#tocomefirst

[lingeringscars]

@tocomefirst

there’s a part of him that feels blindsided even if it isn’t fair. he went into that conversation knowing that rose needed it and needed support, so that’s what he provided for her. there were pieces of adrian’s side that didn’t fit with the rose he knew or the one that she told him, though. he knows her guilt around the breakup and how it went down, knows that she thinks it wouldn’t have worked out because they didn’t understand each other anyway. yet, there are pieces of the conversation that stick with him. not because he doubts her or doesn’t trust her; there’s nothing that could change that. he trusted her implicitly, but doubt filled his lungs. words about how he and rose were destined to fail because they weren’t meant to be come back to him. words that he brushed off as jealousy and anger originally, now return. 

the ride home was quieter than maybe it usually would be; rose wasn’t the only one mentally recovering from the conversation. his fingers clench the steering wheel when they come to a stop, wondering if he should bring it up. ultimately, he doesn’t know how to get out of the car until he addresses it, even if he doesn’t think it will change anything. “were you really going to break up with adrian by saying you weren’t meant to be?” adrian warned him against dimitri. dimitri said the universe fated them. as much as he wants to say fuck the universe, too many stories about fate are on the tip of his tongue. they should be past this, and he’s never doubted her, but now self-loathing returns with a vengeance to remind him he isn’t good enough for her. “that you cheated on him because he wasn’t the love of your life?”  

[outlivespast]

“are you high?“ / christian & rose

his eyes roll the second she speaks; of course she would think that. it makes sense given their history, of course, and he’s a little surprised she isn’t asking if he’s crazy. ( he thinks about her episode on the plane, her and lissa’s anxiety about vlad and anna, and suddenly he thinks she’s more afraid of that word and what it could mean for her ). he expected as much coming back from Lehigh with lissa. she wasn’t stupid, and even without the bond, she probably knew about him teaching lissa fighting moves. with the bond, she knew that they had help. he doesn’t think that’s what she’s thinking about right now though.

the first thing he did when he returned was hug her. it was overdue with her return from wherever she flew off to, and he was worried about her even if his worry for lissa took over. he knew rose could take charge and protect herself, and there was no doubting lissa’s strength...but she wasn’t the lissa he knew anymore. even knowing about avery, it was still hard to forgive her behavior. it was one of his worst fears ( perhaps shallow, but he doesn’t give a damn. lissa becoming one of those royals and losing everything that makes her her... it’s a fear that comes the closer they get to court too. how long until the lissa he loves is gone and what’s left is just the perfect princess they all wanted her to be? she was so much more than that. she was so much better than what they wanted. ). 

he’s getting over it and this trip was one of the first steps. he misses lissa, and with lissa came rose, but they were more than that too. so he hugs her, and then he smacks her arm. 

“look. i like eddie.” he does; it surprises him how quickly he was able to let eddie in. he supposes spokane was bound to do that to them, but it didn’t change what came next. he likes eddie, he and eddie are friends, but he and rose... they’re connected. they don’t need a bond to determine that, and it was starting to feel like it wasn’t just lissa that connected them. “but he never should have been the one to tell me what you guys were up to or why.” he can’t play the boyfriend card right now; maybe lissa should have told him, and he would have expected it if they were together especially since it involves spirit. he knew better, but he thought rose did too. “it was stupid, risky, insane. and just about everything the two of us have gotten into since we started talking.” it hurt. he can’t tell her that in so many words, but it did. rose has known eddie for longer, and his fighting skills would come in handy during a trip like this, but christian didn’t like being on the outside. he didn’t like how easy it seemed that he could be replaced if anything happened between him and lissa. he finally had friends; he didn’t want to lose them if he wasn’t dating her. 

“i get it. why you didn’t tell me. i wouldn’t have gone along with breaking the bastard that tortured lissa out....” maybe he would have, though. if they could save strigoi.... it was crazy but it might have just worked. “not on some baseless theory.” isn’t it all they do, though? spirit was new and every day they learn a new ability that comes with it. he and lissa were also supposed to be at each other’s throats so maybe that didn’t factor into rose’s opinion at all.. he’d like to think it did but he knows better. “i know we’re not.. best friends.” he wouldn’t know what else to call her...she’s just. rose. “and that you’ll have to be on lissa’s side no matter what.” because they were best friends, and that’s what the two of them do. it’s rose and lissa against everyone else, and just because this past year has been different doesn’t change every year it wasn’t. “but i don’t stop caring.” could have fooled them, but he never stopped caring about lissa-- even if right now all he’s thinking about is rose. “if lissa and i aren’t together... it doesn’t change you and me. i’m still here for you; i would have gone with you. i wouldn’t tell anyone - i won’t. we’ve been through too much shit for that.” vulnerability is winning, but after spending the weekend with lissa, there’s no other way for him to appear. “i thought you knew that.” 

@tocomefirst​​ / ✰ * º ❛   the o.c. sentence starters.   ❜ / accepting

[conjurore]

knock knock who's there tiffany?? tiffany who?? tiffany-WHO-LOVES-YOU

oh hey i love u SO MUCH............  SOOOOO MUCH

[rejectory]

[ approval ] your muse complimenting mine on a choice they’ve made . / @ natasha or carol or another warrior girl

In a back alley, that kind of sick apple chomp is what being shit out of luck sounds like.

Dinah watches.

It’s only ever a proper headbutt if it hurts you back, and the girl’s rammed her forehead open. She’s starting to bleed into one of her saucer eyes, ugly and angry and ready for more. Her head’s gonna balloon to twice its size before the day is over.

❝Good form.❞

And sure enough: that’s good ol’ Tommy right there, dumb as all fuck, spreadeagle in a custard of puke, creaking like an old door. His nose’s gnarled sideways on his face. Loose bowtie, the boys call it.

Thing about Tommy is, he likes to stick his hands places very much; he likes it most when there’s no permission.

Dinah shuts the oily disgust in her gut out.

❝Move it if I were you, though. Boss doesn’t like his dolls bruised up.❞

@tocomefirst.

[lingeringscars]

tocomefirst​:

it would be less embarrassing if it were automatic - just simple instinct, muscle memory, her mouth forming around the words before her brain reminds her why they no longer make sense. but that would have to mean that she’s stopped thinking about him at least once this morning (in the hours since they walked away from each other, if she’s being honest), and the heartbreaking expression she last saw on his features is all she can think about as she stands in line at the café, as she places an order for two muffins instead of one. if she was capable of caring about her pride right now, she’d blame it on how distracted she is, but she’s too exhausted and too full of sorrow to waste any more energy on it. only the very faint hope that he might appear makes it through, that and the distant consolation that she can drop it off in his locker in the guardians’ lounge when he doesn’t. it’s his favorite, after all. as she looks at it out of the corner of her eye while picking at her own muffin, she thinks about the ease with which she’d teased him about that - the blandness of the muffin, far milder than her chocolate one. it’s hard to reconcile how warm and effortless their conversations usually seem with the sharp edges of what had taken place last night. the comparison hurts, taking her attention away from both the muffin and the morning chill leaving goose bumps on her arms. 

only the sight of him draws her eyes away, filling her with immediate relief. soon after, conflict ensues as she grapples with the urge to go over to him and the fear he might turn away, but it eases as she watches him walk toward her, that same relief filling her features.  “hey,” rose greets softly with a tentative smile, unsure of whether to jump right into their usual chatting or if the horrible distance between them from the night before will have carried over to the morning. / @lingeringscars.

it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours, yet somehow this restless night felt harder than all the others. they were partners first, and he knows that he has forgotten that when drowning in his own memories. he meant what he said about still trusting and believing her, but it still felt like it had changed things between them. so much so that he doesn’t know if she’ll be where his feet automatically take him. maybe it’s the lack of sleep that makes him bold enough to consider knocking at christian’s door. bellamy is guided by his heart, always has been, but there’s the nagging part that says he needs to let rose come to him. he disappeared to the lake the previous night; she could have her own coping mechanisms, though that would indicate she cared enough about the fracture in their relationship. 

instead he pulls himself out of bed, throwing on whatever tee shirt he had lying around before making his way to...their? spot. he doesn’t think he’s earned the right to call it that anymore; he doesn’t know if it ever was to begin with, but it’s where she’d go to find him and where he’d be waiting with a donut if she showed up, hopefully more rested than him.

he thinks about making a bee-line for the door, not wanting to be stopped for mindless guardian conversation or an update on their next trip with lissa. before he can put his head down, however, he spots a familiar head of hair. she was already here. before he can stop himself, he starts in her direction, looking over her matching disheveled appearance and giving a small smile when she says hi. his expression is crestfallen when he’s reminded of the distance between them and how it’s his fault. “i’m so sorry.” he doesn’t have the words to explain just how sorry he was. he chooses to deflect instead, commenting on the one thing he knows they have in common currently. “you look like hell.” he smirks, brushing his fingers under her right eye. maybe, just maybe, he’ll allow himself to think her night felt just as off as his own. 

[buildhope]

WHAT IS YOUR PRIMARY FEELING OF LONGING?  /  tagged by @tocomefirst​​

In longing, you feel hope.  You're on a long road, you know this. Your desire is strong, big in your chest but you don't feel weighed down. You've had your hardships, but you know what you truly seek is, or could be, not far from your grasp. Not to say you don't feel the burning in your heart for something more, but there’s still a spark in you, a voice that says, "don't give up, what if?" You can be patient. You know you must be. Your yearning is felt like a campfire in rain, the circumstances say the flame should be out, but yet it burns, as long as god willing or sheer effort keeps it alive. You feel the pull in your gut that makes your throat tighten with the ache of your heart but you softly smile, it's just a reminder of your love. You aren't afraid of your feelings in the way that would make you push them away because you're familiar with them and you know the payoff would be well worth the grief. You're doing great my darling, you will find your love if you have not already.

[boycrowned]

WHAT  IS  YOUR  LIFETRAP ?

YOUR  LIFETRAP  IS  UNRELENTING STANDARDS :    your primary feeling is one of pressure. you feel as if you can never relax and enjoy life. That you must always push to get ahead. for you, life is only doing. it is having to work or achieve all the time. you feel frustrated and irritated with yourself for not meeting your own high standards.

physical stress is common with you. you may have headaches, digestion or bowel problems, as well as high blood pressure and/or insomnia. at root, you probably feel chronically angry, but with no apparent object to direct that anger towards. Instead of staying with that anger, you channel it outwards to your surroundings. everything has to be perfect. you need to feel in control. 

most likely you are successful. but you rarely stop and enjoy your success. the balance between work and pleasure feels lopsided. you turn many forms of activity into work and it enslaves you. you seem to have lost touch with your basic self. you go through the motions, but no longer know what makes you happy.

one of your parents may have used shame or criticism when you failed to meet their high expectations. as an adult, you feel you cannot let go of your need for perfect order, achievement, or status. but your excessively high standards are in fact impinging on your quality of life. you are successful, but not fulfilled. you need to learn that you can lower your standards without feeling like a failure.

FULL  STATS   :

UNRELENTING STANDARDS :  96% SUBJUGATION :  63% VULNERABILITY :  54% DEFECTIVENESS :  50% ENTITLEMENT :  29% SOCIAL EXCLUSION :  21% EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION :  13% MISTRUST - ABUSE :  8% DEPENDENCE :  8% ABANDONMENT :  4% FAILURE - IMPAIRMENT :  0%.

tagged  by :  @tiderider​   ♡♡♡ tagging :  @girlfaired​ , @sitched​ , @boyimpossible​ , @outlivespast​ , @tocomefirst​ , @sheprincess​ + anyone else tag me ill vouch !!

[cruoiremoved]

MUSE BODY LANGUAGE.

BOLD  what  usually  applies  /  ITALICIZE  sometimes  applies  to  your  muse .   REPOST,  DO  NOT REBLOG !!

DEFENSIVENESS.   arms  crossed  on  chest   /   crossing  legs  /  fist-like  gestures  /  pointing  index  finger   /   karate  chops   /  stiffening  of  shoulders  / tense  posture  /  curling  of  lip  /   baring  of  teeth.

REFLECTIVE.    hand  to  face  gestures  /   head  tilted    /  stroking chin    /  peering  over   glasses  /   taking  glasses  off  —  cleaning   /   putting  earpiece  of  glasses in  mouth   /  pipe  smoker  gestures    /  putting  hand  to  the bridge  of  nose  /  pursed  lips  /  knitted  brows.

SUSPICION.   arms  crossed  /   sideways  glance  /   touching  or  rubbing  nose  /   rubbing  eyes   /   hands  resting  on  weapon  /   brows  rising    /  lips  pressing  into  a  thin line    /  strict  unwavering  eye  contact  /   wrinkling  of  nose.

OPENNESS + COOPERATION.    open  hands  /   upper  body  in  sprinters  position /  sitting  on  the edge  of  a  chair    /   hand-to-face gestures  /   unbuttoned  coat   /   tilted  head  /  slacked  shoulders  /  droopy  posture  /   feet  pointed  outward    /  palms  flat  and  facing  outward.

CONFIDENCE.   hands  behind  back  /   hands  on  lapels  of  coat  /   steeped  hands  /  baring  teeth  in  a  grin  /   rolling  shoulders  /  tipping head  back  but  maintaining  eye  contact  /  chest  puffed  up  /   shoulders  back  /  arms  folded  just  above  navel.

INSECURITY + ANXIETY.   chewing  pen  or  pencil   /   rubbing  thumb  over  opposite  thumb  /  biting  fingernails  /  hands  in  pockets  /  elbow  bent  /   closed  gestures   /  clearing  throat   /   “ whew ”  sound  /   picking  or  pinching  flesh  /  fidgeting  in  chair  /  hand  covering  mouth  whilst speaking  /   poor  eye  contact  /  tugging  pants or  clothes  /  jingling  money  in  pockets  /   tugging  at  ear  /  perspiring  hands  /   playing  with  hair  /  swaying   /   playing  with pointer or marker   /   smacking  lips  /  sighing  /  rocking  on  balls  of  feet  /   flexing  fingers  sporadically.

FRUSTRATION.    short  breaths  /   “ tsk ”  sounds  /   tightly  clenched  hands  /  fist-like  gestures  /  pointing  index  finger  /   running  hand  through  hair  /   rubbing  back  of  neck   /  snarling  /  revealing  teeth  /  grimacing  /   sharp-eyed  glowers  with  notable  tension  in  brows   /   shoulders  back,  head  up   -   defensive  posturing  /  clenching  of  jaw  /  grinding  of  teeth  /   nostrils  flaring  /  heavy  exhales

tagged by:  @tocomefirst ty angel!! tagging:  @foxten,     @ichorim or @heldearth for anyone,      @blodyns,     @stagcharmed and idk whoever else wants to!

[emorality]

WHAT IS YOUR PRIMARY FEELING OF LONGING?  /  tagged by @tocomefirst​

IN LONGING, YOU FEEL HEAVY.  Your desire feels like a burden you've been carrying for too long. Your heart is a large weight in your chest, so heavy it brings down your shoulders and puts a bend in your back. You feel like if you were thrown into water, the weight of it would drag you straight to the bottom. It's as if no matter what you do, you just can't shake it or let it go. When you let yourself feel it, it's almost suffocating, you're drowning in desire, quietly. You unfocus your eyes and breathe out until the stream of air thins, a pang in your chest follows. The next breath is a sigh. You've been so patient, you feel you deserve something. Your yearning pulls and pulls at you but you've tried everything, nothing left to do but wait. Once you've accepted this, you push the thoughts away, but the weight is still there. Sometimes you convince yourself you don't even want what you desire anymore, you just want the weight lifted. But something says don't give up. You're too deep in love. Be strong my dear, stay determined.

[lingeringscars]

@tocomefirst said “i like the way you look at me.” / pairing: bellamy & rose

this is still new. opening the door to her and letting her into the area that feels more full and more like home when she’s standing in it. he’s never felt this way before, and he never thought it’s something he’d be allowed. after everything, he anticipated living the rest of his days in the basement of a church with the person who was supposed to be the love of his life, while rose got married and hopefully got happily ever after. he knew better than to think she was happy in that relationship, but there was a part of him that needed to believe that she was. 

now he features morph into something he thought was long gone: a genuine, soft smile solely reserved for her. she was going on about some food she wanted to try and all he could think is god, i love you. he almost misses what she says because wrapped up in thoughts about how he’s never been this happy or this in love before. “oh?” his hand reaches out to lace through her own, taking her to the couch for better access. “how’s that?”   

meme: EVERYTHING BEGINS AND ENDS AT THE KENTUCKY CLUB SENTENCE STARTERS / status: accepting

[outlivespast]

“was i really mean to you?” / Christian & Rose

the question, much like the hug that preceded it, seems to come out of nowhere, and christian is left speechless as he tries to formulate a response. not one to soften the blows, he knows before speaking that it won’t quell rose’s guilty conscious. he’s not certain what sparked the thought because they’ve dealt with most of their problems -- at least he thought they did. “what’s gotten into you?” they’ve grown past high school, unafraid to bear their feelings the way they once did, but that didn’t make this any less disconcerting. 

“you know you were.” drudging this up seems pointless now; rose apologized for it when she was his mock guardian, and he forgave her because her protective streak over lissa came in handy. he knew he could trust her with lissa’s heart and body and mind, and she had learned to trust him with the same. they grew closer in a time without lissa, but they were bonded long before then and also long before either acknowledged it. the time rose seems to be apologizing for was a blimp at the beginning of their relationship, irrelevant to him in the long run. the perception that she chose dimtri over him hurt more than the words she threw at him in high school. “it doesn’t matter now. you didn’t know me then.” 

@tocomefirst​​ / ✰ * º ❛   the o.c. sentence starters.   ❜ / accepting

[moonhurts]

MUSE BODY LANGUAGE

BOLD  what  usually  applies  /  ITALICIZE  sometimes  applies  to  your  muse .   REPOST,  DO  NOT REBLOG !!

**DEFENSIVENESS. arms  crossed  on  chest   /   crossing  legs  /  fist-like  gestures  /  pointing  index  finger   /   karate  chops   /  stiffening  of  shoulders  / tense  posture / curling  of  lip  /   baring  of  teeth

**REFLECTIVE. hand  to  face  gestures  /   head  tilted    / stroking chin    /  peering  over   glasses  /   taking  glasses  off  —  cleaning   /   putting  earpiece  of  glasses in  mouth   /  pipe  smoker  gestures    /  putting  hand  to  the bridge  of  nose  / pursed  lips  / knitted  brows

**SUSPICION. arms  crossed /   sideways  glance /   touching  or  rubbing  nose  /  rubbing  eyes   /   hands  resting  on  weapon  /  brows  rising    /  lips  pressing  into  a  thin line    / strict  unwavering  eye  contact  /   wrinkling  of  nose

**OPENNESS + COOPERATION. open  hands /   upper  body  in  sprinters  position / sitting  on  the edge  of  a  chair    /   hand-to-face gestures  /   unbuttoned  coat   / tilted  head  /  slacked  shoulders  /  droopy  posture /   feet  pointed  outward    / palms  flat  and  facing  outward

**CONFIDENCE. hands  behind  back /   hands  on  lapels  of  coat  /   steeped  hands  /  baring  teeth  in  a  grin  /   rolling  shoulders  / tipping head  back  but  maintaining  eye  contact /  chest  puffed  up  /   shoulders  back /  arms  folded  just  above  navel

**INSECURITY + ANXIETY. chewing  pen  or  pencil  / rubbing  thumb  over  opposite  thumb / biting  fingernails /  hands  in  pockets /  elbow  bent  /   closed  gestures  / clearing  throat /   “ whew ”  sound  /   picking  or  pinching  flesh / fidgeting  in  chair  /  hand  covering  mouth  whilst speaking  /   poor  eye  contact / tugging  pants or  clothes  /  jingling  money  in  pockets  /   tugging  at  ear  /  perspiring  hands /   playing  with  hair  / swaying   /   playing  with pointer / marker   /   smacking  lips  / sighing  / rocking  on  balls  of  feet /   flexing  fingers  sporadically

**FRUSTRATION. short  breaths /   “ tsk ”  sounds / tightly  clenched  hands  / fist-like  gestures  /  pointing  index  finger  /   running  hand  through  hair  /   rubbing  back  of  neck   /  snarling  / revealing  teeth  /  grimacing /   sharp-eyed  glowers  with  notable  tension  in  brows /   shoulders  back,  head  up   -   defensive  posturing /  clenching  of  jaw /  grinding  of  teeth  /   nostrils  flaring /   heavy  exhales

tagged by:  @perfectioness tagging:  @cheerslays; @arghunt; @cosmiicsouls; @tocomefirst; @lingeringscars (for spencer!); anyone else -- just tag me and i’ll vouch x

[j-reau]

TO DO LIST SO NO ONE THINKS I ABANDONED THEM

starter for @fireswarred

starter for @politicalgenius

starter for @nvctophiliac

new thread for @bauresurrected

starter for @cosmiicsouls

circle backs for plotting:

@gothampride

@skysplita

@hefiights

@hotpreist

@storyofwhoiam

@avastuniverse

@sevenswcrds

@tocomefirst

- check the plotting call for anyone else i missed

drafts: (8) @stapcs @lesviolents @bayouroyalty @jeht @dottirmikaelson @twinfractured @wclfout @starsmaiden

moodboards: 👗 💗👮✿💛 (yellow heart for @bauresurrected @lesviolents @dottirmikaelson @shcftingpieces @fireswarred )

⁂ the jj gets shot meme: @lesviolents @techkitten @bauresurrected

the entire rest of my inbox (47 memes ) obviously i will pick through some of these as usual probably but they’re there

This is mostly just a list for me to keep track of shit while I’m not feeling so hot. If anyone wants to plot things that isn’t on this list, please take a visit to my wishlist tag, interest tracker, plotting calls, etc or just HIT ME UP and if you’ve already done one of those things and i missed it/lost it/dropped it DO NOT HESITATE to circle back. A bitch wants to write with all of you she’s just forgetful. 

[terrifyingstories1]

tiffany, 22, she/her. prev. loveisaviolence. this is an independent, headcanon heavy, primarily iconless, and low maintenance + minimal aesthetic multi-muse account with a variety of canon, original, and literature based characters. mature themes present.

other blogs (** = follows back come from loveisaviolence): @tocomefirst / @ongentlegirl** / @resnovaes**. 

ask,  guidelines,  cast list,  exclusives list,  meme tag  (often best way to interact with me),  interest tracker if you’re so inclined,  meta tag.  

[lingeringscars]

@terrifyingstories requested birthday hugs & cheek kisses / pairing: bellamy & octavia ( ft. rose ). 

the last time they tried to celebrate his “birthday” the apartment nearly went down in flames and he was left to put the fire out. unfortunately for him, it meant both literally and metaphorically. octavia had tried to do something for him and nearly burned down their home, suffering the wrath of their mom only for him to have to comfort her. it had been a sweet gesture, but one he was grateful she hadn’t tried to repeat. it left a sour taste in his mouth, though, that despite how well the day has been going...something is going to go wrong. 

he hasn’t been afraid in a while about o and rose fighting, but when he comes out of the shower to see the decorations and them fighting over how to decorate the cake, he almost bursts into tears right then. part of him wants to grab the lighter before any mishap can occur, another wants to hug them both, and a third wonders how he got so lucky to spend the day he and rose chose together with everyone in his family. ending the day with the two most important people in his life was just...the icing on the cake. 

except the fear that a fight will brew lingers under the surface as they eat dinner. everything is too easy, and it feels like a ticking time bomb. he wants to ask o for alone time with rose, wants to spend time with his girlfriend on the day they created, wants to be with the person he’s planning on spending the rest of his life with...and he’s worried of the explosion that could occur when he does. he spends most of dinner and all of desert wondering how to bring it up without it causing a stir only for rose to effortlessly say she has a surprise for him and needs to steal him away. only for o to say that it was fine and start cleaning up. 

at first he tugs at the party hat octavia insisted that they wear, thinking it cut all circulation to his head, only for rose to squeeze his hand and show that it was real. he gives her a small nod, tears pricking at his eyes again over how much love is in the room, before rubbing her arm and telling her he’ll be right there. 

making his way into the kitchen, he wipes at his eyes to wipe the tears away. he kisses the top of her head when she puts the dishes aside, pulling her into a hug. “hey...thanks, o. for all of this.” for understanding, for letting him be with his girlfriend, for giving him the best birthday he’s ever had. “it means a lot to me... and, um, i know what it means to rose to have done this with you. so thanks for that, too.” he’s so proud of her and everything that she’s becoming. “we’ll be back soon and we can watch a movie or something, okay? your pick?”

[lingeringscars]

@tocomefirst said a pulling down into their lap hug / pairing: bellamy & rose

knowing about the letters and seeing them in rose’s hands spark two very different emotions. hearing and witnessing the pain in rose’s voice and body left nothing but grief for her; her pain was his own and it guts him to know that she spent so much time alone, tormented with little ability to rely on the people around her. knowing she has a safe place now does nothing to deter the tears from sparking to his eyes even now that his sorrow has turned to anger. for the same reasons but also directed at one person in particular. 

he doesn’t get to hide behind the excuse of being strigoi; there was maybe a time when bellamy would have accepted that, but mostly he thinks they’re all responsible for their actions and has a decent enough history with strigoi to say they act on their base desires. being strigoi doesn’t absolve him of his crimes, nor does it change the fact that he was a villain long before he turned and did not seem to deter him from future atrocities. bellamy has enough knowledge to know he never atoned for anything he did while strigoi; he knows well enough that he never should have come back to work with someone high profile either. 

their society is unforgiving, yet somehow dimitri was able to change routes from lissa to christian with little recourse. knowing he had been strigoi and the first to be turned back did not seem to warrant further questioning despite how much they’re still learning about spirit magic and the powers involved. ( it isn’t lost on him that eddie was on thin ice despite his own high profile charge; he wonders how they’re keeping tabs on him to make sure he doesn’t step out of line ). 

he has to swallow the thoughts or his mind will never return to the present and rose needs him more than he needs to think about the circle of spies he knows are described in these letters. the rigidity of his back gives him away but this is about rose gaining something back, releasing the weight these letters have had over her the past few years. it’s this that allows his shoulders to hunch a little as he takes a seat on the floor. before she can protest about it being bad for his back, his hand reaches out for her own, knowing she’ll have to shuffle the letters into one hand to take it; he knows her better than anyone so he doesn’t need to speak to know that she’ll take residence in his lap in front of the fireplace. he wants to hold her and knows that she’ll want that too, so it’s simple enough an ask. 

meme: Have a Hug Nonverbal Starters / status: accepting