#ttepisode9

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

People often wonder why Type hits Tharn first instead of San. What they forget is that Type is still in the middle of his own metamorphosis here. It’s important to understand that Type’s character development is a long, complex process spanning over all the 13 episodes of which 90% focus only him and Tharn to make this process as realistic and authentic as possible. 

When Type feels vulnerable, his temper gets the better of him and he lashes out because he doesn’t want to confront his feelings. Until this moment, he’s been having trouble admitting to Tharn and himself that he’s jealous. He simply refuses to admit this sort of weakness in himself: that he is actually jealous because of another man and publicly acknowledging that he has a boyfriend, the result of his residual homophobia. 

However, then he witnesses San kissing his lover and something shifts and breaks inside him. Seeing Tharn being kissed by someone else hurts. It hurts so damn much, like a knife piercing his heart. He doesn’t know how to deal with the pain, he only knows that he feels betrayed by Tharn, thinking he lied to him about San and that there is something still between them. HE WANTS THARN TO FEEL THE SAME PAIN HE DOES SO HE HITS HIM. He’s never been hurt by anyone like this before because he never loved anyone like he loves Tharn which makes the pain so much more intense and brutal. He’s mad with anger and heartbreak. It the same reason why he wants to make Tharn jealous later in the bar - he wants Tharn to feel as desperate and out of control as he does. He doesn’t want to be the only one who can’t control his feelings for his lover in this relationship.

After hitting Tharn he wants to beat San, but Tharn stops him: placing himself before him and San, holding him, keeping him in check, soothing and reassuring  him. While listening  to Tharn’s speech to San, Type realizes that Tharn is actually standing up for him and protecting him and that he definitely hasn’t been cheating on him with San. Even when he’s livid and despite telling Tharn to let go, Type never stops clinging to his boyfriend, clutching onto his T-shirt and holding onto him for dear life, not wanting to let him go and gaining support. Tharn’s resolute and fierce defense of him and their relationship gives Type the strength to publicly claim Tharn as his man despite his previous statement that their relationship needs to remain a secret forever. He wants to let San know that Tharn is taken, that he is his and no one else’s.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

Most BL OTPs are quite evenly tempered, maybe with the exception of TinCan; however, Tharn and Type are the complete opposites. Though, I wouldn’t describe them as fire and ice, but rather FIRE AND WATER. They shouldn’t work together - they are so different and have so many odds stacked against them with Type’s childhood trauma and temper and Tharn’s abandonment issues - but somehow they do and are perfect, making each other better and happy. That’s why they represent the epitome of enduring love for me. They are like two magnets that attract. When water meets fire, it creates a violent reaction, in their case it’s magical, gorgeous firework, and so maybe it’s apt that their chemistry is sizzling. The way their clothes are color-coordinated in this particular scene fittingly portrays and underlines this duality of their characters, the beautiful symbolism of it. 

Type is a fiery spirit with that dark fierce, almost feral, look in his eyes, ready to burn though everything and everyone who stands in his way, while Tharn is the water that soothes him, calm and serene, and in his arms the inferno turns into a flickering fire that radiates so much light and gives so much warmth and love that it melts and heals Tharn’s broken heart. Type’s temper has always been a character flaw, but with Tharn’s help he’s managed to control it and slowly turn it into an asset. It’s a part of that neverending fierceness that is inherent to Type and that will never entirely extinguish and Tharn wouldn’t wish for it to wane, he wouldn’t wish for Type to change or be anything else other than he is, because it’s one of the many things which draw him to Type, his fire, the unbending, fierce nature of his soul - it’s what allowed Type to survive and overcome what had happened to him in his past. From Tharn, it’s this complete acceptance of everything Type is. That doesn’t mean that water can’t be dangerous, it can turn into a storm if provoked, but most of the time, Tharn uses his ability to calm and comfort Type, taming him with his gentle heart. They are truly two parts of one whole and kindred spirits.

When Type’s temper flares most of the times it’s usually Tharn who is the recipient of it. And each time, he unfailingly springs into action and soothes and controls it. Until now, it’s always been Tharn who’s solved Type’s problems and comforted him when he’s falling apart: dealing with the Facebook posts, chasing away his dark dreams and memories, helping him confront and purge his past and fears, shielding him, giving him his unconditionally trust and neverending patience when Type’s struggled with his newfound feelings, giving into his demands to keep their relationship a secret,...

And deep down, Type has known it, but it’s San’s words which make him finally look the truth in the eye and face the fact how unfairly he’s been treating Tharn, who’s given him so much, so much of himself, while asking so very little in return. Tharn’s always been Type’s rock, his beacon in the darkness, steadfast and always there for him, Now, it’s Type’s turn to reciprocate all of the love he’s received, comforting Tharn when he falls apart, trust him and stand by him come hell or high water,...Thus, the story will come full circle.

Type has already grown so much, no longer being that selfish boy who lashed out at everything, disregarding everyone else’s feelings and not being able to see past his own pain and needs. All for the love of Tharn. He’s been gradually giving more and more of himself, thinking more about Tharn’s feelings and respecting them, self-admittedly for Tharn’s sake, wanting to treat Tharn right and be a good boyfriend he deserves because Tharn deserves only the best. 

Even Champ and Techno notice the changes. While previously, Type used to avoid talking about his lover, now he’s waxing lyrical about how handsome he is and how much he loves him, openly smiling like the fool in love he is when Champ teases him about it. He even beams everytime, Tharn sends him a new text. Not only that, he’s actually admitting he is Tharn’s boyfriend to more and more people and actually calls himself like that in front of them - Techno, San, P’Jeed and her husband, Lhong - because Tharn deserves better than being reduced to Type’s dirty little secret and such secrecy can be toxic and Type’s finally realizing it. He, too wants to show everyone that Tharn’s belongs to him and it seems that once he begins he doesn’t seem to stop. He even visits Tharn’s family, where everyone knows that he’s Tharn’s “special” friend. Frankly, at this rate, it’s only matter of time before he’ll announce their relationship on his Instagram. He’s even curbing his temper for Tharn’s sake because he doesn’t want Tharn to be sad or have any problems because of him. When P’Jeed calls him Tharn’s boyfriend he doesn’t mind and when Lhong viciously mentions that whole Facebook disaster, he doesn’t lash out only because Lhong’s Tharn’s friend. 

Also, notice how Tharn immediately places his hand on Type’s shoulder to calm him, to let him know everything is alright and that he is there for him. I think Techno still can’t believe how well did Type behave in that bar. Finally, say hello to Type Thiwat who has become the biggest expert on Tharn throughout the known universe and beyond because he wouldn’t allow anyone to know Tharn better than him.

Type has become so attached and dependant on Tharn for love and comfort that even in his anger or fear he instinctively seeks his touch to allevate his worries, clutching onto him for support and comfort, gaining calm and strength from him, making sure that he doesn’t disappear.

It’s been so satisfying and rewarding to watch Type’s journey as he gradually transforms from the human disaster, hindered by his past, pride and ago, he used to be in the very beginning into the thoughtful, understanding person he is in LbC, where he’s basically everyone’s relationship counselor and savior. Type’s growth didn’t happen over the course of one episode, it’s been a gradual process, involving all those many steps foward and some necessary steps back because mistakes always teach you the hardest and most valuable lessons. 

There is this one moment which I love to bits when Tharn tells Type that he doesn’t have to push himself because he can wait for him however long it takes (something he’s been doing since the very beginning), which shows why Type has been able to walk so far and overcome so many of his own flaws and insecurites, it’s because Tharn is ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM, either walking by his side ready to catch him when he stumbles or falls or patiently waiting at the end of the road with his arms and heart opened for him, his devotion and love never changing. And I’m happy to see Gulf Kanawut become this character so wholly that he doesn’t merely play Type, HE IS TYPE.

San’s speech affects Type immensely, particularly his heartbreaking admission how much he loved Tharn, but he never got the chance. That particular confession hits Type hard because it makes him fully realize how rare and special is the love he shares with Tharn. Not only to love someone, but also to be loved in return. The whole thing is actually a heartfelt advice for Type, in which San’s telling him that he got his chance at love and he should cherish and fight for it and never let go of it or let it slip through his fingers, otherwise he might regret it for the rest of his life. It’s one of the reasons why Type confesses so profoundly that he never wants to break up with him and lose him.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

The way Tharn and Type communicate, respect and understand each other is everything. Tharn knows how difficult it’s for Type to admit to strangers that he’s dating a man, he understands his hesitation and is willing to wait for him until he is ready no matter how long it takes, because this is still all so new for him while Tharn, on the other hand, has been out for a long time. However, Type sees how important it’s for Tharn that his best friend knows about them, and he even told Techno, so it’s only fair. Moreover, Type really wants to give Tharn everything just like Tharn has given his everything to him. It’s clear that part of him is afraid and apprehensive but he decides to be brave for Tharn. Speaking of communication, it’s not only about what they say but also how they communicate with their touches. Their body language, the little gestures and intimate, unwitting touches speak volumes and add another layer and even more nuance to how Tharn and Type convey and express their feelings and emotions to each other.

Tharn never stops looking at Type, never stops holding his ahnd, showing his love and support in every way he can, and as always, Type notices it all, just like he notices the different ways Tharn smiles. Tharn is soothing him, comforting him and giving him his strength. It seems that Tharn isn’t even completely aware of every gesture, for instance, the way he caresses Type’s knee before he stands up - it’s an instict to protect and comfort Type and touch him one more time. Those few little touches are worth more than a thousand words. With them, Tharn is assuring and comforting Type, telling him: You are safe. You’re not alone. We’re in this together. I’m not leaving you. Don’t be afraid.

That almost-kiss is such a deeply intimate and poignant moment between Tharn and Type. Here they are, lost in each other in their little piece of heaven where no one else but them exists. At this point, they’ve overcome so many obstacles and it seems as if nothing can hurt them and then comes the knock on the door and the world intervenes, as it always does. It’s so fitting and symbolic how it prevents their kiss, as if it were a premonition. It makes you realize that Type unwillingness to make their relationship public (and Tharn keeping his promise never tell anyone) has actually been a blessing in disguise since it gave them the time to get to know each other and allowed them fall in love in peace, without anyone’s interference. The obstacles and their own insecurities which they overcame have strengthened their relationship to a point where it can withstand anything. If Lhong would have interfered sooner, Type would have been unprepared to face him. However, now, the trust and love between them can’t be broken, they are inseparable and their love and trust unwavering. They are two halves of one whole and and nothing illustrates that more perfectly than the fact how each time they reveal their relationship to someone, THEY ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER, ALWAYS STANDING SIDE BY SIDE coming hell or high water, be it P’Jeed, Lhong, Techno, San or even Seo and Klui. 

And I love how while Type is free to tell about them whenever and to whomever he wants, Tharn always asks for Type’s permission. Some might argue that it’s not equality but I think that it actually is is what equality truly means because a relationship involves two different people with different needs and personal histories; and while Tharn’s been out for awhile , for Type it’s still so new. It took Tharn four years to come out to his family and compared to that Type has had very little time to deal with it, plus there is the matter of his traumatic childhood experience, so Type is at a disadvantage here, thus he deserves special consideration (and additional time) which Tharn is more than willing to give.

Earlier I mentioned how Type genuinely wants to give Tharn everything there is, so some might wonder why he still hasn’t told him that he loves him and why it’s so difficult for him to say those simple words. There are most likely several reasons. However, even that cheeky “I may too” is such a huge concession and deal coming from Type. Also, there is still an insecurity lingering in his heart which he unwittingly admitted himself when he admonished Tharn for telling him those very words too often because they might lose their meaning. It’s as if a part of him were afraid that if he truly gives Tharn everything, he would no longer have anything to give and Tharn would tired of him and leave him. Furthermore, just like with pleas, apologies and emotional honesty, he needs time to say the actual words “I love you” and Type whose actions always speak louder than words uses different ways to express and prove his love for Tharn to make up for failing to tell Tharn “I love you”. Finally, and maybe the most crucial reason of them all - perhaps Type feels that those three words are not enough and can’t possibly encompass everything he feels for Tharn and those emotions completely overhelm him, it’s as if he’s drowning in his love for Tharn. Tharn is his first love so how is Type supposed to know how to deal with it when even Tharn himself, who is experienced with relationships, admits that the love he feels for Type is so powerful that he can’t imagine ever loving anyone else but him. It’s a love that ruins them both for anyone else, it’s a love so strong that it makes even Tharn come apart.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

It means so much for Tharn to finally have Type in his childhood home, with his family being so very accepting of them and ready to love Tharn’s new boyfriend; and Type trying so hard for them to like him; he just fits so well there, much more than San ever did, and he even falls under Tanya’s spell like the rest of them. Type can’t deny her anything, just like he can’t resist the puppy eyes of her brother.  It must feel like one of Tharn’s secret fantasies coming true and if it weren’t enough, he even gets to sleep and wake up with his boyfriend in his bed.

It brings back memories of the time Tharn secretly watched over Type while he was sleeping, chasing his nightmares away. Back then, he also gently caressed Type’s hair and face, sporting that look and smile of reverent wonder as if he couldn’t quite believe Type was actually real. It used to be something forbidden, both a guilty pleasure and selfless act to protect Type from his dark memories, something secret that Tharn only dared to do in the darkness of the night and then he disappeared before the dawn, like a vague memory of a dream just out of one’s grasp. 

However, now, Tharn’s love is no longer unrequited, no longer an impossible bittersweet dream that would disappear with the first light - it’s real. His love is real and palpable, just like Type is in the morning light. His touch and love is no longer unwanted and rejected, it’s reciprocated and desired.