#tony's family from italy !!! is somehow witch and catholic simply because i wanted to make it funny

[lovelyirony]

if you’re taking prompts uhh “the darkness encroaches (you keep it at bay)” idk for who maybe tony?

Tony, for one thing, did not like the fact he was apparently part of a long line of magic-users. 

His mom had always been tight-lipped about her own family history, even after she left dad and they moved back to New York. 

Tony had asked one time about her family. They had to talk about family history in one of his classes, and there was no way in hell that he wanted to talk about Howard in any capacity that was even neutral. (After all for his debate class, he was talking about how much he sucked in terms of universal weaponry policy.) 

Mom had given him a sharp look from the kitchen counter, and even though she was wearing rubber gloves and her hair was pushed back by a bandana that had little Mickey Mouse print on it, she still looked terrifying. 

“They’re not worth mentioning, Tony. Make something up.” 

“Geez, okay. Touchy subject...” 

“Not touchy. Just not worth the time.” 

Tony didn’t make a comment after that, because in all honesty he and his mom have never been excellent liars to each other, and this time is no exception. 

He does make up his family history. He knows his family is probably from Italy somewhere, they moved in...1923? Yeah, that sounds good. And he’s named after an uncle. 

(He isn’t.) 

Tony doesn’t ask his mom again because he knows that she won’t give in or break down to answer his questions, and there’s probably good reason why he doesn’t know. 

- 

Oh, there’s a reason alright. 

- 

He likes science. He likes understanding things. In his (correct) opinion, magic is just science that no one understands yet. Everything has an explanation. 

Well. 

He accidentally set an asshole’s Mustang on fire. 

To be fair, he was an asshole. He had been talking over the professor during every single slide in the lecture presentation for his lecture, and Tony had just about yelled in frustration. 

So instead as he saw the guy rev his engine for his stupid fucking car and make a whole big scene about how he had a Mustang, how fucking cool is that you absolute shit-heel of a person-

Fire. 

Nothing serious, but Tony knows he did it. 

He could feel how his hands twitched, how something came to him and from him. Something not normal. 

Or at least if it was normal, health class never came close to covering it. 

- 

But it’s a one-time thing, he thinks. He’s not really doing anything else, so maybe it only happens when he’s really mad? That’s probably it. That has to be it. 

Except the ramen that he likes at the grocery store is on the top shelf, and Rhodey wandered off to get actual food, and so he can’t reach it because he’s not a freak who is like 6′4″. 

It floats. 

It fucking floats. 

The sweet-chili-ramen floats into his cart and Rhodey sees it, and he stares. 

"Either I took an edible and it finally kicked in, or you just did something that definitely isn’t supposed to happen.” 

“Maybe the latter,” Tony says faintly. 

“Oh,” Rhodey says. “Do you think we have time to get that queso you wanted, or do we have to pay for the groceries and go to the car to process?” 

“Queso over my mental state,” Tony responds automatically. “Let’s go.” 

-

They eat in silence when they get to their apartment, and they don’t say anything for about ten minutes. 

“So. Do you think you can fly on a broomstick?” 

“What? No!” Tony exclaimed, but pausing. “Well, I’ve never tried before, so...” 

“Then we have to try. For science reasons,” Rhodey says. “Where the fuck do we get a broomstick?” 

So...

As it turns out, you can’t really get a traditional broomstick, so they went to the store and bought a mop. 

“They have a mop, but not a broomstick?” 

“To be fair, it is April.” 

“Why does that matter?” 

“Well,” Rhodey starts to explain, “April showers bring May flowers, but also wet boots into the hallway. Also, it’s not your holiday yet.” 

“Well yeah, it’s not May yet.” 

“I didn’t mean your birthday, dipshit. I meant your holiday.” 

“What the fuck is my holiday?” Tony demands. “No one has a ‘celebrate Tony Stark’ day in their calendars, as far as I or my ego knows, so-” 

He stops. 

“Oh, you little shit.” 

“I’m not little,” Rhodey brags. “I’m taller than you.” 

“For now.” 

“For permanence!” 

“I’ll make you pay for this broomstick with the last ten dollars in your checking account.” 

“Then I’ll tell Jarvis!” 

“Damn your need to know my family,” Tony curses. “Fine.” 

- 

Tony can’t fucking fly on a fucking mop. 

- 

One broken arm later and a phone call to his mother later, Maria Carbonell is sitting on her son’s dormitory mattress and wondering just why the hell he lied to her about how he broke his arm. 

Here was her son’s lie: 

“Um. I broke my arm because dinner sucked.” 

A.) There was no follow up. 

B.) Her son is bad at lying as she is. 

Unfortunately, she did not announce her arrival, and so she gets Tony’s roommate opening the door and screaming that the liquor is in the second cabinet from the left. 

Maria raises one eyebrow. 

“Did Tony at least pick out good wine?” 

“Uh...you’re Tony’s mom?” 

“Yes.” 

“I didn’t think you were coming to visit until move-out.” 

“I...we had an interesting conversation. You wouldn’t happen to know why Tony actually broke his arm, would you?” 

“Um...no.” 

(Rhodey is also a bad liar.) 

- 

Tony gets home about ten minutes later and promptly says: 

“Oh fuck.” 

“Is that any way to greet your mother?” Mom asks, already sipping delicately on her glass of water. 

“Um...move-out isn’t for another month.” 

“I know. But you lied to your dear mother.” 

“How did you know?” 

“You can never hide anything from your mom, and your excuse needed work, honey,” Maria answers. “So. How did you break your arm?” 

Tony sighs. 

“Promise me you won’t laugh. And don’t tell Jarvis.” 

“What did you....what?” 

- 

The mop. 

Maria doesn’t laugh at first, at least until she sees the pictures that Rhodey took and chuckles. 

“You promised me you wouldn’t laugh!” 

“What were you doing? And why?” she asks, laughing. Tony rubs the back of his neck nervously. 

“Um, well...funny story...” 

- 

Maria should have known that her son would have her...abilities. But she had hoped that if he had never known the family, had never known what she could do, that maybe...maybe they wouldn’t come. 

“So what you’re telling me,” Tony says, nostrils flaring, “is that there’s magic?” 

“Yes,” Maria says. “And what we deal with specifically is good magic.” 

“Oh, so I could’ve put Glinda the Good Witch on my family tree project,” Tony says sarcastically. 

Maria scowls. 

“Don’t sass me, Tony. I did it for your own good.” 

“I set a car on fire!” 

“Well, what kind of car was it?!” 

“A Mustang!” 

“Then that makes sense!” Maria says. “Your father drove one, and we all know how that turned out!” 

Tony blinks for a moment. 

And then laughs. 

Maria starts laughing too, until they’re both giggling in the apartment, and Tony tells her about the grocery store incident. 

- 

Mom tells him, essentially, that they have a job: defend from the darkness. She doesn’t say if the darkness is someone or a group or a concept. She just says that she’ll send him some of the spell-books (fucking spell-books!) over and talk about how emotions and different hand motions can affect how spells go. 

“So, why never the family? I mean, you could’ve told me about them and then just not mentioned the magic portion,” Tony asks when he’s moved back into their house, and has grilled Mom on just about every single page in the book. 

“Because as much as your father is a terrible person, you’re still like him in some aspects,” Maria says. “And you are stubborn and don’t let information go. You want to know how everything works, and that includes family. You would’ve been wreaking havoc since you were eight.” 

“I was already wreaking havoc when I was eight,” Tony whines. “But, this also raises the question of when are we doing a family reunion?” 

She stops, looking at him. 

“They weren’t exactly pleased when I married a millionaire.” 

“Not even when he became a billionaire and you got half his fortune?” Tony teases. 

“Not even then,” she answers. “I have a...complicated relationship with magic.” 

“As in, you don’t use it.” 

“Correct,” she answers. “You don’t need magic in your life, and quite often, it gets you in more trouble than you anticipate.” 

“Are you going to give me a ‘magic has consequences’ speech?” 

Maria laughs. 

“No. Magic, as far as I know, doesn’t really have consequences. The actions you do have consequences. You could blast up an entire country and as long as you don’t get caught, no consequences other than what you do to yourself.” 

“Like having guilt?” 

“Like having guilt. But enough about that, it’ll make you feel weird for a week if you keep thinking about it. I want you to light candles from two feet away.” 

“Of course I can do that,” Tony scoffs. 

“Sure you can.” 

-

Tony also sets the curtains on fire! 

- 

Maria realizes that her son is perhaps just a tad (okay, a lot) more powerful than she was (and is). 

So, she regrettably calls her mother. 

- 

Nonna Carbonell is a very imposing figure. A woman who is four-foot-eight and about seven-feet-tall in terms of personality, and dresses only in questionable 1970s-print dresses. 

“Ah, so you finally come back home, Maria. And you brought your boy! Who I only see twice in the magazines!” 

“You know exactly why I didn’t come back, Mama,” Maria says, rolling her eyes. “But enough about that. You need to teach Tony.” 

“Antonio,” Mama says, grinning at him and pinching his cheeks. “Ah, so good to see you have the Carbonell nose, your father was ugly as a mule.” 

Tony pointedly does not say that everyone else seems to think that he is the spitting image of his father, but...

His mom and Nonna do not get along, if family dinner is anything to go by. Tony’s lucky that his mom got him at least some Italian lessons so he’s not completely lost with all of his aunts, uncles, and cousins. 

He sees pots and pans coming off the shelves themselves. Ladles and knifes dance out of the drawers. 

His baby cousin-Geraldine, who is only two-is waving her fingers lackadaisically, and in what seems to be no effort, her bottle of juice is off of the counter. 

Great. A two year old is better at magic than he is. 

- 

Nonna is a great teacher, who also happens to terrify Tony with how much she can do. 

“You’re important,” she grins. “You have more power than your mother, thank God.” 

“Why thank god?” Tony asks. 

“You always thank God, Tonio,” Nonna says, waving the curtains shut. “Now, let’s see you get the flour off the shelf.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to get, like, a salt shaker?” 

“If you spill the salt shaker we get the devil!” Nonna declares. “Flour is better.” 

It is not better. It turns Nonna into a ghost, and Tony has to spend ages dusting it off his black jeans. 

“Maybe pepper shaker next time,” she says weakly.  

- 

Tony does call Rhodey. He was supposed to go on a road trip to see him, and now he’s in Italy learning how to fling flour sacks across the kitchen at his idiot Uncle Theo. 

“How goes your magic training you fucking nerd?” 

“Literally I call you, and that’s how you greet me?” 

“I told my DnD group that you moved to Italy to play on a campaign for a worldwide championship.” 

“You are quite literally the worst friend ever.” 

“False, because when I moved out I found your favorite Black Sabbath shirt and am saving it for when you move back. Please tell me you’re moving back so I can plan friendships accordingly.” 

“I’ll be back. Who knows, I might be able to help with some lifting.” 

“I still don’t trust your noodle arms, no matter how much ‘magic’ you have now.” 

“Hey! They’re not noodles!” 

“Says you, noodle-arm boy.” 

“I’m going to curse you into a toad.” 

“There’s no way you can do that,” Rhodey says, laughing. “I guarantee you that you wouldn’t be able to turn me back.” 

“And then we’d have so much more space in the apartment, darling.” 

“But then I wouldn’t have to pay rent! Huzzah! And I wouldn’t have to do my stupid business classes!” 

Tony laughs. 

“I’ve missed talking to you, Rhodey. I can’t wait until I get to come home again.” 

“Me too,” he responds. Tony can practically feel his smile through the phone. 

There’s yelling that Rhodey can hear, something about “come back here you American bastard and learn how to knit with magic!” and a hurried “goodbye, love you” from Tony. 

- 

Tony does get good at magic. He gets very good. 

It’s terrifying to Maria, really. 

Darkness has always existed, and it will always exist. Their family exists as a way to keep it balanced, and Tony...

He plays with magic as if he’s always known it, now. He can do things that not even the older family can do. He has meshed magic with mechanics, and he’s started on ideas that Maria was quite sure no one had thought of. 

- 

And then, of course, family does what family does best: 

They tell you things you should’ve known about three months earlier. 

-

With most families, the thing that they don’t tell you is something like “oh, Aunt Margaret made a terrible choice in husbands again.” Or perhaps “did you see his tattoo? Who in their right mind gets a Sonic the Hedgehog tattoo on their chest?” 

- 

With this family, it is the fact that darkness is coming within the next four years, and Tony is probably their only chance. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Maria hisses at her sister. 

“Because you moved to America!” Gia hisses right back. “We can’t afford to collect call every single time we had trouble.” 

“You couldn’t tell me that the darkness is approaching way sooner than we expected?! Because what, you didn’t want to pay for a phone call!” 

“To be fair, Nonna made that decision,” Enzo says. “She thought we could handle it. And we can! We can!” 

“Oh sure, that’s why Nonna told me that my son is your only chance,” Maria says, dry tone to her voice. “God, I need wine...” 

“Everyone needs wine, it’s practically a requirement,” Gia says. “Don’t worry. Things will work themselves out.” 

“But will it work out for us?” Maria asks. “I don’t want to be the modern model for the next pietà someone wants to make...” 

- 

Tony, unfortunately, is his mother’s son and has listened in on every single conversation that’s ever been had in their house. Here are three things that he has learned: 

1.) Apparently, his mother used to bake the best bread, and they forgot to write and ask her for the recipe, and they also didn’t call her. 

2.) He’s the last hope for everyone of existing with good things, and no one’s sure how to beat the darkness and he has no clue how to. 

3.) Apparently his grandfather (named Basil, of all names) could out-drink anyone and had publicly threatened at least six government officials just because he wanted to see if he could. 

- 

You will notice that one of these facts is most likely important than the others. 

Who the hell names their kid Basil? 

(Just kidding.) 

- 

Tony gets back to the US, promises his mom that he won’t tell anyone, and then immediately tells Rhodey when mom goes to the grocery store. 

“Wait, so...they’re trusting you?” 

“I know! What a terrible idea!” 

“God, I know. You can’t even clean a microwave.” 

“That was one time!” 

Rhodey laughs, tackling Tony in a hug. 

“I know, I know. Welcome back, Tones.” 

He feels safe. Protected. 

- 

He has to learn how to fucking throw knives. Mom has decided that she is going to call in a favor from Howard, and it involves dragging Tony to a most-likely-illegal-pseudo-government-set-up and training under a guy who goes by Hawkeye and a lady who goes by “Black Widow” and expects Tony to be fine with it.  

Rhodey also attends, because Tony appreciates misery with company. 

Plus, they can complain together as they’re getting their asses kicked. 

“Do you ever think about taking a vacation?” Rhodey asks, panting as Natasha once again slams him down on the mat. “I’m sure that Florida or the Philippines would appreciate you. Tourism or the economy, or something like that.” 

“You’re not getting out of your fighting lessons by bribing me with a nice vacation,” Natasha says simply. “Tony, adjust your left arm. You’ll break it when Clint comes into contact.” 

“Maybe I want to break my arm!” Tony declares. 

“Do you want to have to wrap your cast in plastic every single time you shower?” Clint asks. “Because that’s what’ll happen.” 

“Why don’t you just spray the cast with some sort of waterproofing spray?” 

“Would that even work?” Clint asks. “Because you might have just blown my mind.” 

“It might work, I don’t know,” Tony says, panting. 

-

It is eight months when Tony first brushes with darkness. 

It’s the morning, which is...odd. He wouldn’t think that darkness would show up in the morning, but here he is on his morning walk trying desperately hard to fight it off and also not grab attention. 

He manages to slam it down on the road and have a car run it over, and for the most part, the darkness retreats. He sends it off with a curse, and he runs all the way back to the apartment. 

Rhodey frowns. 

“We probably need other people, right?” 

“A regular family reunion and then some.” 

- 

So as it turns out, they’re not getting a family reunion. At least, not any time soon. 

Apparently, Nonna is demanding that they have to be there from October 31st through December 7th, according to Holy Days of Obligation and Holidays (specifically, Christian holidays.) 

“Nonna, isn’t witchcraft considered illegal or something?” Tony asks. “Like, I thought the church didn’t like that.” 

“Too bad, too late. We stay. Talk to your mama, Tonio. She will have answers.” 

-

Maria has absolutely no answers! 

“I didn’t seek out witches who live here, baby,” she says, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Why don’t you email people? Ask around?” 

“You can’t just ask people if they’re a witch!” Tony cries. 

“Why not?” 

“Because you get people who think you’re insane, or they’re insane!” 

“So?” 

“...good point.” 

- 

Pepper Potts is not sure why she answers the post. It is probably something else not related to what she does. Maybe she’ll be meeting with weirdos. But when you get an ad that’s about “stopping darkness from engulfing the world in two-to-four-years: you wanna help?” you listen to that. 

So she answers, and she walks in her business-casual outfit, and she meets two guys who are sitting at a shitty folding table at the park. 

One of them is wearing cargo pants. 

“Are you here about the darkness?” one of the boys says, blinking up at her behind gigantic glasses. 

“Um. Yes?” 

“Good. My name is Tony, this is Rhodey in the terrible pants. And you are?” 

“Um. Pepper?” 

“Oh, cool name.” 

“Thanks, picked it out myself.” 

Rhodey laughs. 

“Good. Now, what kind of magic stuff can you do?” 

“I’d hardly call it stuff.” 

“Tony uses his to make us ramen while we marathon a crime show, I’m calling it stuff,” Rhodey defends. 

Pepper watches around her, and satisfied with the lack of people around, lifts Rhodey out of his chair and floats him about thirty feet over. 

When he jogs back over, he’s grinning. 

“Very cool. What else?” 

Pepper is well-versed in technique, spells, and a few tricks that Tony doesn’t know about involving manipulation of light. 

“How can you do that?” 

“Practice,” Pepper says. “And a late-night conspiracy theory documentary.” 

“Cool,” Tony and Rhodey say at the same time. 

- 

Pepper actually doesn’t live that far away, and she goes to the same college. They see a lot more of her and become friends. 

She helps them update the spell-book, get it organized online, and focus on finding out where the darkness is going to appear next. 

- 

Tony is trying very hard not to break down from stress. He’s barely twenty, ate ramen for lunch and dinner yesterday, and is not very sure that he can do this. 

People keep telling him that he’s the only hope they have, and he doesn’t want to be that. 

He just wants to have a regular summer and make fun of Rhodey’s questionable fashion choices. 

He doesn’t even know how to defeat this. At all. And he just wants to graduate college, and get a job somewhere and annoy his mom into teaching him how to make homemade pasta. 

Not...not this. 

But you don’t get to choose what you have to do for others. You have to do what they need. 

Rhodey, at least, understands this. 

- 

That is why he is outside of Tony’s door with a half-cold burrito of questionable origins, a smile, and no knowledge of personal boundary space. 

(Not that Tony minds.) 

“Hey,” he says. “So, you have to save the world and I still remember the fact that you forget to get your shit out of the microwave.” 

Tony laughs at that, taking the proffered burrito and biting into it. 

“You still have shitty taste in burritos. Where is this even from?” 

“A badly-painted truck two blocks from here. I think I was their first customer of the day.” 

“No shit,” Tony says, taking another bite of the burrito. “You want to watch a movie or play a video game?” 

“Movie. Something light.” 

- 

This is how they get to watch a movie that honestly doesn’t mean anything to either of them, but it is mindless and it allows Rhodey to sneak his hand over Tony’s, and it allows Tony some sort of happiness that at least Rhodey is still by his side. 

“Hey Tony?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You think if I managed to find an actual broomstick, you could fly it?” 

“Oh, fuck you!” Tony laughs, tossing a pillow over Rhodey’s face. 

“I’m serious. You managed to charm the coffeepot into being sentient, so...” 

“That was a mistake, and now we’re stuck with Maggie, don’t bother her.” 

But it does have him thinking. 

If he can charm a coffeepot, what else could he charm? 

- 

A suit of armor. 

That’s what he charms. He was originally shooting for a broomstick, but then Pepper surprised him and now he has a charmed suit of armor that stands in the hallway of his mom’s old house. (Their base of operations.) 

It gives him an idea. 

Why not combine the old with the new? 

After all, it’s not like darkness hasn’t adapted to hundreds of years of battles. Why not throw a curveball? 

- 

“I don’t like using my major,” Rhodey whines as Tony makes him lift one of the arms for his own suit. 

“Too bad,” Tony teases. “I’ll get you pizza after.” 

“Promise?” 

“Mostly.” 

“Good enough for me.” 

Pepper thinks they’re both idiots, at least until she gets her own suit and is positively thrilled when she looks like she’s a superhero from a television show. 

“Yeah, yeah, we look cool.” Tony says. “Now, who’s ready to learn how to conduct magic and electricity at the same time?” 

It works out better than anticipated, all things considered. 

- 

“You ruined the couch, Anthony Edward Stark-Carbonell!” Mom fumes. “The couch! Where I sit!” 

“To be fair, it’s a really ugly couch,” Tony says weakly. “And it’s, um, for the betterment of...magical society?” 

“Don’t you dare quote your Aunt Gia at me!” Mom goes on muttering in Italian, and it sounds suspiciously like “why did I have to have a son who blows up couches” to Tony. 

- 

The darkness comes in full-force on a Saturday night, which is really inconvenient for a lot of reasons: 

1.) A Saturday? Really? It couldn’t come on, like, a Thursday? 

2.) They’ve been celebrating Rhodey’s birthday and perhaps Tony has enjoyed two or three drinks and gotten a pleasant buzz out of it, all things considered. 

3.) It’s midnight. Why midnight? That’s late, Pepper wanted to get to bed. 

4.) Mom is going to kill them, because technically they weren’t supposed to be out on the town. 

 -

So here they are, panicking and throwing shitty restaurant chairs around in order to main some sort of ahead-of-the-game mentality. 

“Do you think if we called your mom, she would help?” 

“She would probably kill me first!” Tony wails. 

“Before darkness can?” 

“Probably!” 

- 

Maria won’t kill her son yet. 

Yet. 

But god she’s going to come close. 

“You could’ve just asked me to buy you wine!” she says. “You could’ve had a movie in!” 

“Well sorry, I didn’t think that the darkness was going to come on Rhodey’s birthday!” 

“Oh when would you have thought it would come? Next Thursday? Or something more convenient for your year?” 

“I mean, when I have to visit Howard over the summer, that would be beneficial.” 

“I’ll make up a different excuse,” Mom hisses, deflecting a tendril of darkness from the window and wincing as it smashes a painting down from the wall. 

- 

The fight is a hard one. All good fights are. (Although the best fights are ones that are over in five minutes, give or take.) 

It’s been hours, Tony is tired, and honestly he really is debating calling a break and going to get a shitty fast-food burger. 

Rhodey says “no” even though his stomach is growling. 

Pepper has been having fun finding new ways to animate cars, but she’s getting tired. 

- 

And then it gets all of his family that he’s made. 

He can see Rhodey writhing in it, can see his mom fight it off, and watches Pepper scream. 

Tony is not sure if he can do it. 

But he has to. He has to beat this fucking terrible thing back because if he doesn’t, everyone else dies. And they don’t get families, they don’t know what will happen. 

(And he also really wants to plan a vacation with Rhodey and Pepper next year.) 

So he takes himself and all of what he knows, and launches himself directly into it. 

-

By all accounts, he wasn’t supposed to do that. But he hasn’t been able to cut it down into a more manageable size, so he figures that maybe it’s time to try something that has never been advisable by anyone on either hemisphere of the world, or anyone who has ever been rational. 

Going into darkness is a very difficult thing, because for one, you can’t see shit. 

For a second thing, he can hear everything. 

Darkness is not just absence of light. It can be absence of every single damned good thing on the earth, in your head, or anywhere around you. Some people have described it as hell. 

Tony is alone, and he is not sure what to do. 

There’s a table, and there is someone sitting there. 

“So.” 

The woman is stirring an olive around her martini, and she looks impeccably dressed. A fitted skirt and suit, manicured black nails, and eyeliner that looks impossibly intricate. 

“You are...?” 

“The person you’re supposed to destroy.” 

“But you’re not exactly a person, are you?” 

“Smart guy. No, I’m just the personification of what you’re fighting. You intrigue me, Tony Stark.” 

“Just Tony.” 

“Fine then. Tony.” 

“Why do I intrigue you?” 

“Most heroes are alone,” darkness says. (Does he capitalize her name? He’s not sure. “They go alone, they don’t involve people in their struggle. You have involved your family, put them in danger.” 

“They would’ve been in greater danger if I had gone by myself,” Tony says. “People have a nasty habit of sticking together, you know.” 

“Do they now?” 

“Yeah,” Tony says. “And now, I have to make sure we stick together anyways.” 

“And what do you mean by-” 

He’s already lunging at her. 

She wasn’t expecting him to lunge, he guessed. 

She goes down, and yells. 

Tony scrabbles to fight again as she sends out a blast his way, and he ducks. 

“You can’t hide from me!” she yells. 

“I’m not trying to!” he yells back. “I’m just trying to kill you!” 

The fight goes on, and she plays dirty. Her nails tear into his armor, and he tears his fingers through her hair. 

“You can’t beat me,” she howls, triumphant as she manages to pin one of his legs down, and trying to claw at his face. “Darkness always exists! You would be nothing without me!” 

Tony pauses for a second. 

“So what you’re saying is...as long as you exist, so does everything else?” 

“Yes!” 

Tony grins. 

“Aw, you shouldn’t have told me that honey.” 

With darkness being the beginning, everything else comes forth. Tony summons his cousins, his family, Rhodey, Pepper. 

And eventually, her physical form gets smaller and smaller. 

- 

Darkness is not something that can be eradicated from your life. But you can beat the shit out of it with help. Tony learned that. 

He also learned that Rhodey has a phenomenal flying kick. 

- 

They spend the following day laying on the couch or adjacent chairs and staring at the decorations that they need to replace. 

They also learn that Nonna has learned how to call, and is not quite sure if she can be heard or not. 

“TONIO? TONIO! WHERE ARE YOU?!” 

“Nonna, quiet,” Tony groans. “I literally just saved the world yesterday, please don’t yell.” 

“I HAVE FOOD FOR YOU. COME TO ITALY. NEXT WEEK?” 

Tony groans. 

“Sure, Nonna. I will come.” 

“BRING FRIENDS. HAVE GIFTS FROM POPE FOR YOU.” 

“You...when did you have time to get gifts...the pope?” 

“HAVE FRIENDS. COME!” 

Tony looks at Mom, Rhodey, and Pepper. 

“So. When should we leave for next week?”