#to be perfectly honest though i'm not vehemently anti chaol i just happen to use him like this often

[leiawritesstories]

stay a while, it's safe here

Rowaelin Month, Day 8: Single Parents

Word count: 3,070

Warnings: angst, references to past abusive and toxic relationship, big heavy emotions, few scattered swear words

A/N: I'm both apprehensive and ready to share this, because it is...heavy. it's angsty. it's not a fluff fic. it has been in the works for a while now, though, and being able to share it means the world to me, so thank you deeply if you choose to read :)

also, i'll be taking a few days off after this, partially because the fic drained me a bit and partially because i've just started a new semester of college classes and i have a big fat paper for constitutional law class that's gonna require hella research

You only feel it when it's lost Gettin' through still has a cost Quietly, it slips through your fingers, love Falling from you drop by drop

~ Hozier, "Who We Are"

@rowaelinscourt

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Night had fallen over Doranelle when Aelin finally pulled off the interstate and slowed down as she drove up the ramp and turned into the slumbering city. The streets were nearly deserted save for a handful of other late-night drivers, probably travelers like herself, their vehicles chugging quietly through the gentle drizzle drifting from the skies. The light rain dusted a soft sheen of crystals all over the city; the drops glittered faintly in the yellow hues of the streetlights.

After what felt like an eternity, Aelin turned into the parking lot of a simple brownstone building whose sign labeled it "Mistward Hall Bed & Breakfast -- Your Home Away From Home." She found an open spot, parked her car, turned off the engine, and exhaled a soul-deep sigh of pure relief.

For at least a snatch of time, she was safe.

She glanced into the backseat, eyes locking on the small figure slumbering peacefully in the bright purple booster seat that had been installed in the car after multiple screaming tantrums. Four-year-old Alanna Galathynius was fast asleep, her mussed blonde curls squished against the side of her head where she'd leant into the carseat's headrest, her little button lips dropped halfway open as she slept.

"Mama will be right back, my little love," Aelin whispered. Grabbing her purse, she ducked out of the car, locked it, and kept one eye on the vehicle for the whole of the three minutes it took her to enter the B&B, check in, and return to the car, which was conveniently parked right by the entrance. Lana was still there, still peacefully asleep.

"Come here, little love," Aelin murmured, carefully unfastening her daughter's seatbelt and lifting the small child into her arms. "Shh, lovey, it's alright, Mama has you." She cuddled her daughter close, whispering softly to her as she took the overnight bags out of the backseat, arranged them so she could carry both the luggage and her daughter, and headed inside.

It was only a short walk to the suite where she and Lana were staying for a few nights, and Lana was still fast asleep when Aelin unlocked the door, entered the room, and laid her daughter on the smaller bed. Gently, she unfastened and took off Lana's shoes and jacket, slid the barrette from her unruly hair, and decided not to try and change her into pajamas. "You're safe, baby, I swear it. Rest now, Lana love," Aelin murmured. She kissed her daughter's forehead and tucked her into bed. Within fifteen minutes, she too was burrowed into the comfort of a warm bed, and sleep claimed her almost as soon as she had closed her eyes.

~~

It started with a collision and a smile.

Aelin was twenty years old, a senior at Adarlan University thanks to AP credit and accelerated courses, and she was walking back to the campus apartment she shared with Elide, Lysandra, and Nehemia when she collided with a body that had come out of seemingly nowhere.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry," she gasped, stumbling over herself, her feet, and her words as she picked herself up and scrambled to collect the notebooks she'd dropped all over the sidewalk.

"No, no, it's all my fault for not paying attention to where I was going." The guy she'd just run into--a few inches taller than her, standard athletic build, brown hair, brown eyes, khakis and a fraternity polo shirt--offered her a charming smile. "I'm Chaol Westfall, and I have no sense of direction."

That got her to crack a smile. "I'm Aelin Galathynius, and I really need to look at my surroundings once in a while." She shook his hand.

They exchanged idle chatter for a few minutes before Chaol flashed another of those polished, charming smiles and hit her with the unexpected, but not unwelcome, question. "Could I have your number, Aelin? I know we've just met, but I really want to get to know you better. Maybe coffee? Lunch?"

The warm, tingly feeling of being appreciated and asked on a date spread through Aelin's limbs. "I'd like that," she agreed, typing her number into Chaol's phone. "I have an insane schedule, but I'm always free on Tuesday afternoons."

"Tuesday it is, then." Chaol's parting smile stayed at the front of her mind until their first date. Which turned into another date, and another, and studying at his frat house, and visits to her apartment, late nights and exhausted crashes and everything.

His only potential flaw was how oblivious he was to when she was really, deeply struggling. But Aelin hadn't spent years fortifying the barricades around her mind and memory for nothing.

~

She graduated, and he was there for her, smiling his whitened smile and holding her close to his side, the perfect proud boyfriend. She got a job in the city, and he offered to let her move into his townhouse, even declined her repeated attempts to contribute to the rent. Let me take care of you, he insisted.

Being young and foolish and fancying herself in love, she'd acquiesced. Lost in the throes of young love, of first love, she hadn't recognized the warning signs until it was too late.

"What do you mean, I shouldn't drive myself to work?" Aelin literally couldn't understand where Chaol was coming from. "Babe, I've been driving myself around in this city for years, and everything has been perfectly smooth and safe and fine."

"You don't understand, Aelin, babe," he sighed, rubbing one hand over his face in what appeared to be worry. "The crime downtown, it's grown so massively in these last few months--there was a goddamn scene only a few blocks from your office last week!" He grasped her hands, running his thumbs soothingly over her knuckles. "I can't keep going through my days wondering if you'll leave work and find your car stolen or broken into or compromised and if you'll never make it back home." The anguish in his voice, in his face, was so convincing.

She stepped closer and looped her arms around his neck. "I can change my parking permit to one for the garage. It's not that much more expensive, and it's definitely safer than street parking."

He shook his head, pulling her closer as if in protection. "It's still not enough, babe. I...I need to drop you off and pick you up, otherwise I'm afraid I'll go fucking insane."

"Babe," she whispered, sympathy glowing in her still-innocent eyes, "is that the only way you'll feel safe?"

"Yeah," he murmured.

Aelin exhaled deeply, choosing to cede this battle. "Alright. You can be my chauffeur."

"Thanks, babe." He kissed her gently. "It's for the best, it really is."

For a while longer, she believed it.

~

A little over a year after she moved in with Chaol, Aelin went out with Lysandra and came home to an empty house, which made her stop for a moment. For as long as she could remember, Chaol had been home whenever she returned from going somewhere, or he'd been the one going with her, so he was there with her when she returned. So, the empty house threw her for a loop.

As did the lingering stench of cheap beer.

Still, like she'd become accustomed to doing, Aelin texted her boyfriend once she'd set down her purse. I'm home, babe. Simple and direct, the little heart punctuating the sentence a reminder that she was there and waiting for him.

He didn't respond.

It was late, later than she wanted to be awake, when he half-stumbled through the front door, the faint but unmistakable sheen of alcohol glazing his eyes.

"Hey, babe," she greeted him, tentative.

He blinked, slowly adjusting to his surroundings. "Aelin? Babe? Where are you?" His speech was clearly enunciated--perhaps he wasn't that drunk after all.

"Right here," she responded, coming to stand in front of him. "I texted you when I got home, just like you want."

"How long were you'n Lys out?" The question was casually asked.

She shrugged. "Oh, probably longer than we meant to be, but I haven't seen her in ages since we've been so busy, and I--ah!"

The sharp, burning sting of his palm across her cheek stunned her into silence.

He stared at her with huge, disbelieving eyes. "I'm so sorry, babe," he breathed, immediately folding her into his arms and spilling apology after apology. "I'm so sorry. I think I'm drunk, I don't know why I did that, god I'm so sorry, babe." He went into the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer, wrapped it in a towel, and settled it gingerly against the blazing red imprint on her cheek. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.

She believed him when he said that, too. She kept believing him the next time, and the next time, and the next time. He loves me, she told herself as she concealed the bruises with artistic makeup and stylish clothing. He isn't himself. He's drunk.

Are you sure he isn't himself? pushed a tiny little voice in the back of her mind. Or are you just believing him because he'll hurt you worse if you disagree?

She told that insidious, dangerously true voice to go fuck itself. Even if it was right, even if she was making excuses for a boyfriend who was a completely different man now that he was when she'd met him two years ago, he was still her boyfriend, and he still loved her. He said so himself.

Then she found herself pregnant, and everything changed.

~

Aelin had resisted telling Chaol she was pregnant for as long as she possibly could, both out of fear that he would react badly and out of her lingering worry that she had inherited her mother's fertility struggles and might lose the pregnancy. When she made it to the second trimester, though, she couldn't wait any longer, and she told her boyfriend. She was terrified, shaking with nerves the whole time.

Chaol was floored with shock, but he reacted surprisingly well. He swore that he'd clean himself up, that he'd stop going out to clubs and bars and parties with his old frat brothers, that he'd become the man and father he needed to be.

Pretty words. Empty lies, all of it.

At six months pregnant, with her heart just about ripping out of her chest, Aelin broke up with Chaol and moved out of his townhouse into Elide's apartment. He'd tried to sober up--for about two weeks, and then he'd chosen the party life over his girlfriend and unborn child. He'd come home wasted out of his mind. He'd...he'd hurt her, and he'd been completely callous to the horror that he could have hurt the baby.

So she left.

And he followed.

He followed her to work, where he cajoled her with pretty, plaintive words to come back home. He followed her to her new neighborhood, where he pleaded with her not to cut him off from the girl he loved. He followed her on her errands, where he listed all the reasons he was sorry and how he'd do better if she just gave him one more chance. He followed her to the doctor's office when she had ultrasound appointments, where he begged her to keep him in the baby's life.

It took Lorcan Salvaterre--Elide's huge, hulking, and honestly rather terrifying boyfriend--to convince Chaol to stay the fuck away from Aelin, who clearly didn't want to see him any more.

A month before Lana was born, Aelin left Adarlan for good, telling no one, and flew back home to Orynth. She changed her phone number, her email address, deleted her rarely-touched Instagram account, bought a new laptop and wiped the old one clean before discarding it. Her cousin Aedion gave her his spare room, no questions asked, and provided the steady, stable support she needed during the last month of her pregnancy, through her birth, and through her recovery.

Over the flurry of months that turned too quickly into years, Aelin found herself slowly healing, the cracks in her fragile heart repaired with the love of her family and friends and the all-consuming love she bore for her daughter. She grew more secure; she laid aside the tension and anxiety that she'd turn around one day to find Chaol behind her, ready to barge back into her life and steal everything she'd come to love.

She should have known that he would hold a grudge.

~

"What the fuck are you doing here?" The words spilled out of Aelin in a breathless gasp.

Standing opposite her in the parking lot of the grocery store, Chaol lifted his hands to placate her. "I'm not here to cause any trouble, babe."

"Like hell you are." Her vehemence came as a surprise. "I'm not falling for your bullshit lies anymore, Chaol. Why are you here?"

His face hardened. "You've kept my daughter away from me for years, and you have the fucking nerve to ask me what I'm doing?" He laughed coldly. "She's mine too, Aelin."

"She will never be your daughter," Aelin hissed. "You forfeited any claim you might have had when you...when you ab-ab-abused me." The last words came out in a halting rasp.

"Don't be dramatic," he condescended. "I admit I've had troubles with anger management, but I would never consciously hurt the girl I loved, and I'd certainly never abuse her."

Her jaw slacked in disbelief. "You are such a liar," she breathed. He isn't worth your time, her inner voice reminded her, and so she breathed deeply and ended the interaction. "Go home, Chaol. Don't you ever step foot in my personal space again."

Chaol followed her to Aedion's house, because he just didn't know how to stop or when to take no for an answer. He stayed outside the house, too smart to pull into the driveway and trespass on private property, but too stubborn to admit defeat.

"I'm terrified, Aeds," Aelin admitted after dinner, curled up in a tight, tense ball on the couch. "He just...he's not going to just disappear."

"He will if I make him," Aedion growled. "Bastard."

"Language," she chided, shooting a sharp look at Lana, who was happily throwing foam blocks around the living room. "That's all kinds of illegal, Aeds."

"Legal and illegal don't matter when your probably-psychotic ex is stalking you, Aelin."

She was quiet, knowing that her cousin spoke the truth. "I won't let him force me to run."

"But you want to leave, anyway."

"Yes." She nodded, firmly. "Only for a little while. It'll be like a vacation, just me and Lana. It'll leave you and your...friends...free to handle the Chaol situation."

He propped his chin on one fist and latched his solemn gaze onto hers. "Are you sure, Ae?"

"I am." Despite the deep-seated fear glimmering behind her veil of conviction, Aelin's voice was strong.

"Okay." Rising, Aedion wrapped Aelin into a breath-stealing hug. Just soft enough for her to hear, he whispered one word into her ear.

Doranelle.

The mountain city was just over 500 miles away. It had been on Aelin's vacation bucket list for years, and she'd never made it out there.

"Lodging?"

"Here." He scrawled a phone number on a piece of scrap paper. "One of my buddies always rattles on about this place."

"Okay." She gave him a hesitant but genuine smile and headed down to her room to pack and make a reservation.

~~

Rowan had the night shift at the B&B that week, because he had stupidly gone and agreed to switch shifts with Enda. Lesson learned: never trust a man who says he prefers stay-home nights. Most guests came in and out during the daytime and early evening hours, though, so he didn't entirely mind the night shift. It was just a pain having to stay half-awake in case he was called to the front desk.

As if the thought had summoned it, the buzzer went off. Rowan suppressed a tired sigh and walked out to the reception desk, sliding a toned-down version of his customer service smile onto his face. That smile morphed into something damn near awe when he saw the impossibly beautiful woman waiting at the front desk.

He shook himself out of that highly unprofessional thought. "Hello."

"Hi." Through her exhaustion, the woman could barely muster a tiny hint of a smile. "I'm here to check in. Aelin Galathynius?" She held out her driver's license and credit card.

He typed the name into the computer and nodded. "Three nights, yes?"

"Yes."

"Perfect." He checked her ID. Aelin Galathynius, a poetically lovely name fit for such a stunning woman. "Do we have permission to keep this credit card on file for incidentals for the duration of your stay?"

"Yes."

"Thank you." He typed something else. "All right, Ms. Galathynius, you're all checked in." He passed back her ID and credit card and handed her a key--a real metal key. "You'll be in room 203."

"Thank you." She offered him another tiny, tired smile and went back out to her car. In a handful of minutes, she reentered, pulling two suitcases and a toe bag behind her. And carrying a fast-asleep little girl with the exact same hair and face structure as hers.

Rowan had seen a vast myriad of travelers passing through the B&B throughout the years his family had owned the place--families, single people, friends, students, commuters, the list was endless. He liked to think he'd grown proficient at reading the stories on the travelers' faces as they passed through; he liked to imagine what could have brought them to scenic, picturesque Doranelle.

The woman--Aelin--the exhaustion on her face and the tender protectiveness with which she cradled her child told a story Rowan had never wanted to see again. Hers was a story of pain that followed in her footsteps, but also of the incredible strength it took to push forward and of the powerful love she clearly had for her child.

He didn't know Aelin. He doubted he ever would know her, other than as a guest passing through the Whitethorn family's B&B.

In that moment, though, Rowan knew that he would do anything that that woman wanted, whether his actions would be known or not.

Even make the demons from her past disappear.

"Stay a while," he whispered after Aelin had gone upstairs. "It's safe here. You are safe here."

~~~