#too bad the game died after the Wight Knight

[caithyra]

Full Circle: Almost An Arthur

One of the reasons why I believe Mad Queen Dany divided fandom so badly is because, well, ASOIAF has often been touted as the Fantasy that is either realistic or unlike other Fantasies.

Unfortunately, it looped back on its head until it wasn’t what was advertised.

I mean, lets talk about this Destined Heir who is growing up from humble beginnings after being displaced from the Throne. Little Arthur Pendragon is little more than a squire for a knight’s son, but then it is revealed that Estel is in reality Aragorn, descendant of the great kings of old! There is a even a prophecy that decrees that when the End comes to the world, Belgarion will be there and stop it! So it was a great day of hope when Dany rose from the ashes with dragons on her shoulders!

Except... There this lady, a woman, high-ranked, a queen who got a bit too much power, and we know these hysterical wimmens and Mad/Evil Queens are just sooo original that this story has at least two heavily featured ones and possibly more by the time this series ends!

Move over Menzoberranzan and make way for Meereen!

And then Alistair (bastard and only known surviving son of the previous king’s father) grew pissy because I wouldn’t kill Loghain in front of his daughter, the queen, and took the throne from Queen Anora (that ambitious btch according to fandom, who happen to have been the widow of the deceased king, oh and that king was about to set her aside to marry the Empress of Orlais, more on her empire later, that the grandking freed the kingdom from after a... shall we say, bad occupation in which Loghain’s mother AND dog were literally rped to death because taxes by Orlesian knights?) and ten years later sends messages in which he’s so incompetent his scribes make fun of him yet the kingdom is still running fine. Also, to receive your knighthood in the Orlesian Empire you have to go to the ghettos where the elven jewish equivalents live and kill random elves! And that’s just the surface of this empire ruled by a queen/empress (oh, and the great-grandqueen who started the rebellion to free the kingdom died before it was free, just to make sure there’s no counterpoint Good Queen in Thedas).

Well, I think you all might notice a pattern in popular Fantasy, now, right? Like, Male Destined Heir/Patriarchy=Good; Queens/Empresses/Matriarchies=Bad/Mad and/or incompetent?

And here we have a main female character, “rightful” heir to the Throne of Westeros who Brings Magic Back and all that, and taking into account the whole “Not Like Other Fantasy Series” (”Not Like Other Strong Female Characters”... “Not Like Other Girls”?), and I can totally see why Dany fans cannot believe that she’s meant to go Mad/Evil Queen. Especially with Queen Cersei Lannister having been born a monster worse than Scylla and Carybdis at birth.

The thing is, GRRM/D&D weren’t just content doing Destined Heir with a Twist just by making her female.

They wanted to deconstruct the Destined Heir trope.

Slavery, Colonialism, and you name it. They threw it at this trope to deconstruct it, completely blind to how, simply by making the Heir a woman they were looping back onto another, overly worn, overly annoying, overly prevalent Fantasy trope. Is it really any wonder that a lot of viewers/readers rebelled against this idea?

“Off with their heads!Dracarys!” - The Queen of HeartsDaenerys Targaryen

And then there are those who believe that yes, Dany will turn mad, just not as in the show, and, well, I agree with them. And it is also kinda obvious that with Aegon Targaryen (whether he is the real deal or not) will change a lot of things by virtue of not being Jon Snow.

I could go into my fan theory that Aegon is the Real Deal. That he will bond with Rhaegal. That he will marry Arianne Martell. That Dany will try to force him to marry her instead. That Aegon wont abandon his wife (or take a second one like Aegon the Conqueror) like Rhaegar abandoned Elia Martell. That Dany will believe that history will repeat itself (she believes that if Rhaegar married her instead, she would have been able to keep him in her bed unlike Elia) and kills them in a fury.

Killing her nephew unhinges her, but killing Rhaegal’s rider causes him to abandon her and be vulnerable and ensnared by the Greyjoys’ Dragon Horn unhinges her even more, and so on... But basically, no one will be under any illusions about her sanity or suitability long before she gets near the Iron Throne.

And I could go on, but that’s just a fan theory. My point is that things would go waaay different than in the show, and yeah, with how the books are right now, it can’t really go in the direction of the show even if characters end up “more or less” the same (according GRRM).

There are those who thinks it will go the same, but it really can’t with Aegon not being Jon (unless that’s how Jon will be rezzed, by warging his half-brother, but then again, my theory is that rezzed Jon is a fire-wight with his memories, much like Beric and Stoneheart, and the real Jon will forever be inside Ghost, thus turning Jon’s Ghost into Jon’s ghost, lol, gotta stop fan theorizing), and with the Greyjoys’ story being so different.

The point is that whatever your view point, it is pretty gosh darn annoying that when we for once get a female Arthur Pendragon in a mainstream series, they turn her into a colonialist, slave-owning, pyromaniac Mad Queen.

Like, we have a whole bunch of Mad Queens (or potential Mad Queens)! We even have Cersei Lannister for the Unrealistically-Proportioned-Castles-and-Wall’s sake!

“[...]of course you get into Sansa being jealous of Dany[...]” - David Nutter, Director of Game of Thrones

“[...]Then the Queen was shocked, and turned yellow and green with envy.[...]She called a [ranger], and said, "Take the [Dragon Queen] away into the [Godswood...erm, Red Keep]; I will no longer have her in my sight. Kill her, and bring me back her heart as a token."[...]” - Little Snow-White, a fairy-tale

Yeah... So... Yeah... Here we are?

Anyway, this wasn’t a defense or an attack of Dany (or any other character). It’s just one of the many times I notice how, in an effort to deconstruct a trope, the authors ended up rewriting a much more tired and offensive one instead. Essentially looping in a full circle back to being trite.

[ladyoflosgar]

GOT showverse AU, Sansa marries Domeric instead of Ramsay

Some wordvomit on how using Domeric would smoothly integrate the North and Vale plotlines and wouldn’t stray as far from book!Sansa’s (and also Littlefinger’s) character after the cut. Warning that as Domeric is a Harry stand-in who was dead in the original anyway, he was doomed from the start.

I didn’t watch season 6 or season 7 because I ragequit at the Sansa/Ramsay wedding episode, I just know memes like “battle of the bastards” and “poisoned by his enemies”. Also I know nothing about what happened to the southern storylines until Dany showed up at Winterfell in S8. I’m a book gal. 

Marrying Sansa to Domeric instead of Ramsay makes Littlefinger less stupid. This could go along similar lines as the Harry the Heir plot: instead of raising the Vale against the Boltons now that Tywin Lannister is dead and the Crown is weakened, Littlefinger could come to a deal with Roose to get him friends in the Vale instead of enemies. Littlefinger would then exploit the chaos of battle with Stannis/the existing tensions between Roose, Ramsay and Domeric to off each of them in some order, after Sansa has safely borne a child, after which he would become the power behind the North. Domeric is also a cultured nobleman with a good reputation as a tourney knight instead of a bastard serial rapist so it wouldn’t come across as a critical research failure on Littlefinger’s part.

How would we incorporate Domeric into the Game of Thrones story up to S4/5? You would need to introduce him in S1 at the Eyrie when Cat and Tyrion show up. Maybe before, during the Tourney of the Hand. When Cat is about to leave, give him a scene where he says “my lady, I would fight for you, I am a Stark man through and through” and Cat tells him, “ser, you would be of better service to House Stark here in the Vale, speaking for our cause”. In S2-S3 have Cat read dispatches from him about how Lysa isn’t being helpful, the knights of the Vale won’t march without her leave, etc. This would build up trust in the Boltons and kind of justify why Robb gives so much control over to Roose, and amplify the gut wrenching horror of the Red Wedding.

Begin the Sansa Bolton arc. By S4 when Littlefinger shows up with Sansa at the Eyrie we could have a scene with Domeric and Lord Royce (because they cut Lord Redfort) where Domeric says something like “what a family I have, my father the kingslayer, and my brother a would-be kinslayer”. Give him an angstbro moment where he is dejected because his father undid all the work he put in, give him the need to go on a redemption quest for something he wasn’t involved in. After Lysa dies when Lord Royce goes up to the Eyrie, give him a fluffy moment with “Alayne Stone” where he’s playing the harp alone and she sings along or something. Then at a feast, Lord Royce says his name, and Alayne flinches back, he mutters ‘even the novices at the motherhouse curse the name of Bolton’. Then he watches her and figures out that she’s Sansa Stark. He talks to Lord Royce about it, Lord Royce doesn’t believe him, and then the conversation with Sansa and Lady Waynwood happens where she outs herself. Then Littlefinger, Lord Royce, and Roose go into talks. Have Littlefinger recycle the “bewitch him” line he used in the TWOW sample chapter.

Preserve intrigue/suspense at Winterfell by pushing forward the Ramsay & Domeric Cain and Abel plot and make Domeric a player in the Northern conspiracy. Have Sansa use her observation skills to figure out what he’s doing. Have Domeric not involve Sansa in the GNC because 1) he saw her kissing Littlefinger and discuss their plan and 2) it’s about bringing back Rickon and he doesn’t want Littlefinger to know. Turn him into a paranoiac - ‘everyone at Winterfell is trying to kill me except for my dad, who I hate’. Have his opinion of Sansa sour while her opinion of him grows. Domeric’s suspicion of Sansa would also seed the Northern lords’ reluctance to follow her: they believe she is Littlefinger’s creature. Bonus: Sansa’s latent warging ability manifests in Ramsay’s hounds and she learns more about the intrigue at Winterfell.

Leadup to the Battle of Ice. Conflict swirls between the pro-Roose (+Ramsay) and pro-Domeric (Manderly/Stannis) camps at Winterfell. Too many men and mouths to feed, Roose needs to get them out to deal with Stannis. Sansa and Theon flee into the night, to Stannis. Jon receives the pink letter at the wall (but to add mystery, it’s probably not Domeric who wrote it). Mel and Selyse don’t believe it, they burn Shireen to grant Stannis victory, instead they resurrect Jon into wight!Jon. Confusion in the battle because Stannis has Sansa. Maybe Ramsay does something gloriously stupid like kill Stannis in a parley (let’s keep Brienne on the Arya plot) and now the Northmen just have to crush Team Dragonstone. Or, the conlfrontation ends without resolution, Stannis nopes back to the Wall, finds Shireen dead and his wife a depressed husk, and an heroes. Huge blow to the GNC, they all ride back to Winterfell in shame.

Ousting Littlefinger, the fall of the House of Bolton, Sansa vs Jon conflict. Knowing that the lords of the North still want the Boltons gone but won’t include her because of Littlefinger, Sansa’s attention needs to be on disentangling herself. She also has a personal motivation to be rid of him because he is a creep who keeps forcekissing her, and he killed Lysa. In the end I think Harry will grow on Alayne/Sansa at least a little bit, so Domeric has to grow on Sansa too. This is just a wordvomit so I don’t know all of the logical steps but Sansa needs to get rid of Littlefinger by herself without making herself look too bad by outing him to the Lords of the Vale and help Domeric get rid of Ramsay while Ramsay’s about to arrange a hunting accident, perhaps by warging into a dog. Domeric’s arc would be about Roose so he’d need to be the one to play the poisoned by his enemies card. Now that Sansa and Domeric are working as a team, enter Jon, stage right, dark!Wight with a wildling army to rescue his sister. Noone can find Rickon (shaggy dog story). Half the Lords of the North still want a son of Ned Stark, and like Lyanna Mormont said, “Lady Sansa’s a Bolton now” and Domeric is a kinslayer. Stark Bowl, get hype, it’s a Northern civil war. The Knights of the Vale come in to bail Domeric out but it’s too late. The Northmen make Jon KITN because that’s what happens in the show and also he killed Domeric, and they are still reluctant for a ruling Lady Stark without a husband. It was a real tragedy because this is Westeros. Now it’s time for the White Walkers and Daenerys plot.

Impact on Sansa’s character. At the end of the day I don’t think show!Sansa and book!Sansa are the same. IMO steered in a different direction from the girl who led the women in the Queen’s Ballroom signing hymns to the Mother, who asked for a maester for Lancel, and sang the Mother’s hymn to Sandor during the Battle of the Blackwater. The sass queen who goes “uncle, sit” to Edmure Tully is not the same person who helpfully finishes stuttery Wallace Waynwood’s sentences and spares him further embarrassment. This might be naive but I hope GRRM is going to have her retain her kindness, her mercy, her goodness while having her do things that are genuinely grey (her role in whatever happens to Sweetrobin for example). She would express regret, just as she expresses regret for outing Ned to Cersei. If her endgame fate is to end up alone, and not with someone brave and gentle and strong who loves her for her and fulfills a beauty and the beast metaphor, then I think the role Harry (Domeric here) would have played in her narrative is to have made her come to regret using someone as a piece on the board rather than treating them as a person valuable in and of themselves, with their own hopes and dreams and flaws and virtues. It happened to me, I did it to someone else, I am sorry, etc.

Thanks for reading my badfic outline. 

[rhaella]

The Weight of Living

(read on ao3)

At every opportunity she finds, Arya likes to ride beyond the walls of Winterfell.

It’s not that she doesn’t love her home. Every day she is grateful to be there, to see Sansa with her two daughters, one of whom resembles Arya so strongly she gets mistaken as her own. To have Bran and Rickon back after so many years of thinking them dead.

And Jon, who still musses her hair at every opportunity like they are children and tells her he’s making up for all the time they lost.

But Winterfell has ghosts as well.

Sometimes she looks down at the training yard and can swear she sees Robb, swinging his practice sword and laughing. Robb was always laughing. Or she’ll walk by Mother and Father’s chambers, which have remained untouched since the Starks reclaimed their home, and hear her mother sweet singing and find herself pressing her ear against the door. Or she’ll see Jon from across a room and for a split second mistake his face for her father’s. Jon bears even more resemblance to him now than he did in his youth, especially as he grows ever-nearer to the age Father was when he died.

There are also ghosts in those who survived.

Sometimes she’ll catch Sansa wearing Mother’s dress as she brushes through her squirming daughter’s curls, trying to recreate a time long gone. She’ll see a haunted, empty look in Bran’s eyes, as though he’s lost in time. Rickon has never grown out of his skittishness and mistrust, and everyone has learned to walk loudly if coming up behind him to avoid startling him. And sometimes Arya will join Jon as he sits sleepless all through the night, staring at a spot on the wall and tracing the scars on his abdomen through his clothes.

All the Starks will wake up screaming most nights, panicked and sweating from some terrible memory playing on their eyelids. More often than not, they’ll all migrate to Jon’s bedchamber at some point in the night and end up piled in his oversized bed, curled into each other while Jon keeps his vigil. Sansa’s ever-patient husband has grown used to waking up alone by now.

The riding helps Arya clear her mind. The ghosts cannot touch her while she races through the woods, her hair whipping in the wind.

She’ll pick a direction and ride until she comes across some village where no one knows her name and she’ll walk through it, greeting its residents and asking to help them if she can. Sometimes it will just be buying fabrics from the women who spin them, or offering food and coin to hungry children. Other times she’ll help women cook, or weave, or repair their houses. Once, she ended up spending an entire day picking turnips in a elderly farmer’s field and had come home aching and sunburnt. He had offered her pay for her labor, but she’d only asked for a basket of turnips and had pressed several gold dragons in his palm, leaving him gaping behind her.

Today, on her way into a new town, she sees a few little girls playing a pretend game in the grass. She smiles, remembering when she and Jon had played as knights, with Sansa as the damsel and Robb her dragon. But she pays the girls little mind as she ties her horse to a tree, until she hears her own name being spoken.

She moves a bit closer to them to hear better, quietly and with her head turned so as not to scare them.

“I want to be Ser Brienne this time. I was Arya Stark last time,” the smallest girl with tangled brown hair whines.

“Well I’m the oldest and biggest,” says a girl with long, copper hair. “Ser Brienne was a fearsome warrior, and big as a giant. A little wisp like you could never slay the dead as she did.”

Arya dares a glance at the group.

The little one’s face is red as she glares at the older girl. “It isn’t my fault you were born first!” she cries. “I’ll tell Mother how you’re being bossy again!”

The third girl, a blonde, is stifling giggles. “You two can argue over who gets to be Arya and Brienne, but I will always be Queen Dany,” she says.

Arya finds herself approaching them. They look up at her with curious eyes, but don’t look afraid. They don’t even give a second glance to her clothes or the sword at her belt. These girls are young enough not to have known a world where women can’t wear breeches or carry a weapon.

“Hello,” Arya says, squatting to be at their level. “What are your names?”

The older girl takes it upon herself to answer for the three of them. “My name is Jeyne. This is Alys,” she says pointing at the blonde beside her. “And this little pest,” she says, gesturing to the little one, “is my sister Nym.”

“Named for the great wolf, leader of Arya Stark’s wolf pack!” she exclaims. Arya suddenly wishes she had brought Nymeria with her, if only to leave the little ones in awe. But she never brings Nymeria on her rides. She loves the feeling of being unknown, and traveling around with a giant wolf at her side would surely give away her identity.

“And she never lets us forget it,” Jeyne grumbles.

Arya only smiles. Sisterhood can be a trial, as she well knows. “I heard you talking about a game you’re playing. War for the Dawn, is it?”

“Yes,” the Jeyne says. “We always play as the women warriors. Mother always tells my sister and me stories about them and sings us their songs. Someday we will be great knights, too.”

“But I hope we never have to fight the dead!” Alys interjects. “I’m brave, but the Others sound so fearsome! I’d rather save a maiden from bad men who are living.”

“I would fight the dead!” little Nym insists, indignant. “I’m quick as a fox and would slash them apart faster than they can move their dead old hands to reach me.” She makes a slashing motion in the air.

Arya smiles. “I think the three of you would make fine defenders of the realm, and whatever else you want to become. Girls can do anything these days.”

If only she’d had someone to tell her this as a child, perhaps she wouldn’t have felt like such a misfit. She resolves to return to this village soon and bring the girls proper training swords to use in their games. Gods know there are enough in the armory, and too few children in Winterfell to use them.

“You know,” she says quietly, as if giving away a secret. The girls lean closer in tandem. “I knew Ser Brienne and Queen Daenerys. I fought alongside them in the war.”

The girls gasp, their eyes wide as saucers. “You fought the dead?” Alys asks.

“Yes,” Arya says, flashing a grin. “They were as fearsome as you say. If they were freshly dead, when you’d slay them you’d find yourself covered in sticky black blood.” Jeyne gasps. Nym leans closer, her eyes aglow.

“But the Others were most fearsome of them all. Cold and terrible with eyes the color of ice. And just when you were near to finishing the wights,” Arya says, and waits, watching the girls biting their lips and squirming, “they’d swoop in and raise new dead from our fallen armies.” This time, even the littlest looks afraid.

She does not tell them how sometimes the dead would come back with the faces of those you loved, and you’d have to shove your blade through their ribs anyway. No time for tears, because soon enough another would be upon you. Gendry, she thinks, and wants to weep.

“W—what if they come back?” Alys asks, her voice trembling.

“They never will. We made sure of that.” She remembers the dawn, in all its beauty and terror, as it illuminated the mountains of bodies. She remembers collapsing, half in exhaustion and half in grief.

“What were Queen Daenerys and Ser Brienne like in the war?” the eldest asks, obviously wanting a change in subject.

“Queen Daenerys was beautiful. I remember seeing her fly far above on her great dragon. A dragon black as the night and bigger than your whole village. Her dragon would shoot fire down at all the dead, burning thousands at once, and she looked fierce as a dragon herself holding on to its back.” Arya pauses, wondering how much to tell them. “I got to pet her dragon once.”

“You’re a liar!” Nym cries. “A dragon would burn you to death if you dared touch it!”

Arya smiles. “Not me. The queen allowed it, and thankfully so did the dragon. Its scales were rough, like a lizard’s, but hot. I still have burns on my fingers from the heat,” she says, showing them the faded scars on her fingertips.

She considers Ser Brienne. Brienne, the first knighted woman in the realm, is dearer to her than most, and still makes frequent visits to Winterfell to see her and Sansa. There is so much that she could say about her that she almost cannot choose.

“Ser Brienne was the fiercest warrior I’ve ever known. Big, and so tall she towered over most grown men, and when she swung her Valyrian steel sword she’d slash four wights open at once.”

“Oathkeeper,” one child says, incredulous.

“A beautiful weapon,” Arya says. “Now it belongs to the Starks, as it was forged from their father’s. But Ser Brienne wielded it well. She was stronger than most men. She knocked Ser Jaime Lannister on his golden rump on more than one occasion. She was an honorable woman, too, and kind. The truest knight I’ve ever known, just like from the songs of old. But back then, women who tried to be warriors were mocked instead of loved.” Nym wrinkles her nose.

“You must have been a fierce warrior yourself,” Jeyne says, “to have survived. Were you ever scared?”

“We were all scared, always. Even Queen Daenerys and Ser Brienne. It is one thing to battle men, but entirely another to battle the dead. Only the stupid are brave and fearless. The strong are brave, despite their fear.”

Arya’s horse whinnies behind her and shakes her out of her memories. She looks up at the sky. It must be mid-afternoon now, and she should head back before it gets dark.

“Well, I’ll leave you to your game,” she says to the girls, whose mouths still hang open.

“Wait!” says the smallest child, Nym, lunging forward. “Before you go, did you ever meet Arya Stark?”

Arya grins now, tapping her fingers on Needle’s hilt.

“I am Arya Stark,” she says as she twirls on her heel and struts toward her horse, leaving the children gasping behind her.

She’ll go back to her ghosts. They’ll haunt her until the day she dies. But if all her suffering has given hope and choices to little girls like the one she once was, perhaps it is a burden she can bear.

[occupyvenus]

Deus Ex Machina to the rescue!!!

!!!This post will contain some spoilers from the leaked episode 6 AT THE VERY END. I will put those under a cut and warn you before I get to them You can safely read until that point as long as you are caught up on 7x05!!!

As a book-reader ooc-disease and not giving a shit about the setting and rules established in asoiaf upsets me. But I can kinda live with that, it’s an adaptation and has to be changed for mass-appeal. I’m not happy about it all, don’t get me wrong, but I can simply take the show as a simplified fanfiction-version of the book series. 

But what really pisses me off as a mere show-watcher(!) is that Douchebag&Dipshit have been creating fake tension by ex machina-ing the shit out of the series since season 6. It’s bad writing in any show or movie, but it’s especially appaling here, because that’s exactly what the show is NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. This is connected to them not working with the source material anymore, but it mostly shows how bad story-writers they themselves are. 

For those of you who don’t know what “deus ex machina” means, here are some lines from wikipedia: 

The term has evolved to mean a plot device whereby a seemingly unsolvable problem is suddenly and abruptly resolved by the inspired and unexpected intervention of some new event, character, ability or object. Its function can be to resolve an otherwise irresolvable plot situation, to surprise the audience, to bring the tale to a happy ending, or act as a comedic device. 

It is generally deemed undesirable in writing and often implies a lack of creativity on the part of the author. The reasons for this are that it does not pay due regard to the story's internal logic (although it is sometimes deliberately used to do this) and is often so unlikely that it challenges suspension of disbelief, allowing the author to conclude the story with an unlikely, though perhaps more palatable, ending. 

To put it in simpler terms: It’s when some random bullshit happens to get our protagonists out of a tricky situation. It’s strongly connected to the term “plot-armour”.

It’s a plot device tv-watchers and moviegoers are so used to that we are expecting it every time our protagonists are in danger. “He’s the main character. He can’t die.” *Some bullshit happens* “See? Of course he didn’t die.”

We all expected some deus ex machina to swoop in and save Ned from the executioner's block, Robb and Cat at the Red Wedding and Jon when he was stabbed by his brothers. But it didn’t come. That’s what made these events so shocking and surprising. Because they went against our expectations, acquired after consummating hours of mainstream-media, completely. That’s what made GoT famous and shocking and fresh. Everyone was in danger, everyone could die, because grrm and GoT DON’T DO DEUS EX MACHINAS. If you can’t find a solution that has been carefully set up, there probably is none and our characters are fucked. Not only are Dickhead&Dumbass ruining the characters and the world-building, they are ruining the core narrative concept of what made this show so successful. Turning it into a 0815, predictable, action, fantasy TV-show. 

Having one every now and then is fine, but if it happens too often ... you stop giving a shit about what happens on screen. Because why should you be scared for a character if he gets out of every situation somehow anyway? It’s bad writing if you resolve most conflicts with it. Mostly because it happens because the author wanted it to happen, not because it makes the most sense within the story. You might not be aware of it, but your brain is. 

All of this wouldn’t bother me if this was about anything else, but again: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT GOT IS NOT MEANT TO BE. THE SERIES IS FAMOUS FOR NOT BEING LIKE THAT. 

I’ve been scratching my head to think of a real, obvious deus ex machina moment prior to season 5 or 6. If you can name one please let me know. The thing coming closest to it might have been the wildfire-trick in the battle of blackwater, but it doesn’t really fit the bill because Aerys and the pigshit were properly established before it was used. Stannis attacking the Wildling camp might come pretty close, but we knew that Stannis received the letter from the Night’s Watch and we knew that Melisandre cares about the all the stuff happening beyond the wall. 

There are a few events that have some characteristics, but I can’t come up with a single instance really worthy of that title from previous seasons, but a handful from season 6 and season 7. That’s not good

Here are a couple of Deus ex machinas from season 6 & 7 I can come up with from scratch (7x06 under the cut): 

Brienne saving Sansa and Theon from the Bolton men.

Brienne missing Sansa’s candle in the broken tower is like the opposite of a deus ex machina. Some random bullshit happens in the perfect moment for our heros to miss something important. 

Benjen - the ex machina - Stark saving Meera and Bran. 

The Knights of the Vale ride in to ex machina the shit out of the battle of the bastards. 

Lady Crane can stitch up a bunch of really deep stab-wounds once Arya reaches her. You know Arya should be dead, right? 

Sam healing Jorah by following the instructions in a fucking book. 

Both Bronn and Jaime getting away from the Field of Fire unscared because they jumped in a fucking river. 

I’m sure there are more, but those are the ones that come to mind right away.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! SPOILERS FOR 7x06 AHEAD !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You wanna know why everyone but Thoros got out of that stupid wight hunt alive? Why the only human characters dying by the hands of the Dead were nameless side-characters no one gives a shit about? Because this fucking episode was littered with ex machinas of variable sizes and proportions and the GoT-characters have apparently achieved plot armour by now. Thoros himself isn’t even an important side-character. He’s not on the same level as Tormund or the Hound. Fuck, all beloved characters made it out of this shit alive. What the fuck. What am I even watching anymore. 

Thoros gets bitten by giant undead ice bear??? He dead. But wait, what’s this? Beric to the rescue !!!! He did die later, so this might not count, but I’ll keep it in because it perfectly portrays how all the fight scenes this episode went down.

Tormund almost gets killed by Wights. I was pretty sure that’s it for a second, they’re going to drag him underwater, I was already writing his eulogy in my head but ... what’s that? Hound to the rescue!!!!

The D flying in to save them all on her dragons. Just when all seemed lost, after the army of the dead was hold off for the perfect amount of time. Dragons to the rescue!!!!

Jorah almost falls down from the dragon? Somebody (forgot who... the hound again?) to the rescue !!!!

Benjen literally only shows up to ex machina Jon out of that situation. Them meeting had no other purpose, didn’t further the plot in anyway, didn’t achieve anything at all, but to create some cheap cheap tension, resolved within a heartbeat by another fucking ex-machina. They wrote him into that scene for the only purpose of being a fucking deus ex machina. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was *this* close to crying when he showed up, what have they done to this show? What Jon got separated from the group, he has to get by on his own beyond the wall? Don’t worry, EX MACHINA UNCLE BENJEN TO THE RESCUE!!!! Jon could have just get on that fucking dragon with anyone else, wouldn’t have made any difference. 

While we’re at it: Them finding a single, lonely white walker talking a handful of wights for a walk in the park was ex-machina-ish as well. How will the catch a wight? Oh look, a manageable amount has split from the massive army for whatever reason. And when Jon kills the WW all but one drop dead. When they only need one. How convenient. How very fucking convenient. 

If this was still the Game of Thrones we grew to love in the first seasons, most of these characters would be dead. Tormund would be dead, the Hound would be dead, Gendry would be dead. Hell, I was hoping that the Hound would die and Beric would give him the last kiss to bring him back to life or some other shit like that. Giving their “why are you still alive you asshole?” conversation from episode 1 some depth. But no, all main-ish characters have plot-armour now, tell me why I should give a shit about any of this anymore? 

It’s pretty obvious what their thought process was... Well, someone has to die. First the Wights can pick off all nameless dudes, you know so the audience knows this is serious business .... but someone with a name ...Not Jon, obviously. Not Jorah either, we just brought him back and he still has that Samwell Tarly, the-D-burned-the-father-and-brother-of-the-man-who-saved-his-life issue to sort out, he also has *whatever role* to play in the future.... Tormund? No, people love Tormund. He’s funny. But make it look like he’s going to die because of the “tension”. Gendry? We just brought him back and *some bullshit still has to happen with him*... Leaves us with The Hound, Beric and Thoros. mmmhhhh 

They picked Thoros, because they knew that the audience cares about him the least. That’s why HE had to go. It’s shitty writing and it’s only one of the reasons ( the fucking stupid plot itself, the fucking stupid starkbowl and the fucking stupid targcest ... though I still have hope that the later two are bait-and-twist’s) why this episode sucked balls. It was a nonsensical, badly written piece of shit hour of television. I can’t even tell you how disappointed I am in the show right now.

Seriously this episode followed the most simple action-movie-climax pattern there is: Main character and a bunch of main-ish characters go on a dangerous mission. All extras die. Least interesting main-ish side character dies for a tear inducing scene. Rest of the characters all get super close to dying at one point, but get safed in the last second. puuuhhhh that was close. They get into a hopeless situation they could never get out of by themselves or in any other conceivable way. A really powerful semi-ally, whose trustworthiness or availability was unclear until now, flies in (literally this time) to save them in the last minute, just when all seems lost. Earning their trust and coming on board with their cause in the process. Hero wants to sacrifice himself, but gets out alive because of some bullshit. Shows up at the very end, when everyone else thought he was dead and were about to leave. They ultimately accomplish their goal. End with a “romantic” - ugh - scene. 

Cut. 

Bullshit. 

[greyknighterotica]

So since there are leaks and it’s no longer fun, here is my final GoT predictions thread for season 7 (but also season 8).

I’m not going to go into it much because, again, leaks have made it not fun for me. There’s no way for these predictions to be seen as earnest or from me anymore so, here we go with minimal reasoning, final GoT predictions for quite some time maybe ever depending on how season 7 shakes out and how right/wrong I am.

HERE WE GO SPOILERS

Citadel Under Siege  

The Citadel is either the target of The Night King and his army or it is attacked by a few people from within (much more likely). The citadel will go up in flames and I predict there will be a great deal of undeath/wights. This will columinate when Sam has to go down into the forbidden section of the library between the two columns and face the undeath 

Aftermath -  Grand/Arch/First Female in the citadel Maester Gilly. Head of studies and reading, Sam. Dragonglass as the hidden component of valyrian steel is revealed. The Citadel’s ‘knowledge’ is mostly lost, but Gilly leads enough maesters to survive that they can start over. All her learning to read and survive sieges/PTSD beyond the wall makes her the best leader in earnestness, it’s not fan service. Gilly and Sam survive The Song.

The North Forgot

The North forgot, long ago, what it was supposed to be remembering. That the First men (not many left but Starks, some people in the Vale, some Mormonts) and the children of the forest had a war. A big one. One that changed a single continent into two, Westeros and Essos (West and East, from before when they were one). 

The war itself wasn’t the big deal, wars happen. IT’s what happened in the war. First men died. Their corpses could be resurrected. The war hurt them both. They put their differences aside, pushed back the first Night King (not the same one as now, at least in body). and when they combined forces undeath stood no chance, a wall was build, the Age of Heroes began and lasted until the Andals (think vikings invading England in the 800-1100 years) invaded and the first men had to become less “Barbaric” and embrace the new ways.

Big Reveals - Westeros and Essos were one land. The Children of the forest use weirwoods/Godswoods and greenmagic to communicate with the first men. Some first men, who didn’t interbred with the Andals and later Valyrians have green-blood in them and can “warg” with it, which is a hybrid human/children of the forest power.

I’m not sure where this is going to go, but my theory is there’s a big, green site that The Night King wants to get to, similar to what we saw beyond the wall. Likely under a sept or fort. It’s huge, it’s got vines and Brann can plug into it and amplify his power by a factor of 100. It will allow him to truly become Three Eyed Raven, an entity that no longer sees in place or time, but what all the Three Eyed Ravens have seen and will see, along with the godswoods and their faces. It will allow Brann to see/commune/find the final answer to the NK and his voice.

Magic Never Left

This one took me awhile. I couldn’t figure out dragons. Probably because I spent the first book not believing in them at all. Dire wolves or giants either. 

But they kept saying what magic was. I just wasn’t listening. I understand it’s rules, the basic ones at least. More or less? There are at least three “magical” races walking around, likely more. They are Dragons, The Giants and Dire Wolves.

Giants were made by the Children of the Forrest, likely after White Walkers went wrong (they made those too, but White Walkers got a king and started making their own). Or maybe before. But Giants are literally shock troops made by olden types. Dragons are literally magic made by old Valyrian “fire mages.” That’s what a “Fire mage” was. Someone who made dragons out of magic. I don’t know how. The “Doom” of Valyria is about fire magic going wrong, the same way I imagine it did way back when the first men were using it and exploded the middle area between Essos and Westeros. 

Predictions - First Men made Direwolves, Children made Giants, Valyrians made dragons. All of these things are magical conduits, that are not only made of magic, but react to it, amplify it. There are certain bloodlines that have a lot more power than other, likely because of breeding long before some things did or did not happen.

Whatmore, first men? Because they have the greenblood in them? Are immune to what I’m about to talk about next. The Andals are mostly interbred with the First Men so they are innoculated or there’s a herd immunity thing going on. But Valyrians? Targereans? They...they don’t have green blood. They’re still high on their own magic supply. Which means they hear...

Side note because it’s too much fun? There will be a Kraken. A Levithan of some sort. Euron knows it. That’s what he found before he came back. He foudn a way to find it, summon it. It’s his ace in the hole. It turns the two way fight into a three way fight which is why Davos/Reek/Salador go pirate on his flagship to rescue Yara and prolly one other major bloodline, mebbe Gendry as the last Baratheon, because the final bloodrites can go on.

The Corrupting Voice

King’s Landing is a shitty dry-dock built a few hundred years ago. It was built then because the Targereans never gave a shit about anything west until their empire fell. Then one of them, RIGHT AFTER THEIR EMPIRE FELL, had a dream that said to go to dragonstone.To take your dragons to dragonstone.

Where there is dragonglass.

The thing is, this is the one part of the story I can’t figure out. If that was a good guy or a bad guy who told her to do that in a dream. And then I realized, it didn’t matter, because SOMEONE was telling her to do it. And it was either the best or worst thing to happen to everyone in Westeros. Which means...

There is a dark inversion to Brann’s power, which is NOT going back in time. It’s reaching into people’s minds. He cannot alter the past, but he CAN speak into people’s minds from ‘beyond time.’ It’s not beyond time, it’s part of the ancient tree internet. 

The Night King can do this to. And not only can he, he has been, all long. Aegon staring into the flames screaming ‘burn them all’ was talking about the night king and the undead, who filled his head, because the NK was in him whispering paranoid thoughts through the flames. Just as Brann reached Ned with his scream, and young Ned turned, the NK can reach you too. And the less green blood you have you (for our purposes, the more Targerean) the more you can hear him.

The closer he is to you the more he can affect you.

Predictions - The NK has been corrupting Dany since she landed, Aegon and the others because they have no greenblood in them. He’s been trying to get them to waste their dragons because they can hurt him or, worse yet, he wants to get to an undead dragon. The magical power of dragons? He wants them under his control either way. And he’s coming for them. He’s making Cersei more crazy than ever “TOMMEN BETRAYED ME!” and playing both sides because all he wants is...

A Dance With Dragons

The Valyrians were the only thing that kept the Doth’Raki in check. 

The dyntasys of Westeros were the only thing keeping all out civil war in check.

There are more bodies on the field, less magical fire wielders, than ever. Which means that after a dance with dragons? No matter who wins? They loose. Because he can simply raise his hands to the sky and now he has both armies fighting for him.

Predictions - Qyburn is literally is dead before we meet him and has made a ultra-zombie. Who--still thinks he’s not on the NK’s side and why you bother me so much. 

Qyburn will either help a betrayed by Highgarden/Euron/Dorne Cersei raise the dead so she can win, or do it anyway.

Jaime will become The Queenslayer after Cersei revives the dead.

Cersei will either be undead or Jaime has to flee from the rest of undeath consuming King’s Landing (which will likely be burning as undeath consumes it). 

The NK’s armies will finally be complete. He is ready. 

The Long Night

I’m not sure what triggers it. In my mind the NK has to get somewhere of significance, but he could just reach inside a dead or dying dragon and then boom, it’s nighttime now, I wouldn’t hate that. 

But his final army is ready. 

Predictions - The NK’s final army is going to be something, I mean something. Here are just a few of the things you will see in the NK’s army.

- An undead Direwolf/Whitewalker cavalry charge 

- An entire regiment of wights with spears and swords sticking out of them, likely unsullied, like unliving porcupines.

- Heavy, heavy knights in plate that can’t be taken down or hit but shamble on.

- A single commander on the field, with the body of a beautiful man, and the head of a direwolf.

- At least one super massive fucking undead dragon fuck yeah.

The North Remembers

The first men from The Vale who Tyrion rode with in season/book 1 return. So do the Mormonts. The Starks. The Wargers and the seers. The old houses and the new. They all remember why there is a wall. Why there must always be a Stark in Winterfell. Why The Twins was built and who it was really designed to stop. 

The Children of the Forrest who have been hiding in plane sight the entire time are either long dead at this point (Melissendre, Thoros of Mir, etc) or have told everyone the secrets.

The fire isn’t good or bad. The NK doesn’t hate fire. He brings the cold because he eats the fire. The fire in you that keeps you alive, he eats it to make you a wight. The fire in you that makes you have finite life, he eats to make you a white walker. He eats the passion of your ambitions and leaves only the wants and paranoia that come along with them.

He’s a fire eater. Just like everyone else who wants dragons, who wants crowns. he’s no different. Just playing a longer game. He was, I think, an old Valyrian. I think the misdirect of the first Night King and his sacrifices with his play stranger is a reference more to Melissendre and Stannis. How a good man with good station and claim can be lead astray. To do the right things for the wrong reasons. 

Melissendre has been corrupted entirely, or was working for him all laong, but that seems like a horrible disdirect even her shock and character development the last two seasons. No, she’s from the East, like Dany. She saw what she did in the flames, like him. But unlike The Hound, she has no greenblood, and she has no doubt. So when the NK gave her visions, answers, she took them, even though she was mostly wrong. 

Or, worse yet, since MElissendre saved the Wall? The good guys just wanted her to do all that to save the wall. Didn’t care who else died. Not that they’d be wrong. Which means that all this final prediction thread is missing is.

The Hero

Storytelling has come a long way since Tolkien. There is no “principle hero” here. If you’re looking for the person who does the most good and right? Probably Sam. Once he teaches everyone how to defend against the dead and defeat them, he’ll also teach everyone how to grow wheat. At least according to the books.

But the hero that needs to be revealed and hasn’t? He’s not Jon Snow. If he is I’ll just die. If Jon Snow is the dude holdin gthe flaming sword of light to fight back the Night King? It’s just so on the nose. I’m fine with Dany going “mad” and burning him via dragon and having him not burn, fine. A-OK. But he’s not the holder of the flaming sword.

That’s The Hound.

The Hound has been the one who has trouble seeing his good, and all of his evil as self brought. A character in season 4 or 5 says to Hodor “If I were as big as you I’d rule the seven kingdoms...” and nobody says that to The Hound.

Even though The Hound is more ethical, moral and frankly good than just about anyone on the show. A “hungry dog” as the Arch Maester calls mankind, not good or bad, just being a dog.

Beric will die. Thoros too. There will be no more flaming swords. 

The Hound will either have to pick up Beric’s or Thoros’ final blessed, flaming sword.The last one by the last hidden magi.

And it’s going to be fucking awesome.