#to basically do data entry and receptionist shit. go to hell

[lnstallationwizard]

love when indeed is like "minimum education requirement: high school diploma or GED" and then asks me to take a medical terminology test. we didn't even have sex ed i know you don't expect me to have learned the different sections of a spine from high school. i think you're lying to me. just fucking with me

[hellodeanna]

Started this blog because 2020 has been enough of a shit show that I felt it was time to write out my aggressions instead of complaining to my husband for the billionth time this week...

it’s October and instead of being in our current home state of Arizona, both C and I have been furloughed until....? Well, the current political climate will tell. Our jobs (yes, we both work for the same non-profit) are reliant on the national park nearby, and because funding has been cut, parks aren’t fully open and people aren’t being the tourists they were pre-COVID19, we will stay stuck in this holding pattern for the near future.

Applying to jobs feel like a joke when you’ve been working in a field that is literally halted because of the lack of tourism... Who wants to hire someone with such a specific career path?? receptionist? assistant? data entry?? I hated working those lowly positions before, and surely don’t want to do it again, but to even receive responses that my job applications won’t be moving past the application stage is quite disheartening.

Someday, I’m sure I’ll want to remember this stage of my life; after all, I am a very newly wed person and this shit show of a year is and will be historic... I imagine my grandmother living through the great depression and feel like these circumstances are fairly similar, but I want to preserve my own facts for my future family. Writing it all down should help, and frankly there isn’t enough paper in my planner/journal to write down my anger and bitterness.

So here’s the details:

In March, we got word that a virus called COVID19 was slowly seeping through the country. Because Arizona is such an Asian tourist destination with the Grand Canyon being nearby, and iconic Horseshoe bend being just over the ridge in our backyard, we were afraid, but it didn’t feel truly real. I was working alone in the archives at that point and truly felt that I would be safe to do my job despite the suggested stay at home orders. Within in maybe 3 days(?) that changed and we were forced to stay home. C and I took it very seriously, barely going out for groceries, washing our clothes in the bathtub (hell nah, to the laundromat) and laying low. We baked bread, we slept late and on warmer days we’d escape to the middle of nowhere in the desert to streak. Food began to get scarce by the end of March, and we had to drive a hour north to Kanab for meat. Produce was lacking too, but we were actively trying to eat all the food we had first before we panicked about where to get vegetables.

As April snuck in, we ventured out to camp several times in the Glen Canyon Recreation Area and Grand Staircase Escalante, and then there were the fires that forced us back inside. I never did follow up to learn if the fires around Grand Canyon and the Kaibab Plateau were accidental (lightening strike) or purposeful (rumors of a propane tank exploding), but they ravaged so much of the area that some days looked cloudy from the smoke. Exploring the area post fire was truly unbelievable - ash fields for miles.

C and I cancelled our 4.24.2020 wedding ceremony - which part of me is grateful we avoided the money and the awkwardness of a ceremony, but another part of me is bitter that I didn’t get to dress up and celebrate the love of my life. It was always a funny joke to us that we actually elope on 4/20, so we did just that, and feasted on s’mores and hot dogs post courthouse. Blunts and dabs instead of a true champagne toast - just the way we liked it. Oh by the way, I had bought this dress for $1200 which I didn’t wear and we barely got photos so that’s the part that still haunts me, and causes the immense amount of bitterness I’ve been feeling (especially now that it’s october, the pandemic is still alive and well, and I keep seeing people getting married with 150+ people in attendance *MaSkLeSs* like covid isn’t a thing still) Buying a dress that I can’t wear feels like I should have just saved that money to use for this season of indefinite unemployment.

Right after our wedding, we tried to go camping in California - which didn’t totally go as planned because everything was shut down, so we were forced to airbnb it (not really complaining). I finally got to dip my toes in the Pacific ocean, and we saw millions of Joshua trees. And shortly after our impromptu honeymoon, we set off for Ohio. This time we took the long way round, diving through New Mexico, Texas (stopping at a container home air bnb outside Amarillo), Oklahoma, Missouri (stopping at a secluded cabin on a Missouri Fox Trot Horse farm), Illinois, Indiana and Ohio in our hometown of Cincinnati. We stayed for 14 days to ensure we weren’t sick and attended a funeral service for C’s grandpa, who actually died on thanksgiving of 2019. 

After our Cincinnati reunion we headed back to Arizona, but this time the northern route, going up through Illinois to make a pit stop to wave at my cousins in Chicago, staying at a fishing shack in Wisconsin on the Minnesota border, going through South Dakota and staying in Deadwood (surprisingly I LOVED South Dakota), and driving through all the best cities in Montana. The idea was originally to explore Montana to see if it was a contender for possibly moving there in the near future, but like California, MT was totally shut down - Yellowstone was completely shut off on the highways. So we headed back through Wyoming, Idaho, and through the northern part of Utah that I’d never seen before.

So hands down, the perk of covid19 has been the off-the-grid traveling I’ve done. At this point I think I only have nine states left to go to until I say I’ve been to all 50.

So blah blah blah, we headed back to Page to host a few friends in a camping excursion and by the time July rolled around C and I realized that staying in Page was not realistic. We’d run out of unemployment and with all the work piling up back in Cincinnati, we made the heartbreaking decision to take the basics and head back to Ohio.

Well, after over two months of working odd jobs in Ohio, we’re still here. There’s gross family drama here, and I feel like I’m a total leech. We’re pulling money out of savings - you know, the money we either got for our wedding or got in celebration of our wedding (for what we hoped would be a honeymoon fund). I’m bitter, can you tell? I have no idea what’s next...

I think that’s enough ranting for today, so I’ll sign off.

until next time, fuck everything