#under the insight of the interview and ford's shame and probable guilt over his mistakes

[jacky-rubou]

you guys ever really notice how casually suicidal Ford comes off sometimes? he constantly refers to himself dying without seeming to mind the idea or fearing it, always begs those around him to get away from danger rather than save him from said danger, is generally just... reckless beyond reason sometimes and even called his mission a suicide mission when the kids went to do practically the same thing he was going to do before the portal opened... and all that.

but also... maybe it's inconsequential and not something to look so far into, but Ford also jokes about suicide at least twice in the journal. Once, where he begs in code 'KILL ME PLEASE' in reference to the Leprecorn, and the other when he recounts his time in the M dimension. While yes, they are clearly jokes, with what we know about Ford's thoughts about death already, there seems to be something more there, you know? who knows, maybe he was feeling a bit suicidal by the time he got to the m dimension and when he got back to the journal to recount his time there, he joked about it with the 'muicidal' pun to make it seem less bad or something. who knows?

i know i'm probably looking way too deep into that stuff about the jokes, but you know what they say, jokes have some truth in them!