#venting more about anhedonia yippie

[bewby]

no cause idk if anyone relates to it in the same way as me but my job worsened my anhedonia like crazy and also not being able to function away from my ex because of unhealthy attachment harhar well i'm trying to exist by myself and it's really hard to be alive and feel any kind of satisfaction. but. i'm also jusz noticing. i wanna do things so bad but i can't. and i rmemeber when i was in munich thinking that it would make me really happy to travel and do things by myself but it did absolutely nothing for me and i was so sad and depressed and i felt so stupid. i am just dissociating and not finding pure joy and satisfaction and excitement for things even if they do satisfy and excite me. it's weird... and like there is no structure to my life that leads to something good and rewarding. my job isn't rewarding. it made my mental state even worse and made me angrier about capitalism and unnecessary rules that these big "important" people set up for us. i liked when i was in school and well yeah i hated it but i liked that there was a structure and i had some weeks for myself too to relax and i worked towards something. i have nothing rn . i have notjing that works for me in the long run i have no hopes and dreams i mean i do but i mean not in the work or academic sense. i don't have anything outside of. wanting to be healthy and have a group of irl friends and be truly and deeply . okay and SATISFIED with the simple things in life. also my memory has worsened alot like it's actually embarassing how bad it is i forget simple things sometimes and it has lead to me forgetting even what happened a day ago cause nothing. is going on. NOTHING IS DOING ANYTHING FOR ME HSHB SHAHAHB HAHHA'nngrhwiwkfbdkhjk. what is wrong with meeeee 🙌🏻🙌🏻😏🤣🤣🤣🤣