#to just decide that I am ''hopeless'' and ''unfit'' for something was a sort of refusal to accept fault in myself

[chalk-homunculus]

I think... in many ways, I really just want to feel loved, but I'm scared of accepting it, and scared of feelings I feel like I "can't control" so I end up taking an overly analytical approach and overjustifying things like natural curiosity to myself by calling things "just scientific fascination" and "morbid curiosity" (because in my mind, things I feel I am not "allowed to" experience, be curious about, or consider, seem like they're taboo, hence 'morbid'). I can't really fault others for thinking that's messed up. I've definitely ruined chances at receiving any sort of care and/or love in the past by not only pushing people away in delusional self-sabotage states, but also by treating people like equations or research projects. I sort of hate admitting to myself that I DON'T know or understand everything, and that doing so is impossible no matter how much I like knowing things, especially since my inability to just trust and take what people tell me at face value is in juxtaposition with that desire for knowledge and thorough understanding. It is actually me and my own doubt of people that drives me into over-questioning everything I DO know.

I also am terrible at paying attention to others. I know this. I forget that other people are, well, people, and that they won't know how much I care about them unless I express it and KEEP expressing it. Not just verbally but with things like asking people how they are doing- assuming they'll just tell me if they want me to know is something I do, but I know very well how easy it is to feel like a burden and close your troubles away from others in fear of being "too much" to deal with. I've reflected on this, and my unhealthy manner of expressing fondness and trust for others being that I'm far too quick to traumadump and talk about myself, in the past, but I've not been making nearly enough progress on it.

I think, I seek and crave for too much clarity without offering any myself, that has driven people away from me in the past, and it's purely my own flaws causing it.

Maybe with another year or two of reflecting, I will be able to handle something like a qppr without it falling apart because of my aloofness and inability to pay enough attention to others. Perhaps in half a decade, I could consider a romantic relationship, if I've made any progress with all that + trauma work, by then.

[thebluestbluewords]

HEIST HEIST HEIST

I saw this post today and got inspired, SO here is Descendants Could Have Been A Heist Movie, thebluestbluewords take :

(this is very much an outline and not a full fic yet, but I might yet write this someday)

Taking this whole heist movie idea very seriously, this would be (and might yet be if I have the time for it) a fic about how the first Descendants movie would have gone if it had been a heist movie, rather than a fairytale.

The main plot of the movie is no longer about learning to choose good and seeing that kids don’t have to follow in the footsteps of their parents- it’s now a high school political intrigue about stealing a wand.

(don’t worry about the larger themes there- the wand might be stolen for many self-serving reasons that go beyond 'doing what their parents say'. Maybe they’re stealing it to make a larger statement about opening the isle. Or about how treating villains as villains is wrong and they deserve trust because it makes things so much more fun for them in the long run)

(can you tell I haven’t decided on the overall tone of this AU yet lmao)

The story starts when the VKs are being told to get the wand, hand it over, it’ll be easy.

Sure, they say.

Sounds great, they say.

Give us your spellbook and magic mirror and whatever else you’ve got to give, and we absolutely won’t use them to betray you and open the isle on our own terms, they don’t say.

(this story ends before we get to that point, but the implication is there)

The kids arrive in Auradon, as in canon.

Unlike canon, they don’t immediately go for a break-and-enter approach to the museum, because if they’re going to heist this, they’re going to do it right. A good heist takes planning, and patience, and research.

What they do is wait until the weekend, and then inform the school admin that they want to get to know the culture of Auradon.

The museum seems like a great place to start, Evie says earnestly.

We didn’t have anything like it back on the Isle, adds Mal. It would be such a good learning opportunity for us.

And we could see the town. And the candy store. Say the boys.

The school admin caves, because it would be wrong to deny these kids a chance to get to know this history of goodness! They’re just teenagers, and they’ve been doing so well with their first week, and of course they can go into town, do they want a school car to drop them off?

They do not.

The museum is kind of a bust. They spend some time scoping out the security, but they’ve had a whole week to magically-google everything they can about this place, and it’s not much of a surprise that there’s a functionally unbreakable magical alarm system set up around all of the objects.

Time to reassess the plan.

(this is where the political intrigue comes in)

Ben is still a Fundamentally Decent (if slightly boring) guy in this.

Of course, he’s also the one on the line if this whole villainy exchange program goes wrong. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he would come to check up on his flagship students after they have a day out exploring the town.

Oho, Mal thinks. Here’s something they can work with.

Ben is sweet. He’s not terribly interesting, at least at first, but he seems like a guy who genuinely cares about the idea of bringing villain kids over, and can probably be manipulated to their purposes without too much effort.

So the VKs think over their potential plans to get the wand, and decide that yeah, if they can get an in with the future king of Auradon, that’s probably a pretty solid place to start.

Unfortunately, they decide to start this attempt by blatantly flirting.

Audrey is very much a political presence in this fic. She’s not evil by any means, but she is goal oriented and doesn’t necessarily love the idea of VKs coming in and altering her five year plan for herself and her boyfriend.

(I think Aurdey is an interesting character, and I wish she’d been given some better motivations in the first movie beyond ‘mean girl in a high school movie’. So in this fic, where they do still crown the incoming royalty at sixteen, they also believe in setting up children for advantageous marriages. Audrey and Ben have been pushed at each other since they were kids, and yeah, maybe there’s not a lot of actual love between them, but they’re friends and it’s way easier to just date each other and make their parents happy than refuse and risk losing the sway they get with their parents by being the good little obedient golden children who are happy to be put together if it’s what’s best for the future of the realm.)

The point of this is, the VKs send Mal in with her very best flirting, taught to her by Evie in a truly hopeless training montage, and it just-

Fails. Completely.

And now Audrey sort of hates them.

Great.

The other unfortunate piece of this heist is that the relationships between the co-conspirators, the core four, are….somewhat intense. Charged, if you will, with a certain kind of tension.

I’m not saying that Malvie hook up in their pink princess dorm room on the first night and then don’t talk about it for the rest of the story despite blatantly flirting with each other all the time, but yeah actually that might be what I’m saying.

This is the middle of the fic now, and there’s some kind of political drama that leads to the VKs finding out about the coronation.

Maybe it’s teammate bonding, because I think it’s tragically underutilized that Ben and Jay are canonically both sports bros and I want more of that sweet high school sports team drama content.

The point is, they find out about the coronation, and that the wand will be out and about during that day.

Oho, they say. An opportunity.

Building on the sports bros theme, Lonnie gets to be in this story! She’s a cool character and I have a couple of unfinished ideas for her kicking around my fic drive, so she’s going to be here too.

Lonnie finds the VKs in a somewhat compromising state of planning.

Uh, what the fuck is this, she says.

What do you THINK, says Mal, who is not known for keeping her mouth shut.

Looks like...some kind of statement that you’re going to make during the coronation, says Lonnie, who is a nice person and also didn’t hear/see all that much of the planning before she was noticed. (as I’m typing this up I am also remembering the School of Secrets shorts?? Lonnie is absolutely going in this fic as someone who spies on her new friends. It’s almost like canon. She’s the daughter of Mulan. She can sneak when she wants to)

Yes. Exactly. A peaceful political statement, says Evie, who is often a quicker thinker than the others. We are going to… sit at the front in protest. Of how we have been treated. As villains. We deserve the same respect as other students, regardless of who our parents are.

Lonnie is surprisingly on board with this, because honestly, based on some of her costume choices in d1, magical disney utopias seem to be overwhelmingly white for the most part and do not know how to support their international students very well.

(am I still mad about the awful dress she was wearing during the family day scene?? yes.)

So now they have Lonnie on board with their made-up protest plan, and they’ve got Ben and Jay being… actually bros, weirdly enough, and somehow there’s got to be high school political intrigue that I haven’t thought through yet (maybe a group who doesn’t approve of the villainy exchange program is trying to get Ben declared unfit?? Idk. Maybe it’s just different mini kingdoms angling for a good position, and it matters Very Deeply who sits where at the coronation and it’s a whole deal. That one probably works a bit better.) and it’s altogether getting Pretty Far Into Things.

Family day isn’t a big conflict in this AU, because the VKs don’t really care about the whole family gathering and party business without Mal being involved with Ben. They decide to have a chill time hanging out and plotting their heist instead. The wand is going to be taken out before the coronation, but rather than try and grab it in the middle of things, it’s got to be easier to grab it right before or after, while it’s in transport.

They have multiple people who can pick locks. People who can charm guards into letting their guard down for a bit. Ways of getting around even electronic lock systems, given some time.

They hang around the classroom a bit longer after their parent phone call, and get to talking with Fairy Godmother about how maybe, possibly, they could get a real place up at the front during the coronation. It’s a good distraction, and hearing more about the logistics of how things are going to go on the day itself is a perfect segue into asking more about the objects that are used during the coronation. It’s important to understand their new home! No other reason they’d want to know about the history and powers of her wand.

No other reason at all.

They learn that the wand is going into secure storage in Fairy Godmother’s office for the day before the ceremony. Of course, it’s going to be safe enough there. The magical wards at the museum are mostly there in case of emergency, and they’re really more about making sure none of the objects get damaged than they are about theft.

There are no more villains in Auradon, after all.

All things considered, it’s shockingly easy to break into Fairy Godmother’s office the night before the coronation. The wand is in a safe with some magic barriers around it, but Mal has her mother’s spellbook, and Evie has a magic mirror that can look up the answer to pretty much anything they ask, so it’s short work for a pair of magic users who have been practicing their spellwork since they day they left the isle to break the temporary barriers down.

There’s a regular human lock as well, and they give that one to Jay. He’s their lockpicking expert, after all.

And there it is.

Mal grabs the wand. There’s a surge of magical energy up through her hand, burning everywhere she’s touching the silvery metal, but in a way that feels like strength.

And all hell breaks loose.

[todorokis-left-shoe]

Haircut

Metal was only three when Lee decided it was time to give him the signature bowl cut. But Metal, like many other kids his age, was afraid of the sharp scissors coming near his face. Lee had actually hyped up the hair cut to make it seem much more exciting, copying Hinata and Naruto when they had to give Boruto a haircut. But then when it came time to actually cut it, Metal put up a fight, which was quite the opposite to how Boruto had reacted— Metal just wasn't excited anymore. He hid under his arms, he shook his head when Lee even came within 10 inches of his head, he even screamed "no" in a big hissy.

Lee was at a loss. The season was getting hotter and hotter as the days went by and Metal's hair went past his chin, unruly and thick— defiantly an unfit summer hair style. Metal would roast with this mop covering his scalp. He had the bowl— that he was going to use as a mold of sorts— off to the side on the counter top, the scissors next it, both long abandoned. Metal had his little arms crossed over his chest, cheeks puffed out, and bushy brows furrowed tightly into a determined angry pount. Lee looked at his son, sitting in one of the two kitchen chairs wrapped up, quite messily from the prior struggles, in an old beat up bed sheet; he should have expected this. Metal was a timid child that ran away from things he didnt want to do, but when he wanted to be he could easily put his feet down and refuse to do something with more stubborn confidence than a bull! Lee eas told this would end after turning three but that was obviously a lie.

Lee leaned futher onto the counter, looking up to the ceiling for an answer— at least a hint of what to do would appease him. Lee scanned the uneven, very bumpy, surface above him as if it would give him any rational insight. Which was ridiculous to say the least. Its a ceiling! An inanimate object! Lee hung his head with a huff, exasperated and defeated equally. The ceiling can't so neither can his feet. This is hopeless!

"Daddy?" Metal's little voice piped up. Lee popped his head back up, seeing the little boy with sheepish eyes and a sad lip. His eyes looked bigger with slight guilt lingering in solid black. "Daddy, did I make you sad? Did I do somedin' wrong?" To reassure the boy that his troubles weren't real the older male broke out into a wide smile, although his eyes still hid worry inside— hopefully the boy couldnt read into that.

He waved the little one off, smile persistent. "No no son! I am fine!" He pushed himself off the counter ledge, straightening his posture to look more organized. "I was just thinking, don't worry." He chuckled.

Metal pushed the bed sheet further off his shoulders. "Okay. Can I go now?" Lee hung his head, defeated by his son's nonchalant manner. Metal tried his best to climbed down the chair while the sheet still stuck to his collar and wrapped around his body, however Lee stopped him midway, scooping the boy up in his arms. The younger didn't struggle out of his grasp, he only tugged at the sheet even more, ignoring his father's soft giggles. "No Metal, you are not getting out of this. Your hair is much too long now."

The three year old pouted again. The jounin loosened the bed sheet around his son's neck, keeping it tucked in his collar enough so he still couldn't pull it off easily. He lowered the boy down on the chair once again and knelt down to his level. He cocked his head to the side and stared the boy in the eyes, looking for an answer. "Metal," Said boy's face lit up at the mention of his name, expecting a stern talking to judging by the adult's steely tone. "Why do you not want to get your hair cut? I promise I will not hurt you or make you look bad."

Metal shook his head but said nothing.

"What is it that makes you so scared? Please tell me, son."

Metal looked away and pointed behind the other. Lee twisted around following the boy's finger to the pair of scissors. He reached for the sharp instrument. "These?" He held them by the blades, handle face up in the air. Metal rapidly nodded, still looking away. "Why—"

"'Cuz they hurt people! They cut open and they hurt!" It took a minute for the dotd to connect in in brain; he thought the scissors were kunai.

Lee thought back to a few weeks ago when he brought Metal along to watch him train, preparing for the start of his own training. Lee had set his tool pouch on the ground to avoid them from falling out as he did handstands— you know, to entertain the little one— however, as much of a watchfull eye he prided himself on, he made the mistake of looking away for a couple minutes. Metal had grown curious of his tool pouch and decided a kunai was a smart thing to play with. Lee, his paternal side kicking in full force, dashed for the boy to keep the sharp object out of his untrained hands. But the shock of his father coming at him with what looked like anger made the kunai slip and cut his hand. It wasnt a deep cut but it did bleed, much more than it had when he tripped and scrapped his knee running. Obviously, the little one did cry, it must of hurt much more to him than it would to Lee or any other adult. He is a child afterall.

Metal must of formed some sort of vendetta against them since then. Lee had to clear this up or else the kid could carry this mentality through life.

"Can you hold out your hands please?" Lee asked. Metal did so, not at all knowing what was happening. He was just doing what his dad told him to. Without another word Lee set the pair of scissors in Metal's palms. He thought about dropping them by the looks of it but ultimately decided not to. "These do not hurt people, son. And you definitely do not throw them! O-or run with them!" He quickly added the last bits— a fatherly lesson if you will.

"They dont?" Metal asked, a squeak in his voice. Lee shook his head. "They are for cutting hair. See," Lee took the instrument back and cut a couple of small strands of is own hair. He kept the strands in his palm and presented it to Metal. "For hair." He smiled.

Metal was still unconvinced. Lee let out sigh.

And then he got a potentially idiotic idea.

Lee carefully handed the scissors back and leaned forward, presenting a bit of his bang to Metal. "You try it! Go ahead!" He encouraged with a gleeful grin.

Metal looked at the object perplexingly. He took a hold of the handle like Lee had, trying his best to hold them with his tiny hands. Lee egged him on with a wider smile. Metal opened the mouth of the cutting tool, the older man watching closely. Lee leaned forward a couple more inches and Metal made contact with his hair. He closed the mouth and snip.

The hair strands fell gently down on the floor. The cut wasnt clean of course, more diagonal than straight, but nothing a little trimming couldn't fix. Not a big deal.

Lee was about to pull away when Metal pulled him down and he began to cut at the middle. Lee watched with horror as his hair fell, one strand after another. "M-M-M-Metal!? What are you doing!?" Lee managed to pull away while Metal hovered the scissors for a second. He covered the top of his head with his hands, panicked look as Metal's twisted into confusion.

"I was cuttin' daddy's hair." He said innocently.

Lee softened his face, leaving one hand on his head— very much fearful of the bald spot he might have now— and took the scissors back. He stood, Metal watching his every movement, and grabbed the large mixing bowl behind him. "Are you okay with these now?" Lee asked. Metal nodded, a slightly more confident look on his face. It still looked to be full of worry and fear but it seemed Metal was trying get past it. Lee smiled again and lightly nodded just before going behind his son and placing the bowl atop his head.

His shaggy black hair spilt out from the mouth, messy and tangled as usual. Lee put the scissors in his nondominate hand, blades facing away from Metal, and he took out one of the three combs he had in his back pouch. He combed through his son's hair, straightening it out. He finished it up, the ends threatening to curl upwards.

Lee got to work on neatly cutting away, leaving a neat undercut to keep his ears showing rather than to copy his own style. As Lee moved from the back to the front, Metal remained completely still and well behaved.

Bonus:

Later in the day, after neatening up his own hair, Lee took Metal out for groceries— and a new hat. He was on his way up to the counter when Tenten had spotted him and Metal, stopping them to say hi and compliment little Metal on his new haircut.

"Say Lee..." Tenten brought her attention to Lee's hair, noticing something different. "Did you get a haircut too?"

Lee rubbed at the back of his head, pushing Metal back a bit so he wouldnt point the embarrassing mess out. "W-what do you mean?" Tenten leaned in on Lee's personal space, trying to see the difference. Lee nerously sweat under her gaze.

Metal pulled on her pants leg, getting her attention. She looked down with a sweet smile, telling him to go on. "I c—"

Lee whisked him up in his arms, dropping the shopping basket full of nonperishables. "HE CAN RUN REALLY FAST NOW! BYE!"

Tenten watched the visibly panicked man run off with his son, and then it hit her. She hit the palm of her hand with her fist and said, "He has a bald spot now!" She laughed. "Guess being a dad has made him age faster, huh? Old man."

[artistrashofmine]

Carn

BNHA fic inspired by Jeff Le Bars Carn

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21782935

The red scarf, and heavy jacket did nothing to deter the harsh wind that blew fresh snow off the hills, blending with the flakes that rained down on the child, like pins and needles. His boots sinking violently into the layers with a crack as the hardened sheets split under the leather. It took all his might to keep on balance, to keep his nose tucked towards his chest, to keep the involuntary tears out of his eyes in fear of them freezing on his pale cheeks. 

Why’d he have to come out here? Each step drained a year’s worth of his energy. He had to decide now was the best time to leave? He could barely make out the shadows of his surroundings. He ran away, and now he’s lost, was the child good for nothing after all? The rigid trees, the mountains, they were nothing but shadows peeking out through the shower of snow. 

“No,” the meek complaint was lost in the wind, so was the scarf, the only thing keeping his face from frostbite, even the elements were against him.

He wanted to sob, he wanted to go home, to his mom’s arms and cry. He didn’t even know the way back, where did he come from? There was holes from where he sank down to his ankles, but he couldn’t see.

And his gloves did nothing to break his fall, sinking into the snow just as his feet had done, just as his knees did. The icy substance finding its way up his sleeve, dancing along his wrist. He found his head to follow, resting against his fate, his doom. He was going to die here, die like this. Shivering in the freezing blanket winter had wrapped around him.

What would his parents think? Did they know he was gone by now? Were they looking for him? His mother would, wouldn’t she? His father… he was another story. What about his siblings? He barely spoken to them, he was never allowed around them. Would they even know of his escape? 

Would his family find him? His body frozen to the ground, or would he already be six-feet under, in a fresh ground of white, made from the blizzard he tried so hard to fight? On one side, he didn’t want them to find him dead like that, on the other, he didn’t want to be forgotten, left alone to rot, or worse, wolf food. 

Another shiver wracked his spin, for a whole new reason, because there were wolves out here. They lived by the mountains, in a land of thick forests, his dad was a hunter, of course there were wolves out here. 

The whole reason he decided now was better than ever, because they, and by they he means his father, decided to take him to look for game, supper. They were running low on dry and canned goods, wild game was scarce at this time during the season, but far from impossible to find. Then the storm hit, quick and unexpected. He was given his chance, he took it. He took it, and now he was going to pay for it, with his life.

“Are you lost?”    

His head pounded in protest at his feeble attempt of lifting, but the second he laid his heterochromatic eyes on the owner of said question, the child jolted back, gasping in the frigid air, flinching as it pierced his lungs, before glaring wide-eyed at the predator. Right in front of him, bright red eyes, like flames, like daggers coated in blood, staring into in soul. Fur, a pale blond, blown by the wind, a thick winter coat. Snout, sniffling at the child.

“You are going to die.” Large, pointed teeth, as he sneered out the sentence, the conclusion that Shouto didn’t need to be told.

Speak of the devil and then he comes in the form of the child’s end, a wolf, double the size- no triple the size of himself. Aggressive, breathing heavy.

And he flinched, quickly returning his gaze to the other “follow me...”

And then he was leaving, shifting through the snow, the storm. Shouto found himself on his knees, gaping at the animal who let him live.

“Follow me if you want to stay alive!” The growling voice carried through the wind, strangely hypnotizing.

And what did Shouto have to lose? Maybe he was hearing things, maybe he was seeing things, but the wolf was talking to him, urging him on. Maybe he was already dead, or maybe this would be his saving hope. So he dragged himself up on shaky legs, or, well, his whole body was shaking, but it wouldn’t stop him, he could do this. Wherever it lead, it was better than laying down and dying. Even if he took five steps, only to collapse in the snow, even if he was being led to his death, the heterochromatic followed the distant shadow, the echo of the animals voice. 

It wasn’t until he placed himself onto a rock, right foot slipping, that he noticed the dark crimson colour he was slipping on. He’s seen it before, his family were hunters, of course he’s seen blood, it wasn’t the first time he stepped in it too. 

Bloody smears, in the patted down snow, mapping his way to where the wolf sat, and the child felt bile rising to the back of his throat. He averted his eyes from the silhouette. 

The wolf was hurt, he was losing a lot of blood, the stains got larger as he staggered forward, up the hill. Then he raised his eyes, only there wasn’t a wolf sitting there anymore. There was a blond, a human, with those red eyes, deep red eyes. The same ones he’s been following. 

“As you can see, I am dying.” The same voice, same growl, but the words were said mournfully, by the human.

He sat in the snow, on knee bent, the other… the leg, no, his whole thigh, a bloody mess. His hand could only cover a part of the messy scene. Was that how it’d look if all the animals they brought in were humans? It was sad, pitiful and painful at the same time. Was this- who did this to him? 

“W-what-” Shouto’s voice cracked, he could barely hear the word himself, and he doubted he could finish the question, he doubted he wanted to know the answer.  

Instead of trying the child pushed forward, towards the body. The blond watched carefully as Shouto sat himself down beside the older one.

“Without me, my-” He started, considered the implications of his next words, “my family, they’ll die too.”

His eyes were so serious, the child wondered what they looked like as a kid. As a puppy? Was he a human or a wolf? The man in question turned, those eyes glancing down the other side of the hill where a dark borrow lay, he was mournful. That’s what those eyes held. It was daunting, unfitting for what Shouto pictured the other to appear as. Would he really die? Couldn’t the heterochromatic see him on a day where both their health were strong, where the snow didn’t burn his cheeks, blind their vision.

Though it had calmed down.

Did that mean they’d be fine? Was this their beacon of hope? Could they help each other to get better? The man claimed he’d die, they’d die, but Shouto thought he was wrong. They could make it. Shouto knew some first aid, he had to, with the rough terrain they’d trek every other day, the dangers that lurked around every corner. He might not know enough first aid for all of that though.

Once again, the bile rose, and that hopeless feeling returned, hopeless and frustrated. The child wanted to cry, he wanted his mom to make everything better, she always knew what to say, what to do. He wanted to yell at his dad, for making them come out here. He wanted to yell at himself for getting lost. 

Then again, if he didn’t run off, he wouldn’t have met the other.

“I brought you here, so that you could protect them for me.” The heterochromatic eyes snapped up to meet determined red ones, and once again, he turned those eyes down the hill behind them. 

It must of been where his family lays, burrowed in the ground, sheltered from the harsh winter snowfall. So they were wolves? Then how’d he become human? And why was he giving up on himself? Surely they could find help, the storm already began dying down. The man was able to speak, walk, it couldn’t be that bad. 

 His eyes were widened, and were those the wolf ears? Blond wolf ears were now a top his head. Shouto was witnessing him slowly returning to the wolf state. He didn’t think it possible for a human to become animal, just like that. It was illogical, but what did the child know of logic anyways?

“You must kill me,” The gasp those words earned was as sharp as an icicle, piercing his lungs, piercing the blond’s ears, “I’ll give my life to save yours.”

And Shouto hoped the wolf felt guilty, a sick sort of selfish. He didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want to kill the wolf. Not when that’s what he tried so hard to escape from. His father's constant nagging, always speaking of the next hunt, explaining concepts of mammals bodies that the child never cared to know, nor ever would. How to kill them, in the most profitable ways. How to cut them up, clean them.

And maybe he felt guilty for knowing those things, because, at the moment, he didn’t want to know how to kill something. It meant he had no excuse to do so. That he’d lose the being who saved him, gave him hope, the potential for a new friendship, maybe even a fresh start. They could exist together, maybe Shouto could have been a part of his family, not protecting them. Well, he’d do that too, if it meant he could become friends with the wolf.

“You can keep warm with my pelt,” His jaw tensed, “keep full with my flesh.”

This time the heterochromatic was sure he would puke. Eat another human? He couldn’t, that was wrong… but they ate animals everyday, him, his parents, his siblings. Served at the diner table with no issue. So were humans any different? Or wolf-humans? Where they even the same species? 

“But you must protect them, got it?” His teeth were as sharp as his eyes, the canines morphing into place, “feed them, keep them safe… god knows he needs it. Promise me that!”

The child jolted, the words as sharp as his teeth.

“If you don’t. Get away from here.” The fur was growing back into place, and Shouto couldn’t help but feel like prey, circled by the creatures, as if his eyes were the barrel of a gun, shoot to kill, “go die.”

More shivers wracked up his spine, teeth clattering together. The other falling back into the snow, but his eyes never left. 

“Now you must decide” The transformation had finished, those same red eyes staring at him from the golden fur. 

He shivered, his teeth clattered. He longed for the red scarf, lost to the storm. Somewhere in the vast frozen fields and forest. Caught on a tree? Buried? He wondered if someone would find it, would they know it was his? The hetrochromatic’s family were most often the only ones out here, they’d know if they’d see it, wouldn’t they? Were they looking for him as they spoke? Shouto shuffled over to those eyes, to the sun that lay half-dead in the snow. Just as he had felt not even an hour ago. Maybe it was, it felt like days. He fell to his knees, gloved hands grabbing at the fur. Wolve’s fur was soft, he knew from experience. Was this creature’s fur soft as well? His hands were too frozen to feel, even if they were no fabric between them.

And he looked into those hardened, fiery eyes, “I accept.” 

Maybe the scarf was lost to the wind.

Cra-

Never to be found.

-ack.

That was fine, the wolf’s eyes were a prettier red anyways.

Auah.

He inhaled the icy air. His hands were shaking. The wolf had closed his eyes. His head lulled into the snow. He wanted to see them one last time, but that was fine. 

It would be fine.

Shuick.

The branch didn’t go in as easy as he would have liked, making a mess of the snow around them, of his own clothing. But it was fine. 

Shouto got to glance at those red eyes one more time as they opened in a painful end. But it was quick, he’d make quick work of the wolf.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It reminded him of the sunrise that came with the morning, the wolf’s eyes. It reminded him of the bloody mess left on the ground the disfigured body, the mess of his hands. 

Though the blond was right. He’d keep warm with this pelt, and his stomach was full. Then there was the den down the hill, he’d cover himself, lugging the fur down. Because he had a promise, a promise to his new friend. Only friend he’s ever made. 

A promise he couldn’t keep, not when he paused meters from the burrow. When a pair of bright green eyes glanced on curiously from the dark. Not when the brave soul of dark green fur crept out, hunched towards the ground, those eyes flickering between the two. 

When his ears folded back, “Kacchan…?”

His friend had a name. He killed his friend, he killed this kid’s caretaker. He couldn’t stay, he wanted to go home, this wasn’t home. And the green-eyed wolf let out a yelp as the heterochromatic turned his back on him.

He ran up the hill, fur on his back, through the forest. To the top. He wanted to go home, back to his mom’s arms. His mom… she was down the other side of the hill, with his dad, his brother and sister. They had come looking for him.

The red sunrise shined upon them. 

He reached out to them, and they backed up. So he ran down the hill. 

And his mother took the shotgun from his father's hands. 

Bam.

[the-blacksmithing-boy]

The watch you gave me stopped the other day...

I don't know if it matters at all. Should it symbolize something? If so, should I take the time to think on it? Why? There is no such thing as wasted time, I tell myself that day after day because I believe it. Could it be that when all the feelings of love I had for you finally petrified in my heart the watch decided that it's job was done? No. Because watches don't think, you don't care, and I will always be a hopeless romantic that loves and loses everyone I've ever let see me vulnerable. Not because they don't like what they see, people just don't stay after a magic trick has been revealed. Plus this magic trick seemed to end in me have a fucking psychotic breakdown... you win some you lose some.

I would say you deserve better, but honestly? I was just as bad as you. We were equally unfit for the relationship we had, but we knew that from the beginning. We were not too different, we were abjectly perfect in our own rights. Chameleons to a relationship. Lovers through a quarrel. Perfectly terrible, yet still perfect... We had each other and that was enough for a long time. But you needed more, and that's okay. I needed time to understand. I had never had friends that surrounded me, never had a ride when I was lost, never had a shoulder to cry on. I have never completely had what you have: Friendship.

My relationships have always been my best friends, my only friends. And that's not healthy. I grow too attached because that's the only attachment I have aside from my Batshit crazy mother and my jaded and gruff father. I have No one in this world that would drive to my job and wait for me, I have no one in this world that would drop their friends to come help me, I have no one in this world that worries enough about me to drive me to the hospital when my chest hurts, no one to lay awake at night and listen to me.

You have these people in your life and it baffles me. You had 10x the love and commitment in your life than I had and I still took it for granted when you showed me what it could be like. I tried to look for people like this and I got nothing. I stopped looking and just had fun and I got nothing. I am resigned to my fate of being alone with my future, and I'm quite happy with that. Knowing this, I know that I shouldn't have gotten attached the way I did. This shouldn't have been special, you were not mine. You were not permanent. You were not here to stay.

You only could have been.

But I don't worry about it anymore. These are thoughts of the past, feelings I don't have anymore, reservations and wistful longings of a time gone by. These thoughts and musings need to be written down, spoken, and sorted through, and I can finally do it as me. I have retained myself and I'm becoming a different person now that I can hold my failures in my hand.

And if it makes you feel better in some way to hear this then by all means claim your catharsis.

I'm okay again.

P.S. I want my dice back

[danganronpa--theater]

Prologue -- Part 1

Word count: 3,177

Warnings: One mention of a needle and a syringe if anyone needs, nothing aside from that, lame introductions--

Thank you if you read this! Proceed under the cut!

[ Next ]

Satomi looked up at the academy, a perfect utopia. She never thought she’ll make it in here, especially not with a talent as stupid as SHSL Friend. It really did feel like a dream, the fact that after so much loss she was about to take a bigger step in life, away from everything and everyone, with new people, new opportunities. Ever since she was a little girl she’s heard about those talented people that managed to make it in here, she never imagined she’ll be one of them, someone that will join the ranks.

“So, Hope’s Peak…huh?” The girl muttered under her breath and started inching closer. She was there, but it felt so surreal. She needed to raise her hand and put it on the big doors to make sure that, no, this wasn’t a fake scenario, it was in fact very real. And with no more hesitation she swung the doors open. Looking around, the school was surprisingly empty, maybe she was too early? The habit of not wanting anyone to wait might have brought her here earlier than the rest of her new class.

“Ah, good morning, miss!” She heard a voice right behind her back, but before she could turn she felt a sharp pain in the back of her neck. It felt like a needle, even a syringe perhaps? After the surprising shot of pain, she felt as if her whole body just got paralyzed and just like that she fell on the ground. The girl tried her best to not let her muscles fail, even if her vision was blurry. She tried boosting herself back up, but that only led her to fall back on her bottom, her wobbly arms still not letting her fall completely.

“Man, you’re a fighter!” Satomi once again heard that same voice. Her pupils lazily darted up to the standing figure, everything was blurry, she couldn’t make anything out. Damn it… “But that’s good,” they continued, bending down to her level and raising her chin with their fingers, so she could, assumingly, look them in the eyes. “I can’t wait to see that spirit break.” They let go of her chin and started walking away.

“Don’t worry though...”

“We’ll see each other real soon,” they paused. “Satomi.”

And those were the last words she heard before passing out.

***

“Oh god…my head…” Satomi’s eyes finally opened and the first thing that she was met with were big silver orbs that were watching her intently. The girl shrieked, quickly bolting up and backing away, taking in her surrounding while at it.

“She’s awake!” She heard a high pitched voice pipe up. She looked around again, she seemed to be in a class full of other people. Were they…were they still in Hope’s Peak? Were the people her classmates? She looked back in front of herself, a hand extended for her by the same person with the silver eyes. She hesitantly took his hand and he helped her stand up, a wide smile on his face.

“Was I the only one out like that?” Satomi asked, slightly stepping away from the male.

“As far as I know, you weren’t. I think everyone woke up like that, you were just the last one. If I recall correctly…I woke up first…” A male wearing a strange hat with a feather sticking out said. He looked over at some girl who was sitting with her legs and arms crossed. “Then she woke up and…everyone just did.”

“I remember being separated from Gin somehow and then I think I got hit on the head with something.” The high pitched voice said. “I really did think I was a goner, but I think I’m fine, Gin seems to be fine too!”

“I remember someone talking to me…” Satomi said. “They greeted me and then something happened and…I couldn’t…” This was so frustrating, she could barely remember anything! But before she could even wrap her head around anything the familiar sound of an intercom rang through the building.

“Hello…? Hello? Is this thing on? Oh man, I love listening to my voice!” A mysterious voice sounded through the speakers. It sounded so obnoxious, far too obnoxious to even have access to an intercom even. “Anyways, I’m your headmaster Monokuma! I’m currently preparing the entrance ceremony in the gym, so whenever you feel like it, come here and we can finally start the school year full of fun and excitement!” After a second of silence a laughter rang. “Good luck, everyone!”

“Yo, is it just me or does the headmaster sound really sketchy?” A male with spiky hair asked tapping his chin, a smile on his face despite the situation.

“He does, but…” Satomi looked around more, this time taking in the appearance of the others. “I think we should do what he says for now.” She was the SHSL Friend, wouldn’t it be fitting to introduce herself to everyone first? Right, that’s what she’ll do!

---

“Good morning! I’m Karla Inoue, it’s such a pleasure to meet you! I hope we can become friends!”

Super High School Level Klutz: Karla Inoue

Karla was a short girl with pink hair tied into pigtails and a simple school girl uniform. According to the Hope’s Peak thread she was constantly falling over, more so than a regular clumsy student and that was the supposed talent she got accepted for. Satomi knew her talent was sort of farfetched, but what kind of talent was SHSL Klutz supposed to be?

“Unorinko Satomi, right?” The pinkette spoke again. “I think I’ve heard of you somewhere! Are you the SHSL Friend by any chance?”

“Yes, yes I am.” Satomi nodded, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “It’s not a good talent, I’m just a simple student.”

“It’s still a better talent than the SHSL Klutz!” Karla chuckled. “Nevertheless, I’m sure we’ll get along, no?”

“Of course.”

---

“It’s a beautiful day, right? I am Aya Kawaru. It really is an honor.”

Super High School Level Costume Maker: Aya Kawaru.

Well, the female really did look her talent. She was wearing a black dress, a large bow on her chest and some sort of ribbon tied around her upper left arm. A little tiara decorated the top of her purple haired head. Her black heels made her seem taller than she really was.

“My, my, you certainly look divine. I look forward to designing you a costume. What might your talent be?”  She asked, potential costume ideas already floating around her head.

“Oh, I’m Satomi Unorinko, the SHSL Friend.”

“What a strange yet magnificent talent, I shall see what I can come up with.”

---

“Hey there, beauty. The name’s Naoki Asai, what about you?”

Super High School Level Romantic: Naoki Asai.

Oh dear, the dreaded romantic. He really didn’t seem like the really romantic type of guy, he looked more like a hopeless romantic than anything, but he got accepted into this school with this talent, so he must’ve been truly good at it. Before Satomi could even say anything a wink was sent by him. Right, she needed to get this over with as fast as she could.

“It’s nice to meet you, Asai. I’m Satomi Unorinko, it really is a pleasure to…be in your presence.”

“I know,” he replied, pausing and sending finger guns her way. “Everyone loves being in my presence.”

Time to leave.

---

“Hello. Horuki Fuji. It’s nice to meet you.”

Super High School Level Model: Horuki Fuji.

Well, he certainly seemed more tired in real life. His blond hair fell over his right eye, but she could tell from the bags under his left one that he didn’t get much rest in the model industry. He didn’t seem like he wanted to be here either. Despite lacking the life, his pretty blue eyes were undeniably shiny, Satomi could barely look away. She wasn’t about to deny that he seemed like a good model, even if he looked like he wanted to just get some sleep. Although, the short shorts he was wearing didn’t look that appealing to her.

Satomi smiled, she wanted to see if she could lighten the mood a little. She didn’t smile that much to people that she only knew for a few seconds, so this was a special occasion. “It’s nice to meet you, Fuji! I’m Satomi Unorinko and I hope we could become good friends!”

But the male still didn’t smile. Frustrating.

---

“Greetings, fellow classmate! Katsuro Hirayama’s the name and playing basketball is my game!”

Super High School Level Basketball Player: Katsuro Hirayama.

The male seemed awfully obnoxious. Just as he finished his greeting he stuck out a peace sign at Satomi, a large grin on his face. He was wearing what seemed to be a basketball uniform with the first letter of his first name on the shirt and an unfitting beanie on top of his head. He was really something…

“Hey, I’ve heard of you!” He piped up again. “You’re Miss Unorinko, right?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call myself a miss…” What the hell was he even talking about?

“Please be my friend!”

Well, that’s that.

---

“Howdy, there. Emiko Imada, I ride horses and stuff.”

Super High School Level Equestrian: Emiko Imada.

Emiko tipped her cowboy looking hat, stuffing her hands in her jean pockets afterwards. Satomi’s heard that the other came from the country, even without knowing that, she could probably tell from the blatant country accent that rang every time she spoke. She saw Emiko turn away slightly, looking like she didn’t even want to talk. But what’s an introduction if it’s one-sided?

“I’m the SHSL Friend, Sato-“

Emiko quickly snorted, not even letting Satomi finish her sentence. “What kind of stupid talent is SHSL Friend? What, did they accept you just for having a few friends or something? Or did you give free food to the headmaster and he just accepted you for being a good friend? Try having a real talent sometime, girl, like mine for instance!”

Wow, rude.

---

“Sup?”

That was it, that was all he said.

Super High School Level Stunt Double: Takeshi Kanda.

He looked…awfully casual. Baggy pants, a camouflage shirt, thin black rope in place of a necklace, probably just so he would seem cool. And just how much hair gel did he use on the white hair of his? Looked like tons. She almost wanted to touch it, but decided against it. They have just met after all, not even properly, need I add.

“Satomi Unorinko, it’s very nice to meet you. You’re the stunt double, right?” She asked. It did feel like she’s seen him before somewhere. Maybe in movies? And before he could even answer, she spoke again. “You do seem somewhat different…”

“Well,” Takeshi started. “I do have lots of roles I need to fit, I need to change my hairstyle quite often, contact lenses of other colors are also an occurrence. “

Interesting… Satomi will have to note that.

---

“….”

Super High School Level Actor: Gin Nakahara

Why wasn’t he speaking? He was just staring at Satomi and smiling. He didn’t have to introduce himself for her to know who he was but, seriously, why wasn’t he talking?! His silver eyes just peered into her purple ones and it felt…uneasy. It wasn’t long before Satomi finally spoke though.

“S-Say something!” She exclaimed, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead. “You’re creeping me out!”

An inaudible chuckle left the silver haired male’s mouth. What, was his laugh silent too? Seriously, he was creepy!

“Gin’s mute!” A high pitched voice said. Who did it belong to though?

“W-Who said that?”

Right, this was getting weirder and weirder by the second… Satomi looked at Gin more intently and she saw a pair of small arms wrapper around his neck and soon enough, a small head popped out from behind Gin! It was a very young looking girl… She put her chin on his shoulder, a smile on her face.

“Gin’s mute so I do the talking for him!” A little thud could be heard as she hopped down and walked in front of Gin. “I’m Toki Nakahara, SHSL Voice Actress!”

Super High School Level Voice Actress: Toki Nakahara.

She was so…tiny… If she looked straight and not up at Satomi’s eyes right now, she’d be face to face with Satomi’s knees. Assuming she was this tiny…was she just hanging from the male’s neck all this time? That’s so strange…

“Do you just…” Satomi didn’t even know how to put the question, it was so awkward.

“Yup! I always hang from Gin’s neck! He carries me around and since he can’t talk, I do! I can do all sorts of voices! Look up at Gin!” She cleared her throat and started speaking again, this time with a deeper voice. “Hello, I’m Gin Nakahara, the SHSL Actor!”

Satomi looked up at Gin as Toki spoke and noticed that he was lip syncing to it. It looked surprisingly realistic, well, that was the power of the SHSL Voice Actress and Actor..

---

“Hey there, just call me J.Dan.”

Super High School Level Jester: J.Dan(?).

Was J.Dan his real name…? And it was pronounced so strangely… Jo Dan… Interesting. She looked closer at him and his fashion sense was just as strange. A dual colored hoodie with what seemed like donkey ears on the hood. He was also wearing a hair band and his hair was a spiky mess. She understood he was a jester, but…seriously?

“Satomi Unorinko, a pleasure.” She said, still staring, obviously thrown off by his outfit. He saw her staring and only chuckled at it.

“Right, I look really strange.” He chuckled yet again. “I know, I know. It’s my job to look strange like that, you’ll get used to it, Unorinko.”

At least he wasn’t offended.

---

“Yahoo! I’m Jem Okazaki, super nice to meet’cha!”

Super High School Level Cyclist: Jem Okazaki.

Satomi noticed Jem winking playfully at her and couldn’t help but smile at that. It was funny, really, Jem looked like a guy so much, most people probably couldn’t tell. Her hair was cut short, she had a comparably flat chest and she was just dressed like a regular male cyclist, but she really didn’t care. It was just so genuine.

“So,” the other female spoke again, extending her hand for Satomi to shake. “Who’re you?”

Satomi shook the other’s hand, still holding a small smile. Her presence was just…oddly comforting. “I’m Satomi Unorinko, SHSL Friend.”

“Well, in that case, I hope we can become friends!”

---

“Hello, there, Miss, would you like to hear some random trivia about Japan?”

Super High School Level Geographer: Rouso Saeki.

Rouso Saeki… He was crowned as the person who knows most about the world. He has travelled to many places and he’ll probably see all the places on people’s bucket list at least a decade before dying himself. He has a blog where he writes all about his journeys and Satomi is actually a fan of it. It’s a fun read for her most of the time.

“Satomi Unorinko, a big fan.” She paused. “It probably doesn’t seem like it since I’m not smiling or anything, but I do enjoy reading your blog from time to time.”

A wide grin painted Rouso’s face as he shrugged. A tint of red came onto his cheeks too, it was always flustering to meet fans for him. “Thank you, I love meeting fans!”

---

“Delighted to meet you. My name is Lioshka Takata.”

Super High School Level Origami Maker: Lioshka Takata.

For an origami maker she sure had a strange black dress on. And the freckles on her face really didn’t match the rest of…her. Satomi’s heard many great things about Lioshka. She can fold just about anything out of paper and one of her biggest wins was her being able to fold 1000 paper cranes in a single day. No one ever really knew the reason, although Satomi made a wild guess in thinking that just like in the legend, Lioshka probably thought if she were to make 1000 paper cranes she could be granted a wish.

“I’ve heard lots of things about you.” Satomi mentioned. “Like the 1000 paper cranes thing… What were you aiming for, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Actually, I do mind you asking.” Lioshka said, her small smile forming into a frown. “I’d like you to move on now.”

Well, that wasn’t particularly a good sign…

---

“Would you like to make a deal?”

Super High School Level Businessman: Inori Watanabe.

Satomi’s heard many things about the male. Some of them were good, but most of them, not so much. True, he was really good at making money flow, good at generating sales and revenue, but around some places, he’s been known as a scam artist. Some people complained about him being a very good businessman up until the point where he runs with all the money.

“N-No thank you…” Satomi crossed her arms, looking down at the ground. He was so intimidating, it felt like if she were to decline, she’ll instantly go on some sort of hit list. Instead, Inori just laughed, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Good choice, I’ll be honest with you, you really shouldn’t trust me.”

Alright, she was going to leave him now.

---

“Ah… Pleased to meet you! I’m Larisa Yoshino!”

Super High School Level Archer: Larisa Yoshino.

“I don’t know if you know my talent, but I know yours!” Larisa smiled before Satomi could even inspect him more. “You should be the SHSL Friend, right? Satomi Unorinko if I remember correctly…”

“Eh?” Well, she guessed there was no need to introduce herself further if he knew. “Yes, you’re right. How did you notice a talent as bland as mine?” She really didn’t think anyone would remember her by her talent, but it was a pleasant surprised that someone actually proved her wrong, up to such a point that they even knew her name.

“I make sure to read all the news in the Hope’s Peak threads every day. You know, they just started talking about you this morning. You’d be surprised how popular you’ve become amongst the followers…” He smiled softly, scratching the back of his neck. “S-Sounds a little stalkery, but I just wanted to read as much as I could about all my classmates! A-And your strange talent intrigued me…”

“Wow, someone as talented as the SHSL Archer acknowledged the existence of the…friend.” Satomi smiled, covering her mouth as she let out a small giggle. “It really is an honor to meet you, Yoshino.”

***

After everyone got more or less acquainted with each other Larisa suggested them all to start heading to the gym to their mysteriously sealed fates. Everything seemed incredibly sketchy, but maybe it really was the entrance ceremony, just a little bit different than what an ordinary school could offer. After all, they were special, maybe they required a special ceremony…