#to anyone curious - the title translates as something along the lines of ''grief for the living''

[void-kissed]

maeror viventi

Following the relinquishing of the Geo Archon’s Gnosis per the terms of his ultimate contract, Signora and Alectra are set to return to Snezhnaya in order to present their acquisition to the Tsaritsa. However, Alectra is unwilling to leave without checking on someone she had somehow grown attached to in Liyue - namely, of all people, the archon himself.  Takes place shortly after the third objective of The Fond Farewell. (1389 words) This piece focuses on my familial selfship with Zhongli. Content warning for discussion of death and grief.

A piece written to commemorate this date, and make concrete the solace brought to me by this character on this day, both last year and this year. This piece of writing is of great significance to me because of what it represents, but I still wanted to share it after having written it out, if that's alright.

Comments on and reblogs of my work are always okay, and appreciated, but they are never required.

(Tag list and document transcript under the readmore:)

Tag list: @sol-rbs | @dragonsmooch | @sunlight-ships | @bugsband | @z0raprince | @detective-with-one-arm | @deepsea-loves | @thatslikesometaldude (If you would like to be on the tag list, please see this post)

Document transcript:

The silver light of the moon shone down over the harbour, reflecting a dozen times in the lazily-lapping waves of the ocean. In the city of commerce itself, however, the lights that glowed were golden, softly shining outside buildings to illuminate the work of the evening. The night was somewhat livelier than usual, owing to the aftermath of the recent troubles afflicting Liyue that still needed to be fully sorted out, and the imminent Rite of Parting that was on the horizon and in many people’s thoughts. However, there were always serene spaces of quiet to be found if you knew where to look, even at times like these.

On one of the paved paths that wound up towards Yujing Terrace, a lone man was staring out over the sea and the city, arms crossed and resting on the barrier.

“Ah, so this is where you went, Mr. Zhongli.”

The voice caused the man to turn his head, looking down at the young woman standing before him. She normally gave off a threatening aura despite her small stature, with her once-corrupting sword in her hand and the blood-red feathers adorning her shoulders and the butterfly-wing mask that covered the left side of her face in ornate gold details - but on this quiet harbourside evening, she appeared decidedly subdued despite all this. Pearlescent teal-green eyes stared up towards his amber ones with an expression that was altogether both soft and sharp; he couldn’t help but feel that she was trying to hold something back.

“Miss Alectra?” he asked her, turning his body to address her with his eyebrows raised in mild surprise. “I must say, I would have expected you to have been on your way out of Liyue already.”

“There are still a few preparations that need to be made before the ship can set sail. And, even if there aren’t- they will wait for me.” she explained.

He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Most courteous of your fellows.” Then he stopped. “In that case, then.. what brings you here, to have sought me out at this moment?”

She trailed off and looked away somewhat, as if she felt her reason was too trivial. Saying it out loud did not alleviate this feeling, either.

“I just.. wanted to make sure you were alright.” she finally admitted.

“Oh?” 

“It’s just-“ She repeated herself, and then stopped, regaining some of her usual even composure to continue with. “For an archon to give up their Gnosis is.. almost inconceivable to most onlookers. After all, as the oldest of the Seven, you have borne its weight for thousands of years. Regardless of what you are, to lose anything that had been so integral would surely be felt by anyone with such an item.”

At her words, the man now known as Zhongli paused - his previous light demeanour had shifted into something more contemplative as he considered her words. Thankfully, both he and Alectra were confident that no other individual was in their vicinity, and so despite the open space, they could both speak freely of their identities; both had known neither was an ordinary human since their first few encounters, after all.

“..You are correct that it was not a decision I made lightly.” he said finally. “However, having witnessed all that has befallen Liyue in recent days.. I am confident that both the Qixing and the adepti will adroitly continue to carry the nation into its new age, in their own individual ways.”

“That.. isn’t what I was concerned for.” Alectra responded, carefully studying his expression. “Although, it is good that you can have faith in this nation’s future. What I meant was - on a personal level - how will you fare in yourself?”

“Ah, so that’s what you were trying to say.” he said with a nod. “Well, I can certainly tell you that things have felt adequate for me thus far. Although it may only have been a short while, I don’t feel as though there’s anything worrying occurring.”

“That’s a relief.” Her words came quickly and loudly, and she visibly seemed to have some tension dissolve from her at his statement. “You.. deserve to get to see what happens next, even if you’ve taken yourself out of the equation. You should get to live your life the way that you want to now.”

“Why, that’s most kind of you to say, my dear.” he replied, understanding the kindness in her words despite the words themselves perhaps not sounding too affectionate. A smile had crept its way onto his face by now, holding both tiredness and gratitude.

She smiled in thanks in return. “I mean it. Besides, if I may touch on this..”

A short silence fell, but she sensed that he was content for her to continue; when she did so, her voice was quiet once again.

“You’re twelve times older than I am, and I am already six times older than what most humans reach. I.. can only imagine the number of friends you must have lost in the time that you have spent here, although I don’t suppose that that alone makes the experience any easier each time. And yet.. well, it must be somewhat surreal for you, to see your city mourning you while you still walk through it freely.”

Then, as she turned her body away to lean over the balcony as he had been doing, he heard another admission that was even quieter still. 

“..It’s an awful feeling, being mourned.”

There was a long silence, but then a hand came down onto her shoulder, firmly yet gently.

“If mourning is the expression of one’s grief.. Surely, it would not be wrong to say that such grief is an expression of the love held for those who have passed on. Though no part of this world can truly last for all of time.. This.. is the reason we must treasure the time spent with those that we care for. Even after many years have run their course, it is normal for the feelings to retain the same intensity as they had when the event first occurred. So, for as sad as it may be.. There is nothing wrong with expresssing that sadness, whenever it should happen to rise."

Something in her softened, like a feather melting into snow - and that single feather’s fall was enough to cause a rush of bursting tears from behind the crumbling dam she had tried to maintain since before she had even approached him on this lonely evening.

For all-too-bitter words exchanged between a brother weak from battle and a sister sharp with worry..

For the blameless lives so often torn apart and thrown aside, like pieces on a game board, at the whims of the divine..

For even that original pain, not of death, but of sorrow and anguish screamed through the flames as the nightingale sang to never leave her feeling this way ever again..

Despite how many years it had been, she had never before let herself mourn her own death, and that grief was now swallowing her whole.

Everything was wailing.

And yet, despite it all, he stayed there, as steadfast as stone. In fact, he did more than be some mere unmoving statue - he brought her forwards into a hug, placing his left hand on top of her head.

“This- isn’t right,” she tried to say through her tears, turning her head so that her mask would not dig into his suit as she returned the hold. “I came out here to offer you some solace, not the other way around-“

“That doesn’t mean I cannot be here for you, young nightingale.”

Despite what status he had held as a deity, despite whatever care he may have held or never had for the humans and the smaller little creatures of his own nation - let alone any other ones - the fact remained unchanged that Zhongli was someone Alectra had come to view as something like a father figure, even through the relatively short time they had spent together. 

..She held her tongue before the words admitting such could leave it, but the sentiment carried across to him nevertheless.

His eyes glittered as he grieved, and hers flooded as she mourned, and they spent what felt even to them like an eternity holding each other.