#ugh.... maybe its just self-pity and that just unintentionally manipulates people into garnering sympathy for me...
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i wanna vent about my distaste for myself and all the stupid things i do until i remember that's exactly why my friend called me manipulative
#batdiary#VENT IN TAGS#tw for manipulation and the whole shebang#i want sympathy and to be comforted but when i try to gain that it's stupidly over the top “oh im so terrible”#and i truly think all those stupid things i say about me#but they all come off as idiotic pity parties...#and i wanna just... let it out and say something but i just. it reaches the very tip of my fingers before i realize#im not gonna get what i want from saying that#its silly! it's idiotically silly/neg how i imagine all these things i want like love and care#but i just dont have them to the level i want them to be#<- and even that right there in manipulation!#ugh.... maybe its just self-pity and that just unintentionally manipulates people into garnering sympathy for me...#which is stupid and i never want to get close to anyone ever again
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