#to ''rent is late haha please help'' to ''nowhere will hire me'' or ''i cant work''
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feeling normal
#it hurts#the guilt of being stable and all my friends being on the verge of death or homelessness is. quite immense#i just sit here. money in my bank account. food in my stomach. with my girlfriend. in my bed. and just. watch#i watch my friends' posts go from ''need help while i find a job'' to ''need help making rent'' to ''rent is urgent''#to ''rent is late haha please help'' to ''nowhere will hire me'' or ''i cant work''#to ''im 2000 behind on rent'' to ''im being evicted'' to ''im going to be homeless'' to ''im homeless now''#i watch my friends rot.#and i look over at my bank account and i am just barely above water. i can afford food or nice meals or little necessities#things that make my life easier or bring me a little joy. little luxuries. i cant afford to help people with rent#but i sure can watch them die while i eat a fucking burrito. like some kind of fucking scumbag.#all i can do is watch. because if i do get enough money to help i have to spend it on paying off my maxed credit card#or on the bedframe we dont have because leaving this mattress on the floor will cause mold#et cetera.#i should just#give up on having friends#what can i even offer except a single dm every 3 months?#i'm fucking worthless
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