#ty for ur service gareth girl <333

[shutterbug2012]

Cursed Euro Report time!!! (early for once because I don't care about sleep apparently)

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 ENGLAND WON THE SEMI-FINAL!!!!!

Tumblr Louies were conflicted between rejoicing on behalf of Louis and the fact that we deep down do not vibe with England as a concept at all. But once again, the things we do for love for Louis Tomlinson.

The Englishmen were very HAPPY to win! Seriously, the way they are so naturally getting on top of each other, getting on their knees, getting straddled, putting their asses up in the air. 🌈L-O-V-E 🌈

Congrats to your boï Kane, for shooting the winning goal!!! Good for him for mastering the art of putting a ball in a hand-guarded hole on the second try!!! The first time is often slippery but usually the second try ends up being making everyone come together!! There's shooting, there's shouting, it's basically sex.

Ok so I decided to check out Team England's twitter as per usual and I was like... there's not gonna be anything left they've used all the innuendos possible but BOY OH BOY was I wrong!!!

Here are some of the most recent thirst tweets:

For a moment, we can breathe. (that's what she/he/they said 😏)

I know it's growing strong... (that's what they said 😏)

So good. So good. So good. (that's what they said 😏)

So many BIG performances! (that's what they said 😏)

We're tired just looking at it (that's what they said 😏)

One more to go. (that's what they said 😏)

Still up? (that's what they said 😏)

A night we’ll all remember (that's what they said 😏)

They could straight up include the 🍆 emoji every time and it would WORK. In short: the social media manager is on crack.

We got Loutent from the match, even tho it started with some VERY DUBIOUS footage of a "Louis" who was wearing atrocious clothes and had suddenly bulked up overnight... FAKE NEWS!!! I was feeling superior and wanted to call everybody out on that obvious mistake but I had fallen prey of the Bus 2 tattoo fake scandal the day before so I didn't feel like I was standing on high ground....anyways!

Real Louis appeared later on, with his "boyfriend" Hot Luke, his "girlfriend" (El), and his girlfriend's girlfriend (Ella), his girlfriend's girlfriend's boyfriend (Ella's bf I don't know his name) and his boyfriend (no quotation mark here) Hot Bald Guy with Glasses aka THE real Mr. O™️, I have declared. His presence is becoming strongly suspicious and if he's there on Sunday then they're definitely doing it, I don't make the rules. (I have not seen any trace of Oli but I could be wrong. Maybe he was at Hogwarts...hahaha)(also one bucket hat was in view because of course there was)

Not that I'm counting but I've counted 3 Bald Men™️ within a 1 meter radius of Louis in yesterday's pub footage, so... draw your own conclusions at that. 😌The man has a clear type.

SO!!!! Finals on Sunday!!! Against ITALY 🇮🇹!!! Our 11 Englishmen better get ready to get their asses licked kicked, to get 💦destroyed 💦 on the field (and maybe off of it too, who knows 😏) to get 💦dominated 💦 by strong Italian sports gods as the ✨tension✨ will be hard high and at the end of 90+ min of balls play 🤲, each team will try to chase their own release 👅and be declared the winner of the ⚽️ Euro 2020 ⚽️!!!

Louies conundrum will come to an end as I believe the general consensus is that England will/should/deserves to lose, but at least the team will have made it 'til the end and thus provided us with Louis footage for as long as possible and also made Louis very happy, which is all we want (no, we don't want music or first-person content, whoever told you that...!!!). We shall see, but unless Louis treats us to a HD selfie if England wins, then I could care less about the brexiters getting the cup, which, may I remind them, is called the EURO cup.

Also the final is on Loudependence day??? 👀 Is something going to happen??? IS MUSIC COMING??? Louies, who have been tolerating Louis' football antics (the tweets! the jerseys IG stories!) for weeks and are desperate for any kind of information on LT2 coming directly from the Boss himself, are franticly asking themselves... Alas, there is no way to know right now...

But I'd say, in conclusion to this 1,000 words essay, that we can't infer that England making it so far in the tournament is based on Louis' wishes and Louies energy backing his deepest desire... BUT we have learned that 🕯manifesting🕯"works" so we need to gather our strength and send ✨good vibes✨ for music content soon. *starts chanting*

In the meantime KMM at Wembley, YES KING!!!

xoxo,

Gareth Girl.

a wild ride from start to finish but so worth it 😌