#tumblrteenmom

[tmblrteenmom]

Congrats you're going to learn a life lesson

You know all that hard work you put into the challenge?  Trying to be the best, trying to be a good mother so your stats matter?

Well they don't friggen matter cause Foxx this time failed to get his score in

but this is a valuable lesson team mom's, cause sometimes in life your hard work means jack shit, but you're all still alive

I know greatest game ever!

[chaoscasey]

Didnt have a lot of time to play this cause prom duties, so sorry Cass i'm probably out. Avenge me.

[tmblrteenmom]

Half Way House Challenge #3

Ready to use those puzzle skills?

Probably not cause your all brain dead whores

But let's try anyway

You'll all be playing 2048

Why is it the Pokemon edition?  Cause I said so that's why, you pelbs

Here is how scores will be adjusted

Shelby: +35%

Emma: -5%

Ryan: -15%

Joe: 0%

Foxx: 0%

Challenge is due Saturday night 10:30 PM EST

[tmblrteenmom]

Let's see how the mothers did with their children

How did Ryan did with Cassidy

Question 1: Cassidy never stays still!  You are a single parent trying to paint your living room to cover up the blood stains and she keeps crawling to the open paint cum trying to spill it over.  She finally does and it splashes on to the couch.  Do you beat the living shit out of her or burn your house down and start anew?

Ryan said ' I beat the shit out of her and then burn my house down with her in it.'

Wow Ryan you piece of utter shit.  You beat your child and then left her in a house to die.  She's dead so should have -100% but I can't do that.. she loses 25%

Question 2: You are playing Minecraft with your best buddies Jack and Laure, but baby cass keeps moving your mouse when you're suppose to be concentrating. Do you put her back in her crib so you can focus on really important things, or take a break from the computer?

Ryan answered: I smack dat bitch away and hang her from the doorknob.

Dammit Ryan Cass is getting strangled by her own shirt.  That's another -20%

Question 3: Cassidy has been stealing whip creme cans doing inhalants, this is a form of getting high, but on the bright side she shuts the hell up and just giggles a lot.  Do you allow this activity to continue or stop buying whipped creme?

 Ryan answered: I buy her some glue for her to start sniffing and get her onto that good shit.

Glue is better for her than inhalants, but still not good.  0% Change

Cass you have -45% deduction from your development

How did Joe do with Katie

Question 1: Katie has just started to crawl and is very soon to starting to walk.  Walking = bad for you because it means you have to expend more energy to chase her around.  Do you let her grow naturally and expend more energy playing with her?

Joe answered  "Breaking legs is really harsh.... But I decide to keep Katie in her crib always so she can't get into things she's not supposed to."

Because Katie is stuck in the crib, she has fucked up baby looking legs when she is older that don't bend and move well.  They look like Laure's legs, and Laure's legs are ugly.  That's -20% development.

Question 2:  Katie went to the libaray and grabbed a satanic bible off the shelf.  Katie is naturally inclined to worship the devil.  Do you give her freedom of religion or pour holy water on her? 

Joe said "If she wishes to worship the devil she may, but she will not be living with me anymore if she wants to go down that path."

ummmm Joe you ever hear of religious freedom?  This is fucking America and Katie isn't allowed to worship her gods?  Because of this she is homeless and grows up quick messed up.  -25% development

Question 3:  3. Kate perfers horses to dragons.  Do you force more dragons in her life?  Or keep letting her think horses are cool.

Joe said "Force her to love dragons because Game of Thrones teaches you how to be a strong independent woman."

Who gives a shit about dragons?  They aren't real.  0% Change

Katie you also have a 45% deduction from future challenges

How well did Shelby take care of Adam?

Question 1: Baby Adam is teething.  He cries out in pain often, do you give him orajel or a little rum for the gums? 

Shelby said rum

 a little rum won't hurt while orajel could burn and hurt your baby if abused. 0% change

Question 2: You take baby adam to an amusement park and get a couple of cute pictures of him with snoopy.  He somehow sticks his grubby fingers through the mask and pokes the  guy in the snoopy costume in the eyes.  Snoopy calls your baby a little shit.  Do you apologize to the snoopy and punish baby adam, or get defensive against snoopy since he insulted your baby? 

Shelby said she would punish Adam

Good job Shelby, you prevented Adam from being a little shit to strangers.  20% increase in development.

Question 3: Baby Adam keeps sticking his fingers in his ear being amazed by his own ear wax and begins collected it to build structures out of it.  This is not very hygenic.  Do you stick ear phones on his heads to keep his fingers out of his ears, or often check his ears for ear wax so he can't collect it himself anymore?

Shelby said she would put ear phones in and blast the music

Dammit now Adam is deaf.  You were doing so good Shelby.  Adam has a -25% since his an ear cripple now

Adam has a -5% development

Last up is Duke 

  Of course Duke got child support to help support Josh so he didn't have to do anything, but Josh and Duke your previous percantage earning is erased since you didn't have any risk or reward as a baby and child support receiving mother

Cassidy: -45%

Katie: -45% + 35% (from previous round as a baby) = -10%

Adam: 5% + 35% (from previous round as a baby) = +40%

That makes Shelby the best mother of this round.  Shelby you get an extra +10%  Meaning you have 35% advantage in this elimination challenge

[tmblrteenmom]

Cole's Decision

Cole has elected to pay child support to Josh

Josh you are completely safe this round, but your percentage, whether it be good or not has been completely erased

Cole has decided to sign his rights away from Emma

this means Emma you will be competing to stay in this game as you are now an at risk teenager.

Questionnaires will come out soon

[tmblrteenmom]

Time for a brand new round!

Which means positions are completely reshuffled, meaning there are people who will have to compete again, and people who will have to do nothing again.  There is a disadvantage of being a baby twice in a row though, because your statistics from last round carry over.  Only way your stats can be wiped clean is to survive the competition or become the dead beat baby daddy.

Now that things have been reshuffled let's see what happens.

RYAN!

You're the mother of Cassidy

Joe

You're the mother of Katie

Shelby

Is the mother of Adam

Foxx

Is the mother of Emma

and Duke

is the mother of young Josh

Meaning this week's piece of shit, who knocked up all these women is.........

Cole you should have spent more time working and bettering your life and less time hitting up hoes on instagram.

You can only pay child support to one teen mom to keep them save from competition (and also erase their stats back to 0%) and you must select a baby to sign your rights away to (meaning they will be in the competition).

Please get me your answer asap

[tmblrteenmom]

Pris was removed from the game

Both Cassidy and Pris didn't get their scores in, but due to random selection Pris was removed from the game.  The next randomization process will begin soon.

[tmblrteenmom]

Half Way House Challenge #2

Competing in this challenge is Cassidy, Foxx, Josh, Cole, and Pris!

You'll be playing the greatest game ever made that challenges your water dancing skills.  DOLPHIN OLYMPICS 

After you post your score I will deduct or add the following percentage:

Pris: 10%

Cassidy: -5%

Josh: 10%

Cole: -5%

Joe: 0%

Foxx: -5%

As usually post to the #tumblrteenmom tag the screen shot of your score and I will do the math for you

This challenge is due at 10:30 PM EST Tuesday night

[tmblrteenmom]

How did this new batch of mothers do with their babies?

Let's have a look!

First up is Cassidy

Question 1: Baby Ryan has aspirations of sticking his little chubby fingers in the light socket.  Do you let him continue so he learns his lesson, or do you take an extra shift at the diner to baby proof your apartment? 

Cassidy has said "I threaten to chop off his fingers next time he does it. If he doesn't listen, I follow through with the threat"

Though I believe your parenting methods are harsh, they seem to be working.  Ryan no longer sticks his hands in the wall, and learns how to be submissive to authority.  Ryan has a 10% Increase in Development.

Question 2:  Ryan keeps stealing mommy's ciggerates, do you let him smoke a whole carton to teach him a lesson, or do you give up smoking?

Cassidy has said " I buy Ryan his own packs, bitch ain't smoking my cigs."

Wow Cassidy, not only do you continue to expose your child to second hand smoke, but you buy your newborn ciggerates?  You're a horrible friggen person.  Ryan's development goes down 20%.

Question 3: Baby Ryan wakes you up at 3 am in the morning with a shrieking cry when you have to go to work at 6 am.  Do you lose valuable sleep trying to calm him down, or do you put ear plugs in and ignore him?

Cassidy has said "Ear plugs. Let the kid cry, life's tough."

Something could seriously be wrong with Ryan and you aren't checking up on him to get proper care.  Ryan's development has gone down 5%.  10-20-5 = -15%

Let's Check up on Cole and see how motherhood is going here

Question 1: You took Katie to the park and she keeps aggrovating Canadian Geese who want to hunt her down and kill her like velociraptors.  Do you risk your life to save her, or do you leave her to learn her lesson?

Cole has said he would protect Katie and call animal control!

Good call Cole!  Katie didn't get attacked in a traumatic fashion, her development skills go up 10%

Question 2: Katie falls asleep every time you watch Big Brother.  She doesn't find the show interesting at all and thinks it's boring.  Do you force her awake to watch it, or do you accept your child has failed at life?

Cole has decided to let his child sleep, and due to a lack of concern about Racheal Riley or Danielle Donato Katie lives a more productive better life.  Her development skills go up 5%

Question 3: Katie is a very curious baby and is very curious about what her mother is drinking.  Do you share her Pabst Blue Ribbon with her?  Just a sip, or do you get up and get her a juice box?

Cole has decided Katie is too young for juice and gives her formula.  

Since Katie is not a drunk her development goes up 20%

10+5+20= 35% 

Joe let's see how good of a mother you are

Question 1: Your baby boy likes DC more than Marvel, do you beat him?

Joe has elected to beat his child til he likes Marvel more.

Wow Joe?  You are beating a harmless defensive newborn over comic books?  There is a special place in hell for people like you.  Duke lost 20% development skills.

Question 2: Duke likes shiny things and keeps looking directly in the sun when you take him out.  Do you let him keep staring into the sun to teach him a lesson, or get him baby sunglasses? 

Joe let's Duke stare into the sun

Great Joe, friggen great.  First you beat your child now you caused your child to go blind?  I know that disability paycheck you control is a great thing, but terrible parenting skills.  -10% Development

Question 3: You got pregnant again because your piece of shit boyfriend convinced you Duke needed a brother or sister to have friends, but you don't make a lot of money.  Do you go ahead with the pregnancy and live in poverty or do you 'fall down the stairs'?

Joe has decided to have another baby.

Didn't you listen to me?  You can't afford another baby!  Now Duke grows up impoverished and doesn't get good nutrition or care.  -5% Development.

-20-10-5 = -35% 

Let's see how our favorite furry Foxx does as a mother

Question 1: You're very happy to have a baby girl named Shelby, but you bought Comic Con tickets before you even got knocked up.  You've been waiting your whole life to go to Comic Con.  Do you leave baby Shelby with her pot head father to go to all your favorite panels, or do you sell the tickets to buy more formula?

Foxx has decided to sell the tickets

Great decision Foxx, because of the extra bonding time Shelby has a 10% increase in development

Question 2: Shelby clearly hates foxes.  When she is in her coloring book she skips right over the fox pictures and perfers to color in elephants.  Do you take her to the furry parties to teach her more about her people, or give her a my little pony coloring book?

Foxx has decided to take Shelby to furry parties

You shouldn't be taking a newborn to any kind of parties even if it is to learn about culture!  My Little Pony is an excellent TV show with many life lessons, because of your rash decision Shelby loses 5% development skills.

Question 3: All the other babies in your neighborhood have a sexy pair of Air Jordans, but isn't $60 for baby shoes a bit ridiculous?  You can either save your money and take Shelby to Payless, or you go ahead and buy the damn shoes so she isn't a baby loser.

Foxx has decided to take Shelby to Payless because he doesn't want his child to be sexier than him.

This is a good decision, because if you live a lifestyle where brand names are more important to you than caring for your child it could be a bad situation overall.  Shelby has a 20% increase in development skills.

10-5+20 = 25% 

Let's check in on Josh

Question 1:  Emma has been really cranky right now and needs to get more sleep, but you need to host Big Brother House of Shade 30, which is a milestone season.  Do you try to multi task and rock her while playing on the computer, or do you give up your dreams of being a tumblr big brother host?

Josh has decided to give up hosting and let Shelby take over, because this creates more bonding time Emma has an extra 5% development

Question 2:  Emma is teething and her crying has been unberable lately.  Do you give her a shot full of Rum to calm her down, or lose sleep and have a bad work performance? 

Josh has said "I give up sleep cause my bad is still better than everyones best at my job woot woot"

Let's be honest a little rum won't hurt your damn baby, and now you got fired from your job because of a bad work performance which hurts your lifestyle overall.  Emma loses 20% development.

Question 3: Emma has been hanging out with Foxx's baby Shelby.  Shelby's mother is a furry.  Do you let the babies hang out so Emma can be more cultured, or do you keep Emma as sheltered as possible from this crazy world?

Josh has said "Imma let the lil bitch hang out with the baby"

Friends and learning about new cultures is good, because of this Emma gets a 10% increase

5-20+10= -5%

Last up we have Pris 

Question 1: You've been told that giving your child a pet at a young age will make them more responsible, so you thought Adam would like a baby bunny, but Adam wets his diapers way too much and might be a serial killer.  Do you get him a baby bunny?

Pris has decided no bunny.

That's a great decision.  Adam would have put it on a pot Fatal Attraction style, because of this Adam doesn't become a serial killer and has a 20% development increase.

Question 2: Adam keeps stealing the remote control and turning it to late night XXX pay per view, something you can't afford to have on your cable bill.  Do you smack him really hard, or baby proof the area around the TV? 

Pris has decided to baby proof the area around the TV, which means she just put the remote out of his reach, because of this she saves money and Adam can't become a deranged pervert. 5% Increase

Question 3: Adam's hair grows back really fast when it's cut.  He might be a wizard.  Do you look up ways to enroll him in Hogwarts, which is very expensive, or leave him to be a muggle?

Pris has decided Adam has to be a muggle

Great decision!  I'm impressed, because Harry Potter isn't real and if you tried to send your kid to Hogwarts you'd be mentally insane.  10% development increase.

20+5+10 = 35% 

Here are the totals for the new batch of babies:

Adam: 35%

Emma: -5%

Shelby: 25%

Ryan: -15%

Katie: 35%

Duke: -35% 

Because of this Cole and Pris are the best mothers!

They will both be getting an increase of 10% in the upcoming challenge!

Cole you had a -15% from childhood trauma but because of your great mothering skills you now only have a -5% disadvantage

Pris, Cole, Josh, Cassidy, Joe, and Foxx you will be going into the Half Way House arena soon.  Prepare yourselves.

[tmblrteenmom]

The Babies have grown up to be Teen Mothers!

Let's meet them and their children

First up is Cassidy

She gave birth to a baby boy named Ryan obviously named after her piece of shit father

Next up is a sexy girl named Cole-lina

Cole is the mother of a little baby girl named Katie

Joelina has been admitted to the half way house 

He is the mother of a little baby boy named Duke

Coming into the house, whom we shouldn't allow in, but we will make an exception is Foxx

Foxx is the proud mother of Shelby

Now is Josh-lina

Josh is the mother of a baby girl named Emma

Up last is a young mother named Priscilla

She has given birth to a baby boy named Adam, after her father

Questionnaires involving the care of these babies will be sent out soon as well as the next child

[tmblrteenmom]

Which Teen Mom will be leaving the house hold tonight!?

Casey with a score of 128 km traveled you didn't do well enough in the game of Teen Mom Tumblr to make up for using the half way house as your own personal whore house. 

Maybe if you spent less time flirting with the young high school kids like a young harlot Cassidy would have a better childhood.

Cassidy is now orphaned as the next phase of the game begins.

[tmblrteenmom]

Teen Mothers! Your first challenge has been posted!

Since you're all in a shitty situation, you need to learn skills, like doing as much as possible to make them dollar bills to advance yourself in the world.  

You will be playing Burrito Bison Revenge

The more kilometers your bison travels the better you score.  Keep playing to earn money to get upgrades to help you did better in this game.  When you are happy with your score take a screen shot and post it to the  #TumblrTeenMom tag

Please write your name in the url box, all that jazz, you've all played these games before you know what to do.

Joe, Duke, Katie, Emma, Shelby, and Casey will be the only ones competing in this game.

Katie after you post your final score I will add an extra 10% to it.

Remember the one with the lowest score will be removed from the half way house and removed from the game!

This challenge is due Saturday 10:30 PM EST

[tmblrteenmom]

Now that the mothers have spent some time with their babies

Let’s see how well they did.

First mother up is Casey:

Question 1: Will you breast feed Cass, or randomly grab a formula off the shelf from Dollar General?

Casey’s Answer: Uh I will breast feed Cass

Cassidy has been breast feed meaning she will be a lot smarter and develop better Cass will get a 5% advantage when she is a Teen Mom

Question 2: Your best friend needs you to come over for five minutes to smoke some weed, do you bring Cass in exposing her to second hand smoke, or do you leave her in the car…. it’s just five minutes after all….

Casey has decided to leave Cassidy in the car. Casey is a horrible person because it’s a really hot day and Cass almost died of dehydration, which is a lot worse than second hand smoke from mary jane. Wow Casey I’m disgusted. Because of this Cass loses 10%, meaning she is at a 5% disadvantage in the future.

Question 3: The prices of Diapers have risen do you squeeze your paycheck for the extra money to keep buying Pampers, or do you buy generic?

Casey said she would buy the damn Pampers, but all diapers are the same, this makes no difference in Cassidy’s life.

Next up is Emma:

Question 1: I don’t know how you gave birth to an animal instead of a human, but do you breast feed it?

Emma decides to breast feed her baby Foxx, Foxx will develop better and have stronger bones and stuff. Foxx will have a 5% advantage when he is a Teen Mom.

Question 2: Do you feed your baby fox cat food or left over chicken breasts?

Emma has decided to give her baby foxx left over chicken breasts. Wow Emma, baby foxes have to go hunt, they aren’t animals in captivity you can just give left over food to. Did you watch Black Fish? You’re as horrible as a Sea World CEO! But since Foxes are apart of the canine family cat food doesn’t make any sense. This question doesn’t effect the development of your child.

Question 3: You live next to a farmer, and your baby killed one of his prize roosters, do you punish your child by locking him in a cage or just say ‘foxes will be foxes but I can’t put them in boxes’ and work an extra shift at your job to replace the rooster?

Emma decided to damage her child some more by locking him up. You can’t lock up animals that want to be free. Wow way to go Emma, your child is seriously damaged and lost 10% development. Foxx will have a 5% disadvantage in the future.

Now for Katie:

Question 1: Will you read to your baby at night, or be in the living room singing along with Rocky Horror Picture and throwing toilet paper at your TV?

Katie answered no… she did nothing wrong, she did nothing right. 0%

Question 2: You can’t find a babysitter, but you promised your best you’d go to the movies to watch the latest slasher gore film. Do you leave your child alone with strange babysitter, or take Josh with you?

Katie once again found a flaw in the system and decided to stay home. She bonded with her baby more. Josh gets a 10% advantage for when his a teen mom.

Question 3: Josh got a hold of the markers and drew a dick on the wall. Do you smack him across the face saying ‘NO’ or do you put him in his crib while passively aggressively admitting you hate your own child while cleaning the dick off the wall?

Katie has elected to allow Josh to continue drawing dicks on the wall. Because of all the damage her land lord evicts her and throws her out on the street, but since she isn’t a conservative mother forcing him to believe sexuality is something that should be ignored, Josh grows up to not be a fucked up human being. These two things cancel each other. 0%

Now it’s time for Shelby

Question 1: Cole shit is diaper, but the new season of Orange is the New Black is on Netflix? Do you pause to change Cole (and risk Tumblr giving you spoilers), or do you let him sit in his own shit while you continue to binge watch?

Shelby has decided to let Cole sit in his own shit. Cole gets really sick. Cole had an ill childhood he has a 10% disadvantage for the future.

Question 2: A lady at the super market called your baby ugly. Do you smack that bitch right into the breakfast isle, or be a pussy and pretend you didn’t hear it?

Shelby has elected to smack a bitch. Because of all the violence before him Cole should be damaged, but luckily all that happens is he turns into a 17 year old who keeps yelling Yaaas Slay. Poor Shelby. 0% Change.

Question 3: Ryan didn’t pay child support this month, so you don’t have enough money for formula. You can work an extra shift at work and leave Cole with your mother in law, but she’s kind of a bitch and you’ll be in debted to her for the rest of your life, do you suck it up and leave Cole with her? Or just give him regular 2% whole milk?

Shelby has decided she’d rather use her paycheck and any additional money on cute shoes, so she just gave her baby Cole regular milk. Babies can’t drink cow milk that early, that’s just screwed up. Did you know humans are the only creatures on earth that drink milk from other animals? Cole becomes lactose intolerant and has a 5% disadvantage for the future putting his total at -15%

Penalties for Future Competition:

Cassidy: -5%

Foxx: -5%

Josh: +10%

Cole: -15%

Josh had the best childhood, this makes Katie the best mother for this round.

Katie will receive the same advantage for this competition as Josh will for the next: +10% while the other mothers will not have an advantage.

Joe, Emma, Duke, Katie, Shelby, and Casey you will be in a competition where the lowest scorer will be eliminated. Your first Half Way House Challenge will be posted soon.

[tmblrteenmom]

[tmblrteenmom]

Ryan has made his Child Support Decision

Ryan has decided to pay child support to Adam

Adam you have enough money to hire a babysitter while you go out to the club and do meth, so not only are you safe from elimination, but baby Pris will be completely fine.

Ryan, on the other hand, has made an appointment to be on Maury to tell Duke that Joe is not his baby.  This means Duke will not be receiving any support ever and Joe has grown up into an at risk youth who will have to compete to stay in the game.