#two bro chillin in the bed not 5 feet apart cause they are gay

[danmeiljie]

这个， 大哥。 Zhege, Dage. This one, Bro.

Episode 28

[bennwazzhere]

INCORRECT ZOSAN QUOTES PT.5

Zoro: Sanji, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?

Sanji, naked in Zoro's bed: No, I absolutely do not.

Zoro, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Zoro: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Sanji is? Because Sanji is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Zoro: Two brooooos!

Sanji: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Zoro: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!

Sanji:

Zoro:

Sanji: *tearing up*

Zoro: Babe, c'mon...

Sanji: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.

Zoro: Babe...

Zoro: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Sanji: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Sanji: Bro-

Zoro: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Zoro: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Zoro: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing.

Sanji: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Sanji: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Zoro: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Sanji: Holy moly-

Zoro: Go fuck yourself.

Sanji, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Zoro: Do you want to know your gay name?

Sanji: My... my gay name?

Zoro: Yeah, it's your first name-

Sanji: Haha. Very funny Zoro-

Zoro: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.

Sanji: Oh- oh my god.

Sanji: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Zoro: AS ENEMIES?!

Sanji:

Sanji: Well, Zoro and I finally did it!

The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Sanji: That's right... We kissed!

Sanji: Wow, Zoro, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Zoro: We literally slept together yesterday.

Sanji: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Zoro: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Sanji: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.

Zoro, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Zoro: Sanji and I are no longer dating.

Sanji: Zoro, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Zoro: I feel like doing something stupid.

Sanji: I’m stupid, do me.

[i-will-not-be-caged]

Happy Birthday @buckyslacefront! I wrote you a little something - I hope it makes you smile :)

“You know, there’s a meme about this.”

Steve and Bucky both turn towards him, identical looks of confusion on their faces. Sam gestures at the hot tub.

“Two bros chillin’ in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause they’re not gay?”

Steve blushes and Bucky just laughs that dry laugh of his, the one that still sounds like his body isn’t quite sure what it’s doing.

“Funny you should mention that…”

“Bucky,” Steve admonishes.

“What? You wanted to tell him.”

“Not…not like that. It’s not a joke.”

“Tell me what?” Sam tries to interrupt, but Bucky is too busy rolling his eyes at Steve.

“I know it’s not a joke. But it was funny, so I laughed. You gonna tell me not to laugh now, punk?”

Steve gives Bucky his sadness eyebrows, which really are devastating. “Buck, no. Of course not. I would never.”

“Fuck, quit it with the eyebrows, punk. It’s not that serious.”

Sam crosses his arms. “You two ever gonna actually tell me what’s going on?”

“Oh, right.” Steve turns to him and blushes again. This time it starts to spread down his neck too, which is making Sam think some things he maybe shouldn’t be thinking. “Um, well…Sam, you see — I mean — um…”

“Shit, you’re still terrible at this.” Now Steve’s aiming his angry eyebrows at Bucky, who ignores him and turns to Sam. “We’re not sitting apart cause we’re not gay. Cause we’re actually both very gay.”

“Technically, I’m bi.”

“Not the point, Steve.”

“Right, sorry.”

They’re both looking up at Sam now, waiting for his response. He’s surprised, sure, although probably not as much as they were expecting. He may have done some googling after meeting Steve and it’s not an unheard of theory.

“Okay, cool. Well, I’ll leave you to your fun then.” He turns to go, but stops at their very vocal protestations and what might be a gagging noise from Bucky.

“Sam, we’re not together,” Steve explains.

“We tried it once, back in…’38, I think? Didn’t take, though.”

“So, you’re not sitting on opposite sides of the hot tub because you’re not gay, because you are gay, but not with each other?”

“Exactly!” Steve grins, as if it should all make sense now. 

It doesn’t make sense.

“The space is for you,” Steve clarifies.

“Me?”

“If you want? It doesn’t have to…I mean…you can go if you want…we just…”

“Christ, Rogers.” Bucky turns to Sam. “We both think you’re really fucking gorgeous and would love for you to join us in the hot tub so we can show you.”

“This is a dream, right? I’m definitely in my own bed dreaming that this is happening.”

“Nope.” Bucky gives him a look that seems casual, but speaks of years of experience charming his way into people’s pants. “Not dreaming.”

“We really do want you,” Steve says. “Come join us?”

Sam considers the scene — the two of them, the hot tub — and decides that if this is a dream, he doesn’t want it to end yet. He strips his shirt off and finds Steve and Bucky both staring at him hungrily. Bucky actually licks his lips. It’s a little bit disturbing and also really, really hot.

He climbs into the hot tub and slides down in between them. They close in on him, Bucky reaching out to turn Sam’s face towards his.

“C’mere, sweetheart.” The kiss Bucky gives him is sweet — at first. Not so much once Bucky slips his tongue into Sam’s mouth and moans.

“Hey, now,” Steve protests. “My turn.”

He turns to Steve, who kisses him exactly the way he would have expected — confidently, single-mindedly, like it’s the most important thing he’s ever done.

Sam pulls back to breathe, but the water is warm and hands are sliding all over him and lips are on his neck and he’s pretty sure he’s died and gone to heaven.

And then things get really interesting.