#venting out my feelings becauss MAN thisnis cathardic

[theshaddowedsnow]

God's TD:R 7 is sonimprotsnt to me as someone who is in Bernard's situation.

People will always rell you to just cut them out of your life or go no contact like that's easy simple. It's not. In fact, it's near impossible if you have family you deeply care about that you would never be able to see again if you cut your parent(s) from your life. There's financial support you could be cut off from, benefits, health insurance (luckily benefits and health insurance are now under my own control and name thanks to my job) and a multitude of other things.

And above everything else, despite everything, you still love them.

It's hard, it's rough, especially when you've been put down and gaslit your entire life.

Everything was my fault, I was stupid, useless, a cockroach, a pig, worthless, less than dirt. The only thing I was good for was as a future live in nurse/caregiver for my mother (she's going straight to a home, that bitch decided I'd have power of attorney). I was nothing but her doll, her plaything.

When Bernard said he knew that's what his dad felt, I felt that. Because I know what I am to my mom. When Bernard still went back for them, despite everything, I k ow I would've done rhe same for my mother.

Relationships with abusive parents is so, so messy, and so, so frustrating and heartbreaking. When I got into a car accident the day before I moved out and broke my shoulder blade (luckily no major injuries besides some bruising) all she cared about was going home and changing out of sweats so she'd look good in public. If I hadn't thought ahead and asked my roommate to come with us, we would not have gone to the hospital. My entire life she called me dramatic or "not really autistic". (I have been diagnosed with autism dyslexia and ADD/ADHD three separate times in my life because of this) or "stupid" when bringing up my chronic issues. Her favorite phrase was "You're young!" Before asking what I had to be depressed about or why would I have chronic pain when I'm so young, or hownim so spoiled and kucky why wouldji be sad about anything?

This is not me saying physical abuse is less bad than emotional and/or verbal, BTW, they're all abuse and they're all equally horrible, but for me it was the emotional and Bernal abuse that hurt me more.

I understand Bernard, because it's so, so heartbreakingly real, and it's such a relief that a comic (well, any media source really but this is a comic) is taking this issue seriously instead of trying to play verbal and emotional abuse off as a joke or not real. Because it's very real, and it cuts deeper than anything else, because it sticks with you forever. My physical wounds healed, but my mental ones still scar me.