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#trust me i REALLY want to heal!!! i dont want to surpress this over and over
heliuwm
·
3 years
Text
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#i want to be good
#i want to be a good person
#but i keep messing up
#i feel so bad for lying to my d&d mutuals so i can get out of the match
#but rn every sound overwhelms me
#i dont want to tell them that they dont know me they wouldnt understand
#i hate lying to them but i cant handle noise
#this day was absolutely shitty
#living with my parents just drains the energy i have left out of me
#trust me i REALLY want to heal!!! i dont want to surpress this over and over
#to this day i havent accepted that im mentally ill
#i know it sounds crazy bcs i have a literal trauma blog on here
#i mean technically i know im traumatized
#but mentally ill? nah
#traumatized? nah
#actually multiple bcs i was traumatized THAT bad? nah
#THIS IS ANOTHER THING
#I CANT ACCEPT MY DID DIAGNOSIS
#IM IN FOOKIN DENIAL 24/7
#they probably HATE me (its always a deadass silence when im in denial mode)
#i cant do anything right
#i even let down my system lol
#im such a hopeless piece of shit
#i cut my hair even tho they articulated they dont want me to do that :)
#HEY ENDOS ITS NOT FUCKING FUN SHARING ONE (1) BODY WITH VERY DIFFERNT PERSONS
#DECISION MAKING ABOUT THE BODYS APPEARENCE IS A PAIN IN THE ASS<
#on top of all that were probably giving away my dog which i love but i cant handle her alone bcs of her anxiety and my noise sensitivty :)
#but i love her so so much
#im a bad person
#i dont deserver ANYTHING
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