#u kno i hate crushes this is so embarassing...

[imvgincs]

─────── ୨୧ ⋆ ˚ 𝐌𝐀𝐘𝐁𝐄   𝐇𝐄   𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃   𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋   𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄   𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄   𝐎𝐅   𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   —   watching   the   realization   bloom   across   axel’s   face   like   a   bruise.   but   it   doesn’t   feel   like   that.   instead,   it’s   this   awful,   crawling   feeling   —   like   he’s   just   done   something   wrong   —   and   taeyang’s   gaze   drifts   upward,   searching   the   ceiling   like   he’s   asking   for   mercy.   none   comes.   and   the   more   axel   speaks,   the   worse   it   gets.

❛   it’s…   fine.   ❜   (it’s   not.)   perhaps   it's   evident   in   the   way   his   tone   sounds   like   it’s   being   wrung   out   of   him.   ❛   it’s   been   a   while   anyway…   and   —   ❜   he   sighs,   deep   and   heavy,   like   he's   trying   to   expel   everything   he’s   holding   back.   ❛   it’s   stupid.   ❜   his   voice   comes   out   wet,   clinging   to   him   in   a   way   that   makes   him   feel   small   —   like   if   he   speaks   too   much,   he   might   just   start   crying.   he   doesn’t   want   that.   doesn’t   want   to   make   axel   feel   worse,   not   when   axel’s   already   got   his   own   mess   weighing   him   down.   taeyang   knows   who’s   really   been   on   his   mind   —   knows   it   even   if   neither   of   them   says   it   out   loud.   this   was   dumb.   he   was   dumb.   sensitive.

❛   we’re   not   kids   anymore,   ❜   he   says,   trying   to   brush   it   off,   like   if   he   says   it   casually   enough,   it   won’t   sting.   ❛   we   don’t   have   to   do   all   the   stupid   stuff.   ❜   he   means   the   traditions   —   the   messy,   loud   ones.   eating   with   their   fingers   and   getting   frosting   smeared   across   their   faces.   the   twenty-one   birthday   punches   he   should’ve   gotten   this   year.   it's   all   ridiculous   when   he   thinks   about   it   now   —   embarrassing   enough   that   he   wants   to   curl   up   and   hide.   ❛   and   it's   not   like   i   wanted   anything   big.   ❜   he   rushes   to   clarify,   voice   softer   now.   ❛   we   didn’t   need   anything...   i   didn’t   need   anything…   i   just…   ❜   his   words   trail   off,   dying   in   his   throat.   i   just   thought   i   was   important   to   you.   it   goes   unsaid   —   too   real,   too   honest   to   push   out   into   the   open.   he   just   didn’t   want   to   be   forgotten.   but   it’s   not   that   big   of   a   deal,   he   tells   himself.   he’s   being   stupid.

❛   you’re   not   an   idiot,   ❜   he   says   instead,   trying   to   stitch   together   something   softer.   ❛   we   all   make   mistakes.   and…   we   were   still   together.   ❜   he   smiles   —   small,   weak,   something   barely   holding   itself   up.   ❛   it’s   not   that   big   of   a   deal.   i   made   it   way   bigger   than   it   needed   to   be.   ❜   his   hand   slips   free   from   axel’s   grip,   dragging   across   the   back   of   his   neck,   fingers   digging   in   like   he’s   trying   to   rub   the   embarrassment   right   out   of   himself.   ❛   just…   forget   it.   ❜   he   forces   the   words   out,   like   if   he   says   it   enough,   it’ll   feel   true.   ❛   it’s   fine.   let’s   just   put   it   behind us. i’m okay. i’ll get over it… i am over it. ❜

"What?" He's thrown off my the question. Was Taeyang messing with him? It felt like it, but when he took in the state of his partner's face he knew otherwise. Axel opened his mouth again, his thoughts scrambled, reaching for the answer. (When’s my birthday?) He knew this. He knew this. Then it hit him. November twenty-

His mind flicked back to the watchtower, that night Taeyang had shown up unexpectedly. They’d sat on the cold floor, watching the city, their voices low enough to drown out the world. Taeyang had listened to his dumb concerns. He’d even tried to pull Axel into some half-hearted debate about which superhero had the ugliest costume. He was just trying to distract me, Axel realized. Trying to keep me company. And the whole time, Axel had been too wrapped up in his own head, too busy worrying about Lily, too afraid of what would happen if he ran into her, to notice that Taeyang had been waiting. Maybe even waiting for him to remember.

The memory hit harder than he expected; the weight of it twisting in his chest. Their stupid birthday traditions suddenly felt like a punch to the gut. The way they’d insisted on eating cake with their hands when they were teenagers, just because it seemed cooler than using forks. How they’d started swapping the dumbest presents possible — like the half-broken lava lamp Taeyang gave him at eighteen, or that awful shirt Axel once picked out that said HOT STUFF in glittery flames The traditions had always been theirs, something nobody else touched. Something Axel shouldn’t have forgotten.

His grip on Taeyang’s arm slackened. "Shit…" His voice barely made it out. "Tae, I..." But there wasn’t an excuse good enough to fix this. Just the awful truth settling in: He forgot. "Let me..." There was nothing he could do, and he now understood. He now knew why Taeyang had been giving him the cold shoulder. Despite himself, it felt justified. "I.." Seeing how Tae's eyes were red at the rims made him feel ten times worse. Why did he always hurt the people he cared about? It had already been two weeks. "I'm an idiot."

[levelfivegay]

You didn't reblog it but you've got to do the questions now it's only fair you demon

i hate u and also myself

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?  as of rn the last person i texted was my grandma so n o

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? strangely enough no but we normally talk everyday

3. Have you taken someones virginity? nice one

4. Is trust a big issue for you? if we’re being honest idk if “big” covers it

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? i dont really like anyone rn? so no

6. What are you excited for? death

7. What happened tonight? well tonight is my mom’d birthday dinner, so theres that i guess?

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? no? i mean to an extent its gross when anyone gets really really wasted but

9. Is confidence cute? dude hell fuckin yeah

10. What is the last beverage you had? some crisp ass water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? like 1 (one) person but even then its iffy

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? all i own is skinny jeans. literally nothing besides skinny jeans and sweat pants.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? today is saturday so tonight im gonna eat mexican food and cake and probably have a crisis.

14. What are you going to spend money on next? ideally, class specific D&D character sheets

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? i aint ever kissed someone so no, me and the void arent currently an item

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? yea probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? im never comfortable talking to anyone about anything serious. literally never. but my #squad (kayla, brittany^2, anna, this u) is the best.

18. The last time you felt broken? literally always

19. Have you had sex today? good one

20. Are you starting to realize anything? at this very moment im realizing how much i regret speaking to you literally ever

21. Are you in a good mood? relatively, yes

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? yes! either in a controlled environment to have fun or in the ocean to die

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? yes. greeny eyes.

24. What do you want right this second? death, but also like a refill on my water

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? i support the void kissing any person they like

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? yeah, ive never dyed my hair before 

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? ffff.... nah i dont think so. laughter/humor is a fundamental part of my life.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? watching u suffer and answer all these questions but also specifically “i dont sing. I perform.”

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? does my will to live count?

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? this really depends on the mistake

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? yes, joe

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? i’ve professed my love to the void so yes.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? kinda wish i was, but im always a slut for root beer

34. Listening to? that playlist of songs white people always get turnt to

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? im in high school m8 yeah

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? yes, the void

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

38. Who did you last call? kayla. forever ago. i dont call people.

39. Who was the last person you danced with? *chad voice* i dont dance (i white dad dance at random intervals but i dont think i’ve ever actually danced with someone)

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? the void is irresistible (why are there so many questions about kissing this is embarrassing)

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? too long ago

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? ahhahha no

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? im literally always embarassed and the void is always watching

44. Do you tan in the nude? no, i tan when i swim

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? i cant have -1 kisses

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? nah

47. Who was the last person to call you? my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower? yeah

49. Do you dance in the car? im never in the car alone so like.. no

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? nah i fucking wish tho

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? fffff september? for senior pictures

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? sometimes they are but i love em

53. Is Christmas stressful? dude yes

54. Ever eat a pierogi? cant get enough i love them

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? peach and cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? strangely enough, an archaeologist still. indiana jones had a big impact on me as you can see

57. Do you believe in ghosts? ehhhh no. maybe one day.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time

59. Take a vitamin daily? i should but alas

60. Wear slippers? only at the cabin

61. Wear a bath robe? nope

62. What do you wear to bed? the same shirt i wore during the day and sweatpants

63. First concert? never been to one

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target

65. Nike or Adidas? neither

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanuts during winter, sunflower seeds in summer68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? dont really listen to her and i cant name one i really like off the top of my head69. Ever take dance lessons? mandatory ones for school70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? maybe theyll b a professor too and it’ll be like some bad fanfiction71. Can you curl your tongue? i can only make one sad taco72. Ever won a spelling bee? nope

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yeah.74. What is your favorite book? what the fuck kinda question is this75. Do you study better with or without music? with, but it has to be classical music or movie soundtracks76. Regularly burn incense? no77. Ever been in love? im 17 wtf no78. Who would you like to see in concert? my chemical romance rip79. What was the last concert you saw? never been to one80. Hot tea or cold tea? no tea81. Tea or coffee? i dont like either really82. Favorite type of cookie? them real soft sugar cookies with icing u kno the ones83. Can you swim well? yeah i was on swim team for 2 years. Still my favorite sport.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? kinda have to

85. Are you patient? depends on the thing, but mostly yes

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ, i dont want the band to have to learn the shrek soundtrack87. Ever won a contest? im too much of a loser88. Ever have plastic surgery? nope, never want to either. unless i can fix my stupid fucking fingers with it.89. Which are better black or green olives? you cant just ask a question like this i love them both90. Opinions on sex before marriage? you do u but b safe 91. Best room for a fireplace? living room92. Do you want to get married? i mean, eventually probably? if i meet someone i’d like to spend the rest of my life with. but it’d have to be a long ass time after we’ve been dating? cuz i wouldnt want to get divorced. I wanna know theyre the one u feel?

anyways fuck u @obijoekenobi