ive missed something that everyone knows how to accept