#until i mentioned it to max tonite...like that is a fundamentally HUGE misunderstanding
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feeling at peace with decision that I should Probably Find a New Therapist Soon, or at least Stop Seeing This One. Also smiling tranquilly + looking forward to finally transcribing & posting a really hot passage from an essay in this leathersex book I'm reading... probably tomorrow depending on my energy levels. Maybe I don't need therapy right now maybe what I need is to talk about Weird Gay Things with Weird Gay People
#whether or not current therapist would judge me for the Mildest of Weird Gay Stuff is not the hugest problem#the actual problem is that upon reflection i dont think she actually Listens To Me#or even Remembers when i am telling her avout foundational traumas or like. basic facts about myself.#i didnt realize how insane it was that she wrote down somewhere that i was a lesbian when i was 8#(in reality: interpreted as a masculine little girl & 'therefore a lesbian' when i was SIX. & treated with open hatred by adults)#until i mentioned it to max tonite...like that is a fundamentally HUGE misunderstanding#when i've told her multiple times that i've always been & always understood myself as a gay boy. Literal my first conception of my gender#also that sugar daddy comment she made was really inappropriate in several ways ..??!#Anyway.#if it was just a cultural mismatch as different kinds of queer people with wildly different childhoods we could Maybe make it work-#-If She Listened To Me#& i don't think she does.#so that's that i guess#dial p for post
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