otter-byte · 2 years ago
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I will say the amount of time you spend caring about "cancel culture" or "culture wars" is like,,, directly proportional to the time you spend on platforms using conflict to drive engagement (i.e. news websites, twitter, reddit)
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myyearofgivingdaily · 7 years ago
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A Kid in Transition, A Family Transformed
As recently as three or four years ago, my kid Jasen typically shrank in fear at the prospect of going to the doctor and getting a once-a-year shot -- the same immunization or flu vaccine to which every child submits. Later today, Jasen will willingly (enthusiastically, even) sit for the first in what promises to be a lifetime of weekly needle jabs ... shots that he will begin administering to himself within the month.
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Today, Jasen begins testosterone injections -- the latest milestone in his transition, and the first step toward confirming physically the gender that he has recognized within himself for two years now.
Many of you -- far more than I anticipated -- read and responded to my post last week about Jasen’s transition, and the eagerness with which he proclaimed his gender identity once he had gained the long-awaited freedom to do so. Hormones are the next step, but they almost certainly will not be the last. Jasen, his mother Gwen and I -- with help from a coterie of trusted doctors and counselors -- have agreed that his transition will proceed at a relatively deliberate and well-considered pace. We have endured plenty of uncertainty, to be sure -- but we have helped each other through our questions and doubts, and have graced one another with forbearance when disagreements arise.
Gwen and I have hardly handled our roles perfectly. But all three of us have approached each step with a grounding in deep love, mutual acceptance, and insistence that no part of this process will drive us apart. We know we’re lucky to have the relationship we have, and we’re committed to maintaining it no matter what this journey brings.
So far, it must be said, Jasen’s transition has proceeded on a relatively smooth path. But we’ve encountered plenty of families with experiences considerably rockier than ours -- whether because of a child’s reluctance to engage his/her parents, a parent’s inability to comprehend or accept the changes taking place, or external forces. (The strain between divorced parents, along with political ideology and religion, are common dividers ... but when it comes to transgender identity, believe me when I tell you that the vicissitudes of the English language, and particularly the use and misuse of pronouns, are sometimes all that’s necessary to rend the strongest familial ties.) 
Yes, we’ve heard some profoundly sad stories and witnessed some serious dysfunction -- and, to be honest, we frequently have wanted to turn away from those stories, out of fear that their troubles might seep into our relative calm.
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Fortunately, though, we’ve also gained valuable perspective from other families’ positive experiences, and have received welcome advice and inspiration from parents and young people who have endured struggles and doubts and persevered together. We’ve seen love overcome fear, and have seen understanding banish prejudice. And Gwen and I have been able to share Jasen’s story, and our own -- sometimes as models and sometimes, admittedly, as a cautionary tale.
Such are the dramas of the family support group. And fortunately for us, just as Jasen’s start date for T injections has approached, we have been invited to participate in a pair of excellent groups that facilitate exchanges among parents and other family members, as well as transgender kids and adults.
Transforming Family is a monthly group that operates out of Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, whose Center for Transyouth Health and Development is our destination this afternoon. Because the hospital has gained such renown in this field of medicine, Transforming Family attracts dozens of young people and adults each month -- and separate sessions cater to parents and caregivers, siblings and peers, as well as trans and gender-nonconforming teens and young adults, tweens, and young children. The counselors are expert, the environment is nurturing. Sometimes a session is dominated by discussion of one or two families’ intractable struggles; on other occasions, mutual guidance and positive vibes are the order of the day. Whichever way it goes, a key takeaway is the realization that -- as isolating as it can sometimes feel when you are, or when you have, a transgender child -- we are not alone in our struggles and our achievements.
That sense of community is perhaps even stronger during meetings of the monthly group we’ve attended through a local chapter of PFLAG.. Compared with the diversity and bustle of a Los Angeles setting, this smaller group is quieter, more intimate, more comfortable. These are our neighbors, after all, whose children have attended the same schools and played in the same youth-sports leagues. The PFLAG group’s mere presence in our relatively conservative suburban enclave offers its own solace. We share stories not only from within our own families, but from across our community -- how the local schools deal with bullies, how many LGBTQ kids attended the most recent dance, which social opportunities tend to be most successful, how the trans boy who was last year’s valedictorian is doing in college.
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Between these two support groups, we feel confident that we'll find parents with whom we can commiserate on any challenge or conflict that arises as we move forward. In the meantime, we’ll venture forward this afternoon -- into a future that’s certainly exciting, if less than certain in the physical or emotional impacts it promises. There’s a bit of trepidation today -- and there will be plenty of it for some time to come -- but we go into this new chapter with confidence in our love for one another, and in our ability to push through every trial if we stick together. 
Speaking of sticks, though -- I can’t stand to watch somebody receive a shot in the movies, much less real life. So, here’s hoping nobody asks me to administer that thing.
About the author: Jon Cummings has spent his career as a performing arts and music journalist at magazines including Billboard and Inside Arts as well as the pop-culture website Popdose. He also has served as a communications and publications specialist for organizations including the ACLU, the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, and the U.N.-affiliated World Conference of Religions for Peace. After setting his remaining hair on fire last November 8, he became a co-founder of Indivisible: Conejo in the northwest suburbs of Los Angeles, and now serves as that organization’s communications guru. It’s about time he did his bit to serve his onetime colleague and longtime friend Melinda Newman’s Causes and Effect mission.
About this blog: Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily was started in 2013 by entertainment and culture journalist Melinda Newman, who made daily donations to a wide variety of non-profits and wrote about her experience. USA Today music writer, Brian Mansfield took on this monumental task in 2014. This year, 12 individuals will contribute, each taking over the blog for one month.
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