#tooru oikaw x reader

[priniya]

GUITARIST !

summary: when reader’s band plays an important concert, oikawa tells his girlfriend that there’s no chance he could get back to japan, but the truth is that there’s no thing that could stop tooru from being with his significant other in the day as important as her concert.

notes: oikawa tooru x guitarist!reader, fem!reader, long distance established relationship, also oikawa being a shitty boyfriend. good friend!iwaizumi. mentions of drinking, swear words, frustrated hajime. not proofread kinda angsty also, hurt/comfort

you’ve known that for oikawa, his career would be always on the first place, his significant other following right after. and saying that you were completely fine with the situation would be… a small exaggeration. you couldn’t argue with that, you never could, so you pretended like being paid less attention to that practices wasn’t such a big deal everyone was telling you. but a part of you were incredibly hurt when your boyfriend of five years told you it was impossible to bail a few practices to be there at your concert in tokyo.

your small band was supposed to be a support, and a starter for a bigger one from the united kingdom. organizing the whole thing was way more of a challenge than you anticipated, since you were some sort of leader you had to do it on your own. contacting the other band, which wasn't the hardest part as you already knew the members, then the organizators, the management, the place where the event was supposed to happen at. if it wasn’t for iwaizumi who kept you on track with people you already called to, you wouldn’t be sane.

and because you’ve been working under heavy pressure, you got distant from your boyfriend, not answering his calls nor texts, replying with short sentences, but you were too busy to catch a breath or eat a proper meal instead of an instant ramen during breaks at studio. and well, oikawa got worried when the only source of information was hajime, not you.

one evening, when your bandmates and friends decided on taking a break and going out to celebrate such a big success of your work, you drank a little too much, that’s what hajime told you the following day. he drove you to his place, when your legs got too wobbly to function due to how much alcohol you pour in your mouth. he would sit you on the couch in his living room, and as if it was for the soft fabric of the furniture, you burst out crying.

“i hate it.” you let out quietly, your face hidden in the crock of iwaizumi’s neck. “i know he’s- he’s happy there, but i want him back. can’t he be a volleyball player here? like everyone else?” your sobs made your friend’s heart tear into pieces, his hand caressing your back gently to calm you. “throughout the entire three years he’s been there i’ve seen him twice, twice, haji. i miss him being here, he missed almost everything! my graduation, the party when i got accepted to the university of my dreams, his nephew’s first important game. and he won’t be able to see me on that stupid stadium.”

when oikawa left to argentina, you’ve already been in a long distance relationship, but because of you. you were granted an exchange to one of the best high schools with music programme in the uk. you couldn’t deny an offer like that, but it made you bit goodbyes with tooru almost a year earlier than you expected. since then, you saw him twice, one on your twenty birthday, and the second time on christmas next year.

it was exhausting. and when he told you, he wouldn’t make it to your show, you felt ruined. it was the only thing you’d pray for — for him to see you on a stage, opening a concert so important for you, your friends and bandmates. you never told him how you felt, never brought the topic again yourself, like your band never existed. it seemed too painful to speak about it out loud.

iwaizumi didn’t even bother trying to explain his other best friend. there were no words that could do such a thing. even though oikawa tooru has been his friend for longer, you were the one on the verge of breaking down whenever his topic was brought up, and hajime had to have a one on one with his friend.

so when you finally passed out from exhaustion and probably dehydration since you shredded so many tears that you could’ve filled up at least three huge bathtubs, the man covered up with a blanket and called oikawa, who already bombarded your phone with his calls.

“you’re so dead shittykawa.” he began, almost being interrupted by a confused what? coming from the other side of the phone. “i have your girlfriend sleeping on my sofa after a half an hour of crying, because her boyfriend seems like he doesn’t care about anything but his sport career, when for example hinata or ushiwaka are in japan every two or three months.

yet your girlfriend still thinks it’s okay to be treated like that, saying that’s what she signed up for five years ago. no, don’t even start on her becoming distant. she works her ass off trying to make you feel proud even though you won’t even see her perform in real life, you won’t be a part of her fucking dream just because volleyball is more important than your own fucking girlfriend.” he was furious, spitting out words, he would probably regret if he didn’t see how much in pain his best friend was.

“she doesn’t talk to me, iwa. what am i supposed to do? she doesn’t even answer my calls or texts. i wish i was there with you all, but volleyball is equally important to me, you know it. don’t make me the bad one.” oikawa sighed, rubbing his face with his hand.

“i know your career is significant, and i’m happy you’re chasing your dreams or some shit, but i’ve had enough of seeing your girlfriend, who you says you love endlessly, cry her tears out because you can’t get a few more days off and fly here. i don’t care what you’re gonna do, but i want to see you in two weeks at the airport or, you believe me, i’ll be the one who’s gonna convince y/n to dump your ass and find somebody who won’t neglect her.”

“hajime, i already have the tickets.” oikawa sighed, revealing the surprise for you. “i wanted to surprise her, i know i’ve been a shitty boyfriend and i wanted to see her, see all of you.”

“i don’t regret anything i said.” iwaizumi confessed, getting back inside. “if you let her down like that again, i’ll be the first one to suggest the idea of breaking up with you.” he claimed, and before tooru could add anything, he just hung up, taking a seat next to you.

the next two weeks were the most stressful ones for you, throughout your entire musician career. you, semi, konoha and hanako, a friend of yours, had barely left the studio you were rehearsing in. matsun and makki, your roommates, got even more worried when you became lifeless like a ghost.

at the final rehearsal before the show started, you weren’t even paying attention to the people that stand next to the stage, excitement took over you (especially when you finally slept enough hours and ate a proper meal), but then you caught eye contact with someone, and you felt like you were hallucinating. you immediately jumped off the stage, running towards the boy who just stood there smiling at you with the smile that never failed to make your knees weak.

“you’re here.” you spoke out, not believing your eyes. “you came.” you added softly. and then you took a swung at him, punching him in the chest, making your boyfriend grimace in pain, while the rest of your band laughed. “don’t think i forgave you for coming here once a year and a half. but i’m happy you’re here.”

when the show started your eyes were fixated on your boyfriend who stood at the front with all of your friends, matsun, makki, and iwaizumi, vibing and swinging their bodies to the tunes of your songs. oikawa locked eyes with you, grinning as wide as he could, thanking god he could see you there, on such a big stage in a place like this.

first person you saw after getting to the backstage was your boyfriend with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and a smile plastered on his lips. “you were amazing, with every second i’ve felt more and more enchanted. god, i love you so much.”

you pulled him into a kiss by the cotton of his collar, the first one you had since last year. you almost forgot how his touch worked on you. “i love you. i love you so much.” you mumbled into his lips before pulling away. “please, don’t leave me for so long anymore.”

“i won’t, baby. i can guarantee you that.”

[ugh-tsumu]

Be My Mistake || 012

Time stamps don't matter unless stated otherwise.

Masterlist || 013 >>

[megumiya]

Mean brat tamer oikawa is delicious but imagine this. Deceptive mean brat tamer oikawa. You've been bad and he's like fuck that, only makes you beg to be fucked and then he does. But instead of sliding in, he just slips in between your thighs. When you whine in confusion he goes "You asked me to fuck you, never said where"

oh, so we are going that way...i like it. deceptive. mischievous. yeah i'm vibing so hard rn nonnie thank u baby

did you actually believe him? did you actually thought this time was gonna be any different? after an hour of rubbing and massaging your clit you were a complete mess. buckling your hips up and whining like a little bitch, it almost annoys oikawa. but it was when he slipped one of his thick fingers and didn't move that you lost it. “stop teasing tooru, just fuck me already shit!” oikawa didn't like it when you get vulgar which only meant that you needed more training. “okay, okay princess, i'll stop. get yourself ready, yeah? ass up.” and so you did, obedient like a dog. you moaned desperately in anticipation while he rubbed the fat head of his cock against your slippery folds. poor needy thing, you weren't gonna get it tonight. it was priceless for oikawa the gasp you let out when you felt his dick sliding between your thighs instead of your empty hole. “what? you didn't think i was gonna put it in, did you? oh, baby, you'll need to work harder for my cock.”

[mrskurono]

We all know kags and hinata make eveything into a competition so when sho sees kags starting a family he is coming home with a new vengeance. Brazil gave him pretty good ideas about baby making hehe. He has you in every position possible, tipping orgasm after orgasm out of you maybe even giving you an aphrodisiac so you can go for longer. Wakes you up with cum already inside you and more coming your way, greets you with his cock buried in your cunny. Keeps asking Oikawa for advice for some weird reason and oiks convinced him to show him how he fucks you on a video call so now you are being split open with Oikawa watching

jesus fucking christ you guys are really gonna get the full fucking sub side of me today with these asks and I’m not even sorry like fuck me Hinata can GET it ok

Ok but like....fuck ok the Oikawa thing is turning me on way more than it should like I’m not even an Oikawa girl but Hinata just his enthusiasm to knock you up. And getting sweet talked by Oikawa into letting him watch? Fucking cuck of a man istg. Hinata sees no issue in it he’s still the one fucking you so where’s the problem? 

Protests turn to moans though as Hinata’s go to position is doggy style. He can see Oikawa better that way too right? Your face pressed into the mattress as Hinata is near fucking you off the bed. In the fact mostly you can’t see anything with your eyes rolling in the back of your head with the way Hinata has you screaming his name. You catch a glimpse of Oikawa palming himself to the sight of you getting railed by his little ginger friend. ‘

Yeah ok Oikawa’s dick is probably as pretty as he is we know this

And he’s just leisurely enjoying the sight of Hinata pumping you full of cum while leaving you numb from the countless orgasms. Worst part of it is Oikawa simply tells Hinata “Hmm maybe spread her legs for me, I can’t really tell if what you’re doing is working” and Fucking Hinata does it. Those calloused hands pulling your thighs apart. Cock burried in you still. While you get a full frontal on display for Oikawa to see as Hinata ruts into you with his cock glistening with your juices and Oikawa praising the two of you as he jerks himself off to his little cam show

[hanniejji]

OIKAWA AND KUROO AS OLDER BROTHERS

[ oikawa tooru x y/n ] [ kuroo tetsurou x y/n ]

anon: hiii! its my first time requesting something from you so im a bit nervous hehe... i really love your stuff especially the headcanons of the miya twins, kita, suna and sakusa as older brothers (i wish my older brother was more like them sksksk). if it’s not too much to ask, can i pls request something like that but with oikawa, kuroo and bokuto? 🥺

note: y'all lovin these brother headcanons because i love them too gksbfos i wish they were my siblings too ma'am :'( i did bokuto's here! | m.list

warnings: non

OIKAWA TOORU

little shit

the annoying brother that your friends like but you always say "no, they suck"

loves you to bits but will also hate you for the smallest shit

we stan a love and hate sibling relationship :')

showers you with affection!

you don't like hugs? too bad, he's tackling you with those strong arms

you don't like kisses? sorry, tooru can't hear you over the loud smooches he's leaving on your cheeks uwu

will whine if you don't come to. his practices fhsorwi

also very supportive!!

he loves learning about your likes and hobbies! he wants to be a big part of your life because you already are to him, so he does a lot of things that will show his appreciation and love for you uwu u better do that same :<

when you show the tiniest bit of affection, he brags about it to his friends fkshto

"y/n-chan just congratulated me!!! :'D"

LOVES IT IF U COME TO HIS PRACTICE OR GAMES

"OH MY GOD MY LIL SIBLING IS HERE"

"gotta impress them!"

"THIS ONE'S FOR YOU MY BABY SISTER/BROTHER"

he's embarrassing im so sorry :D

he's also a protective puppy gieofe

growls and glares at anyone that bothers you or comes near you

iwa and tooru are the y/n protection squad :D

KUROO TETSUROU

cool brother number 2

teases you too but not too much fjsof

he makes it a weekly routine to go out with you or take you to your favorite cafe or to some. place he saw that he thought you'd like uwu

moms you

"have you eaten lunch yet? here, take some of mine, you'll need it"

"do you need help with homework? c'mere, i'll teach you"

"wait! bring this jacket with you!"

where can i get a kuroo :)

also loves judging people with you by his side fbsof

you probably have that sibling telepathy going on lmao he doesn't need you to tell him you want ice cream on text he'll buy one if he passes by a convenience store

gave you a cat for your birthday :D

lets you borrow his clothes because he knows you love it

will freak out if you haven't replied to his text or answered his calls :(

loves hugging the life out of you and pulling you up for a bit maybe even do a twirl if he misses you uwu

communicates in meme language with u

knows you so well he doesn't have to ask shit or to see if you're doing well or not, it's his big brother senses owo

[mortedeveles]

broken bones & broken hearts.

Copyright © 2021 by Veles. Do NOT repost, plagiarize, or read my content as ASMR or audiofics.

SUMMARY: At the end of the day, you realize that as best friends or lovers, Oikawa Tooru and you are never meant to be together. 

PAIRING: Tooru Oikawa x fem!reader. 

THEMES: ANGST- just angst, romance, childhood friends to lovers. [ONE-SHOT] [CUPID’S ARROW WRITING EVENT] 

WORD COUNT: 5.7K (around 5744 words)

TAG’S AND TW’S: mental health issues, angst themes, breaking up, relationship issues, neglection, mentions of injuries & blood, somewhat suggestive content (sex is mentioned like once)

before you read (!!!): This one-shot is part of the writing event, Cupid’s Arrow!! You can find the masterlist as my pinned post on my blog :) If you’re interested in more Valentine’s Day themed works, please make sure to check it out!! 

SUPPORT YOUR CONTENT CREATORS! REBLOG! <3 

You should’ve known that falling in love with Oikawa was a clear mistake. It was written in harsh bold letters, a dreadful red that was anything but forgettable. Before becoming your lover, he was your friend. And you should’ve kept it at that. 

But then again, you weren’t the quickest at sensing danger; from pulling your hand away from the roaring flames. You lingered, and waited, didn’t move until you felt the scorching heat of the fire on your delicate skin until you were burnt, the pain spreading throughout your body, like venom seeping into your veins. 

You were his friend for years. You should’ve known how committed he was to volleyball, what extent he’d go for the sport. He poured his entire life, sweat, tears, and blood into it. Volleyball was his priority; but so were you. Or at least, that’s what you tried to tell yourself. 

But as volleyball began to consume his life, spreading like a wildfire throughout his mind, the Oikawa you knew began to change. 

The beautiful and mesmerizing roses that adorned his soul began to rot and fall until all that was left were dozens of thorns, deadly and painful. Leaving you to cry over rotten petals. He would spend less and less time with you, postponing dates and forgetting important events. And suddenly, you weren’t a priority in his life anymore. 

Left you tugging at the other side of the rope, tugging with all your strength and willpower, only for him to drop the other end completely. Abandoned in static silence, with nothing but heartbreak and tears.

           ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Tooru was never good at keeping promises. 

I’ll make it to tonight’s date, I promise, he told you with a brief kiss before heading out. 

He didn’t make it. Left you sitting alone in a fancy restaurant, dressed up because you wanted to impress him tonight, only for him to never show up. You lost the count of how many times you checked your phone’s clock that night, or how many times you called or sent a message. They all went unanswered. 

‘’Where were you?’’ you uttered once the lights flickered on. Sitting in the living room in the dark, you raised an eyebrow when the door swung open. His parents had been out for the weekend, and you had already informed yours that you would spend the night at your boyfriend’s.

Oikawa jumped, before giving you a nervous smile. You quickly assessed his appearance, unsure how to feel. He was in his volleyball uniform, forehead slick with sweat, sporting some bruises on his legs and arms. You didn’t miss the way some of his fingers were taped together, or how his knuckles were stained with dried blood.

‘’You….’’ were at a loss of words. ‘’You ditched me for the tenth time just to...practice volleyball?’’ Your words were nothing but honest, and yet, they were harsh whips of poison on Oikawa’s wounds. He cringed slightly, before swallowing nervously.

‘’I’m sorry, baby,’’ he murmured, ‘’I was going to make it- I swear I was going to, but then I lost track of time and well…’’ 

‘’This happened.’’ You finished the sentence for him, crossing your arms over your chest in disapproval. 

He sighed, lowering his gaze to the floor. ‘’I’m sorry.’’ 

Eyeing his bloody knuckles, you frowned. An exasperated sigh left your lips. With a gentle tug on his upper arm, you took him to the bathroom. He watched you with a questioning look on his face but remained silent.

‘’Your knuckles,’’ you explained. ‘’We need to get them patched up.’’ His eyes softened. 

‘’No, it’s okay,-’’ he held out his hands in protest. ‘’I’m fine. Besides, I should be making it up to you, not like this. Don’t fuss over me, let me take care of you.’’ The determination was clear and loud in his words. A sad smile hung on his lips. 

Pursing your lips before breathing deeply, you insisted on him sitting on the toilet. He sat down with a reluctant frown, eyes following your movements.

‘’You can make it up to me,’’ you agreed. ‘’But after I patch you up, m’kay?’’

‘’Okay,’’ he hummed in agreement. Within a few minutes, you pulled out a medical kit and began to gently dab at his knuckles, kneeling between his open legs. 

The night was quiet, almost gentle, after your small argument. Oikawa merely hummed a song you couldn’t recognize while you mended his hands. After spending a few minutes in silence and being almost done cleaning his wounds, you felt Oikawa’s lips press a kiss on the top of your head. You raised your head, meeting his warm smile and soft eyes. 

‘’Thank you,’’ he murmured. ‘’I know I haven’t been paying enough attention to you… and I’m sorry about that. You don’t deserve that. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.’’ his hand settled beneath your chin, slowly pulling you closer until your lips met.

His warm breath fanned over your lips, every stroke of movement fueling your heart with such intense fondness and familiarity that only Oikawa possessed. His hands cupped the back of your head, fingers rubbing at the base of your neck, while your own crawled and wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. Lips kept moving, tugging and dancing, until the two of you ran out of breath, slowly breaking apart with heaving chests. His forehead leaned against yours gently. 

‘’I love you,’’ he murmured while rubbing his thumb over your lips. With a content smile, you wrapped your fingers around his thumb, squeezing it tightly.

‘’I love you more, Tooru.’’ And you meant it.

His lips returned to yours, this time attacking with much more fervor and neediness. Within a few seconds, he had your legs locked around his waist, holding you in the air as he sought towards your bedroom. 

And for a few moments, in those moments where your lips couldn’t bear to leave him, when all clothes left your bodies and nothing but soft moans and loving whispers were said, you allowed yourself to forget. Forget all the broken promises, all the disappointments. Forget all the thorns that had stemmed in your relationship, inevitably hurting both of you. Oikawa was in your arms, he was with you, and that was all that mattered. 

You could deal with the ugly thorns later. 

                                ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

He first asked you out on Valentine’s Day. Now that you look back at it, your heart squeezes at the memory. You loved Oikawa with everything you had. He hadn’t rearranged his priorities yet- volleyball was a part of his life, but had yet to overtake all of it.

It was a hot, sizzling summer. The two of you were nearly done with secondary school and were soon on the way to high school. Specifically, Aoba Johsai. The high school of Oikawa’s dreams. As loyal best friends, you decided to follow him, to support his dreams- and the school also offered a handsome looking program of a career you were highly interested in pursuing. It all worked out. 

Today’s holiday loomed over you like a dark and suffocating cloud. After witnessing Oikawa politely reject several girls- while hopelessly pining after him, it was safe to say your mood wasn’t the best. But he was quick to notice, and since the two of you had no romantic dates for the holiday, decided to go to the local carnival as friends. Just like old times, as best friends and nothing else. Everything troublesome shoved to the side, just to cheer each other up.

‘’Y/N-chan!’’ He called out to you, waving and sending a wide smile. You grinned in response, quickly walking away from the junior high’s building, and racing towards the entrance gate, where Oikawa stood, leaning against the gates. 

‘’Took you long enough,’’ he said teasingly. ‘’Now c’mon, let’s go,’’ without hesitation, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, the close proximity leaving you to walk along with him with burning cheeks. Not that he noticed, his eyes were on the carnival that was a few minutes away from the school.

‘’I didn’t take that long!’’ You protested, shaking your head. ‘’My teacher was holding us back because we didn’t answer the last question he gave us,’’ you pouted, and the boy laughed loudly. His hand squeezed your shoulder, and your heart thumped loudly at this. You wondered if he could hear it, beating too fast for its own good, desperate to leap out and land in his hands. Wanting to be his. 

To your sides, you heard some of your classmates giggle, and felt dozens of eyes on your hands. Despite what everyone in your school thought, Oikawa and you weren’t dating. And as much as you’d like to, that wasn't your reality.

The two of you simply were affectionate and close with each other, having known each other since the fourth year of elementary, the two of you grew up like a pair of troublesome siblings. But you didn’t see Oikawa that way- no, your heart yearned for him. But anytime your hopes got up, they would immediately be crushed to the ground.

He saw you as a sister, you were sure of it. Heard him talk to Iwazumi, about how you meant so much to him, but as a friend. Nothing less and nothing more. 

It didn’t help that the boy was gorgeous. One of the downsides of being his best friend for years was constantly being approached by shy, giggling girls who asked if you’re his girlfriend- or asking you to deliver him a love letter, bowing their heads before you, eagerly holding out a cute pink envelope. 

‘’Hurry up!’’ Oikawa’s eager voice pulled you out of your thoughts. ‘’I can see the yatai stalls from here, let’s go!’’ He dropped your hand and began to jog towards the food stands, and you laughed briefly, before racing after him. The carnival had set up on the local but wide park, with fields of grass stretching ahead, trees, rocks and flowers littering the ground. 

‘’Last one pays for the food!’’ You said, shooting him a grin as you raced ahead of him. Heard him gasp loudly behind you, before picking up his pace and racing like never before, leaving you in the dust. You stopped for a moment and laughed at his speed, recollecting your breath as you bent over your knees. 

When you raised your head, you chuckled at the sight of Oikawa standing eagerly at a yakitori stand, quickly returning to you, holding two yakitori skewers. The sight of the roasted chicken, seasoned with tare sauce made your mouth water. In a matter of seconds, you ran up to your friend, quickly grabbing one of the yakitori. 

‘’Hey!’’ He protested, but you saw the humor in his eyes. You smiled innocently, biting into the chicken. 

‘’Thank you for paying, Tooru, even though I lost.’’ he shrugged nonchalantly, throwing an arm over your shoulders, the two of you walking away from the food stand. You blended in with the crowd of people, surrounded by food stands, kids running past you and the carnival’s rides echoing in the distance. 

‘’Don’t sweat it. I’ll be your date for today, so I have to be a gentleman, don’t I?’’ He said with a sleazy smile, and you snorted, unamused.

‘’Whatever you say, crappykawa,’’ you crooned and grinned when he gasped, looking genuinely offended.

‘’Who taught you that-?! Was it Iwa-chan?’’ He pouted. He stopped in his tracks, crossing his arms over his chest, looking away from you with a dramatic sigh. 

‘’I can’t believe you call me that too,’’ he grumbled, left shoe tapping against the ground. You fought back the urge to snort and giggle at the same time and instead, watched the boy carry out his dramatic antics with a small smile. 

‘’I’m heartbroken! Truly, I can expect this type of behavior from Iwa-chan, but you-,’’ he pointed his finger at you, emphasizing his point. You let out a stifled giggle. ‘’-I expected better from you, Y/N-chan.’’

With a thoughtful hum, you tapped your finger on your chin, before smiling. ‘’What can I say, Tooru? Iwaizumi has given me some great names for you,’’ with a giggle, you patted his shoulder. ‘’And they really suit you…’’ slowly tensing your body, preparing to race off. ‘’...Shittykawa!’’ You broke into a run, giggling and looking back, watching as Oikawa’s eyes widened before he raced after you.

‘’Hey! Get back here! I’m not done with you yet!’’ You giggled, ignoring the few stares of the other people in the carnival, racing past food stands, without any particular destination, just determined to outrun Oikawa. And by the way you heard footsteps thudding on the floor closely behind you, he was getting closer. So you sped up, forcing your legs to work at a faster pace. The crowd began to disperse the more you ran, leaving behind food stalls and entering a rather empty area of the carnival, nothing but trees and grass in your surroundings, and a few rides, but they were at a considerable distance. 

With a loud squeal, you were tackled onto the soft grass, giggling as Oikawa hovered above you, a smug grin on his face.

‘’Oooh,’’ you cooed. ‘’You caught me, crappykawa!’’ Your laugh grew louder as he groaned in annoyance, dropping his body on top of yours. You let out a loud oomph! as he continued to whine into your shoulder.

‘’Tooru,’’ you complained. ‘’You’re too heavy, get off!’’ With a slightly maniacal laugh, the boy pulled himself up, offering you his hand. You swallowed, and instead rejected his hand and got up on your feet. You missed the flash of hurt in his eyes, and smiled at him awkwardly as you patted your clothes. 

‘’Well then,’’ he looked at you with a smile that made your heart skip a beat. ‘’Let’s have some fun now, shall we?’’ 

The two of you had raced towards every ride possible, screaming your lungs out together, usually leaving the rides with loud giggles and satisfied smiles. Every now and then, your hand would brush against Oikawa’s, and you would meet his gaze. Immediately, you would spring back, face burning. The boy would react similarly, his face flushing as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

Soon enough, the bright sky began to slightly darken, and the sun began to set. Touches of warm orange and hints of purple blended with the baby blue, clouds moving positions, opening a path for the sun. 

After the both of you stuffed yourselves with so much food you nearly puked, Tooru pulled you towards the Ferris Wheel. The tall ride was perfect for the occasion; with the sun setting, and the air warm but soothing, it would be quite the sight and experience.

With an excited smile, you sat in one of the compartments with Oikawa, sitting across each other. Your knees brushed against each other, and you watched as your friend’s head bobbed as he swallowed visibly.

Once the two of you were seated, the ride quickly began to move. Gears shifted and the somewhat old infrastructure groaned, which was slightly concerning, but you quickly forgot about it when Oikawa began to talk.

‘’So,’’ he started, ‘’How did you enjoy Valentine’s Day with me?’’ The brown-haired boy gave you a crooked smile, and you gave him a smile of your own.

‘’It was fun. Thanks for spending the day with me Tooru, even if you had the choice to go with one of your fangirls.’’ He laughed at this.

‘’I wouldn’t want to spend the day with anyone else but you, Y/N.’’ Your heart somersaulted, and Oikawa wouldn’t stop staring at you.

‘’You don’t mean that,’’ the words left your lips before you could stop them. At this, Oikawa frowned and leaned closer to you. Your mouth felt dry. Trying to back away, you leaned backward, only to quickly meet the metallic wall of the compartment.

‘’What do you mean?’’ Within a few seconds, the atmosphere shifted. Gone was the playful but serene atmosphere, and was quickly replaced by a tense and stuffy environment. 

You swallowed nervously and looked away, deciding to gaze at the scenery at your left side. Trees swayed beneath you, the carnival full to the brim with people, running, walking, and screaming. The sun gently enveloped you the higher the Ferris Wheel took you, but you didn’t mind.

‘’You’re my best friend, Y/N. What do you mean I wouldn’t want to spend today with you?’’

You could sense confrontation, and it was the last thing you wanted to deal with. Wanted to hop off right away and run away from it. As far as you were concerned, confessing to Oikawa Tooru wasn’t in your agenda anytime soon. 

And yet, here you were. Wetting your lips before letting out a shaky sigh, slowly turning around to meet the boy’s gaze.

‘’That’s the problem,’’ you said in a low voice. ‘’To you, I’m nothing but your best friend. But to me, Tooru, you’re so much more than that. I...I like you, a lot.’’

He was silent for a few heartbeats. That was enough for you to feel rejected, to feel your chest tighten painfully, feeling a wave of painful emotions approach you.

‘’I know you don’t feel the same way,’’ you quickly interjected. ‘’But since you want to know, that’s what I meant.’’ 

The brown-haired boy let out a soft chuckle, and your eyes quickly snapped to his. He was watching you with a confused, but now relieved and soft expression.

‘’And who told you that?’’ Shifting in his seat, you swallowed as Oikawa got closer, his nose nearly brushing against yours.

‘’Told me what?’’ You repeated in an impossibly small voice, feeling your face grow warmer as the distance between your best friend and you decreased until it was nearly nonexistent.

‘’That I don’t return your feelings,’’ his lips slightly parted, and you watched them intently, swallowing when you watched the boy swipe his tongue over them. Couldn’t keep your eyes off the pretty, pink, and plump lips, especially when they were so close to you.

So close that if you merely moved forward in one swift movement, they’d be against yours. Just like forbidden fruit, Tooru Oikawa was so close in your reach, yet so far-so unattainable. 

Being so focused on his lips, your breath hitched when you finally registered his words. You met his eyes, searching for any lies or doubt in them. You found none. Felt your heart thump loudly when you saw nothing but honesty. 

‘’Wait…’’ your jaw almost dropped to the ground. ‘’What?’’ 

Instead of replying verbally, you gasped as Oikawa suddenly surged forward, and his lips were on yours. But then you froze, overwhelmed and confused. You had never kissed someone before- what were you supposed to do? At your sudden hesitance, your best friend pulled away. He watched the hint of fear and uncertainty in your expression and felt his heart drop to his stomach.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ he quickly said. ‘’Did you not want me to-’’ This time, you were the one surging forward, silencing him with your warm lips.

Both of you were inexperienced and were moving slowly and carefully. And yet, that didn’t stop it from feeling so sweet and warm. Oikawa felt you smile against his lips, your arms sliding to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. 

‘’This means you want to be my girlfriend, right?’’’ The boy said between kisses, and you pulled away to giggle. 

‘’Yes, Tooru, I want to be your girlfriend,’’ now nearly seated in his lap, you sent him a shy smile.

‘’Good…’’ he mumbled. For once, the usually confident and flirty boy was a mess. Pink cheeks 

and slightly ruffled hair, he could barely meet your gaze. ‘’Because I really want to be your boyfriend.’’ 

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Your eyes were burning, tired from being used all day. Class after class, endless notes to write resulted in you being exhausted. But that didn’t stop you from being excited. After the incident from a few days ago, in which Tooru stood you up and you ended up mending his hands, he took the initiative and said that you should have a home date together. It made your heart warm. Because for once, it felt like you weren’t the only one putting effort into this relationship. If he was willing to plan and set the date for you, then that was a good thing, right? There was still hope for the two of you. 

Except that as soon as your hopes got up, they were crushed. Since Oikawa was going to handle the date, he asked you to stay away from his house after school, until five o’clock, so he could get things ready for you.

So you spent a few hours at your house, doing some homework before getting ready for the date. To say you were excited was an understatement. Finally, after so many canceled dates, you would be able to spend some alone time with your boyfriend. Just Oikawa and you, and nothing else in between. 

And true to your word, you arrived at Oikawa’s house a few minutes past five o’clock, wearing an outfit that made you feel confident and pretty. You rang the doorbell and waited. And waited. Minutes passed by, and no one opened the door. Confused, you furrowed your eyebrows, deciding to knock instead. Again, no response.

With an exasperated sigh, you peeked through the windows, stomach twisting when you noticed the lights were off. No one was home.

Fumbling with your fingers, you quickly fished out your phone from your bag and dialed Oikawa. The phone continued to ring, and your boyfriend wasn’t picking up. After the sixth ring, you were sent to voicemail.

‘’Heyo! This is Oikawa. Unfortunately, I’m not available right now, so please leave a message.’’

He had to be kidding. You quickly ended the call, feeling overwhelmingly conflicted. You weren’t sad. You didn’t want to cry. How many dates had he stood you up? The amount was genuinely laughable at this point. 

‘’Would it kill him to make an effort?’’ You muttered harshly as you decided to sit on the house’s doorstep, biting the inside of the cheek.

You spent an hour or two sitting outside the house. Every now and then, a car would drive past the lone street. The trees swayed in the distance and the wind howled in your ears. It was already dark, and you could spot some bright stars in the sky. 

And by the time Oikawa showed up, you were so close to losing it. It took much of your restraint to not cry, sadness and fury were fighting over control over you, transforming into a painful combination.

‘’Glad you decided to show up,’’ you said quietly. You raked your eyes over Oikawa’s appearance. He was in his volleyball uniform, school backpack slung over his back, carrying in one hand two bags of groceries, and in the other one, his school uniform.

He met your gaze but remained silent. Maybe he was feeling guilty and didn’t know what to say. But you were far past thinking about that.

‘’Do you remember what you said to me on Valentine’s Day?’’ You met his gaze, tears pricking from your ears. Slowly, he shook his head.

‘’You said you really wanted to be my boyfriend,’’ you laughed, harshly wiping away at your tears. ‘’Well, it sure doesn’t feel like it.’’

‘’I’m…’’ he croaked, and you took notice of how his eyes began to water. ‘’I’m sorry.’’ You merely smiled at his apology.

‘’So, what was it this time? Did Iwa-chan want to practice his spikes over time? Had problems with the first-years? Go ahead Oikawa, tell me what’s your excuse this time.’’ He recoiled at your use of his last name. You always called him Tooru, sometimes shittykawa or crappykawa, but never just his last name, Oikawa.

‘’I was practicing my serves,’’ he murmured. ‘’They need to be better. But- I wasn’t planning on standing you up, I swear,’’ he held up the plastic bags in his right hand. ‘’I just came back from the store, I got the ingredients to cook you dinner...’’ 

‘’This is pathetic,’’ you quickly stood up, shaking your head. ‘’I can’t take this anymore!’’ You cried out. Tooru reached towards you, but you flinched away. 

‘’No,’’ you whispered. ‘’Don’t touch me. I’ve had enough, Oikawa. I know volleyball is your passion. I know, okay!? I’ve been to all your matches. Cheered for you, comforted you when you’d lost your match. You’re amazing,’’ you let out a dry laugh. 

‘’And that’s the problem. I...I don’t fit in your life. I don’t think I ever did,’’ you looked up at him with a shaky smile, but watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

‘’Don’t say that.’’ His voice was clogged with emotion. He dropped all his bags, and pulled you into his arms, even if you struggled. ‘’Don’t say that, please. You fit in my life. You’re my girlfriend, I love you, I need you.’’

With a gentle push, you slipped out of the setter’s arms. For once, he didn’t stop you. Only watched you with teary eyes as his lower lip wobbled.

‘’I need you too, Tooru.’’ You said with a small smile. ‘’You have all of me, and I only have parts of you. And I’m sorry, I really am.’’ 

‘’But I can’t love you like this. I can’t love you knowing that volleyball will always be first, that I’ll only get slivers of your time, and the sport will have your full and undivided attention. You’re going to be a superstar, baby,’’ you hiccuped. ‘’And I’m only going to drag you down.’’

‘’No,’’ he shook his head. ‘’No, no, no.’’ In a few steps, he pulled you into his chest, and you cried into his shirt. His head settled on top of yours, hands desperately holding your face. 

 ‘’I’ll be better, I promise. I’ll-I’ll make more time for you, and-and I’ll make a schedule! We’ll have more dates, and I will be at your side. I...I promise.’’ His voice was shaky and you watched his tears along with yours, stain his shirt.

‘’Don’t make promises you won’t keep, Tooru.’’ You pressed a kiss on his cheek. ‘’Didn’t your mom teach you that?’’ You chuckled softly.

‘’Please…’’ he cried into your hair. ‘’I love you. Don’t leave me.’’ 

‘’I have to.’’ You slowly removed his arms from your body. ‘’You know that.’’

He sniffled in response. You stepped closer to him until your nose was brushing against his. Tooru quickly understood, and his lips crashed into yours with great fervor, moving desperately, hungrily. You were just as eager to reply, and subconsciously, both of you knew why. This was your way of saying goodbye. 

                                   ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

You were second best, and would always be second best. You weren’t enough for him, you never would be. His heart was set on volleyball, and it had always been.

How could you ever think he could love you? When you met, he had already given his heart away to the sport. And yet, he made space for you. Gave you small fragments that you thought were his everything; but were nothing but measly pieces, pieces you desperately hung to.

Your relationship with Tooru Oikawa was nothing but an unsteady foundation, the product of lovesick pre-teenagers, naive and hopeful as ever. Created for comfort, for tranquility, and most important of all, created with hope. But now? Now that all the veils have been revealed, when all truths have been spoken, and when there is nothing left to say, it’s bittersweet.

Bittersweet to the point you can’t bear thinking about it. It makes your stomach queasy, makes your heart ache, with tears bubbling up in your eyes. And at the same time, it fills you with such serenity and nostalgia, it makes you forget the pain and replaces it with fondness.

But only for a moment. And a moment is not enough. 

You still loved him, and he still loved you. Your paths that had once been tightly intertwined as children, slowly began to untangle throughout the years, choosing very, very different paths. Paths that couldn’t be tied together, too difficult, too painful, to remain as one.

They only met briefly, intertwined tightly, but just as fast as they intertwined, they quickly untangled. Oikawa Tooru was a person who was meant to reach the stars, to shine brightly above all. And what were you compared to him? You were your own person. But your path was far different from his. And no matter how hard you tried, Oikawa Tooru was not your path. 

Fate was cruel. It ripped you out of your fantasy and reminded you of how Oikawa would always choose volleyball first. You would never be his first choice. Made you realize that once the rose-tinted glasses were off, when everything was stripped naked and the bare truth laid before you, your paths were never meant to stay together.

The last sentence fully sinks into your mind as you shift in your seat. The cheering and roaring of excitement, loud screaming, and claps of encouragement echoing in the gymnasium. Watching Oikawa in the court feels like playing with poison; it hurts, hurts so much, remembering that you’ll always be his second option, and right now, you’re witnessing him shine brightly. Shining in the field of volleyball players, coaxing intimidation and awe into others. He was in his territory, ruling over all like a Great King. Without you. 

It’s one of Oikawa’s best performances. His spikes are brutal as always, leaving a deafening silence before the audience uproars and cheers. His skills are polished, and all of Seijoh is hungry for victory. Before you know it, the match ends and Seijoh has won. You watch as they all shout in glory, hugging each other fiercely. 

Usually, by now, you’d be racing down towards the court, jumping into Oikawa’s arms, smothering him in kisses. The thought pulls at your heartstrings, making you swallow a lump in your throat. The setter seems to remember as well, as his gaze meets yours, staring and lingering, but not moving. 

You want to go back to him. Race back into his arms, pull him into a desperate kiss, try to convey all your desires into the flurry of kisses, and have him laugh and slowly pull away with swollen lips.

But you can’t. Not again. 

This is for the best, you tell yourself as Oikawa and his team shake hands with the other team, and you don’t surge forward. You don’t cry out his name, watch as his eyes widen as you proclaim your love for him once again, just like out of a romantic drama. You don’t, and instead, you watch as he shakes hands firmly, a brief light of satisfaction in his eyes, before walking away from the opposing team. It’s for the best.

It’s okay; you don’t stop him from exiting the court. Your heart stutters as he suddenly stops, and glances at you. His lips part open, and even from this distance, and you can see the mix of emotions flashing in his eyes.

It’s for the best; you turn on your back and quickly exit the seating, as squeals and whoops of excitement continue to echo in the stadium. 

This is for the best, you tell yourself. Then why does it hurt so much? 

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His lungs are burning. 

There’s a painful ache in his thighs, especially in his knee, the type of pain that probably shouldn’t be overlooked, but he can’t find it himself to stop. The moment he caught sight of your face, of your tired and weary eyes, he froze. Thank god he didn’t notice you until the match was over- if he had seen you sooner, he might've messed up a serve, and lost the match.

Stop it, he curses himself. This is why you lost her. Stop thinking about volleyball, and think about her first. 

Once the referee blew the whistle, once he had shaken hands with the opposing team, once he saw you, he ran. Dropped everything and raced outside when he saw you retreat from the gymnasium, forced himself to run even though his body was screaming, forced himself to run towards your quickly disappearing figure. 

He shouted. Shouted your name, tears nearly sprouting from his eyes, shouted until his throat was raw. But you didn’t turn around. Not once. You kept running, running further and further away from him. He didn’t blame you, but that didn’t mean he wanted it to happen.

When he reaches the end of the street, he barely notices it was a dead end. His heart shatters and the voices in his head scream the loudest they ever have. You’re nowhere in sight.

A dead-end, he thinks bitterly. Of course, he had to reach a dead end. 

‘’Y/N…’’ he calls out one more time. His voice is ragged and his throat is burning, but he still calls out for you. But you never respond. You don’t step out of a corner of darkness or appear behind him, quickly racing towards him and embracing him in your oh so loving arms. Instead, Oikawa’s only response is silence. Deafening silence, so thick and tense he finds himself letting out a loud sob, dropping onto his knees, hands tugging at his hair harshly.

He’s selfish. Oikawa knows this very well, and yet, he still strung you along. Allowed you into his heart, even when he knew that in a few years, once he had graduated high school, he would be off, racing after his dreams. But the moment he first touched your lips, he stopped caring. When he witnessed your smile, all he could think about was seeing it again. Didn’t care about the implications, the pain his selfishness would bring. All he wanted was volleyball, and you. Was that too much to ask for? He loves you.  

Oikawa’s always been told that as the setter of Seijoh, he brings out the best in his players.  Knows how to play their cards to the fullest. And even outside the court, he was the same. Always coaxing smiles and giggles out of people. Making people feel at ease around him.

Then why... did he only ever bring out the worst in you? 

a/n: okay so... this was a monster to write HAHAHAH the first time, i deleted about 2-3K ;> because i didn’t like the direction the one-shot was going towards. but finally, it is complete ✨ and this is my first time writing full blown angst + oikawa, so please let me know how it was!! admittedly, this isn’t one of my best works :’D but i hope y’all enjoyed! feedback is greatly appreciated :3 

if you enjoyed, PLEASE REBLOG! LIKE AND/OR COMMENT! 

Copyright © 2021 by Veles. Do NOT repost, plagiarize, or read my content as ASMR or audiofics.

[osita-iza]

Want: Chapter 1

After high school, you’re an adult. And when you’re an adult, life gets really confusing (and depressing). You’re reminded again of how confusing it is as you head back home for the first winter break from university, spending time with people from high school once again. 

The most confusing is your ex-boyfriend, Oikawa Tooru. Because you still couldn’t answer the question on everyone’s minds: Why the hell did you break up with him?

At least you have your best friends, Kuroo and Kenma. Right?

Pairing: Oikawa x gn!reader x Kenma

Genre: Existential angst, fluff later on 

Word Count: 3,353 

There were a lot of things people knew about you. If someone had surveyed your high school class, they would have all agreed on two things about you: 

Your best friends, Kenma and Kuroo would always be a part of your life. Despite them going to a different school, you three seemed to always know everything about each other’s lives. 

You and Oikawa were going to be the high school sweetheart story from your class. You were going to make it. Never any fights, jealousy, or possessiveness. A match made in heaven.

Those two facts were indisputable. 

And that was why, on the first winter break after graduation, everyone was shocked to find out that Oikawa showed up to the party alone, and someone broke the news that you two had broken up. People didn’t want to ask him ( he was tearing up after only one shot) what happened between the two of you. He was going through a lot without their probing questions.

However, Kuroo and Kenma were fair game. Everyone was more confused when they found out that your best friends knew nothing. Kenma stuck to the corner; if someone looked closer, they would see that his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. He hadn’t seen you since graduation, while Kuroo had last seen you at Thanksgiving break. Kuroo was dodging questions the entire time. However, they both made eye contact, and there was a silent agreement that it must be Oikawa’s fault. 

It was an hour after the news of your break-up hit the party that you showed up. An old teammate had let you know that Oikawa was there. The nerves were already buzzing as you walked through the door. There was a small group by the front entrance wearing volleyball jackets; none of them gave you friendly looks when they saw you. You set your jaw as you sped walked towards an emptier room. 

The only occupants in the kitchen was one couple flirting to the side, but if you didn’t mind them, they wouldn’t mind you. The countertop was lined with an array of drinks. While you were debating on whether or not you wanted to stay sober tonight- the looks some of Oikawa’s fangirls were sending you would not be fun to deal with- two hands came up to your waist, pressing just enough to tickle. You whipped around to see Kuroo’s devilish smile. You hit his arm with a smile. “That was 100% unnecessary.” 

“It was fun though,” he retorted, “I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” 

You shrugged. “I wasn’t sure myself. But I needed a break from my parents,” 

Kuroo nodded, taking a step back. “Me and Kenma have been in the backyard,” 

“Kenma came?” You asked as you grabbed a closed water bottle and followed Kuroo. 

He sighed, “It took a lot of convincing and bargaining on my end,” 

You decided that you would ask about those bargains later. “Has it been fun so far?” You stepped out into the backyard, and the chilly night air surrounded you. The noise from the door caused a couple of the girls to look over, glares immediately falling onto their faces when they recognize you. 

Kuroo leaned closer to your ear. “It was alright, but you should know-” 

“People are talking about me?” You asked with a tight smile, walking to one of the tables set up on the lawn. Kenma was leaning back on the chair, looking at something on his phone. His natural color was starting to grow in, and the way he had his hair pulled back almost hid his dyed end, emphasizing his grown in roots. 

His eyes shot up when he heard your voice, and a smile came up on your face. You were reminded of how much you had missed his voice as he spoke up. “People are kind of obsessed with you, ya know?” 

“Sadly,” you chuckled, sitting down. The cold metal of the chair was able to sting through the fabric of your jeans. 

“So, I have to ask-” Kuroo sighed, raising his eyebrows, “Why didn’t you tell us about you and Oikawa?” 

You groaned, avoiding both of their gazes. “I just… really didn’t want to talk about it to be honest. I told my Mom, and her reaction was enough,” Kenma furrowed his eyebrows, a silent question. “”When I told her that we broke up, my Mom went on a rant about how she was sure we were going to get married,” 

“Oof,” Kenma muttered. 

“Pretty much,” you chuckled, rubbing your arms as goosebumps appeared from the night air. 

“Why did you break up with him?” Kuroo asked, “If you’re okay with that,” 

You felt nauseous at the question; it was a question that you had been asking yourself for a long time as well. Right after you said the words, you were mortified at your decision. Oikawa was great. You were spoiled with having as your boyfriend, let alone your first love. Most people would have killed to date someone like him. But… 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” Kuroo reminded. You looked up, and Kenma’s eyes were focused on you. 

“It’s not that,” you exhaled, “I just felt that I couldn’t be with him anymore. It’s hard to put into words,” 

They both nodded, and a silence fell over the three of you. There was a roar of laughter from one of the nearby tables. You couldn’t help but feel like they were talking about you. It had felt that people here had been talking about you nonstop since your first date with Oikawa. “Are either of your families doing anything special for the holidays?” you asked. 

Kenma shook his head, but Kuroo spoke up. “We have some extended family coming over next week to trade presents. It’s a pre-Christmas, since a lot of my cousins are working that day,” 

“At least you’re getting to see them,” 

“I also have to figure out gifts a whole week early,” 

Kenma spoke up. “How many gifts do you have now?” 

“Two,” Kuroo groaned.

You shook your head with a smile. “Don’t you have like a million relatives?” 

“Fifteen, I’ll let you know, but yup,” He popped the ‘p’. “Would you guys mind helping me find presents?” 

“Sure” “No” You and Kenma answered at the same time. You sent a weak look at him, and the corners of his mouth lifted up slightly. “Fine.” 

Kuroo was about to make a comment on Kenma’s lack of enthusiasm when a wet coldness ran down your back. You flinched, immediately jumping up to your feet. Turning to see where it came from, your eyes connected with Kaori’s. 

A smirk was evident on her face as she took in your drenched top. She had been pining over Oikawa just as your relationship with him started. The hatred she had for you clearly took enjoyment at the fact she could finally mess with you without fearing Oikawa’s judgement. “Sorry, I tripped,” 

You forced a smile and sighed. “It’s fine,” you turned to your boys, “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before I start stinking like alcohol,” 

Kenma stood up, pulling off the crimson hoodie he was wearing. “Here, you can change into this,” 

You smiled, taking the clothing. “Thank you so much, Kozume,” 

Kaori’s voice rose to a higher pitch as she walked away to her friends, “Thank you so much, Kozume,” 

“I’ll be back,” you muttered to the boys. Kaori’s drink was already leaving its alcoholic scent on you as you trudged your way to the bathroom. It felt like everyone was staring at you, and Kaori’s antics made it difficult to tell yourself you were imagining it. 

You pushed at the bathroom door, but it refused to budge. Your hand met the door as you knocked, but there was no response. A groan escaped your mouth as you went to find the other bathroom you knew of across the house. 

Every time you passed into a new room people would turn to look at you. Grabbing the doorknob and turning it, you sighed out of relief as you opened the door, although you weren’t sure if some of the relief was at the idea of getting to be alone. 

That relief disappeared as you saw your ex-boyfriend kneeling over the toilet. “Tooru?” 

He looked up, frowning. “Y/N?” 

“How drunk are you?” 

“Not at all, Mom,” he said before spitting into the toilet. 

You pressed your lips together before locking the door behind you. Turning towards the corner, you pulled off your shirt and rushed to get the hoodie on. It smelled like Kenma; he had been using the same detergent since you were kids, and the scent reminded you of walks from school. 

“Did you seriously just change in front of me?” Tooru asked. His eyes were squinting at you like he was annoyed, but it was hard to take him seriously when he was slumped against a bathtub. 

“I had a drink spilled on me.” He tried to respond, but it was indiscernible. “Are you alright?” 

“Peachy.” 

You rolled your eyes at his curt response, more mad at yourself for continuing the conversation than him. Why were you even talking to him? “Do you have a ride home at least?” 

He spit into the toilet again before grumbling, “Why do you care? You’re the one who broke up with me,” 

You wished he wasn’t right. He wasn’t the type to get drunk like this.The back of your mind reminded you that you were the reason he felt the need to get drunk tonight. “I still want you to be safe.” 

Oikawa shoulders slumped further. “Gonna walk home,” 

A million images of him tripping somewhere and getting stuck in the cold played in your mind. He wasn’t exactly a smart or stable drunk. “I can walk you home.” 

“No.” He shook his head, making his hair go everywhere. It would be cute in a better situation.

“I don’t want you to go alone.” He mumbled something about exes to himself. As you tried to follow along, your phone vibrated. You reached down to read a text from Kenma. 

You good? You’re taking a while. 

“I-” You put your phone down and sighed, “If you saw me drunk and vomiting, would you want me to walk home alone?” Oikawa sighed, a clear tell that he was close to giving in. “Your house is only a block away from mine. I’m heading there anyways,” 

He gripped the tub and groaned as he stood up, “Fine,” 

A small smile set itself on your face, and you put a hand out to steady him. That nausea in your gut multiplied when your hand met his warm skin. His nose scrunched up as he looked at you. “You smell like alcohol,” he muttered as he dragged himself to the door. You immediately pulled your hand away from him as the door opened and hung your head down lower. God, you hoped no one saw you two. The rumor mill would only have more to talk about.

Tooru walked through the hallways towards the front door. Something you had always admired about him was the way people instinctively moved out of his way when he walked. He didn’t even have to ask for attention. His confidence and looks just brought it to him. You pulled your phone out to answer Kenma. 

I’m going home. Do you mind if I give you your hoodie back later???

Oikawa stopped by the front door to hug Iwaizumi and say bye. You stepped through the door, exposing yourself to the chilly weather again; you didn’t think it was your place to say bye to Oikawa’s friends anymore. Iwaizumi had always been nice to you. You liked hanging out with him and Oikawa together because of how he calmed Oikawa down. He always took your side in the teasing too. A part of you wondered if walking home with those two were some of your favorite memories of high school. 

Your phone dinged, lighting up with a text from Kenma. 

Sure. Bring it back whenever. Let me know if you need to talk. 

A smile graced your face. The memories with Iwaizumi and Oikawa would have to beat the memories with Kenma and Kuroo first. You knew you weren’t being the best friend right now. They had stuck with you for a long time; it would be sad to lose them now. There was a feeling in your gut that was telling you that you would lose them. 

Thanks, i mean it. We should all plan to hang out soon 

Oikawa burst through the door before a reply came in. You crossed your arms and smiled at him. “You good?” 

He nodded and stepped closer to you, following you. You began walking towards his house. It felt weird walking with him to his house and not being close with him. You spent three years of your life walking this path while holding his hand. Kuroo’s question popped into your head again.

‘Whose hoodie is that?” Tooru’s voice was quiet. 

“Huh?” You furrowed your eyebrows at him. 

“The hoodie you're wearing. Whose is it?” 

You glanced down. The red color staring back at you. “Oh, it’s Kenma’s. He gave it to me, so I could change,” 

“Kenma’s?” Oikawa’s brows furrowed, and there was a small frown in his face. 

“Yeah, why?” 

Oikawa shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he muttered. 

You didn’t believe him, but you decided against probing. “Are you feeling any better? Not nauseous or anything?” 

He shook his head. “I think I got most of it out of my system.” You nodded. “Did you drink at all?” 

“No, I basically just talked to Kenma and Kuroo and left,” you said. 

Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows at you. “You didn’t have fun?” 

“No. I’m glad I went because it’s been a while since I’ve seen them, but I felt pretty awkward,” 

“That’s not like you,” he muttered. 

You weren’t sure if he was right or not. He was right in that you had gone to a lot of parties before, some with him and some not. You were always a social butterfly at them, pulled into conversation after conversation. But you were also always aware of how your voice sounded, the way you were sitting, how long you took to answer. You always felt like you were playing a role, like you were in a video game. You controlled your actions, but there was a disconnect. “I don’t know. It was just different tonight.” 

“I felt that too,” he said. 

You had a feeling that it was you that made him feel different. It was only a couple of blocks until you got to his house. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to-” 

“No, I do. I could’ve handled it better,” you said, “And I know I hurt you, so I’m sorry,” 

“I know.” Oikawa gave you a feeble smile. You both stared at each other for a moment before he sighed and looked forward again. “How are your parents doing?” 

“Pretty good, my Dad just got a promotion at work,” you answered. You felt like a video game character again, even with him. “My Mom’s really excited for the holidays. She already has a list of traditions planned,” 

“I always really liked your Mom,” he smiled. “She’s really sweet,” 

You laughed at his reaction to you just mentioning your Mom. “She really liked you too,” you said. 

Coming up to his house, you both stopped in front. “Well of course she liked me. Who wouldn’t?” He winked at you, smiling when you cracked up. 

“I don’t even know if I should dignify that with a response,” you smiled. 

“You don’t need to dignify the truth, sweetheart,” 

You rolled your eyes, and Oikawa’s smile grew wider at your reaction. “I should probably head ho-” 

Oikawa leaned down, pressing his mouth against yours for a moment. You froze. It had now been a couple of months since you last kissed him, and you forgot how soft his lips were. How he would barely push against you. How one of his hands would always travel to the back of your head with just enough pressure to keep you steady. 

Before you could react, he had already pulled away. He stayed close enough that you could feel his breath on your face; the alcohol he drank earlier was more noticeable now. Oikawa whispered, “I’m… Do you want this?” 

You let out a shaky breath. “I- Tooru…” you mumbled. 

Oikawa sighed, shutting his eyes as he pulled away completely this time. The cold air hit you again without his body there to shield you. There was a part of you that wanted to pull him back; instead you wrapped your arms around yourself. “I’m sorry. I think I’m still drunk, and I really miss-” Oikawa said, rubbing the back of his neck, “I shouldn’t have put you in that position. I’m sorry,” 

“Don’t worry about it,” you mumbled. A silence fell over the two of you, and you became focused on your breathing. “I should probably be heading home before it gets too late.” 

Oikawa nodded, backing up towards his house as you turned to walk away. “Can you message me when you get home? So I know you’re safe?” 

A small smile appeared on your face as you nodded. “Tell your Mom hi for me,” you called back. 

“Tell yours too,” he said with a smile. 

You sighed as you began walking towards your house.You wrapped your arms tighter around yourself as a breeze came by. The winter used to be your favorite season, but the coldness just served as a reminder that Oikawa wasn’t there. That one moment of having him against you made the air colder. Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes, burning against the wind.

After the breakup, you had only cried twice- right after and three days later. Even though you hadn’t been sure if the breakup was the right decision, you had been good at learning how to live with it. Until now. Until you had to deal with reminders of him from people asking about him to Kaori and the rest of his fangirls being pissed at you. You felt like you were back in high school, except at least in high school you had teachers telling you what to do. 

Your house came up in view, and you let yourself in quietly. Your parents were probably asleep by now, and the last thing you wanted to deal with was your Mom asking you a million questions. Slipping off your shoes, you tiptoed over to your room and locked the door behind you. 

You grabbed your phone before collapsing onto your bed. 

To Oikawa: I’m home, didn’t get murdered 

Kenma had sent you a message sometime while you were walking. Me and Kuroo are gonna go xmas shopping tomorrow. Wanna come with??

Breathing felt hard. You typed ‘yes’ to Kenma as Oikawa’s message came through. 

Glad you got home safe! Goodnight :) 

You dropped your phone to your side, choosing to stare at the wall in front of you instead. You didn’t want to cry. You were the one who broke up with him; you’re not supposed to be the one who cries. Despite your disagreement, tears began falling. You covered your mouth to keep any sounds from escaping. 

Oikawa had been perfect. He treated you great. Even tonight. He loved you. What would have happened if you had grabbed him and pulled him in for another kiss? Would he have wanted to talk about it, or would he have wanted to just keep kissing? Was that all he wanted, or did he want to get back with you? 

You remembered how warm he had been tonight. How you felt safer the second you were with him. 

“Do you want this?” 

You willed yourself to at least stay quiet, since you couldn’t stop the tears. You had missed your chance to answer him. 

And you had no idea what that answer would have been.