#twilight breakingdawnpart2 teamedward honesty funny allgoodfun

[platatoandsoquoquediscovern-blog]

Soquoque discovers:

My thoughts while watching twilight breaking dawn part 2, in 100 sentences or less  

1.       WHY ARE THE OPENING CREDITS SO LONG?

2.       Lol Bella is a vampire now, SURPRISE.

3.       AAAAH CGI PANTHER IS CGI

4.       Also, a panther? Really Bella? Way to overachieve

5.       Ew ew, CGI baby is CGI and really fucking weird looking

6.       Bella is about to beat Jacobs butt (also why does he take so long to tell her that he imprinted on her infant. Bruh this is not the moment to be vague)

7.       Kristen Stewart angry is only slightly more expressive then everyday Kristen Stewart

8.       Baby had feelings for Jacob in the womb

9.       Ah no Seth… Sam..? the brown werewolf

10.   Shortest fight EVER

11.   Also, anyone notice how he calls her Ness once and then literally never again.

12.   Aaaaah CGI baby is still heavily CGI

13.   I feel like part of Bella’s reason for being in this movie is to just point out all the stuff about vampires we already know since this is the fifth fucking movie. E.g. “vampires don’t sleep”

14.   Tbh this movie has a really good soundtrack, and a lot of sparkle effects  

15.   There she goes again pointing shit out “we don’t get tired” yeah Bella, we fucking know

16.   Directors message to Jacob was “eat this sandwich and stare out of the window longingly” and Taylor Lautner was like “I got this”

17.   Why didn’t Jacob know the entire plan? Like what did they expect him to do. I would totally go and wolf out in front of Bella’s father if I got this totally out of the blue news

18.   I fucking love Charlie man.  And Taylor Lautner’s work out programme.

19.   Was the acting always this bad? Also did Edward always sound like he was from Boston, New York?

20.   Lol these vampires seriously overestimate what we as a human species notice about each other. Move your shoulders so it looks like you’re breathing? You know how often I notice if people are breathing? Never

21.   Carlisle got tan-ish. I like it

22.   Kristen Stewart pretending to be Bella pretending to be a human-being-like Kristen Stewart is a sight and a half

23.   Charlie took all of this crap a lot better than they gave him credit for. Also, was he even in the Part 1? Or is this whole concerned dad act only present when the script calls for it?

24.   Bella makes promises she can’t keep

25.   Bells? Bells? Nope don’t even try to pull that surprise nickname thing Chuck. Also, aaaaah CGI baby is back. Again I ask, why couldn’t they JUST USE A NORMAL HUMAN BABY. YOU MADE A SHIT TON OF MONEY TWILIGHT, BUT YOU COULDN’T SPRING FOR A ACTUAL BABY (ASSUMING THEY ARE ALSO PAIID ACTORS OBVIOUSLY)

26.   The movie has time for a Bella vs Emmet arm wrestling match in case you forgot that new-borns are stronger than their aged vampire counter parts

27.   “That’s right bitches, I sparkle too now” – Bella, circa 2012

28.   “we shake hands now you forgive us for trying to kill the girl you loved and her baby. Yes?” “Yes.”

29.   Also, wtf is Reneesme and why do we only see this really high jumping power once and never again?

30.   Also, also, fuck Irina.

31.   Also, also also AAAAAAAH CGI EIGHT-YEAR-OLD IS CGI

32.   Yay, the Edward piano solo I was waiting for… said literally no one ever

33.   Damn she got to Rome fast.

34.   Also, the Voltari man. If you look up creepy old guys in the dictionary you will see their picture, posing like Charlie’s angels

35.   Can we run through Alice’s plan really quickly? She has this vision that the Voltari are ‘coming for them’ and then she, the fucking future see-er just bounces? Leaving them all to their own devices? Like what a dick move Alice- and yeah yeah I get that she needed to go find that other vampire-human hybrid and shit but a heads up would have been nice

36.   Also, “Vampire sex?” “No, too graphic.” “Throwing babies into fires?” “Yeah, that should be fine.”- the producers, probably

37.   Does Rosalee… Rosaline… Nikki Reed’s character, only have like five lines in this entire movie?

38.   Oh, look it’s those two shock ladies and that one brunette lady.

39.   AAAAH CGI 8-YEAR-OLD- YOU GET THE POINT

40.   Wow do all vampires overreact like this

41.   she touches their faces and now everything’s fine (even though they tried to kill her like 2 seconds ago)

42.   Yaaaaay Rami Malek. Look at the nature man go.

43.   Benjamin is the bestest

44.   Random safari ladies are fucking random… but appreciated

45.   Mentions the unpredictability of the nomad Peter… nothing happens ever again

46.   We have eighteen people, yay

47.   You don’t want to fight Allister? Then why are you here dude

48.   Its CGI jungle within a CGI jungle- its CGI-CEPTION

49.   Ooooooh, she’s a shield…. We knew that but okay

50.   The Russians are coming, the Russians are coming

51.   I thought Jacob was supposed to be the smart wolf… why is he hopelessly jumping at trees he can’t climb?

52.   Cedric Diggory: Hufflepuff, piano player, vegetarian, prize speech giver.

53.   Lol Bella stood up like she has a choice in whether to fight or not. Its your child babe, you best fight.

54.   Sudden introduction to Jane’s psycho brother Alec is sudden

55.   You’re telling me the Voltari found this one chump who couldn’t get to Carlisle house in time? That’s convenient

56.   And thus, commences Bella’s training, which lasts like five minutes before she totally has that shit down. And henceforth to the battlefield

57.   Also, Edward and Emmet make this scene… and the entire movie really

58.   Oh right, Reneesme is in this movie… forgot about her. Thanks for the bedtime story reading time thing twilight makers

59.   Bella: new-born, question-asker, part time Sherlock Holmes. Also, Edward GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER MAN. YOUR CHILD’S LIFE IS AT STAKE

60.   Ah Charlie, poor, hopeless, oblivious Charlie.

61.   Bella sits in a restaurant while her child’s life hangs in the balance  

62.   Also, AH, ITS RACHEL ZANES FATHER

63.   Bella has some seriously crappy handwriting… also goodbye Allister, we all knew you wouldn’t last

64.   Look at that, Charlie has a girlfriend.  And I don’t care

65.   Uhm I got up and left for like 3 minutes and now… campfire? Okay cool.

66.   These stories are really freaking depressing…. anyone know any good Dracula stories?

67.   Father- son bonding moments for the win.

68.   But side note, Edward never thanked Carlisle once for saving his life? Not even once? Dick move Cullen, dick move.

69.   Dum dum duh dum… landscapes, snow, so…many…vampires

70.   I love how they all stand in nice little groups just to really emphasise how pathetic the Cullen Army is compared to the monstrosity that is the Voltari

71.   Remove the hoods of our coats so they know we mean business

72.   Hey Carlisle, if you move closer you won’t have to yell

73.   If there was ever a time to vampire speed run, IT WOULD BE NOW EDWARD

74.   Question: what exactly is Aro’s ability again? He can read a persons past? Their minds? Their hands?

75.   “Emmet, you and Jacob in the back. Edward and I will protect her from the side. Ready? Break” – Bella probably

76.   Dude, I will never get over Aro’s creepy as shit laugh. Like we get it dude, you’re batshit crazy, no need to scare the kids.

77.   These Voltari don’t play around… they brought torches and everything. Also, oh no that lady that betrayed the Cullen’s is dead…but on the plus side Bella is actually being useful for once so yay?

78.   “Suck on my awesome shield making powers bitch”- Bella, probably again

79.   Lol Aro stopped Alec from unleashing his slow ass fog on the Cullen’s like it was going to make a difference?

80.   Such…a long…speech

81.   Alice is back yay… took her sweet ass time getting here though. Also, WHY IS NO ONE VAMPIRE RUNNING?

82.   Okay so a summary of the events taking place right now: everything is going to shit. Carlisle is dead (not gonna lie, the first time I watched this movie I lost my shit when that happened) and basically everyone is killing everyone. But obvs the Cullen’s have to win or else what is the point although all logic would say that they really shouldn’t because they have eighteen fucking vampires and the Voltari have like…a lot more than eighteen but hey, Cullen’s for the win

83.   “Aaaaaaaaand it was all an illusion suckers. Fuck you for thinking we would kill Carlisle, we love that guy” – the maker of twilight, probably.

84.   Hey there’s that Brazilian vampire-human hybrid dude that’s going to save the day. Woohoo

85.   Oh, so NOW they vampire run. Fucking stupid ass Voltari

86.   Lol another father-son bonding moment. Easy there son Jacob, respect your dad

87.   Aww look at the happy family on the CGI beach.

88.   And now folks, a recap of the past four movies… you know, just in case you missed it.

89.   Is it just me or are they just making up Bella’s ‘abilities’ as we go along. What, now she can remove her shield and let Edward read her mind. Fuck off twilight people.

90.   Also, AAAAHHHH its younger, creepier Edward

91.   And just like that, the end of an era. So long you sparkly sons of bitches

92.   So…many…end credits. (I do love this song though)

93.   Wait, is Booboo Stewart related to Kristen Stewart? Please hold while I Google this

94.   He’s not.