#tired of hearing ''it isnt misogyny'' or ''it isnt ageism'' when it 1000% is

[skin-slave]

Shit I'm tired of hearing about middle-aged women in fandom, and why they matter:

"You're too old for fandom!" Wait till you hear about who built fandom. And it matters bc the things that women build are always taken away when they hit their expiration date. And we're expected to just accept that we can't keep anything of ourselves. Bc women are nurturing and selfless. Any objection is proof of inadequacy as a woman and, therefore, is justification for anything from rudeness to threats. That martyr narrative just keeps popping up everywhere.

"Go raise your kids!" So much unfettered misogyny there. It matters bc women are not vending machines for babies, and parents are not child-raising androids. It removes both autonomy as a woman and humanity as an adult. It screams that you've absorbed intersectional bigotry and haven't challenged it. [Bonus points if you just rb'd a post on reproductive autonomy or rejecting gender roles.]

"Pretty sus that you're in a sexual fandom/make art of romance or smut." Yep, bc sex and relationships are for kids. It matters bc it plays off the stereotype that women lose their sex drives when they grow up (and, ideally, get married and have kids). After 25 or so, sex is solely performative, to please a partner. So of course it's creepy for a woman to be actually sexual or sensual. [Bonus points if you get up in arms over age discrepancies in Hollywood with zero self-awareness.]

"Quit perving on teens!" Love this one, bc I've never seen it used in a situation where someone was actually approaching a teen. That matters bc it requires the assumption that women who don't become sexless are inherently predatory. Just existing while having a libido or enjoying adult content is dangerous. That's why we're cougars! We're wild animals who attack ppl with our sexuality and are somehow a very serious threat and also a hilarious thing to be exploited.

"What do you know about [fandom/history/current events]?!" Also intersectional. It matters bc it means that middle-aged women are uniquely insulated, exaggerating ageist stereotypes. While a 45-yr-old man is expected to be aware of the past and present, a 26-yr-old woman is already supposed to be ass-deep in kids and work. A woman is too busy in her own tiny world, unaware of anything else. Great way to silence and discredit with no effort!

"What would your spouse/mom/boss/clergy think???" I'm sure this is said to ppl who aren't middle-aged women too, but it has an interesting connotation here. It matters bc it appeals to an assumed sense of humility and chastity, and dependence on others for survival. When it comes to controlling women over time, shame is a bedfellow of violence. The threat of being exposed as a "bad woman" carries so much historical weight. (One of the largest reclaimed slurs in fandom had the intent of shaming women for being "rotten" and unsuitable for marriage.) And, again, it's intersectional, as young women have leeway while older women have staunch social obligations that trump all else. And if a woman doesn't accept that, then the group is justified in sabotaging the relationships that, presumably, keep her fed, housed and safe.

"I'm so tired of 'fandom moms'!!!" This one usually comes with a "go raise your kids" or "stop perving on teens," for good measure. It matters bc it rebrands the same bigoted takes to make them more palatable. It's not about the person, it's about the role. So it can't be misogyny or ageism. Except any middle-aged woman with fandom experience is automatically a fandom mom, whether she likes it or not. Non-consensual no-wins are stale, but some of you just won't let them die.

If you don't buy into the stereotypes and bullshit ideas, none of that makes any sense. So when it comes out of your mouths, I know what you're really saying. It literally doesn't matter if you aren't consciously thinking, "Middle-aged women should earn their enjoyment of anything by suffering, and if they aren't self-flagellating enough, I'll help them feel bad." When you say, "Adult women in fandom are cringe af; if you're grown and you like this, you should get help," I hear it. And so do the other kids listening.

Idk what's in your Respect Women Juice cup, but it's mislabeled.