#to think that we coild stay the same to think that we could stay the same to think that we could stay the same etc...

[reverieprince]

but as it is (and it is)

[jedi-nurse]

Here is my general thoughts about the Ahsoka Finale and the show in general:

First, I am glad the Sabezra ship is not sunk. We got some *chef's kiss* moments. I wished there was more bw them in ep 8. It feels like they completely glossed over what Sabine did in order to get him home.

As much as I hate it I do understand why Sabine felt she had to stay behind. She made it so Ezra could get home, even if it meant she couldn't. I think her making that sacrifice will help strengthen their relationship once they are reunited. It doesn't negate the first chocie she made to hand over the map and they do need to discuss that.

I do truly believe Ezra and Sabine will be back together again (and it won't be 11 yrs). It's a super slow slow burn besties.

I don't like that they actually made Sabine a Jedi. It wasn't necessary for her character and it doesn't even feel remotely earned for her. She was a great character wo the force abilities. I am fine of she wanted to be trained in Jedi philosophy and lightsaber combat but why all the rest???? Makes no sense.

And we never really got any back story as to why Sabine and Ahsoka began training together. It was such a crucial plot point that never got developed. I know we learned kinda why they walked away from each other but that was just a surface level reveal bw two different characters.

I think this show had so much potential to bring so many cool things into the SW universe but nothing felt developed or fleshed out in the end.

I think part of the problem is only having 8 episodes with ~~40 min run times. I think having a few more episodes coild have helped

I also think having more than one writer is good too. I do like Dave's work but this was subpar

I wish we actually got more to Baylan and Shin's stories but I get that they probably chose to change things due to Ray's passing but the final scenes with them felt shoved in

Maybe having one more episode would have helped wrap some things up

I know the show was titled Ahsoka but I think it could have benefited from less of Ahsoka's story and more on the Ghost crew and Ahsoka. IMO the story could have played out almost the same with those changes

Overall, I did enjoy the show. I'm a Rebels girlie at heart, so getting to see these characters again was amazing (even if the plot made little to no sense). Every show has it's flaws and that's ok. I'm hoping for a second season or a spin-off to continue on with these stories.

I may have more thoughts later but this is a general overview.

[probably-writing-x]

All I ask

Shawn Mendes

Based on All I ask by Adele

(Absolutely loving writing a little angst at the minute!!!)

What happens when drunken confessions don't work out right? When they fall onto sober ears that wish they hadn't heard them. When they are met with a bittersweet return. What happens when you wake up the morning after at rock bottom, far from cloud nine? And what happens when you see them again?

Here you stood in that exact predicament. Your hand was lifted in preparation to knock but it had refused to move the last few inches to do so successfully. It was mocking you, really. Taunting you until the moment you'd finally ask for access to a place you'd practically lived in for months, for years.

"Fuck it," You mutter to nobody but yourself, knocking against the door quickly and harshly.

The wait seems to last forever.

"(Y/n)," His voice sounds as soon as the barrier crumbles, "You never knock,"

There he stands. His hair is curlier than he ever let people see in public and it hasn't been styled, instead falling across his forehead. He's wearing that tee you bought him only a couple of months ago - no reason, just saw it and thought of him. He's got a hint of a smile across his lips and there's a dot of melted chocolate beside the scar on his cheek.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I must be losing it," You joke, scratching at the back of your head, "And you have chocolate on your face, idiot,"

Shawn laughs and watches as you walk into the apartment. Oddly, you seemed partially yourself. You'd made eye contact and you still looked like you. Maybe you could get past this. Maybe confessing your unrequited love to your best friend could be tackled. Perhaps things didn't need to change. It had been a couple of weeks now, maybe things had subsided.

What Shawn didn't know was that you'd promised yourself to act as normal as possible. And that, right there, on his doorstep, you'd left the heart you wished you could give to him. You'd left your one last hope of him ever returning that love. And you would pick it up as you walked out of this apartment... This time, for the last time.

"Alright, the chocolate and the strawberries and marshmallows and-" Shawn explains as he rummages through the supplies he'd collected, "I don't really know what these are but, these, and cookies and... Well enough to kill us, is all ready!"

You grin and hop up onto his counter in the usual spot that you sat at whenever he was in the kitchen. Like when he showed you he could juggle. And the next time when he tried to teach you...

But, from that spot, you can't help but let your eyes drift to the other side of the large kitchen. The exact mark where you'd fallen into his chest, pressed a hand against his heartbeat and told him that he made yours race. And you watched in slow motion - the joy slip from his eyes and your hand slip from his chest. Swiftly followed by you hurrying off to the toilet and bringing it all up - and you were still certain that the alcohol was not responsible for such response.

"So what's the plan beauty?" Shawn leans against the counter beside you, wiggling his brows.

'Beauty'. In what way? The beauty of your features? Or the beauty of your heart he couldn't find it in him to love?

"I want to go up," You comment, hopping down and grabbing some of the food from the island.

He grabs some too and follows after you, letting you lead the way up to the rooftop of this block. For a moment, just a fleeting one, as the night air hits your lungs, you forget all about him rejecting you. And you forget about having to tell him you're leaving.

You weren't scared of going. There was no way you could stay in Toronto if he was going to still be here. You'd never get over him and you already could see how much it would make you deteriorate. No. You had to get out, start fresh, and find a way to move on from Shawn Mendes.

But, for now, you don't want to say a word. You sit on the concrete rooftop and tuck into the food Shawn has collated, promising yourself that you could stay normal for just a while longer.

~~~

It is growing darker and darker over the Toronto skyline now and the food between you and Shawn had dwindled down to the few grapes that he'd attempted to catch in his mouth and failed in doing so.

There's a silence between you that, normally you'd think nothing of. But this time it feels as though it's filled with the stains of a thousand words you wished you hadn't said. For you coild act as normal as possible, but it was all just playing pretend.

Without second thought, you get up, making your way around the industrial structure on top of the roof, glimpsing back to see Shawn watching you from his seated position.

You memorise the features of his face, sure of yourself when you admit it might be the last time. You take them all in as though you're storing them in a part of your mind you'd never return to. You just needed to know they were there.

It didn't terrify you that, after tonight, you might not ever see him again. It insgead terrified you to stay - to stay and slowly realise you no longer had Shawn. You'd never have him in the way you did before, or the way you wished you could.

He stands up and makes his way over to you, arm reaching out to swing around one of the metal supports as he follows in your shadowed footsteps to meet you.

"You remember when we first came up here?" He asks, a smile dancing on his lips.

"When you first played me falling all in you," You comment, mimicking his own expression.

He hums in response and steps closer to you, "And you made me dance with you,"

You find yourself tensing up a little but Shawn ignores it - acting as though there was no reason for you to feel any uncomfort.

His hand reaches up to clasp with yours and his other settles on your waist as he pulls you into his chest. Instantly, he starts to sing the tune to his song and the two of you sway along to the absent tune. From where your hand settled, you could feel the beat of his heart through his chest and, for a moment, you imagine it holding a love for you.

You imagine that, when you'd broken all of your walls, he'd opened a door to the relationship you were waiting so longingly for.

The way he holds you feels to you like it's more than any friendship but you know it isn't the same for him. You choose to ignore that. Instead taking this moment, just this freezeframe, as the memory you could truly use.

He pulls away from you and spins you away from his body, still holding onto your hand as he ends the lyrics to the song.

If this was your last night with him, this was all you could ask for.

And so it begins.

"Shawn I have something to tell you," You admit.

Even you have to wince at the words. It sounded like a rerun of your previous confession.

"(Y/n) I-"

"I'm leaving," You state quickly before he can continue with any level of reasoned sympathy, "I'm uh- I applied for that job in London and they've accepted me. I leave on Monday,"

His face goes through a mix of expressions as your confession deepens.

"I j-"

"When did you find out?"

"Nearly two weeks ago,"

He purses his lips together and nods, "And you figured two days before you go would be a good time to tell me? What the fuck (Y/n)?!"

"Don't be mad with me S," You shake your head, "You know why I need to do this,"

"We said we wouldn't let that affect us," He sighs, brows furrowing.

"No, no, you said that," You can feel yourself shaking a little now and you hope it is just because of the low temperature of the night air, "You knew I'd never be able to do that. It was different for you,"

He stays in silence, knowing you still had more to be said.

"You could go on and move on and I'd still be your friend. I had to force myself to fall out of l-" You stop yourself before saying those words, "What if I never love again here Shawn?"

Your voice cracks and you let it be heard, a tear slipping over the barrier of your eye.

He swallows and it's recognisable in the bobbing of his Adam's apple, "You know I-"

"I don't need you to explain yourself Shawn, I know it already," You confirm, "And you already know my side,"

"No, I know you (Y/n), you wouldn't want to be away," He shakes his head, "I know you, you'd hate it and I-"

"That's the worst part Shawn," You let out a raspy chuckle, "Nobody knows me better than you do,"

He stops and lets you speak once more, his shoulders dropping again.

"For the past how many years, you've been the only only person that has mattered in my life. You're the only one I've turned to, only one I know I can rely on," You shrug your shoulders, "And I let myself fall in love with you. Fall into unrequited love for you. And you had to tell me you didn't feel the same,"

You swipe a hand across your face to erase your tears.

"So who do I run to now?"

"No, no, don't say it like that," Shawn croaks out, "You know you'll always, always, have me. I don't care about how you feel about me or how I feel about you. We're friends and that won't ever change,"

You're trembling now but you try to shake it off, "No, no, I don't want it to be like this,"

Shawn steps forward and erases the distance between you, holding your hands in his and bringing them up to his lips.

"It matters to me that this ends well," You encourage, "I don't want our last memories of each other to be like this. I want us to dance, I want you to sing me a song you've just written, I want to eat enough food to never eat again and I want to stay up here until security tell is to get down,"

"(Y/n) I don't blame you for anything, I don't blame you for telling me you love me or-" He rambles, "I don't blame you but if you're asking for forgiveness then you've got it, I forgive you,"

"I don't want that S," You slip your hand away from his and cup his cheek, "But this isn't the way we should remember us,"

He takes a shaky breath and watches as you move to turn on the music on his phone, letting the soft melody fill the sickeningly tense air around you.

You guide his arms around your form and hold yourself against his body, waiting for the moment when he held you back.

And he does. He grips onto you and takes every inch of you in like he finally realises you're telling the truth. You can feel his heartbeat against your ear and listen as it settles at the same pace as yours.

This was the hardest thing you'd ever have to do. But all you could ask is that you'd stay like this for the last moments of your short eternity.

~~~

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @bringmethehorizonandpizza @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @spiderrpcrker @tommydaspidey @oneblckcoffee @darlingtholland @fanficparker @xxtomxo @httpfandxms

[sugirandom]

365 days of writing: day 156

Day 156: Averted

               It was a bit of a crazy day today. First, in the morning when we went to my pre-op appointment we found out that my schedule was moved up to Monday the 19th instead of that Friday since my doctor wanted to have Friday off. Luckily it’s at the same time so hopefully they won’t delay us and make me a very cranky patient but it was still pretty shocking. I also found out that we went through all the trouble of getting letters ready for insurance before my surgery and they aren’t going to even evaluate whether or not they’ll pay until after my surgery. That was my first dose of anxiety for the morning but mom assured me that it should be just fine and that she’d have my stepdad complain if they try to get out of paying since we got them everything they said they needed. For now I choose to have faith that it will get paid for. Since some people on me message me on this matter please do not message me saying something lke “that would really suck if they didn’t pay for it.” Or anything about that please, I know people are trying to be nice when they do that but honestly it just makes me anxious. I hope I’m not coming across as rude or anything. I’m just trying to keep that matter out of my mind until it becomes an issue. I guess I can start a Gofundme or something if I absolutely have to but I don’t think I will.

               As for the second matter, I opened up to mom about my nervousness regarding going to the seminar and having to stay in a hotel room with my stepdad and given that he’s been a little harder to deal with lately for whatever reason my mom sympathized with me and confessed that my stepdad had some worries of his own regarding the issue. So, in the end we decided I would skip going to the seminar once I was reassured that my boss would have no issue with it and that this would not put my job in jeopardy. Once I was told that I felt a huge weight lift off of me. I’m going into work tomorrow but I’ll stay at the office when my stepdad leaves and with a lot of people leaving it should be pretty quiet. I might work Friday too but only if Poppy or my mom are willing to bring me in. So, I feel like I dodged a bullet there to be honest.

               I watched a little Dragon Ball and I skipped out on LoI again just because I had a nerve-wracking morning but I think sometime during the week I’ll try to get myself to watch it. I’m pretty sure I only have 6 episodes left to go so that shouldn’t be too bad, especially since it’s getting a tad more decent in its later episodes. The Dragonball episodes both felt like filler since both episodes were one-episode stories but it’s hard to tell with a story like Dragonball since it’s a comedic Anime and even the manga coild have one-chapter stories for all I know. After all, one episode I thought was a filler for FMA was actually in the manga so…I guess the more decent filler could possibly be in the manga as well. Though manga, in my experience, tends to use lighter or more comedic one-chapter stories to make fans laugh before they get into really serious plot. A calm before the storm if you will, which was what LoI’s Anime was trying to if you remember correctly…

               Anyway, I probably won’t too much longer since it’s already 5:15 and I know I should call Poppu to see what she wants us to do for dinner but I wanted to say that a few people are talking to me on the dating site again. Today a girl messaged me yay! Another girl, since I was mostly attracting the attention of Gay men I was worried that I wasn’t attractive to girls. I do like guys too, don’t get me wrong but I’d like to have girls as an option too. I kind of convinced myself Japanese girls wouldn’t be interested in me but maybe that’s just my stupid self-confidence talking again. I mean I think I at least have a better chance of making friends with Japanese guys since they’re usually too shy to approach girls, let alone foreign girls, so I think the should feel more at ease around a fellow guy. This is just a trend I noticed overall though, obviously not everyone fits that trend. Well…alright, off I got for now.

[thenerdybonbon]

Please don’t think I meant that with any malice! I apologies if I came across as rude, I was just confused on what it coild be, I love all idols like they’re my brothers and I am fond of them all. I know we have our own problems but I wasnt sure what it could be in the industry that wasn’t allowing gay people to become idols

Haha yeh, sorry if that came across short or whatever, I didn’t want to seem like I was being hard/rude/judgey on Korean culture, not when we have the same issues. 

It makes sense companies would want to encourage LGBT idols to stay closeted because they sell the fantasy of availability and within the whole hetero framework (male idols are sold to female fans as ‘maybe he could be your bf’)

So yeah, its not like they bar LGBT idols, at least not that I know, but more that they discourage being out.

[cutscarsandbrokenhearts]

oK so once I was with my ex this was like a year ago, and we were together for about a few months or so but it was those relationships where it all feels like everything is perfect and you love each other so much and everything is just more than you dreamed! IN SAYING THAT! I quit my job one day and was on my way to another job that has been wanting me for months. (I was a manager/waitress) I called my boyfriend at the time to tell him what happened and it was around 5pm and he finishes work at 3, goes home and chills and at 7 he goes gym, but he didn’t answer so I assumed that he either fell asleep or maybe went to gym early. I didn’t bother texting him thinking he will call me back later or that after I go see this job I will see him. So I continued driving, parked my car when I got there and I spoke to the owners and they wanted me to start right away considering it was a Friday and they were understaffed. So I said okay also being said I was told I could leave at around 9 so I didn’t complain. So I was told I had to stay outside and bring some customers in, by holding menus and showing them to customers as they walked by. I was outside for a good hour just standing there and talking to some people who walked past. AND I SWEAR AS I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE I SAW MY BOYFRIEND (at the time) AND THIS GIRL RUN ACROSS THE ROAD! HOLD HANDS AND CONTINUED WALKING IN MY DIRECTION! I swear my heart starting beating I was literally about to faint but at the same time I was so fucking angry I was literally ready to smash both of there fucking faces in but something in my heart told me to just stand there and wait. And so I did. And I kid you not they stopped right in front of me. This girl was still holding his hand, looking at me smiling and he was looking at me red in the face trying to avoid eye contact. And I didn’t know what the fuck to say. And OUT OF ALL THINGS THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH WAS

“Table for two” and she just looked at me in the most friendliest way and she goes

“Can I see the menu” I fucking handed it to her SO POLITELY SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR BUT BURNING WITH RAGE!

I couldn’t help myself I just wanted to know what was going on so I asked

“You guys together?”

And she’s like “yeah we are” smiling at him and grabs his hand and he’s trying to push away and she’s just still holding it and smiling

“How long you been together?”

“3 months” I swear to god, the devil in me was ready to fucking throw hands and start burning human flesh but I still shut my fucking mouth and spoke so nicely

“You guys make a cute couple” I said

“Oh thanks! Do you have a boyfriend?” Deadass I looked him right in his face and I said

“No not anymore he’s a lying cheating scumbag and I hope he burns in hell” and she thought it was funny and she was full having a conversation with me about how men that cheat are pieces of shits and I’m just standing there thinking to myself this poor girl is so fucking nice and she doesn’t know anything and if I open my mouth I could destroy something that could either A) work out for her or B) DOESNT AND WE COILD TEAM UP AND SACRAFICE HIM. So I decided to shutup. In the end after the awkward but not that bad conversation between me and this mistress they ended up walking to another restaurant because my ex wanted to eat somewhere else. WHICH WAS FINE WITH ME!

After my shift, I copped about 70 missed calls and 30 messages from this scum bag wanting to see me and how sorry he was and blah blah blah. So my dumb ass decided to not reply and wait till 3 in the morning to answer his calls because I knew he had work at 5:30am to see him. And so I drove to his house, thinking of everything I could say. Picked him up and ONCE AGAIN THIS IS WHAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH

“How was your day!?” ACTING COMPLETELY NORMAL AND HE IS LOOKING AT ME LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU BUT IM JUST LOOKING DUMB AS FUCK.

We continued to small talk, acting as if nothing ever happened, and I got so lost in our conversation I realised we’ve been driving for 30 minutes and ended up in another area. I parked the car. And that’s when we decided to talk serious. He spoke all this shit about how sorry he was and that it was his cousin and then it was his friend and whatever. Mind you I haven’t even spoken yet. And then when I decided to talk. I don’t know who unleashed this person and where the fuck she came from but I looked at him dead in the face

“Do you still want to be with me or not”

He said “no”

And I SAID

“Well like the dog you are you can fucking get out of my car and walk home because if you think for a second that I am driving you home, you have rocks in your big head.”

And HE SAID

“Please don’t make me walk, I don’t have my wallet on me and my phones dead. And it’s like hours walk”

I said “GET OUT NOW!” And so he did.

1 year now they are getting married and so am I to someone who knows my worth and to SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME UNCONDIOTIONALLY SO LADIES IF YOU THINK THAT YOU LOST SOMETHING MEANINGFUL IN YOUR LIFE BE FUCKING PAITENT BECAUSE SOMETHING BETTER COMES ALONG AND IF THE GIRL HE CHEATS ON YOU WITH ENDS UP BEING THERE FATE REMWBER THAT SHES EATING YOUR FUCKING CRUMBS